Going Viral
I know it’s hardly the most important thing going on right now, but this virus is doing a real number on the TV business. Today it was announced that Genius: Aretha will delay its premiere until … later, because they can’t film the final episodes. Elsewhere, The Walking Dead and Supernatural‘s finales are on hold, and three network series (as of right now) are ending several episodes early rather than postpone the season. Check out the gallery here for the finale dates that we know so far.
HBO tried to avoid delaying Succession and Barry, but eventually had to push back production when it became clear that there is no end in sight for this thing.
My 600-Lb. Life only stopped filming last week. TOOK Y’ALL LONG ENOUGH.
But in good news, Andy Cohen is feeling much better and will go forward with hosting Watch What Happens Live! from his home tonight. The Talk will resume taping with hosts at home, as will The Kelly Clarkson Show and Tamron Hall.
And if you’re interested, The New York Times reports on how TV personalities and news reporters are doing their jobs from home.
In sad news, Maria Mercader, a veteran CBS News staffer, died from coronavirus-related complications.
Joe Diffie, a country musician, died at 61 from complications.
Alan Merrill, the co-writer of “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll” died at 69 of Covid-19-related complications.
Ken Shimura, called the “Robin Williams of Japan” has died of the virus at 70.
Princess Maria Teresa, a member of the Spanish royal family, has died of the virus. She was 89.
John Prine, legendary country and folk singer-songwriter, is hospitalized and in critical condition with Covid-19.
Plácido Domingo is hospitalized in Mexico and is reportedly doing well.
Houston’s own Scarface tested positive and tells fans that he felt like he was going to die. “Don’t play no games with it,” he warned. “I haven’t been nowhere. I’ve been in my house. I ain’t been on no planes, I ain’t been in no restaurants… People out there thinking this shit is a game? You don’t want to play with this.”
And Houston news legend, Dave Ward, tweets that his wife is suffering from double pneumonia from Covid-19:
New York Knicks owner James Dolan has tested positive.
And one of Queen Elizabeth’s footmen — who apparently has no name — has tested positive.
This happened on Saturday, and it was glorious:
Judge Jeanine missed the first segment of her show tonight because of “technical difficulties” and then hosted the rest of it in this condition pic.twitter.com/KxGGBXUkly
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) March 29, 2020
Somewhere, Cecily Strong is watching this over and over again and taking notes.
And over at Fox Business News, Trish Regan, Ms. “This is Just the Democrats Trying to Impeach the President and Nothing More” is officially fired. Oh good! If we’re firing people who spread unfounded conspiracy theories, can we do Sean Hannity next?
More things that have been canceled:
- The Essence Festival
- April Fool’s Day
- Robert Durst’s murder trial
- See’s Candies
- Disneyland and Disney World (they were already closed, but now they are indefinitely)
- Alabama
- The hospital who fired this doctor
- David Geffen:
Glad that David Geffen is ok. pic.twitter.com/wobVEX7CWG
— ian bremmer (@ianbremmer) March 28, 2020
March 2020 pic.twitter.com/KOGcJkZrZF
— magic user (@buff_wizard) March 29, 2020
— piercey (@piercespears) March 29, 2020
Ugh, fine. Let’s talk politics.
President Bumblefuck is a lying liar who lies ALL THE TIME. ~deep breath~ It’s just that we just survived a weekend — and weekends are now 87 days long — so he had plenty of time to do stupid shit and he absolutely took full and complete advantage.
First, he announced that he was considering putting a quarantine on New York City and the surrounding areas — you know, the biggest city in the country — before declaring that it wouldn’t be necessary. Why? Oh, who knows. Because he has no actual filter and doesn’t think through the consequences of his words? To stoke a little chaos in what has been so far a perfectly batshit insane situation? WHO CAN SAY.
