We’ll get to ‘American Horror Story,’ but first, gaze upon the crazy that is happening with your President today

Buckle up, kids, it’s going to be a loud, busy day.

Paul Manafort is was in court this morning, and maybe headed straight to jail for being a cartoonishly corrupt but also inept bad guy. And today is the deadline for Michael Cohen’s attorneys (if he still has any) to review 3.7 million files seized in the FBI raid. Cohen has also reportedly suggested that he expects to be arrested at any moment, maybe even as soon as today, and according to CNN is signaling that he might be willing to cooperate with the feds. Yesterday, the Trump family was sued by the State of New York for running a phony charity and the IRS has been alerted to shenanigans. And additionally, the Justice Department’s investigation into the FBI’s handling of the Clinton email case came out yesterday, and while it suggested that Comey acted inappropriately, it also very clearly said he didn’t do anything illegal or acted politically, and if anything the FBI’s actions hurt the Clinton campaign. This is all just the past 24 hours.

None of this is good news for President Crook, of course, and despite his best efforts to try to distract us with North Korea and new tariffs on China that he announced yesterday, the media is laser-focused on this Manafort story in particular. And that’s why we woke up to the Twatter-in-Chief having a meltdown, tweeting 13 times IN ONE HOUR.

One of those tweets:

And that’s exactly what he did — something, it should be noted, that no other President has ever done — going out to the lawn to yammer at reporters all manner of lies and crazy, trying to flood the media narrative with whatever bullshit his broken brain could come up with.

This, for instance, isn’t alarming in the least:

This isn’t upsetting at all:

Here he is lying about the Inspector General’s report:

Here, too:

This one is almost funny. Almost:

Here he manages to lie about Obama and Russia:

And to one of today’s big topics, Paul Manafort, Trump tries to play the “I don’t know her” card … :

… before claiming he only worked for the campaign for 49 days. He worked on the campaign for five months:

He also claims that Michael Cohen isn’t his lawyer. TIME TO SING, MIKE.

And here he lies again about the Democrats being responsible for the children being ripped from their parents at the border. When the press actually do their jobs and call him out on his lie, he doubles down on it and repeats it slower this time:

Here, he says it’s fine to lie to the press:

He told a reporter to “be quiet” before calling her obnoxious:

And finally, here he is calling CNN a “fraud” to their faces:

I know it feels like things can’t get any crazier, but my babies, things are going to get much, much crazier. We are no where near peak crazy. Hold tight.

Amy Poehler gets it.

Yesterday was Dear Leader Wannabe’s birthday. Dummy Jr. wished him “happy birthday” via Fox & Friends which is just pitiful. Chrissy Teigen wished him happy birthday in a much much better way.

This season of American Horror Story is going to be the long-rumored “Murder House”/”Coven” crossover and I might have to go lie down because those are literally my two favorite seasons, you guys.

Originally, Murphy had said the crossover would take place in the ninth season, so this is a bit of a surprise. SO HOW IS IT GOING TO WORK? WILL CONNIE BRITTON COME BACK? WILL JESSICA LANGE? IS JESSICA LANGE GOING TO PLAY TWO ROLES EVEN THOUGH FIONA DIED IN “COVEN”? IS SARAH PAULSON GOING TO PLAY TWO ROLES? WILL QUEENIE COME BACK EVEN THOUGH SHE DIED IN “HOTEL”? I HAVE MANY QUESTIONS AND CAN NOT STOP SCREAMING BECAUSE OH MY GOD GIVE THIS TO ME NOW PLEASE.

12 Monkeys, the weird and woefully underrated sci-fi series, returns tonight for its fourth and final season. Here, the creator answers a bunch of questions about season three and where we are headed.

If you were looking forward to seeing Game of Thrones and Westworld at Comic-Con this summer, I have some bad news.

Slight Game of Thrones spoiler.

Some This is Us business: Beth isn’t going to die. Kevin’s trip to Vietnam might open up another family mystery. And don’t ask to take a picture with Chrissy Metz, ’cause it’s not happening.

Wynonna Earp fans are obsessed with a licked potato.

Drake forgot to invite someone to his Degrassi video.

The Queer Eye guys talk about connecting with their subjects — and how it’s not always easy.

