Welcome to Monday! Only 65 more days of this clown show, no matter what the President Head Clown has to say about it!
Well, it’s been a weekend.
It was announced on Saturday that the mastermind behind Four Seasons Total Landscaping would be put in charge of President Loser’s legal strategy to throw the election. It’s going exactly as well as one might expect: the “Sharpiegate” lawsuit in Arizona has been dropped; a judge has rejected an effort to audit the election in Michigan and throw out more than 300,000 votes; six cases in Pennsylvania have been thrown out; and President Frivolous Lawsuit’s lawyers removed a big part of their complaint in Pennsylvania that would lead to 600,000 votes being invalidated. ADDITIONALLY, other lawsuits brought by voters in four states have been dropped by the plaintiffs.
Yet for all of this, Trump’s campaign and his supporters are continuing to push on with more lawsuits, leading veteran election law lawyers like Kenneth Gross to speculate that he’s using the lawsuits to raise money or process the grief of his loss.
“There are all these stages of grief — anger, denial, bargaining etc. — and it seems to me he’s experiencing all of them simultaneously instead of linearly, except for acceptance,” Gross said. “Keeping multiple balls in the air that we know are not going to land in a good place could be partially to assuage his psychological issues of getting over the loss of this and giving his fans some thin reed of hope. But they’re being misled.”
Psychologically unstable grifters gonna grift.
But there have also been some signs that President Second Place is starting to maybe accept — or at the very least understand that he lost. In an address from the Rose Garden about last week’s vaccine news, he let slip the possibility that he lost: “Whatever happens in the future, who knows which administration it will be,” Trump, less animated than usual, said in remarks in the Rose Garden. “I guess time will tell.” (In the same address, he suggested he was going to withhold vaccine from New York State because he’s still a goddamned dick.)
And then, Saturday morning he tweeted the following:
He won because the Election was Rigged. NO VOTE WATCHERS OR OBSERVERS allowed, vote tabulated by a Radical Left privately owned company, Dominion, with a bad reputation & bum equipment that couldn’t even qualify for Texas (which I won by a lot!), the Fake & Silent Media, & more! https://t.co/Exb3C1mAPg
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 15, 2020
Excuse me, he WHAT? Did you just admit Biden won the election, President Conceder?
Someone in the White House soon alerted President Dumbass that he just conceded that he lost on Twitter because a few minutes later came this toddler scream:
He only won in the eyes of the FAKE NEWS MEDIA. I concede NOTHING! We have a long way to go. This was a RIGGED ELECTION!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 15, 2020
He then soothed his own hurt feelings by doing this multiple times in the past 24 hours:
I WON THE ELECTION!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 16, 2020
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) November 16, 2020
Still, I believe we’re edging ever closer to the endgame. According to Geraldo Rivera on Friday:
Just had heartfelt phone call w friend @realDonaldTrump who said he's a "realist" who'll do the"right thing" But he wants to see "what states do in terms of certifiction (etc)" He sounded committed to fighting for every vote & if he loses, talking more about all he's accomplished
— Geraldo Rivera (@GeraldoRivera) November 13, 2020
So here’s the thing: Every state has to certify their votes by December 8 and the electoral college makes it official on December 14. Those are hard and fast dates that President Shrieking Into the Void can do fuckall about. But more than that, the certifications started becoming official as of last week.
November 20: Georgia certifies its results.
November 23: Pennsylvania and Michigan certify their results.
November 24: Minnesota certifies its results.
November 30: Arizona certifies its results.
December 1: Nevada and Wisconsin certify their results.
Basically, this is all over in a week from today once Georgia, Pennsylvania, and Michigan make it OFFICIAL official that Biden won. There is still the possible faithless elector lane, but considering that of the states above, only Pennsylvania and Georgia do not have laws on the books binding the electors to the vote, and considering that Pennsylvania has a Democratic governor who will never sign off on such shenanigans, the bottom line is that it is over in a week unless something truly insane happens.
And so that’s why my only real question left is when does President Worst President Ever fuck off to Mar-a-Lago to never return? Does he fuck off to Mar-a-Lago for Thanksgiving and never returns? Or does he come back and then fucks off for Christmas and never returns? After all, the electoral college doesn’t vote until December 8, so he might return after Thanksgiving just to continue making a stink for another week or so. But maybe, just maybe, he cuts his — and our — losses by next week.
One can hope, right?
Bad news: We went from 10 million cases to 11 million cases in 6 days.
U.S. Covid-19 infections:
to reach 1 million: 99 days
2 million: 43 days
2 to 3 million: 28 days
3 to 4: 15 days
7 to 8: 21 days
8 to 9: 14 days
9 to 10: 10 days
10 to 11: 6 days
US makes up 20% of global cases & deaths, w/ 4% of the population.