Then, before tweeting something completely crazy about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle (more on that later) he went on a Twitter rant, attacking the media before bragging about the ratings for his press conferences:
The Lamestream Media wants us to fail. That will NEVER happen!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 29, 2020
Polls are showing tremendous disapproval of Lamestream Media coverage of the Virus crisis. The Fake News just hasn’t figured that out yet!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 29, 2020
Because the “Ratings” of my News Conferences etc. are so high, “Bachelor finale, Monday Night Football type numbers” according to the @nytimes, the Lamestream Media is going CRAZY. “Trump is reaching too many people, we must stop him.” said one lunatic. See you at 5:00 P.M.!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 29, 2020
…On Monday, nearly 12.2 million people watched Mr. Trump’s briefing on CNN, Fox News and MSNBC, according to Nielsen — ‘Monday Night Football’ numbers. Millions more are watching on ABC, CBS, NBC and online streaming sites, and the audience is expanding. On Monday, Fox News…
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 29, 2020
…The CBS News poll said 13 percent of Republicans trusted the news media for information about the virus.” Michael M. Grynbaum @NYTimes
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 29, 2020
Meanwhile, Dr. Fauci went on the Sunday shows and said that we are looking at 100,000 to 200,000 dead from this thing. So what did President Bumblefuck do? He didn’t deny it (remarkably), but instead EMBRACED IT, insisting that if 100,000 people die, “we will have done a great job.”
Trump tonight says 100,000 Americans dead from Coronavirus is “a good job.” Just a few weeks ago, Trump claimed we would have zero cases by now, not 100,000 dead. pic.twitter.com/cXQAyUj9TN
— John Aravosis 🇺🇸 (@aravosis) March 30, 2020
I am old enough to remember when Bumblefuck said that our numbers of people with the virus would be “close to zero” very soon.
At this same press conference, Bumblefuck accused doctors and nurses of stealing PPE.
Trump suggests, providing no evidence, that there is something nefarious going on with New York's use of a large number of masks: "Something's going on, and you oughtta look into it. Where are the masks going? Are they going out the back door?"
— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) March 29, 2020
Oh, and apparently, that Easter deadline for flipping the “on” switch for the country has been pushed back a bit. We are now expected to keep doing this social distancing thing through (at least) April 30. Which, hey! At least some of the scientists are getting through the spray tan clogging his ears, that’s something, I guess.
At this same press conference, the terrific PBS reporter Yamiche Alcindor asked Bumblefuck about his comments to Sean Hannity regarding ventilators — and I quote: “I don’t believe you need 40,000 or 30,000 ventilators. You know, you go into major hospitals sometimes they’ll have two ventilators, and now all of a sudden they’re saying, ‘Can we order 30,000 ventilators?’” He did not care for having his own words thrown in his face and had a complete tantrum, lied that he didn’t say it, insulted her, ordered her to be “nice” and not “threatening.”
And then there is this actual piece of shit:
Some in our media can’t contain their glee & delight in reporting that the U.S. has more #CoronaVirus cases than #China
Beyond being grotesque,its bad journalism
We have NO IDEA how many cases China really has but without any doubt its significantly more than why they admit to
— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) March 29, 2020
HEY, MARCO. The journalists you’re accusing of delighting in Coronavirus have lost friends to it. You can fuck right the fuck off.
But back to Bumblefuck: he also did an interview with Fox & Friends this morning where he hinted that he might lift the sanctions on Russia soon (WELL, TERRIFIC) and he also said this:
Trump is on Fox News right now. He says he thinks New York will be “fine” “based on the numbers” and won’t need all the ventilators they’ve asked for. “After this is over they’ll be selling them for a dollar a piece” he says.
— Jackson Proskow (@JProskowGlobal) March 30, 2020
OK, this is very sweet. AND IF IT ISN’T REAL I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT:
Here is part 1, 2, and 3 of “Quarantine Cutie” all in one tweet pic.twitter.com/L9pnEV4oZM
— Jeremy Cohen (@jerm_cohen) March 29, 2020
Finally, we’re going to try to leave on a good note:
Apple has launched an app where you can check your symptoms.
Variety is setting up a relief fund to help the neediest during this crisis.
His Dark Materials costume folks are making scrubs for U.K. doctors.
Bob Iger is giving up his salary and other Disney executives are taking a pay cut to try to stave off layoffs.
We have a new date for the Tokyo Olympics: July 23, 2021.
And trust me, you need to read this article about an astrophysicist who, like an overgrown toddler, got some magnets stuck up his nose. Every line is better than the next. I promise it will be the highlight of your day.
When I first started writing about this virus, I once mistakenly called it “Corvid-19” instead of “Covid-19” and anyway, here’s an actual corvid fucking around with a cat (via BoingBoing):
All Other TV News
J.J. Abrams is a fan of my two favorite comedies: Atlanta and Fleabag. Go figure.
Insecure is being turned into a mobile game? Sure. Why the hell not.
Oh, what do you know, but Disney+ is considering adding more mature programming after all. They sent a survey to some subscribers to gauge their interest in shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, How I Met Your Mother, Firefly, Modern Family, black-ish, and Malcolm in the Middle … so. If it happens, you have Lizzie McGuire to thank.
