Ellen’s Last Dance

It’s Wednesday!

This video of Kiki, a momma gorilla, admiring a human baby at the Franklin Park Zoo is genuinely lovely.

All Other TV News

Today’s big news is that Ellen Degeneres is ending The Ellen DeGeneres Show next year after 19 seasons. Degeneres said in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter that, “I just needed something to challenge me. And as great as this show is, and as fun, as it is, it’s just not a challenge anymore. I need something new to challenge me.”

ORRRRR … ALTERNATIVELY, after it was widely reported last summer that her employees faced a toxic work environment including “racism, fear and intimidation” and sexual harassment, the show lost over a million viewers in the past season, dropping her down to Maury Povich levels. Degeneres swears that neither the ratings nor the whole “staff being treated like shit” thing had anything to do with her decision to end the show, though, it was just a contract issue — she actually wanted to end the show in 2016, but was convinced to extend the contract to 2022.

Degeneres told her employees yesterday that their waking nightmare was coming to an end, and she plans to do a sit-down with Oprah Winfrey tomorrow, so you know shit’s real.

H’oh boy. (Pun ABSOLUTELY intended.)

The Simpsons has released a song from the Morrissey spoof episode, “Everyone is Horrid Except Me (And Possibly You)” and, y’all, it’s a perfect spoof of a Smiths song.

Do not pin your hopes on the return of Christina Yang on Grey’s Anatomy.

I somehow missed the news that a Real Housewives All Stars is a thing that is happening? Am I having a fever dream?

The Real Housewives of Atlanta‘s Falynn Guobadia responded to the news that Porsha Williams is engaged to her ex-husband with: “At this time, I am focusing on finalizing my divorce and healing. Sending positivity to all of you.” MAKE HER A CAST MEMBER, ANDY.

A Capitol rioter blamed his participation in an attempted coup on having “Foxitis” or being under the influence of Fox News. And don’t laugh: as someone with parents suffering from Foxitis, I’m here to tell you it’s a real thing. Fortunately, Stephen Colbert has a cure:

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame class of 2021 has been announced. Congratulations all around, but seriously … what took y’all so long to get to Tina Turner, guys?

So, I wanted to talk about the batshit crazy story from down here in Houston, involving a loose pet tiger that I’m sure you’ve heard something about by now. If you haven’t heard this batshit story, basically, this guy Victor Hugo Cuevas (who happens to be out on bond for murder) was keeping a tiger in the backyard of his rental home in west Houston, and the tiger got out, as you can see in the video below.

A neighbor, who was an off-duty deputy, pulled his gun on the tiger, but then Cuevas grabbed the tiger, threw her into the back of his SUV, and sped off with her and now no one knows where the tiger is.

Cuevas was arrested on Monday for evading arrest. Cuevas claims he works with the zoo, but the Houston Zoo is like, “THE FUCK HE DOES.” It should be noted that Cuevas also has two pet monkeys — but they’re legal in the city of Houston, somehow. Now Cuevas’s lawyer is claiming that it is NOT Cueveas’ tiger, and if anything, Cuevas is a hero for saving everyone from the tiger and everyone should just chill about the now-missing tiger whose name is India. How we know the tiger’s name is India if Cuevas is not the owner is a mystery I’m still puzzling over.

The problem was, I didn’t have a TV angle to this story, until Carole Baskin of Tiger King fame did me a solid, went on CNN, and started blaming Ted Cruz and John Cornyn for India, the missing tiger. THANKS, CAROLE!


Congratulations to Houston’s own Phylicia Rashad on her new appointment as Dean of the College of Fine Arts at Howard University.

Poor Grimes ended up at the hospital suffering from a panic attack after her cameo on Saturday Night Live this weekend.

Get better soon, Maisa Abd Elhadi.

