Saturday Night Live did not have a new episode this weekend, but they did put together a compilation of every Stefon segment ever, so try to show a little gratitude:
Also reuniting and threatening a reunion: Party Down. YES PLEASE. And wait WAIT, Stormy Daniels was in an episode? HOW DID I NOT KNOW THAT UNTIL NOW?
George R.R. Martin is blogging about the writers’ room at House of the Dragon INSTEAD OF FINISHING HIS DAMN BOOKS.
This gallery of favorite shows unavailable for streaming could be much longer. Which shows do you wish you could stream but can’t?
Mika Brzezinski thinks Mike Bloomberg should buy Fox News rather than spend that money running for President and I do not disagree.
Fortunately for our collective sanity, this weekend was relatively quiet in the ongoing impeachment mess. This week will become bugfuck crazy soon enough, so enjoy this long exhale while you can.
That said, a few things worth noting:
While John Bolton continues to do a coy feather dance, teasing that he has copious notes, but he’s not going to show them until a judge says he has to, according to Axios, Trumpworld is FREAKING OUT about what those notes might contain. Oh, and did I mention that he just signed a $2 million book deal, so if even he doesn’t testify, said notes might get out anyway?
Still, I personally am confused what game Bolton is playing here. There have been plenty of White House employees, past and current, who have taken the position that executive privilege protects them from having to testify (both in the Mueller investigation and in this case). But none of them have then suggested that they actually WANT to testify by teasing that they have so many interesting things to say. Plenty of other White House employees have testified, so do it if you want to so badly, Bolton.
But before we move on from John “Tease Them With the ‘Stache” Bolton, acting Chief of Staff and guy who is increasingly being positioned to take the fall for all of this Mick Mulvaney, he hired outside lawyers and asked to be included on the lawsuit that Bolton and his former aid Charles Kupperman filed asking if they have to testify. This has PISSED OFF Bolton because he and Mick were not BFFs. What’s particularly weird about this, as far as my non-legally-educated self can tell, if anyone has pretty much blanket executive privilege, it’s the Chief of Staff. So why is he getting involved in this lawsuit?
Meanwhile, Rudy Giuliani’s shady pal from Fraud Guarantee, Lev Parnas is claiming that he himself told a representative of the incoming Ukrainian government back in May that if they wanted a meeting with Mike Pence and receive their military aid, they were going to have to investigate Joe Biden. His partner Igor Frumand and Rudy Giuliani are both like, “NUH-UH!” but it’s not like those two are somehow more reputable than Parnas, so.
This doesn’t have to do with impeachment, it’s just delicious to watch: Dummy Jr. is heckled at UCLA at his own book signing when he refused to take questions from the audience. His Fox News Lady girlfriend scolds the crowd, but that doesn’t go over well AT ALL, and they had to leave the stage after twenty minutes. They were supposed to be there for an hour.
Since it’s Veteran’s Day, I should mention that Dummy Jr. literally wrote in this dumb book that he’s out promoting that while in Arlington Cemetery, he couldn’t help but think about all the sacrifices his family has made.
“I rarely get emotional, if ever,” Trump Jr. wrote in his new book, “Triggered: How the Left Thrives on Hate and Wants to Silence Us.” “Yet, as we drove past the rows of white grave markers, in the gravity of the moment, I had a deep sense of the importance of the presidency and a love of our country.”
He also had another revelation as he watched his father standing in front of the tomb, surrounded by more than 400,000 graves, listening to the Army Band bugler playing taps: The Trump family had already suffered, he recalled thinking, and this was only the beginning.
“In that moment, I also thought of all the attacks we’d already suffered as a family, and about all the sacrifices we’d have to make to help my father succeed — voluntarily giving up a huge chunk of our business and all international deals to avoid the appearance that we were ‘profiting off the office,’” Trump Jr. wrote.
And if that isn’t enough, his draft-dodging father, President Bone Spurs, who literally was just last week fined $2 million for stealing millions from veterans’ charities, he had the gall to give the opening address at New York City’s Veteran’s Day parade. Don’t worry — he was booed.
French photographer Valentine Monnier has come forward to say that Roman Polanski raped her in 1975 when she was 18 years old. Her family and friends have corroborated her story, but he is threatening to sue her.
Woody Allen and Amazon have settled that lawsuit he brought against him for firing him for being a creep.
Meanwhile, Jeff Goldblum needs to stop. WRONG ANSWER. TRY AGAIN, JEFF.
Netflix is pulling a comedy special from Christian comedian John Crist after several women have accused him of sexual harassment and assault.
Megyn Kelly taped an interview with the woman fired from CBS for allegedly leaking the video of the ABC’s Amy Robach complaining about how her Jeffrey Epstein story was killed.
Cris Carter has been fired from Fox Sports. He has been under investigation for his behavior, but Fox is being tight-lipped about what sort of behavior.
