As I’ve mentioned here before, my dear friend Andrew Dansby of the Houston Chronicle, he was the editorial assistant on the first Game of Thrones books back when we were just children working at Bantam Books. He has some eloquent thoughts on how the show will end that you should definitely read.
I recently looked back through a transcript from a conversation I had with George Carlin years ago.
“It’s all Band-Aids and quick fixes here,” he said. “No one ever thought long term in this country. No one ever thought 20 and 30 and 50 years ahead. … It was always immediate gain, immediate gratification. Immediate addressing of things that were loud and on the front of the screen in the foreground. But no consideration for infrastructure curves and waves of the future. There’s a price in all that. And we will pay it. I just wish I could live and see the trends that are now at work come to fruition and play themselves out.”
Carlin died a month later. So now I’m left haunted by what he had to say.
And “Game of Thrones” — or Martin’s “A Song of Ice and Fire” series — keeps Carlin’s thoughts on the front of my mind. The characters in this story that we’ve come to love and loathe — and in some cases both — at times feel simply like vessels built by Martin and the show’s creators to tell a bigger, broader and badder story about bigger, broader and badder inclinations in our nature.
Martin has stated clearly and often his historical points of reference for this story, including the War of the Roses. And with that reference is the implication that like the seasons, history repeats itself in maddening and horrifying ways. Peace, then, is usually just a prelude.
In less fancy talk news, here’s a quiz to determine which Game of Thrones character you would be. I’m Tyrion because of the whole box wine thing.
Game of Thrones is obviously worried about sticking the landing. Here are five other series whose series’ endings were a big fucking deal (and yes, obviously, Lost is one of them — but curiously, The Sopranos and Breaking Bad are not).
Uproxx has collected the crumbs of information the actors have let slip in their interviews, feel free to speculate wildly.
And while we’re reading way too much into things … as someone who reads too much into everything, even I find this piece about Game of Thrones and shaving impressive.
60 Minutes will be doing a Game of Thrones segment this Sunday ahead of the premiere.
All of the facts about filming Game of Thrones that you never needed to know: “During all eight seasons, and specific to production in Northern Ireland, 3,748 pounds of rubber and 1.5 tons of metal were used for armory, with 1,300 shields created. Additionally, production used: 52,000 bags of paper snow; 163 tons of propane; 3,000 pyrotechnic effects; 4,000 gallons of artificial blood; 20,907 candles; 25 miles of rope; 22,966 feet of waxed cotton fabric to make more than 330 tents; and 50 miles of fabric for costumes. The construction department used: 745 miles of repurposed timber; 60,000 sheets of plywood; 20,000,000 screws and bolts; 65,000 bags of plaster; 1,320 gallons of wood glue; 1,200 blocks of polystyrene; 1,000 sheets of fire board; more than 1,000 miles of cable; and 120 semi-truck loads of reclaimed beams from warehouses and barns from all over Europe.”
Finally, here are a bunch of questions Game of Thrones needs to answer in its final season. None of them have anything to do with how many bags of plaster were used.
Interesting: When Calls the Heart, the Hallmark show Lori Loughlin starred in, will return on May 5 and 6 but she will be edited out of it. Considering she’s a lead in the show, that should be quite a trick.
Meanwhile, Loughlin reportedly didn’t know the prosecutors were serious about jail time. BUT NOW SHE DOES.
We know how Transparent is getting rid of Jeffrey Tambor. (They’re killing his character, obviously.)
Which 90s procedural should be given a reboot? (The only correct answer is: Murder She Wrote. Maybe Renegade. But instead of procedurals, can we get a Northern Exposure reboot up in here? Thanks.)
YouTube TV has upped its subscription fee to $50 a month after they entered a partnership with Discovery channels to include their content on the service.
I don’t know if this actually counts as TV news (it doesn’t) but Julian Assange was arrested this morning and Pamela Anderson of all people had a meltdown about it.
We are living in the strangest timeline.
Sex Monster News
Allison Mack has pleaded guilty in the NXIVM sex cult case.
Geoffrey Rush has won a defamation lawsuit against News Corp for printing sexual harassment allegations against him.
- Barry has been renewed for a third season at HBO. Hooray!
- NCIS has been renewed for a 17th season at CBS.
- Hanna has been renewed for a second season by Amazon.
- Ryan Hansen Solves Crimes on Television, Champaign ILL, Sideswiped and Do You Want to See a Dead Body have been canceled at YouTube.
- The Dropout, a series about Elizabeth Holmes starring Kate McKinnon, has been ordered by Hulu.
- Lake Success is being turned into a series for HBO and will star Jake Gyllenhaal.
- A Sandlot series has been ordered at Disney+.
- Love, Simon is being turned into a series as Disney+.
- The Last of the Mohicans is being turned into a series by Cary Fukunaga.
