‘The Real Housewives of New York City’: Where is my mind?

The Real Housewives of New York
“Reunion, Part 2”
July 18, 2019

We begin the second part of the reunion (you can read the first part here) with a Ramontage, detailing all her flirting, preening, and lying. “It’s never a dull moment!” she chirps, completely oblivious to her own spectacular assholery. (But aren’t they all.)

Andy Cohen starts off gently with Ramona, noting that people have been tweeting about how cute she and Mario are together, and wondering if there is any chance of a reconciliation. Ramona insists there isn’t, they’re just good friends, but as I’m sure you all know by now, she quarantined with him in Florida after the world came to an abrupt halt (before then returning to the Hamptons to party it up with Dummy Trump Jr. and his plague-riddled girlfriend). So who even knows what happened.

As for Harry the Ex, she explains that they’re just friends, “kissing cousins” as it were.

ramona harry kissing rhony real housewives of new york

 

arrested development dangerous cousins
You get bonus points if you get this reference.

 

The other women start yelling at Ramona for lying about Harry the Ex, which she denies doing, WHICH IS IN ITSELF ANOTHER LIE.

Dorinda is particularly irritated with Ramona’s lying, comparing this to the whole Angel Ball to which Ramona invited her and then ditched her. So what’s her excuse for the whole Table 61/Table 62 fiasco?

And Ramona, GOD BLESS HER, she pulls a Reverse Trump, claiming that her “mind isn’t so ageless anymore.”

trump-we-need-brain-2

SOMEONE GRAB A MONTREAL COGNITIVE ASSESSMENT AND BRING IT TO ANDY.

Bethenny can’t believe Ramona is playing the dementia card, but she here she is, insisting that she needs to up her Prevagen, and protesting that she just doesn’t even know where her mind was during that entire incident. Her head! It was fucked up! Needs more jellyfish!

Dorinda isn’t buying the “pity me I’m old” routine and is like, “YOU INVITED ME AND THEN YOU DITCHED ME.” Ramona lies that she had an empty seat next to her at the new table, but Dorinda is like, “No ma’am. No you most certainly did not. And I went and fetched the table list to show you, and you hissed at me to stop making a scene.” Dorinda demands an apology — it was rude and inconsiderate and not nice — and Ramona shrugs that she’ll never swear on her daughter’s life again, how’s that?

Andy tries to move on to the second lie she was busted on, and Ramona huffs that she didn’t realize Tablegate was a lie.

The Other Women:

dr. phil shocked stunned what

Anyway, the second lie she was caught in was that she couldn’t invite any of the cast members to the birthday party that her other friends threw for her. THERE IS FOOTAGE OF ONE OF THE WOMEN ASKING RAMONA IF SHE SHOULD INVITE SONJA AND RAMONA SAYS NO. THERE IS TAPE.

Ramona shrugs that she wanted her birthday party to be personal and not filmed and if the other women were there it would have been filmed.

Sonja is not amused.

sonja real housewives of new york rhony reality tv friend

Ramona, in response, struggles to find the term, “fourth wall.”

ramona real housewives of new york rhony fourth wall third world reunion

POINT TO THE ELEPHANT ON THE PAGE, RAMONA. NOW REPEAT THESE FIVE WORDS IN ORDER: “PERSON, WOMAN, MAN, CAMERA, TV.”

Sonja, whose feelings were hurt by this, reveals that Ramona told her she wants to “break into society” as she goes into her 70s, and adds that she hangs out with that crowd more than Ramona does. Also, ALSO, if she’s so concerned about her birthday party being “personal,” why did she post it ALL OVER INSTAGRAM? But Honey Badger Don’t Give a Shit, and shrugs that she had a good time.

Andy then moves on to a much more delicate topic: Ramona’s comment about Dennis being on drugs. Ramona, to her credit, knew it was horrid pretty much as soon as it came out of her mouth and apologized to Bethenny before the episode aired.

And Bethenny, she’s not upset with Ramona necessarily for that one comment, it happened. She’s upset with what she perceived as a season filled with digs aimed at her by Ramona. WHAT IS RAMONA’S PROBLEM WITH HER? Why was she more worried about stealing lobsters than expressing her condolences at Barbara’s clam bake?

Ramona protests that Bethenny is scary. That’s it. That’s her excuse. And Bethenny is like, “Jesus Christ, just don’t talk shit behind my back.”

Andy asks the women if they think Ramona will ever learn anything from being on this show before playing a montage of Ramona at 10 other reunions acknowledging her bad behavior during that particular season … only to return and repeat her bad behavior in the next season.

