I’m watching the Robert Mueller testimony right now and am VERY distracted, but the bottom line is, we have to make sure that President Fucko doesn’t get re-elected and we ARREST HIS ASS on January 20, 2021. RIGHT, BOB?
The September 11 Victim Compensation Fund will be funded for the next 70 years, thanks in no small part to Jon Stewart shaming Congress into finally doing the right fucking thing. Congratulations, first responders and other victims — it shouldn’t have taken this long but I’m thrilled that it is finally resolved.
Back to the TV-Watcher-in-Chief: Democratic Congressman Eric Swalwell was on Fox News and Martha MacCallum wasn’t mean enough to him for our spoiled baby President. Meanwhile, President Gropey’s new favorite news station, One America News Network has hired Kristian Brunovich Rouz, a Russian reporter who is simultaneously working for Sputnik, the Kremlin-owned news wire service. Rouz did several completely false segments for OANN that included how Hillary was supposedly financing Antifa, that George Soros collaborated with the Nazis and that the White Helmet rescue workers in Syria were actually involved with war atrocities — allegations that are directly from Russian propaganda. At no point did OANN ever disclose his relationship with Sputnik or the Kremlin.
Interesting: Mary Shelley was originally going to be the next subject of Nat Geo’s Genius series — and the first female subject — but they “couldn’t find a way to crack it creatively for an eight- to 10-hour limited series.” So they are going with Aretha Franklin instead.
The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All special this year had its highest ratings in four years because we, as a nation, NEEDED to watch Luke be screamed at for two hours.
Here’s an interview with Jerome Flynn about playing Bronn on Game of Thrones where they don’t ask a single question about Flynn’s relationship with ex-girlfriend Lena Headey, goddammit.
HBO Max will offer live programming like NBA Basketball, MLB Baseball, NCAA Basketball, and news, apparently.
Meanwhile, a sports-centric streamer, FuboTV, is now available for free on Samsung and LG TVs.
TURN THE MOTION SMOOTHING OFF ON YOUR TV.
Sex Monster News
R. Kelly’s crisis manager has quit after giving an interview with Gayle King in which he said he wouldn’t leave his daughter alone with Kelly.
Three news sites, Forbes, HuffPost, and National Review, have pulled pro-Jeffrey Epstein pieces they published after a New York Times story exposed his attempt to rehabilitate his public image by planting stories. Lifetime, meanwhile, will be telling a very different kind of story about Epstein (see below in “In Development”) and it won’t go well for him. He’s trying to get out of jail again, btw.
Renewals
- Dark Side of the Ring has been renewed at Viceland for a second season.
Cancellations
- The Code has been canceled at CBS after one season.
In Development
- Surviving Jeffrey Epstein is in the works at Lifetime.
- Lifetime is also working on a movie about the college admission scandal.
- Mission OceanX, from James Cameron, is coming to National Geographic.
- Jane Goodall: The Hope is in the works at National Geographic.
- Women of Impact has been ordered by National Geographic.
- Guests of the Ayatollah is being developed at National Geographic.
- Tarek El Moussa will have his own HGTV series.
- Jamie Lynn Spears is talking about rebooting Zoey 101.
- The Curse of Molly McGee has been ordered by Disney Channel.
- Basketball or Nothing has been picked up by Netflix.
- JNNA is in the works at Amazon.
- Louis Wain, a film starring Benedict Cumberbatch and Claire Foy, is in the works for Amazon (among others).
- Julie Anne Robinson has signed a deal with Universal Television.
Casting News
- Janelle Monae will star in the second season of Homecoming on Amazon.
- Juliet Rylance, Andrew Howard, Eric Lange, Robert Patrick, and Stephen Root are joining Perry Mason at HBO.
- Brie Larson, Alex Honnold, Dave Bautista, Armie Hammer, Cara Delevingne, Zachary Quinto, and Channing Tatum will appear on Running Wild with Bear Grylls.
- Curt Menefee and Nick White will host America’s Top Dog on A&E.
Mark Your Calendars
- The Family will debut on Netflix on August 9.
- Wu Assassins will debut on Netflix on August 8.
- The Boys debuts this Friday on Amazon.
- The 2020 Miss America Competition will air on NBC on December 19.
- Tiffany Haddish Presents: They Ready will debut on Netflix on August 13.
- Sid & Judy will debut on Showtime on October 18.
- Expedition Unknown will return on Discovery Channel on August 7.
- The Little Couple will return on TLC on August 6.
- Dog: Impossible will premiere on National Geographic on September 8.
- Drain the Oceans: Thai Cave Rescue will debut on National Geographic on September 2.
WATCH THIS
Robert Mueller’s Testimony: It is vital that every American hear from the man himself since no one is reading his damn report. 7:30 a.m., CNN, MSNBC, CSPAN, Fox News? Maybe?
The Great Hack: This documentary delves into Cambridge Analytica, and how they are mining our data to manipulate the public and wage culture and political wars. And, you know, make Brexit and Donald Trump happen. IMPORTANT. Premiere. Netflix
South Side: A pair of friends who have just graduated from community college is stuck working at a Rent-To-Own on the south side of Chicago in this new comedy. Series premiere. 9:30 p.m., Comedy Central
The Last Cowboy: A new docuseries about competitive Horse Reigning. Series premiere. 10 p.m., Paramount
Late Night:
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Naomi Watts, Mike Birbiglia, Midland
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Billy Eichner, Danielle Brooks, Hobo Johnson, Mark Lanegan
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Chris Wallace, Jamie Bell
- The Late Late Show with James Corden: Sutton Foster, Eddie Izzard, Dave Ross
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Danny McBride, Rascal Flatts
- The Daily Show: Gina Torres
- Watch What Happens Live: TBA
| WEDS. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | Press Your Luck (new) |
Card Sharks (new) |
Match Game (new) |
| CBS | Love Island (new) |
Big Brother (new) |
S.W.A.T. (repeat) |
| CW | Penn & Teller: Fool Us (repeat) |
Jane the Virgin (new) |
Local |
| FOX | Masterchef (new) |
First Responders Live (new) |
News/Local |
| NBC | Ellen’s Game of Games (repeat) |
Songland (repeat) |
The InBetween (new) |
100% the least important thing in this blog post, but HBO Max is a dumb name for a streaming platform with content not exclusively from HBO and in a world where we already have HBO, HBO GO, and HBO Now.