Going Viral

Last month, the CDC released new guidelines regarding mask-wearing outside that suggested that less than 10% of coronavirus transmission was happening outside. And it is less than 10% — MUCH LESS. By like a factor of 100. Like, the number might be closer to .1%. As the New York Times put it: “Saying that less than 10 percent of Covid transmission occurs outdoors is akin to saying that sharks attack fewer than 20,000 swimmers a year. (The actual worldwide number is around 150.) It’s both true and deceiving.”

The CDC is not doing itself any favors by exaggerating the risk of catching COVID-19 outside; all it does is encourage people who already insist that this pandemic is just a plot to control us all. But it’s also strange to read about while living someplace like Houston, Texas where people are still being good about wearing masks inside, but when outside folks — including myself — go maskless without a thought. I understand that in other parts of the country, particularly the Northeast, this question as to whether or not to wear masks outdoors is something of a debate, but I don’t understand why? Maybe avoid packed concerts, but as long as you’re not tongue-kissing strangers or breathing into other people’s mouths, it’s probably fine to not wear a mask while you’re outside? ESPECIALLY if you’re vaccinated? Am I crazy?

Good Morning America is planning to visit all 50 states over the next few months as the country emerges from COVID-19 restrictions.

UK television studios will welcome back audiences beginning May 17.

Going back to my favorite story, India, the missing tiger … (Also, please stop threatening Dr. Hotez, y’all, he’s just trying to keep us all safe from deadly diseases.)

Houston! It’s worth it!


In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • Blindspotting will debut on Starz on June 13.
  • Why Women Kill returns on Paramount+ on June 3.
  • 1971: The Year That Music Changed Everything will debut on Apple TV+ on May 21.
  • Trying returns on Apple TV+ on May 21.
  • P!nk: All I Know So Far will debut on Amazon on May 21.
  • Jersey Shore Family Vacation returns on MTV on June 3.


Norman Lloyd, Emmy-nominated actor, director, and producer who worked with everyone from Charlie Chaplin, and Alfred Hitchcock, to Judd Apatow. He also starred on St. Elsewhere.

Bill McCreary, Emmy-award-winning journalist and one of the first Black journalists in New York

Colt Brennan, Former NFL quarterback and Heismann Trophy finalist


The Upshaws: Wanda Sykes, Mike Epps, and Kim Fields star in this new working-class family comedy. Series premiere. Netflix

Oxygen: In this claustrophobic sci-fi thriller, a woman wakes up in a cryogenic chamber with no memory of how she got there, and with diminishing oxygen supplies. NO THANK YOU PLEASE. Netflix

Bringing Up Baby: The very best Katharine Hepburn/Cary Grant movie featuring a leopard. It’s a fact. Look it up. 5:15 p.m., TCM

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Dave Chappelle, Nikki Glaser, J.PERIOD featuring Dave Chappelle, Black Thought & Tiffany Gouché
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Aidy Bryant, Barry Jenkins
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Sen. Elizabeth Warren, David Boreanaz
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: Sharon Stone, Matthew Rhys
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Wanda Sykes, Max Minghella, Mod Sun Ft. Avril Lavigne
  • The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
  • Conan: Lisa Kudrow
  • Watch What Happens Live: Ziwe, Teresa Giudice
  • A Little Late with Lily Singh: Hasan Minhaj

WEDS. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Goldbergs
Home Economics
The Conners
Call Your Mother
A Million Little Things
CBS Kids Say the Darndest Things
CW Kung Fu
Nancy Drew
FOX The Masked Singer
Game of Talents
NBC Chicago Med
Chicago Fire
Chicago P.D.

2 thoughts on “Ellen’s Last Dance

  1. Yes you’re crazy. No one watches that much real housewives and bachelor shows and keeps their sanity…..

  2. Went on a girls 50th birthday trip to LA..got crazy lucky…vip tix..then invited back for Christmas giveaway hoopla! Always admired her…had a blast!
    We also gave back, bought bikes for under privileged kids..a win, win!

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