Pro-tip I could have used a long time ago:
Jumping over the fence problem? Here is solution 😝 Mission complete 👍 Thanks for good actors 💐
As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, our idiot Governor here in Texas, Greg Abbott, tested positive for COVID-19 yesterday. This, after he has fought mask and vaccine mandates tooth and nail. This after he has received THREE shots (even though that protocol will not begin happening for regular people until September). This after the state requested five more mortuary trucks from the federal government. This after he is actively suing school districts to prevent them from protecting our children who are not able to be vaccinated even once, much less THREE TIMES. This after he’s lectured all of us about “personal responsibility.”
Texas Gov. Greg Abbott was at an indoor, packed, mask-free event just hours before it was announced he tested positive for Covid https://t.co/IBU39XB9Cb
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) August 17, 2021
Fuck this guy. Just … fuck him.
A 42-year-old mother and her 49-year-old husband died of COVID within two weeks of each other in Galveston, leaving behind four children. Neither of them was vaccinated. And in Florida, four teachers in Broward County died of COVID-19 within a 24-hour period. Three of them were not vaccinated. Also in Florida, 5,599 students and 316 staff members are in quarantine in ONE SCHOOL DISTRICT after one week of school. I am furious and exhausted and terrified for what happens in the next couple of weeks.
Because Houston ISD, the largest school district in the state, returns to school on Monday. HISD, along with many other school districts in our state, have issued mask mandates in defiance of our idiot Governor’s orders. Horrifically, the Texas Supreme Court has temporarily agreed with Abbott to block those mandates, but maybe the Paris ISD has the right idea: make masks a part of the dress code? You know, like the dress codes that prohibit too-short shorts and spaghetti straps? Genius.
#BREAKING Paris ISD (Texas) will require masks as a part of their dress code after a Board of Trustees decision tonight. Are they the first to find a loophole in @GovAbbott's order about mask mandates? pic.twitter.com/FfB9HeecVh
— Jen Phillips (@jenphillipsnews) August 18, 2021
The other big virus news is that we will be encouraged to get a third shot beginning eight months after you received your second shot (this being for Pfizer and Moderna — more research is being done for Johnson & Johnson). Of course, if you’re Greg Abbott, feel free and get that fourth or fifth shot, YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITE.
An incomplete list of other people who can fuck off:
- Chet Hanks can fuck off.
- Carrie Underwood can fuck off.
- Broadway star Laura Osnes can fuck off.
- Former Disney star Leigh-Allyn Baker can fuck off.
- Cardinal Raymond Burke can fuck off.
- Wisconsin State Senator Andre Jacque can fuck off.
- Denver’s police union can fuck off.
- All of these protestors can fuck off.
- And all of these protestors can fuck off.
- And all of these protestors can fuck off.
- Marjorie Taylor Greene can fuck allllll the way off.
- And Former President Immoral Asshole can most definitely fuck right off.
And did you hear about the thing where Rand Paul’s wife invested in a company that makes a drug to treat COVID-19, and he neglected to mention it for 16 months while at the same time! he loudly and very publicly argued against masks and vaccines. Hey, you know what Rand Paul and his wife can do? They can fuck off.
I had covid feb ‘21, luckily not hospitalized. Only way to describe is…run over by a train then placed under a hovercraft for 10 days? Wouldn’t wish upon anyone. 1st Moderna shot: nothing. 2nd: felt kinda shitty for 1 day. No comparison. Get the vaccine. Please.
— Adam Scott (@mradamscott) August 11, 2021
Blumhouse is requiring vaccinations for their employees and across productions.
And wearing visible proof of their vaccination status could be coming to film and TV productions soon. GOOD. LET’S DO THIS. EVERYWHERE, DAMMIT.
All Other TV News
Jared Padalecki is now trying to claim that his pissy tweet about not being involved in Jensen Ackles’ Supernatural prequel series was not actually him being pissy (his actual words) but just trying to let fans know he was not involved with the project. OH. SURE. OK. THIS IS HIM TOTALLY NOT BEING PISSY:
The Simpsons x adidas McCarten ‘Ned Flanders’ official images pic.twitter.com/gbljGuu1pG
— SNKR_TWITR (@snkr_twitr) August 13, 2021
One America News Network fucked around and found out that they actually owe Rachel Maddow $250,000.
Mediaite confirms what my own unscientific poll concluded: most people wanted LeVar Burton to be the new host of Jeopardy!
Brendan Hunt, better known as Coach Beard was on Late Night with Seth Meyers last night, promoting Ted Lasso, whatever. However, it was through this interview that I learned that he and Seth Meyers met each other during their time in Amsterdam working at an English-speaking sketch/improvisational comedy troupe called, unfortunately, “Boom Chicago.” Not only that, but they were part of a generation of comedians that included: Amber Ruffin, Jordan Peele, Jason Sudekis, and Ike Barinholtz. Why is this the first time I’m hearing any of this?
Laura Prepon is no longer a Scientologist and hasn’t been one in five years. Good for her.
- Carpool Karaoke: The Series has been renewed at Apple TV+.
