As we begin week three of our collective mandatory staycation, how’s everyone doing?

Going Viral

The heroes of Watchmen remind you to wash your damn hands and I remind you that I never finished recapping Watchmen (I gotta get on that …):

NBC is using New Amsterdam‘s former spot to NBC News Special Report: Coronavirus Pandemic, a weekly news show covering this story.

On The Today Show, Hoda Kotb broke down in tears after her interview with Drew Brees about his $5 million donation to Lousiana. We are all Hoda:

Meanwhile, NBC’s streaming service, Peacock, was scheduled to launch beyond Comcast customers during the Olympics. They are going ahead with their launch date without the big promotional Olympics boost.

Melissa Gorga is ON IT, you guys.

The announcement of the Emmy nominations has been pushed back two weeks to July 28. At this time, the Emmys are still scheduled to take place on September 20, but we’ll see.

Grey’s Anatomy‘s season is going to end early, after 21 of 25 scheduled episodes.

Filming of The Great British Bake Off has been delayed.

ESPN is running Disney sports films on Fridays to fill the lack of actual sporting events.

Killing Eve‘s premiere has been bumped up two weeks thanks to all this chaos. See below for the trailer.

ABC is having to shift their American Idol schedule because they can’t go forward with live shows for the foreseeable future.

Boris Johnson has tested positive. (Good.) (I did not say that.)

And Evangeline Lilly’s press team have given her a stern talking to, and she’s sorry for not taking Covid-19 more seriously, you guys.

An adaptation of Macbeth is on hiatus. Meanwhile, Never Rarely Sometimes Always is the most recent movie to be released online early. You can check out the rest of the movies here.

Oh no — China has closed their movie theaters again, worried that a second wave is about to hit …

The cast of Big Mouth is doing a live table read tonight to raise money for Feeding America.

Fanatics, a company that makes MLB uniforms, has halted production of uniforms and instead is making masks and gowns for medical professionals.

Project Runway‘s Michael Costello is also converting his factory to make masks.

Schitt’s Creek‘s Emily Hampshire is going to host a weekly YouTube talk show to raise money for The Actor’s Fund.

Kim Kardashian’s shapewear company is donating $1 million to coronavirus relief efforts.

One day, when this God awful disease is in our rearview mirrors, we will look back and try to dissect what, exactly, went wrong. And while I largely blame the magical thinking dingus in the Oval Office who believes that all bad news is a Democratic plot against him for not acting sooner in a number of ways, including testing our population to isolate flare-ups before they burned out of control, I also blame the entire right-wing for their anti-government sentiment. Because they inherently distrust a strong nationalized response in a situation like this, states and cities are being left to fend for themselves. As a result, states are competing against each other as well as foreign governments for much-needed supplies. Had the federal government stepped up and coordinated efforts, and served as a unified force in procuring materials, we wouldn’t have the mayors of cities like my own facing 1000% markups on life-saving PPE.

BUT THEN YOU ADD TO THAT, the fact that President Malignant Tumor decided that the order he placed for ventilators (two months too late) was going to cost too much and that we didn’t really need that many anyway …

ME:

screaming angry namaste mad

I mean, even this Fox News doctor is calling out this bullshit, (and being dragged by President Dear Leader’s cult followers in the replies):

But it’s fine, you guys. Teenagers are dying because they don’t have insurance, Mexicans are protesting on our borders to keep us out of their country and we only lead the world in the number of cases. EVERYTHING IS FINE.

FINALLY, AN IMPORTANT PSA: Please do not build your own bagpipes unless your plan to escape this apocalypse is to have the people you are isolating with kill you with their bare hands.

All Other TV

While Kate McKinnon is producing her own Tiger King-related limited series, this person cast an imaginary Tiger King movie, and aside from the director (who I’d replace with Danny McBride), it’s pretty great.

Also, a look back at when John Oliver introduced most of us to Joe Exotic, back in 2016 when he ran for President. (I also knew about Joe Exotic from a couple years later when my cousin fleeing with his family from Hurricane Harvey, made a stop at the zoo in Oklahoma and met the man himself. He says he is EXACTLY as he is portrayed in the documentary and a complete loon.)