- Discovery, HGTV, Food Network, TLC, ID, OWN, Animal Planet, Travel Channel, MotorTrend, Science Channel, and Cooking Channel have released their upcoming slates. Feel free to read all about them here because it’s A LOT.
- One of those series is Ghost Nation on Travel Channel, a new paranormal series starring the Ghost Hunters guys.
- Another of those series is a reboot of What Not to Wear on TLC.
- Guava Island, a film from Donald Glover, will stream on Amazon for free.
- Disney+ has released their slate of 10 nonfiction series, including Marvel’s Hero Project, Cinema Relics: Iconic Art of the Movies, Be Our Chef and Marvel’s 616.
- A documentary about the stage production of To Kill a Mockingbird is being produced by HBO.
- Red, White & Royal Blue has been bought by Amazon.
- It’s Bruno, a comedy series, has been ordered at Netflix.
- Twisted Love has been ordered by Investigation Discovery.
- The Zoo: San Diego has been ordered by Animal Planet.
- Shadows of History, a series hosted by Robert Englund, has been ordered at Animal Planet.
- 60 Second Docs: The Show is being developed.
- Robia Rashid has reupped her deal at Sony TV.
- Kyle Hunter and Ariel Shaffir have signed a deal with Sony TV.
- Netflix is launching its own comedy channel on Sirius XM, called Netflix is a Joke.
- Netflix is also launching a magazine, called Wide. JUST THROWING MONEY AROUND LEFT AND RIGHT, THESE GUYS.
- Winona Ryder and John Turturro, Zoe Kazan, Morgan Spector, Anthony Boyle, Azhy Robertson, and Caleb Malis are going to star in the HBO miniseries, The Plot Against America.
- Taylor Kitsch and Michael C. Hall are going to star in the upcoming series Shadowplay.
- Shay Mitchell is going to star in Dollface on Hulu.
- Ja Rule and Irv Gotti are going to star in Growing Up Hip Hop: NY on VH1.
- Paul Sparks is joining Castle Rock on Hulu.
- Sean Astin is going to guest star on Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
Mark Your Calendars
- Bachelorette Reunion will air on Monday, May 6.
- Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. will return on Friday, May 10.
- What Would You Do? will return on Friday, May 10.
- The Bachelorette returns on Monday, May 13.
- Celebrity Family Feud returns on Sunday, June 9.
- The $100,000 Pyramid returns on Sunday, June 9.
- To Tell The Truth returns on Sunday, June 9.
- Press Your Luck will debut on Wednesday, June 12.
- Card Sharks will debut on Wednesday, June 12.
- Match Game will return on Wednesday, June 12.
- Grand Hotel will debut on Monday, June 17.
- Holey Moley will debut on Thursday, June 20.
- Family Food Fight will debut on Thursday, June 20.
- Reef Break will debut on Thursday, June 20.
- The 2019 ESPYS will air on Wednesday, July 10.
- Bachelor in Paradise returns on Monday, July 29.
- The 71st Primetime Emmys will air on Fox on September 22.
- Fleabag will return on Amazon on May 17.
- Reminder: Emma Stone is hosting SNL this week:
- Wine Country will debut on Netflix on May 10.
- Lunatics will debut on Netflix on April 19.
- Street Food will debut on Netflix on April 26. (Fun fact, it looks like a Houston chef, Nikki Tran of Kau Ba is interviewed. If you haven’t been to her new place in Montrose, you should definitely check it out — AND ORDER THE DUMPLINGS. I INSIST.)
- Perpetual Grace, Ltd. will premiere on Epix on June 2.
- Last Summer will debut on Netflix on May 3.
- Wanda Sykes: Not Normal will debut on Netflix on May 21.
- Black Hole Hunters will debut on Smithsonian tomorrow, April 12.
- A Grey’s Anatomy/Station 19 crossover will air on ABC on May 2.
- No Exit will air on CBS on May 17.
- Good Witch will air on Hallmark Channel on June 9.
- Meghan and Harry Plus One will air on CBS on May 17.
- The Dominican Dream will air on ESPN on April 30.
- Apollo: The Forgotten Films will premiere on Discovery and Science this summer.
Supernatural: What’s going on with Jack’s soul? 7 p.m., The CW
Black Summer: A prequel series to Syfy’s (now dearly departed) Z Nation. Series premiere. Netflix
FAM: Season finale. 8:30 p.m., CBS
Game of Thrones marathon: Season four. 12 p.m., HBO2
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Emma Stone, Tracy Pollan, Michael J. Fox, Tank and the Bangas
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Adam Driver, Regina Hall, Anthony Carrigan
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Don Cheadle, Kiernan Shipka, Hozier
- The Daily Show: Lizzo
- Conan: Bill Burr
- Busy Tonight: Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
- Watch What Happens Live: Melissa Etheridge, Chelsea Handler
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