HOW ABOUT THIS MICHAEL COHEN PERJURY STORY, GUYS? It has everything: Russians, Donald Trump committing felonies while President, multiple documents that prove Donald Trump committed felonies while President, the word “suborning,” and my very favorite part: Donald Trump Jr. and Ivanka. Delicious. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go light a Jerry Nadler prayer candle (and an Adam Schiff one just to be safe), and say a quick prayer that we get this impeachment show on the road already. While we wait for the inevitable, some TV news:
Everyone is spending a lot of time thinking about Sansa’s braid in that Game of Thrones teaser. And there’s another Game of Thrones teaser out there from HBO Asia. It doesn’t feature any new material, and it’s entirely animated, but it’s very pretty to look at.
Apparently, the length of the season three finale is still up in the air as Pizzolatto and HBO are still fighting about negotiating it. The more important thing to note in this story: True Detective‘s finale date is February 24. So mark that down as my final guess as to when the Game of Thrones trailer will be released. February 24.
Netflix is revealing some viewership numbers, and You supposedly has been viewed by 40 million? And Bird Box by 80 million? Whoa if true. Also, Netflix revealed they lose more viewers to Fortnite than HBO.
Riverdale is going to stage “Heathers: The Musical” for their next musical episode. (Love it, but I hope it doesn’t end up as cursed as the Heathers TV series.)
The description of The Good Place‘s season finale is Mad Men-tastic:
Stephen Colbert is selling mugs to raise money for federal workers who aren’t getting paid right now because he’s a good egg. You can buy one here.
Did I mention yesterday that Gladys Knight is going to sing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl? Because Miss “Midnight Train to Georgia” is, and appropriately enough since the Super Bowl is going to be in Atlanta this year. (“Midnight Train to Georgia” was originally “Midnight Plane to Houston” and it was about Lee Majors and Farah Fawcett. True story.)
Time’s Up
Les Moonves is going to pursue arbitration to try to get that $120 million. Good luck with that, asshole.
John Engler, the interim president of Michigan State University, this piece of shit right here, in an interview with the Detroit News said of the Larry Nassar scandal: “There are a lot of people who are touched by this, survivors who haven’t been in the spotlight. In some ways, they have been able to deal with this better than the ones who’ve been in the spotlight who are still enjoying that moment at times, you know, the awards and recognition. And it’s ending. It’s almost done.” Yeah, he’s stepping down from his role.
Renewals
- The Kominsky Method has been renewed by Netflix for a second season.
In Development
- Lincoln, a prequel to The Bone Collector, has been picked up to pilot by NBC.
- Pearson will be the name of the Suits spinoff.
- Empire of Sand is being turned into a series (maybe).
- Apple is close to signing a deal for a sci-fi series from Simon Kinberg and David Weil.
Casting News
- Kiernan Shipka, Isabela Moner, Shameik Moore, and Odeya Rush have been cast in Netflix’s Let it Snow.
- Peter Sarsgaard will star in CBS’s Interrogation.
- Naomi Watts has been cast in Wolves and Villagers on something called Quibi.
- Cameron Boyce will join Mrs. Fletcher on HBO.
- Fabien Frankel has been cast in the reboot of NYPD Blue.
- Daniel Zovatto will star in City of Angels, the Penny Dreadful sequel.
- Amanda Collin, Abubakar Salim, Winta McGrath, Niamh Algar, Felix Jamieson, Ethan Hazzard, Jordan Loughran, Aasiya Shah, and Ivy Wong have all joined Raised by Wolves on TNT.
Mark Your Calendar
- Documentary Now! returns on IFC on February 20 and not a moment too soon.
- High Flying Bird will debut on Netflix on February 8.
- Jimmy Kimmel Live Intermission Accomplished: A Halftime Tribute to Trump will air on Monday, January 21.
- Rainbow Butterfly Unicorn Kitty will premiere on Nickelodeon on January 27.
- Vice Live will debut on Viceland on February 25.
- Laurel Canyon will debut on Epix sometime in late 2019.