Hold up, John Waters was on Law & Order: SVU last night AND I MISSED IT? Guh.

john waters kid mustache

Bob and Doug MacKenzie have been immortalized in Edmonton, Canda.

Happy Anniversary, Victorious and Ariana Grande’s career!

View this post on Instagram

ten years of victorious 🤍 daniella’s post got me all in my feels now so i’m sorry for the mushiness but…. jus want to say how grateful i will always be for being on this show and for those years of my life. i couldn’t have spent my teenage years with a better, more funny, talented group of human beings. i really loved playing cat valentine (even though sometimes people think i actually still speak and act like that and her essence will lovingly haunt me til i die) …. i miss getting in trouble w my friends the school room and trying not to laugh when we weren’t supposed to on set. i even miss waking up with red hair dye stained pillows. thank u @danwarp and to my cast mates for some of the most special years of my life and for bringing all of us into each other’s lives. happy anniversary!

A post shared by Ariana Grande (@arianagrande) on

Because you need this right now:

Renewals

  • Castlevania has been renewed for a fourth season on Netflix.

In Development

Casting News

  • Kristen Bell will host #KidsTogether: The Nickelodeon Town Hall.

Mark Your Calendar

  • Killing Eve has been moved up to April 12 on BBC America.
  • Chrissy’s Court will debut on Quibi in April.

WATCH THIS

FRIDAY

Ozark: The complete third season. Netflix

Making the Cut: Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn have started their own Project Runway rip-off fashion competition. Series premiere. Amazon

Trixie Mattel: Moving Parts: Trixie Mattel is one of my favorite Drag Race stars. In this documentary, she seems to let her guard down a bit. Netflix

Steven Universe: Series finale. I’m pretty sure I’m suffering from some strong Mandela Effect on this one, but I could have sworn this already had its series finale. And yet, here we are. 6:45 p.m., Cartoon Network

SATURDAY

The Kitchen: Melissa McCarthy, Elisabeth Moss and Tiffany Haddish star in this drama (?) about three women who become criminals when their mobbed-up husbands are arrested by the FBI. It has a 24% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, just be aware. 7 p.m., HBO

Haunted Hospitals: NOT NOW, TRAVEL CHANNEL. 9 p.m., Travel Channel

A Rocky marathon: Look. You’re stuck inside all day, might as well give in. 2 p.m., AMC

A Harry Potter marathon: And if you have kids … 9:30 a.m., USA

SUNDAY

Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj: Season premiere. Netflix

Call the Midwife: A diphtheria outbreak in the season premiere, which just feels … TOO SOON. 7 p.m., PBS

Our Cartoon President: I wish it were the season finale of this Presidency instead of just this show. 7:30 p.m., Showtime

The Walking Dead: The episode is entitled “Look at the Flowers.” So that can’t be good.  8 p.m., AMC

 

FRI. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Shark Tank
(repeat)
20/20
CBS MacGyver
(new)
Hawaii Five-0
(new)
Blue Bloods
(repeat)
CW Charmed
(new)
Dynasty
(new)
Local
FOX Friday Night Smackdown
(new)
Local
NBC The Blacklist
(new)
Dateline
(new)

SAT. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30 11:00 11:30
ABC Shark Tank
(repeat)
American Idol
(repeat)
News/Local
CBS NCIS: Los Angeles
(repeat)
SEAL Team
(repeat)
48 Hours News/Local
FOX LEGO Masters
(repeat)
9-1-1
(repeat)
News/Local
NBC Trolls News/
Local
Saturday Night Live
(repeat)

SUN. 6:00 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC America’s Funniest Home Videos
(new)
American Idol
(new)
CBS 60 Minutes
(new)
God Friended Me
(new)
NCIS: Los Angeles
(new)
NCIS: New Orleans
(new)
The CW Local Batwoman
(new)
Supergirl
(new)
Local
FOX The Simp-sons
(repeat)
Out-matched
(repeat)
The Simp-sons
(repeat)
Duncan-ville
(repeat)
Bob’s Burgers
(repeat)
Family Guy
(repeat)
Local/News
NBC Little Big Shots
(repeat)
The Wall
(repeat)
Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist
(new)
Good Girls
(new)
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