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It all comes back around.

Ramona tries to pull an old reality star trick by complaining about Bravo’s editing making her look bad, but everyone is like, “OH NO MA’AM.”

Andy points out that it wasn’t all terrible between Ramona and Bethenny, pointing to two moments in particular:

  1. When they bonded over their abusive childhoods.
  2. When Ramona expressed her genuine concern for Bethenny after her near-death experience.

But despite this brief respite, Andy is not done with attacking Ramona and he brings up the New York Loves Kids charity event which Ramona, Sonja, and Dorinda managed to ruin with their shenanigans. And listen, Ramona is a selfish monster, but she did not ruin this event all by her lonesome, a point that The Countess makes, singling Dorinda out in particular.

Dorinda is NOT INTERESTED in The Countess’ etiquette tips following her behavior in the Berkshires, but we have to cut to a commercial break so Andy cuts that fight off at the knees, asking Ramona where she is with everyone. “I am where I am,” Ramona replies, prompting Sonja to call her a “piece of work.”

Tinsley is the next victim of the montage treatment, and the first question out the gate is how she feels about being questioned about where her money comes from. Tinsley reminds everyone of what I said a couple of entries ago: that she is from money, she’s from one of the richest families in Richmond, she’s a famous debutant, and she’s been in the branding game for 20+ years, far longer than any of their old asses. Also, where she comes from, they don’t talk about money. It’s considered gross and rude.

The other women point out that the money just doesn’t add up, and where is she living now anyway? When Dorinda tried to send her flowers to her hotel-apartment in January, they informed her that Tinsley had moved out. SO WHAT’S GOING ON THERE?

Tinsley explains (as it was explained in the final episode) that she did move out for a few months and went to Palm Beach to be with her family. But she moved back in May and signed a year lease, so what’s the issue? And what’s it to Dorinda?

Dorinda insists that she just doesn’t know a lot about Tinsley … leaving some sort of implication hanging in the air. Andy asks her what kind of arrangement does Dorinda think Tinsley has with Scott? “A DAMNED GOOD ONE,” Dorinda laughs. But Tinsley demands to know what Scott would be getting out of it … and to be honest, I’m not sure what Dorinda is implying either, that Scott is paying Tinsley for sex? But they were in a relationship for like two years? The whole idea just doesn’t make any sense.

Still, the women are tearing at it like wild dogs with a piece of raw chicken. Sonja points  out that Tinsley’s shopping habits changed: when Tinsley lived in the townhouse, she shopped in small stores, now she’s coming home with Birkins …

Tinsley, who clearly doesn’t want to get into her personal financial details — AND REALLY, WHO DOES? — explains that after her arrest, her family cut back on what she could receive from the family trust until she could prove she had her shit together. And then she did, and so her allowance returned to where it had been before.

Andy tries to explain to Tinsley that the other women don’t think she’s particularly forthcoming, and she’s flabbergasted: HOW MUCH MORE FORTHCOMING COULD SHE BE? SHE HAS HAD MULTIPLE EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWNS THIS SEASON?

tinsley literally fucking miserable rhony real housewives of new york clown

So Andy is like, just settle this once and for all: do you have an arrangement with Scott?

A. No.

Q. Since you announced you broke up with Scott, have you gotten back together?

A. No.

Q. Have you seen Scott since you broke up?

A. Yes. We went on a trip together.

The Other Women:

dr. phil shocked stunned what

Tinsley explains that they did go on a trip, and they did share a room, but it didn’t work out and IT’S SAD AND IT’S OVER.*

*It’s definitely not over.

A viewer asks Bethenny what she meant when she said Tinsley set women back 100 years, and Bethenny is like, “Well, I mean, she’s not exactly a model of female empowerment, right?”

Andy tries to argue that she was raised in the South in a wealthy family and very different values, but Bethenny calls bullshit on that.

nene real housewives of atlanta rhoa i said what I said

Andy then moves on to the loss of Bambi and the whole freezing the dog and then defrosting the dog and Tinsley tries to explain, but Bethenny can not believe what she is hearing and very nearly dies right there on stage when Andy gets to the part where Tinsley called 911 to resuscitate the chihuahua.

snl bill hader trying not to laugh

Dorinda closes Tinsley’s section by apologizing if she hurt Tinsley’s feelings, she just wanted to dig deeper with her. And with that Ramona runs off-stage to go pee.

The next montage is about the women’s individual ticks:

Dorinda says “Oh!” a lot!

Ramona is impressed with her own body!

Sonja is gassy!