WATCH THIS
FRIDAY
The Punisher: This is back. But for how long with Netflix’s merciless Marvel purge? Anyway. Season premiere. Netflix
Carmen Sandiego: Gina Rodriguez voices Carmen in this animated origin story. Series premiere. Netflix
The Grand Tour: Cars and stuff. Season premiere. Amazon
Fyre: The Greatest Party That Never Happened: Watch a bunch of trust fund babies get stuck on an island with nothing but cheese sandwiches and LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH. Netflix
Grace & Frankie: Old ladies and stuff. Season premiere. Netflix
IO: Everyone’s moved to Jupiter’s moon Io except for these two people somehow stuck on Earth so they try to get to Io. Netflix
Close: Noomi Rapace is a badass hired to protect an heiress in this action film. Netflix
Girl: A drama inspired by a true-story, a 15-year-old trains as a ballerina while transitioning genders. Netflix
Butterfly: A drama about a family torn apart when their young son identifies as a girl in this British series. Series premiere. Hulu
Dynasty: Mid-season premiere. 7 p.m., The CW
SATURDAY
Saturday Night Live: Rachel Brosnahan and Greta Van Fleet 10:30 p.m., NBC
Escaping the Madhouse: The Nellie Bly Story: Nellie Bly was a journalist in the 19th century who went undercover as a psychiatric patient to expose the horrific abuses in state institutions (and pretty much invented this form of investigative journalism), and was the inspiration for Lana Winters in the second season of American Horror Story. Anyway, Christina Ricci plays her int his new lifetime movie. 7 p.m., Lifetime
Dynasties: David Attenborough’s new series explores the lives of penguins, chimpanzees, lions, painted wolves and tigers. Series premiere. 8 p.m., BBC America
Brexit: Confused by Brexit? Benedict Cumberbatch is here in an unflattering bald cap to help dramatize what happened, exactly. 8 p.m., HBO
SUNDAY
Black Monday: Don Cheadle stars in this comedy about the s19 9 p.m., Showtime
Crashing: Pete Holmes’ inside baseball look at the New York comedy scene is back. Season premiere. 9 p.m., HBO
SMILF: Frankie Shaw’s raw comedy is back. Season premiere. 9:30 p.m., Showtime
Shameless: Emily Rossum’s final episodes, y’all. 8 p.m., Showtime
High Maintenance: The best pot comedy series is back. Season premiere. 9:30 p.m., HBO
Supergirl: Mid-season premiere. 7 p.m., The CW
Charmed: Mid-season premiere. 8 p.m., The CW
NFL Football Playoffs: I guess we find out who’s going to the Super Bowl, right? 2:05 p.m., Fox & 5:05 p.m., CBS
Late Night:
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Elizabeth Banks, Sebastian Maniscalco, Martha Stewart
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: (Friday): William H. Macy
- Watch What Happens Live (Sunday): Cynthia Bailey, RuPaul
| FRI. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | Fresh Off the Boat (new) |
Speechless (new) |
20/20 (new) |
| CBS | MacGyver (new) |
Hawaii Five-0 (new) |
Blue Bloods (repeat) |
| CW | Dynasty (new) |
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (new) |
Local |
| FOX | Last Man Standing (repeat) |
The Cool Kids (repeat) |
Hell’s Kitchen (new) |
Local |
| NBC | Blindspot (new) |
The Blacklist (new) |
Dateline (new) |
—
| SAT. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 | 10:00 | 10:30 | 11:00 | 11:30 |
| ABC | NBA Basketball (live) |
News/Local |
| CBS | NCIS: Los Angeles (repeat) |
NCIS: New Orleans (repeat) |
48 Hours (new) |
News/Local |
| FOX | The Masked Singer (repeat) |
The Passage (repeat) |
News/Local |
| NBC | America’s Got Talent (repeat) |
Saturday Night Live (repeat) |
News/Local | Saturday Night Live (Rachel Brosnahan & Greta Van Fleet) |
—
| SUN. | 6:00 | 6:30 | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | America’s Funniest Home Videos (repeat) |
America’s Funniest Home Videos (new) |
Shark Tank (new) |
Shark Tank (repeat) |
| CBS | NFL Playoff (live) |
Magnum P.I. (new) |
| The CW | Local | Supergirl (new) |
Charmed (new) |
Local |
| FOX | The Simpsons (repeat) |
Bob’s Burgers (repeat) |
The Simpsons (repeat) |
Bob’s Burgers (repeat) |
Family Guy (repeat) |
The Cool Kids (repeat) |
Local/News |
| NBC | Minions (live) |
Dateline (new) |
I’ve been fantasizing about a scenario that could come about – it’s pretty small potatoes but it could be amusing – and that is, President Mike Pence trying to fill a vacancy in the Vice Presidency. Such a nomination has to be confirmed by both houses of Congress, not just the Senate, so it will need Nancy Pelosi’s approval. It may come to nothing – if there’s a honeymoon period for new President Pence, Pelosi may go easy on him.
My fantasy is that somehow Pence gets caught up in all this mess and gets removed from office as well, leading to the next in the line of succession, which gives us President Nancy Pelosi and I laugh until I die.
The best tweet I saw today was some variation of “If the Buzzfeed story is true, Donald Trump and every child he knows the name of is going to jail.”
P.S. Did you see the Family Guy Peter/Trump fight from last episode? I laughed so hard with the Obama picture.