The Real Housewives of New York returns this week. Here are some of the cast members’ favorite episodes.
Cardi B is starting a GoFundMe page for Joe Exotic is maybe the most 2020 thing I’ve ever typed so far.
Oh wait, maybe, “Here’s how Britney Spears is connected to Doc Antle” is the most 2020 thing I’ve ever typed:
I know there are a lot of you out there who are missing March Madness right now. I hope this Tiger King bracket my pal Jason sent me might help get you through this difficult time:
Are you trying to decide what was the most batshit thing to happen during #TigerKingNetflix ? Never fear! I've created a bracket to help you! Please enjoy #TigerKing Madness. (Click and zoom) pic.twitter.com/bzhO1dDfKg
— Morgan Macri (@gogomorgancoco) March 28, 2020
Dax Shepard wants to be your Joe Exotic, others think it should be David Spade, still others think Danny McBride, but I still think Michael Keaton is brilliant casting.
Absolutely not:
What in the hell is this sorcery #WheelOfFortune pic.twitter.com/eNPultxyxn
— Kyle Seeley (@ItsKyleSeeley) March 26, 2020
Bachelor Ben Higgins is getting married to someone who is not Bachelor-affiliated. Good for him!
Things the President of the United States is spending his time worrying about during a global pandemic that is killing hundreds of Americans every day: the cost to the United States to protect Harry and Meghan though there is exactly no evidence that they ever asked for such a thing. Meanwhile, our tax dollars continue being spent on protecting Dummy, Jr., so, you know.
I am a great friend and admirer of the Queen & the United Kingdom. It was reported that Harry and Meghan, who left the Kingdom, would reside permanently in Canada. Now they have left Canada for the U.S. however, the U.S. will not pay for their security protection. They must pay!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 29, 2020
Renewals
- Locke & Key has been renewed for a second season at Netflix.
In Development
- Dragon’s Lair is being turned into a series at Netflix.
Casting News
- Sue Perkins will host the Netflix travel show Perfectly Legal.
- Ben Bland will host Around the World on Quibi.
Mark Your Calendar
- Future Man will return on Hulu for its final season on April 3.
- Brews Brothers will debut on Netflix on Apri 10.
- Dishmantled will premiere on QUibi on April 6.
- Garth & Trisha Live! will air on CBS on April 1.
R.I.P.
John Callahan, All My Children and Santa Barbara actor
David Schramm, Wings actor
Matthew Faber, Actor in a number of 90s films
Krzysztof Penderecki, Composer for The Exorcist and The Shining
Jim Houston, Oscar-winner and engineer
Odin, The first dog to play Summer in Game of Thrones
WATCH THIS
ABC News Special: America Rising: Fighting the Pandemic: The ABC News team brings us more information about the Covid-19 pandemic in case you haven’t been hearing enough about it already. 8 p.m., ABC
Homefest: James Corden’s Late Late Show Special: Corden hosts a “unique” primetime special — bringing people together to keep them apart. 9 p.m., CBS
The Good Doctor: “In the second episode of the two-part finale, our doctors work against time and their own personal safety to save the lives of those around them.” TOO REAL, THE GOOD DOCTOR. Too real. Season finale. 9 p.m., ABC
Whose Line is it Anyway?: Amber Riley guest stars in the season premiere. 7 p.m., The CW
Late Night:
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Kim Kardashian West, Jon Bon Jovi, OneRepublic
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Sen. Bernie Sanders
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Stephen Colbert from home
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Tracy Morgan, Lizzo
- The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show with Trevor Noah
- Conan: Adam Sandler
- Watch What Happens Live: WWHL @ Home
- A Little Late with Lily Singh: Tyra Banks
MON. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
ABC | Celebrity Family Feud (repeat) |
America Rising: Fighting the Pandemic | The Good Doctor (new) |
CBS | The Neighbor-hood (repeat) |
Bob Hearts Abishola (repeat) |
The Neighbor-hood (repeat) |
The Neighbor-hood (repeat) |
Homefest: Corden’s Late Late Show Special (new) |
CW | Whose Line is it Anyway? (new) |
Whose Line is it Anyway? (repeat) |
Roswell, New Mexico (new) |
Local |
FOX | 9-1-1 (new) |
Prodigal Son (new) |
News/Local |
NBC | The Voice (new) |
Manifest (new) |