Happy Michael Cohen Testifies Day!

Frankly, I don’t know what you’re doing here as Michael Cohen is testifying to Congress RIGHT NOW that President Individual One:

  1. Took a call from Roger Stone alerting him that Wikileaks was about to drop a bunch of Clinton emails
  2. Was involved in the Stormy Daniels cover-up scandal in a criminal way WHILE PRESIDENT
  3. Never expected to win the presidency but wanted to make money off of running for the office
  4. Used his charity to buy a $60,000 painting of himself
  5. Ordered him to threaten schools and the College Board to not release his grades or SAT scores
  6. Is a racist
  7. Suggested that Cohen lie about the Trump Tower deal
  8. Had his lawyers go over the statement Cohen made to Congress which was full of lies
  9. Probably (definitely) knew about Dummy Junior’s meeting with the Russians
  10. Threatened Cohen’s family
  11. Is a conman and liar
  12. Thinks Dummy Junior is a dodo bird

Please read his opening statement here and savor it because IT IS DELICIOUS.

Meanwhile, the GOP is desperately trying to smear Cohen — which is hard to do since Cohen was Trump’s guy for over 10 years, including during the presidency. Smearing Cohen by calling him a liar and a cheat at worst suggests that he was a liar and a cheat on Trump’s behalf, at best suggests that Trump hires liars and cheats.

And when the GOP isn’t smearing Cohen, they are outright threatening him. Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz tweeted yesterday:

After Nancy Pelosi slapped him down with a thinly veiled threat to drag his ass in front of the Ethics Committee:

Someone took down the tweet and apologized:

LOL TIMES INFINITY.

In other TV news

The Department of Justice has ended its fight to prevent the AT&T/Time Warner merger.

Daniel Garrido, a Telemundo reporter, was kidnapped in Venezuela while covering the story of Jorge Ramos and the Univision reporters being detained and then deported after their interview with President Maduro. He was held and questioned by a group of unidentified men who released him after six hours. They kept his equipment. GEE I WONDER WHO HIS ABDUCTORS WERE. WHAT A MYSTERY.

Steven Avery, the subject of the Netflix documentary Making a Murderer, has won the right to an appeal in his murder case.

This piece argues that shows like The Good Place, Russian Doll, Barry, and Bojack Horseman are antidotes to the anti-hero trend — instead of the protagonists becoming more corrupt, they are seeking moral redemption. It’s pretty good!

Wait, Caelynn from The Bachelor — her grandmother was the head of the Los Angeles FBI office? That’s SO COOL.

Here’s everything we know about the second season of Big Little Lies.

There were a pair of TV mini-reunions worth noting:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer‘s cast — minus the Slayer herself — had something of a reunion at the Wizard World convention in Portland:

And Steve Carrell surprised Jenna Fischer on Busy Tonight last night:

LOL, Offset didn’t like that Migos sketch on Saturday Night Live. I, for one, thought it was one of the best bits of last season. Here’s the sketch in question:

This isn’t exactly a TV-related story, but since the concept of “TV” is so fluid these days (and it’s my blog), I’m going to allow it: WHAT THE FUCK, YOUTUBE?

Renewals

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • Amy Schumer: Growing will debut on Netflix on March 19.
  • The OA Part II debuts on Netflix on March 22 and looks as BATSHIT CRAZY AS EVER:
  • Red Nose Day will air on NBC on May 23

R.I.P.

Andy Anderson, Drummer for The Cure. It’s not TV-related, but it’s part-of-Therese’s-formative-years-related.

WATCH THIS

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: More reunioning. 8 p.m., Bravo

Whiskey Cavalier: I posted last week that this show premiered then. It didn’t. It premieres now. Well, technically even that is wrong, because it actually premiered after the Oscars on Sunday. I don’t even know anymore. Series premiere. 9 p.m., ABC

Gone: A former kidnap victim helps find other kidnap victims. Mr. Big co-stars. Series premiere. 8 p.m., WGN

Ministry of Evil: The Twisted Cult of Tony Alamo: CULTS! Series premiere. 10 p.m., Sundance

The Masked Singer: The three remaining singers compete for the “Golden Mask” which is a very important prize. Two-hour season finale. 7 p.m., Fox

Alien News Desk: Will Forte and Heidi Gardner provide the voices for this new animated series. Series premiere. 10 p.m., Syfy

Suits: Season finale. 9 p.m., USA

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Jessica Chastain, Patton Oswalt, Gary Clark Jr.
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Tyler Perry, Christina Hendricks, Astrid S., Jon Epcar
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Adam Carolla, Lauren Cohan, Mana
  • The Daily Show: Angie Thomas
  • Conan: Cedric the Entertainer
  • Busy Tonight: Isla Fisher
  • Watch What Happens Live: Padma Lakshmi, Derek Hough

WEDS. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Goldbergs
(new)
Schooled
(new)
Modern Family
(new)
Single Parents
(new)
Whiskey Cavalier
(new)
CBS Survivor
(new)
The World’s Best
(new)
CW Riverdale
(new)
All American
(new)
Local
FOX The Masked Singer
(new)
News/Local
NBC Chicago Med
(new)
Chicago Fire
(new)
Chicago P.D.
(new)
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