Just go ahead and plop yourself down on the couch and stream these movies because you’re not going anywhere anytime soon.

Going Viral

It’s my son’s birthday today, and I’m having very conflicted feelings about the whole thing. On the one hand, because of *gestures broadly* all this, he’s home from college and we get to spend his birthday with him which we would not have otherwise. Selfishly, this makes me very happy. But on the other hand, he’s forced to spend his birthday stuck here in the house with his parents and younger brother, unable to celebrate with any of his friends and … it just sucks. It’s small potatoes in the whole scheme of things, I know, but it definitely sucks.

But then Shaggy himself, Matthew Lillard, went and made me feel like a jerk lacking in perspective by posting this video of his daughter returning from her final chemo treatment to a socially-distanced welcome home party. It’s so sweet and wonderful and people are terrific but I also just wish Coco could have had a traditional party with all of those lovely people, just like I wish my kid could be at college right now, preparing to go out with his friends to celebrate.

 

And I guess what I’m trying to say is that we should all be grateful for the small blessings out there — there are plenty of them and we should take time to recognize and celebrate them, but it’s also OK to miss and even mourn normalcy. This is hard and it’s OK to be angry and scared and sad. Have a good cry and then go wash your hands.

Alright. TV News:

NEW GALLERY ALERT! I’ve built a gallery of all the theatrical releases that are available online early thanks to this bullshit virus. Now that most theaters are closed, studios are forced to make a hard decision: wait to release their big movies in the late summer or fall or just go ahead and release them online and make that money now. They’ve also chosen to shorten the usual 90-day break between theatrical release and home release in some instances. And what I’m saying is that if you were breathlessly counting down the days until Trolls World Tour premiered, great news.

HBO has delayed the premiere of The Undoing, pushing it back to the fall.

The CW is going to air reruns of the “Crisis of Infinite Earths” crossover event rather than broadcast new episodes.

AT&T is offering its customers free premium channels through April (check the link for the channels and dates). Dish has made Sling TV free for the next two weeks. Crown Media is also offering Hallmark Movies Now for free for 30 days.

Summer reality shows are in limbo thanks to this virus.

Late night shows that are planning on returning next week in some adjusted fashion include: Jimmy Kimmel Live!; Deus & Mero; The Daily Show; and Late Night with Seth Meyers.

God bless the Brits:

Mark Blum, a character actor known for his roles on You and Mad About You, has passed away from Covid-19 complications.

Josh Wallwork, a Law & Order SVU wardrobe employee, has died from complications of Covid-19.

Jeff Shell, the CEO of NBCUniversal, has tested positive. He also announced NBCU has created a $150 million fund to help employees.

And Kathy Griffin may or may not have contracted the virus, but lack of tests means she may never know:

President Dumbass has sent Priorities USA a cease and desist letter over this ad, so you should definitely not watch it.

And I’m not going to scream about politics too much today, except to point out that the White House was literally GIVEN THE BOOK ON HOW TO DEAL WITH A PANDEMIC and they were like, “LOL, as if we’re ever going to need that, nerds.”

The unemployment numbers spiked to 3.28 million which is … almost impossible to wrap one’s mind around:

And Twitter suspended right-wing website The Federalist‘s account after they tweeted a link to an article suggesting that we should throw death Covid-19 parties so as to build immunity. And if thousands — possibly millions — die as a result? That’s the sacrifice the stock market demands. Twitter allowed them to come back when they deleted the tweet.

Fun Fact: Guess who the editor of The Federalist is married to? Did you guess Meghan McCain? The same woman who is working from home right now because she doesn’t want to needlessly be exposed to a deadly virus and the same woman who tweeted this:

I bet things are fun in their house right about now. Maybe they should call the Conways and get some marriage tips.

The Golden Globes are changing their rules for eligible films in the wake of the closure of theaters.

The Peabody Awards have been postponed. The New York Governor’s Ball Music Festival has been canceled.

And a few bits of good news:

Drew Brees donated $5 million towards relief efforts in Louisiana which has been particularly hard hit.