Tinsley drinks pinot grigio!

Bethenny orders food for everyone!

The Countess says “CABARET” all the fucking time!

And the best part of the discussion of this montage is when Ramona explains that she has moved on from pinot grigio to vodka sodas. In fact, she likes something that the Millenials are drinking, something called a “Hard Rock,” which is infused seltzer with vodka. “OOH, sounds very sophisticated and complicated,” sneers Bethenny, stealing the sentiment straight out of my heart.

Also, Ramona, who is 30 years older than her, tells Tinsley that she wears too much makeup and that she, Ramona, looks younger than her.

antm disagree miss j

Finally, Andy points out that there was once a time on this reunion that Ramona ran away from the couch when someone else’s nude photos were discussed, and now here she is wagging her bare ass on camera. LOOK AT WHAT HE’S DONE TO HER.

The final montage deals with The Countess’ sobriety and struggles therein. The montage ends with The Countess telling the women that she has to take a breathalyzer three times a day, and if she doesn’t pass, BACK TO JAIL WITH HER. When we return to the reunion, The Countess sighs that this is the hard reality that she doesn’t think the other women appreciate, it’s a struggle every day. But Ramona is like, “Yeah, but you didn’t pass your test recently, what happened then?”

The Countess admits she “slipped” by having two mimosas on Easter, she thought she could get away with it, but … Anyway. It’s been a very stressful way to live and she’s done everything she could to not burden the other women with her problems.

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What she doesn’t say at the reunion is that after she got caught, her ass was dragged back to court where she 1. refused to return to rehab because it would interfere with her cabaret schedule and 2. refuse to wear an ankle monitor because it would interfere with her ankle, and instead opted to extend her probation period until August.

At the reunion, The Countess complains that she didn’t feel supported in her sobriety by the other women, pointing to their drunken antics in Miami. Bethenny reminds her that she claimed she’s not bothered by other people drinking around her, so which is it?

Bethenny adds that she doesn’t think The Countess is taking her sobriety seriously and that everyone on these couches has heard different stories about The Countess and drinking. Bethenny notes that they’re not cops so it doesn’t matter, but The Countess huffs that it DOES matter because it can get back to the courts and get her in trouble again. Andy notes that the official report itself suggests that she’s not taking her sobriety seriously, and The Countess explains and THAT’S why she’s going to court because THE REPORTS. ARE. NOT. CORRECT.

Andy explains that the big concern at last year’s reunion was that working in the cabaret business is maybe not the best place for someone who is trying to be sober, and that she slipped in that environment. The Countess insists that she was NOT working in cabaret when she slipped, she was traveling for cabaret when she slipped. So, you know, huge difference. She claims that she has learned that she is a self-sabotager, but that cabaret is actually good for her, because when she’s on stage, she doesn’t have time for drinking.

the countess rhony oh uncomfortable i see i get it

Andy asks if she thinks she’s an alcoholic, and The Countess suggests that she isn’t, she’s just a self-medicator. Six of one, half a dozen the other, lady.

A viewer asks if maybe The Countess thinks had a manic episode when she was asking strangers for millions of dollars, and she’s like, “Yep!” Bethenny confirms that it was some sort of psychological issue and asks if The Countess remembers the thing with the hat and the cigarettes and she was going to drive a boat … which just sounds like a good time to me, but Ramona pipes in, “YOU WERE HAVING A BREAKDOWN!”

The Countess agrees: She was having a breakdown.

A viewer asks Dorinda and Ramona if considering she only stayed in rehab for two weeks, do they think she took it seriously or was treating it like a spa vacation?

The Countess takes exception to this, she stayed for three weeks, and she HAD to leave early because CABARET. And anyway, the folks at the rehab supported her leaving, so it was fine.

Bethenny disputes this, and adds that The Countess was texting her 24 hours a day from the rehab where she was not supposed have a cell phone, and that she knows for certain she didn’t stay for 21 days. Bethenny adds that it was disrespectful to her that The Countess didn’t take her rehab stint seriously considering that Bethenny spent days, weeks living on Team The Countess trying to get her help while she was having a mental breakdown.

The Countess protests that she was NOT having a mental breakdown (even though not one minute ago she conceded that she was) and that Bethenny is NOT her psychologist. Ramona begins yelling at The Countess that she needed to stay in rehab for SIX MONTHS (which … no … I don’t think that’s how it works …) and adds that she thinks The Countess is STILL drinking on the side.

the dowager countess toast downton abbey drink

The final part forthcoming, dahlinks.

The Real Housewives of New York airs on Bravo.

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