Hi! It’s Tuesday!
Here is a platonic example of a “Wait for it …” video:
Wait for it 🐶🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/pFSdDMidNB
— Ffs OMG Vids 📽🔞 (@Ffs_OMG) April 21, 2020
Some of y’all have never worked from home and it shows. LISTEN TO ME, I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR YEARS NOW: You don’t have to put on real pants, but you have to put on SOMETHING. Sweats, leggings, or even shorts! But just running around in a suit jacket and panties aren’t going to cut it, even in these trying times. Have some goddamned self-respect.
One Day at a Time is going to do an animated episode that will air later this spring, and THAT’S the kind of creative thinking that will stick it to this goddamned virus.
Tyler Perry is going to be producing new content yesterday. It helps that he writes everything himself, manages to shoot 22 episodes of television in TWO AND A HALF WEEKS (that is not a joke, that is a TRUE FACT), and he has his own vast studio on a former military base in Georgia where he can house everyone. This is an INSANE article, but get ready, because Tyler Perry Presents Medea’s Royal Family Reunion is going to soon be the only new TV series out there.
The Daily Show is expanding to 45-minute episodes, because, honestly, why not?
RuPaul’s DragCon will stream live on the World of Wonder YouTube channel this weekend.
Fox News is dumping Diamond and Silk after spreading a bunch of batshit insane conspiracy theories about COVID-19, including that death tolls were being exaggerated and that the virus was created by the Deep State to take down President Shitwagon.
The repeated warnings were conveyed in issues of the President’s Daily Brief, a sensitive report that is produced before dawn each day and designed to call the president’s attention to the most significant global developments and security threats.
For weeks, the PDB — as the report is known — traced the virus’s spread around the globe, made clear that China was suppressing information about the contagion’s transmissibility and lethal toll, and raised the prospect of dire political and economic consequences.
But the alarms appear to have failed to register with the president, who routinely skips reading the PDB and has at times shown little patience for even the oral summary he takes two or three times per week, according to the officials, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss classified material.
Trump: "There has been so much unnecessary death in this country. It could have been stopped and it could have been stopped short, but somebody a long time ago, it seems, decided not to do it that way. And the whole world is suffering because of it." https://t.co/9T8aUPjUrs pic.twitter.com/VPx2ah8aUy
— CBS News (@CBSNews) April 27, 2020
OH? HAS THERE BEEN “SO MUCH UNNECESSARY DEATH?” MAYBE IF SOMEONE HAD TOLD THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD THAT THIS WAS A SERIOUS VIRUS THAT COULD POTENTIALLY KILL THOUSANDS OR TENS OF THOUSANDS OR HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS BACK IN, OH, I DON’T KNOW, JANUARY OR FEBRUARY …
Because we are about to surpass the American death toll of the Vietnam War. I’m not even kidding:
Question: If an American President loses more Americans over the course of six weeks than died in the entirety of the Vietnam War, does he deserve to be re-elected? pic.twitter.com/JCgmrxLAuB
— Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) April 27, 2020
Not that he’ll ever take responsibility. He refuses to even acknowledge that his unhinged comments about injecting disinfectants lead to a spike in cases of his idiot supporters drinking poison:
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) April 27, 2020
And finally, I neglected to mention this yesterday because I was distracted by the whole Noble nonsense, but this motherfucker is forcing all of the West Point cadets graduating this year to leave their assignments, return to New York State — the epicenter of our outbreak, get tested and then be quarantined for two weeks just so that they can be used as campaign props. I WANT YOU TO JUST TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND IMAGINE WHAT FOX NEWS WOULD HAVE DONE IF PRESIDENT OBAMA PULLED THIS STUNT.
Speaking of Fox News, Sean Hannity is threatening to sue The New York Times if they do not “retract, correct and apologize” for an article that was critical of his coronavirus coverage, to which The New York Times said, “nah.”
Meanwhile, over on Tucker Carlson Tonight, that particular shit bird is busy lying about the virus, saying that there is — and was — no need to quarantine, the virus just wasn’t as deadly as we were told. And you know what? The critics are sorta right: COVID-19 has killed as many people as a bad flu year. We are up to 58,000 people today. Of course, that is in TWO MONTHS — NOT ONE YEAR and under strict stay-at-home and social distancing orders. So maybe NOT THE SAME THING AT ALL.
