President Methy thinks he’s well enough to leave the hospital. Ok.

Hi. It’s Monday, October 5, and it is your last chance to double, triple, quadruple check your voter registration if you live in: Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Texas. Go to, confirm you’re registered, and if you’re not, REGISTER. Last chance, guys. Let’s do this.

Instead of a cute animal video, meet Andrew Farmer:

Political Crap

Alright, so where did we leave off with this shitshow? President One-Man Disaster announced late Thursday night/early Friday morning that he had tested positive for COVID-19 and everyone had a good hearty case of schadenfreude. As the day wore on, more and more dingus Republicans who were at the White House event nominating Amy Coney Barrett announced that they, too, were positive. And then I hit “Publish” because if I waited for the news to slow down, I’d never actually post anything.

And sure enough, a few hours after I posted, President “I’M NOT DEAD YET!” was medevacked to Walter Reed Hospital for what was being described as “a few days.” Then on Saturday, a gaggle of Walter Reed doctors and President Stalin’s personal doctor, one Sean Conley, DO, came out and declared everything was just great while avoiding questions about President Hypoxia’s blood oxygen levels, or whether or not they were administering oxygen at that time. Also, they maybe let slip that President Not Aysymptommatic Anymore might have known he was positive since Wednesday, not late Thursday — after he had attended two fundraising events — and that he had been receiving treatments before the world knew he was positive.

MEANWHILE, minutes after the doctors’ press conference, Mark Meadows, the White House Chief of Staff told press off the record that, and I quote: “The president’s vitals over the last 24 hours were very concerning and the next 48 hours will be critical in terms of his care. We’re still not on a clear path to a full recovery.”

So then Dr. Conley had to put out a statement clarifying that he didn’t mean “72” hours, and also, too, they only began treating the Liar-in-Chief the day before, not two days before and anyway LOOK OVER THERE.

All of this, understandably, created a great deal of confusion as to WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING, and I didn’t even get to the part where President Propaganda put out two pictures of himself “working hard,” pictures that were taking a whopping ten minutes apart. They showed him signing blank pieces of paper with a Sharpie.

Leaving this excerpt from a Vanity Fair piece about how Dummy Jr. thinks his father is acting like a deranged lunatic for no reason in particular:

There is a long history in the Trump family of denying serious illness. According to a Trump family friend, Trump’s father, Fred Trump Sr., insisted on working even after his Alzheimer’s disease advanced in the 1990s. “To retire is to expire!” Fred Sr. would say. The friend said that as Fred Sr.’s disease worsened––he once came down the stairs wearing three neckties––the family created a system so that Fred could think he was still running the Trump Organization. Every day Fred Sr. would go to the office in Brooklyn and they would give him blank papers to sort through and sign. The phone on Fred’s desk was set up so that it could only dial out to his secretary. “Fred pretended to work,” the family friend said.

On Sunday, the doctors gave another press conference where they confirmed that President Steroids’ oxygen did, in fact, drop a couple of times, but he’s JUST FINE now and in fact, might go home on Monday. And all those times he evaded questions about his oxygen levels before was just Dr. Conley’s attempt to put a positive spin on the situation.

And that’s when President Dear Leader made his secret service agents get into a hermetically sealed SUV with him so that he could drive around Walter Reed and wave at his supporters.

From a different Walter Reed physician:

The secret service is not amused:

Which brings us to today. We woke up to this tweet hurricane from President Dexamethasone:


And then, this afternoon, before his doctors could give their press conference, he tweeted out this news:

“Don’t be afraid of Covid” if you have access to the best doctors and experimental treatments unavailable to the average American and can be helicoptered to the hospital. For free.

As for the rest of us: last week an average of 700 Americans died of this virus a day. TAKE THIS VIRUS SERIOUSLY. BE AFRAID OF IT.

Also, “don’t let it dominate your life?” COVID-19 has killed nearly 215,000 Americans. What an insult to their lives and those they left behind. I’m disgusted.

While all this bullshit was happening, the following GOPers tested positive:

  • Kellyanne Conway (and her daughter)
  • Chris Christie
  • Kayleigh McEnany
  • Bill Stepien
  • Nicholas Luna
  • Ron Johnson
  • Chad Gilmartin
  • Three more members of the press corps

Meanwhile, Joe Biden continues to test negative, thank God, but President Superspreader’s campaign is trying to use that against him because of course they fucking are:


Going Viral

Oh, hey, those PSAs the government ordered featuring B-list celebrities urging us to “defeat despair” in regards to the virus (scheduled to roll out ahead of the election, obvs), has turned into a complete boondoggle to absolutely no one’s surprise. Celebrities are dropping out, the firm hired is incompetent (but politically connected), and Democrats are sniffing around.