Trump failed us, and badly.
— Amy Siskind (@Amy_Siskind) November 16, 2020
Great news: Another vaccine seems to be on the horizon. Moderna announced that their vaccine is 94.5% effective and unlike Pfizer’s, can be stored in much warmer temperatures.
But moderating news: It won’t be widely available until this spring, however, so we must continue social distancing and wearing masks. In fact, even after the vaccines are widely distributed, Dr. Fauci is urging us to continue social distancing and wearing masks.
Meanwhile, in a real-life example of Goofus and Gallant:
Another Vaccine just announced. This time by Moderna, 95% effective. For those great “historians”, please remember that these great discoveries, which will end the China Plague, all took place on my watch!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 16, 2020
Once again, I congratulate the brilliant women and men who produced this breakthrough and have brought us one step closer to beating this virus. I am also thankful for the frontline workers who are still confronting the virus around the clock.
— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) November 16, 2020
I’m sure I didn’t even need to tell you that President Superspreader hasn’t been to a COVID Task Force meeting in over five months — you just knew that instinctively, I’m guessing.
The GSA is still refusing to order the transition to take place to placate President Emporer’s hurt feelings, which could make a mess of a vaccine roll-out early next year. So that’s cool.
And then there are all the people who — WHILE LITERALLY DYING FROM THE VIRUS — deny the existence of the virus. We have a lot of work to do come January 20, 2021.
A South Dakota ER nurse @JodiDoering says her Covid-19 patients often “don’t want to believe that Covid is real.”
“Their last dying words are, ‘This can’t be happening. It’s not real.’ And when they should be… Facetiming their families, they’re filled with anger and hatred.” pic.twitter.com/tgUgP6znAT
— New Day (@NewDay) November 16, 2020
And if that’s not terrifying enough, in Michigan and Wisconsin, the states are shutting down indoor gatherings. Here’s how Scott Atlas, the White House COVID-19 Herd Immunity Expert responded:
The only way this stops is if people rise up. You get what you accept. #FreedomMatters #StepUp https://t.co/8QKBszgKTM
— Scott W. Atlas (@ScottWAtlas) November 15, 2020
I would remind Dr. Atlas that Governor Whitmer was the target of a kidnapping plot not a month ago. These people are so fucking dangerous.
Here’s a handy tool to assess your risk of gathering for Thanksgiving. In years past, I had two Thanksgivings every year: one at a friend’s house that would include sometimes up to 60-70 people, and then I would go to my family’s which would usually be around 20-25 people. Neither of these will be happening this year, and it is a bummer — but it might be the thing that allows us to have a Christmas with my family next month.
Ivanka and Jared’s kids got thrown out of their school because their parents have been publicly flouting COVID guidelines, lol. This is just the beginning, you ghouls.
THINGS THAT ARE NOT HELPFUL, GOVERNOR NEWSOM. Christ, what an asshole.
Singer Jeremih is currently hospitalized with COVID-19.
Also hospitalized: Richard Schiff. Yikes.
Soumitra Chatterjee, an Indian actor who had appeared in more than 300 films, died of COVID complications.
Ben Platt revealed on Twitter that he had the virus earlier in the year.
Alaska Representative Don Young who mocked concerns about the virus has tested positive.
Boris Johnson is self-isolating after having been exposed to the virus.
Bosch had to suspend production for a week after a positive test.
Kelly Clarkson Show staffers have tested positive.
Crew members on the American Music Awards have tested positive ahead of next week’s show.
All Other TV News
HBO Max is FINALLY coming to Amazon Fire. (Just in time for Christmas, I see.)
Peacock has launched a Saved by the Bell channel ahead of the reboot.
Here’s who won the People’s Choice Awards last night. There are some admittedly interesting choices (Never Have I Ever? Well done, people!)
A little bit more about American Horror Stories, the companion series to American Horror Story from Ryan Murphy: “We are doing 16 one-hour stand-alone episodes delving into horror myths, legends, and lore…many of these episodes will feature AHS stars you know and love. More to follow…”
No one wants a miniseries on “cancel culture,” David Fincher. What we want are more seasons of Mindhunter, David Fincher.
This will surprise you, but MAGA types don’t really get social satire and commentary:
Um… are they actually watching the show? @antonystarr #TheBoystv #theboys @PrimeVideo @TheBoysTV #SPNFamilyForever https://t.co/wJPNjJf0Bj
— Eric Kripke (@therealKripke) November 15, 2020
“The art of ignorant dumbfuckerry” https://t.co/Q51y3Mtmwo
— Antony Starr (@antonystarr) November 15, 2020
These doofuses don’t even understand that ‘Homelander’ is the bad guy. 🙄 pic.twitter.com/ogZBCv3afq
— Darick (@DarickR) November 15, 2020
This is just a very good list of Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants who have alleged producer manipulation and editing shenanigans. I’m sure it could be much, much longer.