Tucker Carlson says there is no scientific justification for quarantine, says the curve flattened but quarantine had nothing to do with it, "the virus just isn't nearly as deadly as we thought it was" pic.twitter.com/stNvDJwlOa
— Andrew Lawrence (@ndrew_lawrence) April 28, 2020
By the way, we are predicted to be up around 75,000 deaths by early June. And that’s without taking into consideration what will happen after all of the dumbass states like my own lifting their stay-at-home orders.
Trolls World Tour has earned nearly $100 million on VOD, which is not a great sign for movie theaters’ futures. I mean, sure, this is an unusual moment in history, but then again, Universal just announced they will be opening movies in both theaters and on VOD from here on out essentially demoting theaters. So, yeah, Governor Abbott, go ahead and open those movie theaters back up, you dumb jackass.
Speaking of, the Pete Davidson movie, King of Staten Island (which he really is now) will be released on VOD on June 19.
The Karlovy Vary Film Festival has been canceled for the first time in 55 years.
Brooke Baldwin is back and anchoring CNN Newsroom.
Dr. Fauci was flattered by Brad Pitt’s portrayal of him as he should be.
Oprah Winfrey will be the commencement speaker for #Graduation 2020: Facebook and Instagram Celebrate the Class of 2020, a streaming event on both services to be held on May 15.
Ryan Murphy is going to give residents of the MPTF nursing home a sneak preview of Hollywood, and Netflix is donating an additional $100,000 to the $1 million they have already given to the organization.
More TV stars from your childhood (FINE, MY CHILDHOOD) are reuniting to raise money for relief efforts.
All Other TV News
HBO Max will be available to stream on Apple devices and HBO Now customers who are billed through Apple will automatically be upgraded at no additional cost.
As you know by now, there will be a special Parks and Recreation on Thursday. Here’s a helpful reminder of where the series left all the characters when it ended in 2015.
Here’s Fred Armisen doing a bunch of North American accents. He does Texas around the 3:10 mark and I feel personally attacked.
- Hellraiser is being turned into a series at HBO.
- An American Pickle, a Seth Rogan comedy, is going to be released on HBO Max.
- A live-action Goosebumps series is in the works.
- None of the Above, a comedy, has been ordered at Freeform.
- Catching Out, a drama, has been bought by HBO Max.
- Steven Yeun has signed a first-look deal with Amazon.
- Talking Heads is being remade at BBC.
- Connie Britton will return to 9-1-1 for the two-part season finale.
- Prince Harry has recorded the introduction to an episode of Thomas and Friends for Netflix.
Mark Your Calendars
- Basketball County: In the Water will premiere on Showtime on May 15.
- America’s Got Talent and World of Dance will both return on NBC on May 26.
- The Paley Center Salutes Parks and Recreation will air ahead of the Parks and Recreation special on Thursday.
- Below Deck Mediterranean will return on Bravo this summer.
- The Last Narc will premiere on Amazon on May 15.
- Amy Schumer Learns to Cook will debut on Food Network on May 11.
- Double Shot at Love with DJ Pauly D and Vinny will return on MTV on June 11.
Ashley Ross, Star of Little Women: Atlanta
Autism: The Sequel: This documentary revisits the five children who wrote and performed their own musical Autism: The Musical. 8 p.m., HBO
Caddyshack: Why not. 7 p.m., IFC
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Ricky Gervais, Billy Porter, the Lumineers
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Rep. Katie Porter
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Jake Gyllenhaal, Stephen King, M. Ward
- The Late Late Show with James Corden: Thomas Middleditch, Ben Schwartz, Billie Joe Armstrong
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Jim Parsons
- The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
- Conan: Joel McHale
- Watch What Happens Live: Kate Hudson, Oliver Hudson
- A Little Late with Lily Singh: Jay Shetty, Humble the Poet, Subhah Agarwal
|Bless This Mess
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|DC’s Legends of Tomorrow
|FOX||The Masked Singer
|Last Man Standing
|Last Man Standing
|NBC||Ellen’s Game of Games
|Ellen’s Game of Games