- The Hate-Blog blessing seems to be working (even if I haven’t been working on the hate blog): Stumptown looks likely to be renewed at ABC.
- The Unicorn and Bob ♥ Abishola both look like they will be renewed at CBS.
- Nancy Drew will likely be renewed at The CW despite being one of its lowest-rated series.
- 9-1-1 is a sure bet for renewal at Fox.
- Superstore is also a sure bet for renewal at NBC.
- Friends and Family, a comedy from Will Arnett among others, has been given a put pilot order at NBC.
- Call Me Florence, a comedy, has been bought by CBS.
- Ghost, a crime drama, has been bought by ABC.
- Quantum Spy, a CIA drama, has been bought by NBC.
- Familyship has been bought by Fox.
- Agua Donkeys, a comedy, has been set at Quibi.
- Marcia Gay Harden and Clark Gregg have been added to the cast of Moxie on Netflix.
- Kevin Smith will host an after-show for Crisis On Infinite Earths on The CW.
- Griffin Matthews is joining The Flight Attendant on HBO Max.
- Augustus Prew, Scott Evans, Ayden Mayeri, Lukas Gage, Chester Lockhart, and Adam Faison have been cast in Into the Dark: Midnight Kiss on Hulu.
- Danny Sapani, Olive Gray, and Charlie Murphy have been added to the cast of Halo on Showtime.
- Olivia Liang is going to join Legacies on The CW.
- Rachel Keller, Emily Bergl, Lena Georgas, Tiera Skovbye, and Chris Mason are joining Dirty John on USA.
- Jonathan Tucker and Kaitlyn Dever are joining Monsterland on Hulu.
- Tom Lipinski has joined Snowpiercer on TNT.
- Rafael Casal has joined the cast of The Good Lord Bird on Showtime.
- Henri Esteve, Raigan Harris, and Andrew Liner are joining grown-ish on Freeform.
- Amanda Setton is joining General Hospital.
Mark Your Calendar
- Monday, January 6: America’s Got Talent: Champions & Manifest
- Tuesday, January 7: Ellen’s Game of Games & Zoe’s Extraordinary Playlist
- Friday, January 10: Lincoln Rhyme: Hunt for the Bone Collector
- Thursday, February 6: Brooklyn Nine-Nine & Indebted
- Sunday, February 16: Good Girls
- Monday, February 24: The Voice
- March — dates not set: Council of Dads & Little Big Shots
- Summer: Blindspot
- Tuesday, January 21: Arrow & DC’s Legends of Tomorrow
- Thursday, February 6: Katy Keene & Legacies
- Monday, March 16: Supernatural & Roswell, New Mexico
- The Magicians returns on Syfy in January.
- Westworld will return on HBO sometime in 2020.
- Astronomy Club will debut on Netflix on December 6.
- Dare Me will debut on USA on December 29.
- Crisis on Infinite Earths will begin airing on The CW on December 8.
- The Soup is returning on E! in early 2020 with a new host:
Many many years in the making. Blood, sweat, tears and hours of reality tv. So excited to finally share that I’m the new host of @thesouptv!! Coming to E! early next year! #TheSoup pic.twitter.com/2KpSzARYNx
— Jade Catta-Preta (@JadeCattaPreta) November 11, 2019
- Fantasy Island, the movie (and my favorite show when I was a kid), will premiere on February 14.
- One Day at a Time will debut on Pop TV sometime in March.
- Sex Education will return on Netflix sometime next year.
- Three Days of Christmas will debut on Netflix on December 6.
- The CW has announced the dates of their holiday specials.
Maria Perego, Creator of Topo Gigio
Laurel Griggs, 13-year-old actress on Saturday Night Live and Broadway
Charles Rogers, Former NFL player
Robert Freeman, Photographer and filmmaker known best for his work with the Beatles
Robert Norris, Original Marlboro man
Alive: In honor of Veteran’s Day: a documentary about wounded vets who turn to adaptive athletics to help them heal. 8 p.m., Epix
The Warrior Tradition: The history of Native Americans in the military. 8 p.m., PBS
The Voice: The live playoffs begin. 7 p.m., NBC
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Michael Shannon, Jenna Bush Hager, Barbara Pierce Bush, Pete Yorn
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Whoopi Goldberg, Thomas Middleditch, Doja Cat & Tyga, Chris Johnson
- The Late Late Show with James Corden: Kate Beckinsale, Josh Lucas, Andy Haynes
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Kerry Washington, Noah Centineo, Florida Georgia Line
- The Daily Show: Rep. Jim Himes, Anna Kendrick
- Conan: Kevin Nealon
- Lights Out with David Spade: Erik Griffin, Chris D’Elia, Andrew Santino
- Watch What Happens Live: Seth Meyers
- A Little Late with Lily Singh: Adam Devine
|ABC||Dancing with the Stars
|The Good Doctor
|Bob Hearts Abishola
|Bluff City Law