HBO Max is “working on” saving Venture Bros. — but nothing is imminent, so temper any excitement.
Wait, Kamala and Montel? WHAT?
Claudia Conway, daughter of Kellyanne and George, is auditioning for American Idol because absolutely. Why not.
This has very little — if anything — to do with television, but the Baltimore Museum of Art has named their bathrooms for John Waters after he donated a bunch of art to them. Perfection.
The host of HGTV’s Good Bones has had her house pooped on more than once.
LOVE IS DEAD. (Legit boo on this one.)
The monster who attacked Canadian national treasure Rick Moranis has been arrested.
Oh no, recover quickly, Sinbad!
Get better soon, Tommy Lasorda.
- Space Force has been renewed for a second season at Netflix.
- The Order has been canceled at Netflix after two seasons.
- Eden, a mystery drama, is in the works at NBC. They also picked up a Latinx family drama and a chef comedy.
- A drama about a group of friends whose secrets are exposed by a mysterious stranger has been put into development at NBC.
- The Mysterious Benedict Society is moving from Hulu to Disney+.
- Under Wraps, a remake of the first-ever Disney Channel original movie, is in the works at Disney Channel.
- Hiking with Kevin, Kevin Nealon’s YouTube series, is being turned into a series at TBS.
- Darkwing Duck is being rebooted at Disney+.
- A live-action Lilo + Stitch is being made at Disney, and will probably end up at Disney+.
- Hasan Minhaj is joining the cast of The Morning Show on Apple TV+.
- Dan Stevens will be the voice of both Prince Charles and Prince Philip on The Prince for HBO Max.
- Ethan Hawke, Peter Sarsgaard, and Riley Keough will star in The Guilty on Netflix.
- Niecy Nash is joining the cast of The Women of the Movement on ABC.
- Alex Landi has been added to the cast of Walker on The CW.
- Jonathan Silverman is joining Good Girls on NBC.
- Alfonso Herrera, Adam Rothenberg, Felix Solis, Damian Young, Bruno Bichir, CC Castillo, Katrina Lenk have all joined Ozark as series regulars.
- Audra McDonald, Kelli O’Hara, Donna Murphy, Michael Cerveris, Debra Monk, Katie Finneran, Celia Keenan-Bolger, Kristine Nielsen and John Douglas Thompson have been added to the cast of The Gilded Age on HBO.
- Ava Capri and Anthony Keyvan are joining the cast of Love, Victor on Hulu.
Mark Your Calendar
- Servant will return on Apple TV+ on January 15.
- Let Them All Talk will premiere on HBO Max on December 10.
- 9-1-1 will return on Fox soon.
- The Great British Baking Show: Holidays will debut on Netflix on December 4.
- Sugar Rush Christmas will premiere on Netflix on November 27.
- Alien Worlds debuts on Netflix on December 2.
- Safety will premiere on Disney+ on December 11.
- Stillwater will debut on Apple TV+ on December 4.
- Canvas will debut on Netflix on December 11.
- NBC has released their holiday schedule.
- High School Musical – The Musical: The Holiday Special will premiere on Disney+ on December 11.
- The 86th Annual Heisman Trophy Ceremony will air on ESPN on January 5.
- Wonderoos: Holiday Holiday! will premiere on Netflix on November 29.
- Mighty Express: A Mighty Christmas premieres on Netflix on December 5.
Walter C. Miller, Director and producer of the Grammys, Tonys, and CMAs
Lynn Kellogg, Broadway actress
Paul Hornung, NFL star and MVP
Doug Supernaw, Country singer
His Dark Materials: Lyra and Will explore a new world in the season two premiere. 8 p.m., HBO
The Neighborhood: A member of the Butlers’ and Johnsons’ community is the victim of racial discrimination. Season premiere. 7 p.m., CBS
Bob ♥ Abishola: Bob buys an engagement ring in the season premiere. 7:30 p.m., CBS
All Rise: Lola is detained during a protest. Season premiere. 8 p.m., CBS
Bull: Bull and his team try to navigate a virtual court system. Season premiere. 8 p.m., CBS
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Erin Andrews, Chance the Rapper, G Herbo
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Kaley Cuoco, Cazzie David, Valerie Franco
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Jake Tapper, BENEE
- The Late Late Show with James Corden: Maria Bakalova
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Ryan Phillippe, David Cross, Wallows
- The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
- Conan: Ricky Gervais
- Watch What Happens Live: James Hough, Elizabeth Frankini
|ABC||Dancing With the Stars
|The Good Doctor
|Bob ♥ Abishola
|CW||Whose Line is it Anyway?
|Whose Line is it Anyway?
|Penn & Teller: Fool Us