The Daytime Emmy for Guest Performer in a Digital Daytime Drama drama is getting messier. After Patrika Darbo’s Emmy was taken away from her because her producer fucked up her submission, the Emmy was supposed to go to Jennifer Bassey (Marian Colby from All My Children, guys), but then the Emmys said she couldn’t have it either because reasons. Except they gave an actor his Emmy for violating the same rules they accused Bassey of violating, and now she’s calling out some bullshit.

Time’s Up

Chloe Dykstra pretty much just accused Chris Hardwick of years of controlling behavior, awful abuse and blacklisting her after their breakup. It’s a harrowing story, one that you should read in its entirety.

Speaking of “starfishing” (seriously, go read Dykstra’s piece), Riff Raff denies rape allegations against him by rap-bragging about his sexual exploits. I hate this timeline.

The Star Trek: Discovery showrunners, Gretchen Berg and Aaron Harberts, have been replaced after being accused of being verbally abusive with the writers.

Jaime Foxx is still denying he hit anyone with his penis, while his lawyer says that even if he did, it’s not sexual assault in Nevada.

Brad Kern is under investigation again. This time CBS is handing off the investigation to someone else.

Bill Cosby has fired his legal team ahead of his sentencing.

Cancellations

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendar

  • The Sinner returns on USA on August 1.
  • The 2000s will premiere on CNN on July 8.
  • Derren Brown: Miracle will begin streaming on Netflix on July 22.

R.I.P.

Georgann Johnson, Prolific television actress

Leslie Grantham, Actor best known for Eastenders

WATCH THIS

FRIDAY

12 Monkeys: The Witness returns and the final battle begins. Final season premiere. 7 p.m., Syfy

Queer Eye: Prepare yourself to cry again. Netflix

The Ranch: Now with considerably less Danny Masterson! Season premiere. Netflix

What Would You Do?: John Quiñones plays “GOTCHA!” with the American public again. Season premiere. 8 p.m., ABC

Goliath: Season two. Amazon

SATURDAY

Ghost Adventures: These idiots are back to scream at empty rooms. Season premiere. 8 p.m., Travel

Zoolander: In the event that this season of The Bachelorette made you want to watch this again. 8 p.m., Starz

Lonesome Dove marathon: The Larry McMurtry classic. 1:15 p.m., Starz Encore

SUNDAY

The Affair: The series heads west for some reason. Season premiere. 8 p.m., Showtime

Deep State: An ex-spy is brought out of retirement in this new series. Series premiere. 8 p.m., Epix

Shades of Blue: Harlee and Wozniak discover a grisly crime scene in the final season premiere. 9 p.m., NBC

Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Jada Pinkett Smith, Bryce Dallas Howard, Nikki Glaser The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: (Friday): Thandie Newton Jimmy Kimmel Live (Friday): Tiffany Haddish, DJ Khaled, Ella Mai Watch What Happens Live (Sunday): Ginuwine, Robyn Dixon

FRI. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Quantico
(new)
What Would You Do?
(new)
20/20
(new)
CBS Undercover Boss: Celebrity Edition
(new)
Hawaii Five-0
(repeat)
Blue Bloods
(repeat)
CW Whose Line is it Anyway?
(repeat)
Whose Line is it Anyway?
(repeat)
Life Sentence
(new)
Local
FOX The Four
(repeat)
Local
NBC American Ninja Warrior
(repeat)
Dateline
(new)


SAT. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30 11:00 11:30
ABC America’s Funniest Home Videos
(repeat)
Truth and Lies: The Tonya Harding Story
(repeat)
News/Local
CBS Ransom
(new)
48 Hours
(repeat)
48 Hours
(repeat)
News/Local
FOX MLB Baseball
(repeat)
News/Local
NBC Jurassic Park News/Local Saturday Night Live
(repeat)


SUN. 6:00 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC America’s Funniest Home Videos
(repeat)
Celebrity Family Feud
(new)
The $100,000 Pyramid
(new)
To Tell the Truth
(new)
CBS 60 Minutes
(new)
Instinct
(new)
SEAL Team
(repeat)
NCIS: Los Angeles
(repeat)
FOX One Strange Rock
(repeat)
The Simpsons
(repeat)
Bob’s Burgers
(repeat)
Family Guy
(repeat)
Ghosted
(new)
Local/News
NBC Dateline
(new)
America’s Got Talent
(repeat)
Shades of Blue
(new)
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One thought on “We’ll get to ‘American Horror Story,’ but first, gaze upon the crazy that is happening with your President today

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