Dyson has invented a new ventilator and will be sending thousands to the UK and to international efforts.

Idris Elba is doing good “so far.”

Bob’s Burger’s animation studio is actually hiring some freelancers.

Other TV News

More Tiger King news because this all we will want to talk about for the next week or so: 1. Joe Exotic is suing the U.S. Department of Interior and the U.S. Federal Wildlife Service for $94 million for putting tigers on the endangered species list, and for contributing to his mother’s death. And 2. in happier news, Joe’s former husband has new teeth. No word if he’s found his shirt.

The Love is Blind creator discusses what will be different next season.

FBI and the Chicago series will have a network crossover, as Chicago P.D.‘s Tracy Spiridakos will appear on FBI because Dick Wolf does what he wants.

George R. R. Martin thinks everyone is taking the Game of Thrones/Westworld easter egg way too seriously. WHAT? GAME OF THRONES FANS TAKING THINGS TOO SERIOUSLY? NEVER.

Apparently, that one character they introduced on the finale of This is Us will be pretty important in season five. I’m trying to not be spoilery.

Bill Geddie tried to make Tamron Hall interview Bill O’Reilly and that’s why he’s not the showrunner anymore.

E! Online is covering the important virus-related TV stories.

This video of a reporter excusing himself before a herd of bison got to him is the virus-free content you were looking for:

Looks like Pilot Peter and the woman he should have chosen are hanging out together EVEN THOUGH THEY SHOULD BE SOCIALLY DISTANCING. I get why he would want to give it another shot with her — she was the only adult in the damn cast — but why she would give him another chance is a mystery for the ages.

Renewals

  • Side by Side has been renewed for a second season at Facebook Watch.

Cancellations

  • Messiah has been canceled after one season on Netflix.

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • Dirty John will debut on USA soon.
  • Defending Jacob will premiere on Apple TV+ on April 24.
  • #BlackAF will debut on Netflix on April 17. It’s pretty much the R-rated black-ish and looks pretty good.
  • Bad Education will premiere on HBO on April 25.
  • Into the Dark: Pooka Lives will premiere on Hulu on April 3.
  • &Music will debut on Quibi on April 6.
  • The Shape of Pasta will premiere on Quibi in April.
  • All the Feels will premiere on Quibi in April. It’s a whole TV show of my cute animal videos, you guys.
  • You Ain’t Got These will premiere on Quibi on April 6.
  • Earth + Blood will premiere on Netflix on April 17.
  • Tigertail will debut on Netflix on April 10.
  • Elephant and Dolphin Reef will debut on Disney+ on Apple 3.

R.I.P.

William Dufris, The voice of Bob the Builder (which was my now 19-year-old son’s favorite show when he was little ~sniff~)

Fred “Curly” Neal, Harlem Globetrotter

A Million Little Things: New baby, vow renewal, shocking secrets revealed, sounds like a season finale. 9 p.m., ABC

Deputy: Informants for the sheriff’s office start turning up dead in the season finale. 8 p.m., Fox

Outmatched: Season finale. 7:30 p.m., Fox

The Sinner: Jamie seeks revenge in the season finale. 9 p.m., ABC

Star Trek: Picard: Season finale. CBS All Access

Unorthodox: A young orthodox Jewish woman rejects her strict life and moves to Berlin in this new series. Series premiere. Netflix

Keeping Up With the Kardashians: ~eyeroll~ Season premiere. 7 p.m., E!

The Bold Type: Sutton’s wedding day is here in the season finale. 8 p.m., Freeform

THUR 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
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2 thoughts on “Just go ahead and plop yourself down on the couch and stream these movies because you’re not going anywhere anytime soon.

  1. Pilot Pete and the one he should have picked. I don’t know the contestants by their real names. What was her FoolishWatcher name?

    1. Sorry! Her real name is Kelley Flanagan — her Foolish name was Ally McBeal, the lawyer he met before the season began and the only adult in the cast.

      -T

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