BREAKING NEWS: Arsonist burned by fire he started.

Cineworld, which owns Regal Cinemas, is considering closing all of its theaters in the U.S. and the U.K.

Kenzo Takada, Fashion designer died of COVID-19.

COVID-19 made Regis Philbin depressed in the weeks leading up to his death according to Kathie Lee.

The Price is Right is resuming production, but contestants won’t be “coming on down” as there won’t be an audience. BOOO, but also obviously very responsible. BUT BOOOO.

All American had to halt production due to a positive case on set.

The action movie CopShop starring Gerard Butler had to stop production after three positive cases.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel will resume production on January 7.

Bull plans on incorporating the virus into the show when it returns.

All Other TV News

Schitt’s Creek’s sixth season dropped on Netflix early for all your binging needs.

If it feels like The Real Housewives franchises are undergoing some sort of purge, it’s because they are.

Here are some of the more interesting stories from the making of Game of Thrones, including cameos from Rob McElhenney and Bruce Willis.

Netflix has released two first-look images of Henry Cavill as The Witcher in season two, and, again, one of the most unrealistic things about the show in a series that featured witches and monsters and ancient curses is that people would meet this guy and be like, “YOU ARE DISGUSTING AND NEED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY VILLAGE.” Um … no.

The Walking Dead, its decline, and why it will remain a valuable brand.

Did you watch any of The Third Day live event on Facebook this weekend? Here’s an explainer for why and how they made the 12-hour event.

Matt Olmstead, the Law & Order: Organized Crime showrunner, has stepped down, pausing production on the series.

In Development

Casting News

  • Busy Philipps has joined the cast of Girls5eva on Peacock.
  • Andie MacDowell is joining the cast of Maid on Netflix, which stars her daughter Margaret Qualley.
  • Ricky Martin will star in Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey on Netflix.
  • Reba McEntire and Darius Rucker will host the CMAs on ABC.
  • Bill Burr will host the next SNL with Morgan Wallen as the musical guest. And on the October 17 episode, Issa Rae will host with musical guest Justin Bieber.

Mark Your Calendar

  • Cobra Kai will return on Netflix on January 3.
  • How to with John Wilson will debut on HBO on October 23.
  • The Last Kids on Earth will return on Netflix on October 16.
  • Roadkill will premiere on PBS on November 1.
  • Braxton Family Values returns on We TV on November 5.
  • Over the Moon will debut on Netflix on October 23.
  • Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey will premiere on November 13.


Murray Schisgal, Tony- and Oscar-nominated screenwriter who wrote Tootsie

Armelia McQueen, Broadway great

Thomas Jefferson Byrd, Tony-nominated actor who appeared in many Spike Lee movies

Bob Gibson, St. Louis Cardinal

Ron Perranoski, Los Angeles Dodger

“Sweet Lou” Johnson, Los Angeles Dodger

Cookie Monsta, Dubstep DJ


Joe Biden Town Hall: I mean, MAYBE. With the crazy news flying around these days, WHO KNOWS IF THIS WILL EVEN HAPPEN. Everything is totally fine. 7 p.m., MSNBC

The Expecting: AnnaSophia Robb, Rory Culkin, and Mira Sorvino star in this pregnancy thriller. Series premiere. Quibi

Soulmates: In this new sci-fi series set in the near future, a simple test gives people the name of their soulmate. But should you take it? Series premiere. 9 p.m., AMC

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Daniel Craig, Billie Eilish, Finneas
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Jessica Chastain, John Slattery
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Daniel Craig, Billie Eilish, Finneas
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: Seth MacFarlane, the Jaded Hearts Club
  • The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
  • Watch What Happens Live: Capt. Lee Rosbach, Hindrigo “Kiko” Lorran

MON. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Dancing With the Stars
Emergency Call
CBS Big Brother
One Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
Manhunt: Deadly Games
CW Whose Line is it Anyway?
Whose Line is it Anyway?
Penn & Teller: Try This At Home Too
FOX L.A.’s Finest
Filthy Rich
NBC American Ninja Warrior
Dateline NBC

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