- Everything’s Gonna Be OK is not going to be OK. Freeform has canceled the series after two seasons.
- The Real Housewives of Dallas appears to have been canceled after five seasons. I mean, it’s not OFFICIALLY canceled, but it’s not returning for season six anytime
- Flowers In The Attic: The Origin has been greenlit at Lifetime. It will star: Jemima Rooper, Max Irons, Kelsey Grammer, Harry Hamlin, Kate Mulgrew, Paul Wesley, Alana Boden, Hannah Dodd, T’Shan Williams, and Callum Kerry.
- Secrets of Playboy is coming to A&E.
- Adventure Time: Fionna & Cake has been ordered at HBO Max.
- Angry Little Girls is being adapted into a TV series.
- One Thousand Years of Slavery, a docuseries produced by Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance, is in the works at Smithsonian Channel.
- Invitation to a Bonfire, a drama about the Nabokov marriage, and Damascus, a comedic sci-fi series have opened writers’ rooms at AMC.
- Young Sheldon reruns are headed to TBS.
- Bob Greenblatt has started a new production company and has signed a first-look deal with Lionsgate.
- Eminem is going to star as “White Boy Rick” on BMF on Starz.
- Phoebe Dynevor is going to star in Exciting Times on Amazon.
- Dylan McDermott and Jamie Brewer will return in their American Horror Story roles in American Horror Stories on FX on Hulu.
- Jason Alexander will guest star on The Conners on ABC.
- Jesse James Keitel is going to join the Queer as Folk reboot on Peacock.
- Judy Reyes, Gloria Reuben, Fátima Molina, and Camila Nuñez will star in Torn From Her Arms on Lifetime.
- Grasie Mercedes is joining the cast of Grand Crew at NBC.
Mark Your Calendars
- Scenes from a Marriage will premiere on HBO on September 12.
- Bob Ross Happy Accidents Betrayal & Greed will premiere on Netflix on August 25.
- Dear White People: Volume 4 will debut on Netflix on September 22.
- Highway to Heaven will debut on Lifetime on November 6.
- 9/11: The Legacy; Rise And Fall: The World Trade Center; 9/11: Four Flights; and9/11: I Was There will premiere on History Channel on September 11.
- Great Escapes with Morgan Freeman will premiere on History Channel on November 9.
- Ultra City Smiths will debut on AMC on September 13; The Walking Dead: World Beyond returns on October 3; Fear the Walking Dead will return on October 17.
- Dr. Mercy will premiere on TLC and Discovery+ on September 22.
- My Life is Murder returns on Acorn TV on August 30; Midsomer Murders on September 27; Dalgliesh premieres in November; Manhunt: The Night Stalker sometime this fall.
- Social Society will premiere on ALLBLK on September 6; Lace sometime this fall; Covenant will premiere this fall; Partners In Rhyme this fall.
- Kin will premiere on AMC+ on September 9; Ragdoll will premiere on November 11; Anna will debut on November 18.
- Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty will return on BBC America on September 4; The Graham Norton Show will return on October 1; Doctor Who will return in the fall.
- Creepshow will return on Shudder on September 24.
- V/H/S/94 will premiere on Shudder and AMC+ on October 6; Horror Noire premieres on October 28.
- Trial in the Outback will premiere on Sundance Now on October 12; Cheyenne & Lola on September 16; One Lane Bridge on October 7.
- True Crime Story: It Couldn’t Happen Here will premiere on SundanceTV on September 9; True Crime Story: Indefensible on October 14.
- Life After Lockup will return on WE tv on August 27.
- You vs. Wild: Out Cold will debut on Netflix on September 14.
- Bare Hands Rescue will premiere on Animal Planet and Discovery+ on August 22.
Sean Lock, UK comedian and TV personality
House Calls with Dr. Phil: Dr. Phil shows up at people’s houses to yell folksy wisdom at them in their living rooms in this new series. Let’s hope everyone’s vaccinated. Series premiere. 8 p.m., CBS
The FBI Declassified: This new docuesries takes a look into some of the biggest cases the FBI has cracked. Series premiere. 9 p.m., CBS
Awkwafina is Nora from Queens: Nora trains a new CBD employee in the second season premiere. 9 p.m., Comedy Central
In the Same Breath: This new documentary looks at the early days of the pandemic and how the United States and China tried to contain the virus, and the disinformation that was being spread. Spoiler alert: They were unsuccessful. Premiere. 7 p.m., HBO
Diary of a Future President: Season two premiere. Disney+
Memories of a Murderer: The Nilsen Tapes: A look at notorious British serial killer, Dennis Nilsen, as told partially through his own words. Premiere. Netflix
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Michael Keaton, Heidi Klum, Vince Staples featuring Fousheé
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Ms. Pat, Sleater-Kinney, Jeff Bowders
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Daniel Radcliffe, Dan + Shay
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Awkwafina, Daryl Hall & John Oates, guest host Sean Hayes
|ABC||Press Your Luck
|The $100,000 Pyramid
|House Calls with Dr. Phil
|The FBI Declassified
|In the Dark
|NBC||America’s Got Talent
|Family Game Fight!