The Bachelor‘s reign of terror is finally — albeit temporarily — over, but I have a shit ton of links to share with you before we can officially close the door on ol’ Needle Dick and his simulacrum of a fiance, Virginia Lauren. AND THEN I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT ANY OF THIS EVER AGAIN. (Until The Bachelorette begins, in which I won’t be able to avoid it.)
First of all, if there was any doubt that Becca is a queen (who deserves better than The Bachelorette):
Y’all weren’t the only ones pissed off about that finale. Here are a bunch of disgusted reactions from former Bachelors and Bachelorettes. Juan Pablo, unsurprisingly, might be the only person on the planet who feels sorry for Needle Dick.
The things we’ve learned with “The Bachelor” is that it has to constantly evolve. Like you see with the fantasy suite, now you see the morning after, and that’s really important because it’s a totally different phase of the relationship and those conversations inform how all of the decisions are going to be made. So this change is the same thing, and I think you’ll start to see more of this now, as we keep evolving the show.
See Catherine’s response above, pls.
Here are all of Needle Dick’s post-show excuses. He’s obviously taking the position that she’s the Bachelorette thanks to him filming the breakup.
Here are Needle Dick and Virginia Lauren on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Jimmy, like most adults, thinks these two dummies getting engaged so soon is batshit insane.:
Minnesota state representative, Drew Christensen, drafted a bill barring Needle Dick from ever entering Minnesota in the finest free publicity move of all. “The state of Minnesota hereby adopts a policy of zero tolerance of Arie Luyendyk Jr. from season 22 of The Bachelor. It is state policy that every person in the state has a right to live free from the presence of Arie Luyendyk Jr. in the state.” LOL.
Here are 7 ideas on how The Bachelor can be fixed. I would absoLUTEly watch an all-librarian Bachelor, but as a professional Bachelor-watcher, I have to say that the idea of moving The Bachelor to different cities with local casts is one of the best ideas I’ve heard floated. It solves a number of problems and I think would have a much higher success rate in the end — if that’s what the producers actually want, which I’m not convinced it is.
Or, alternatively, they could just fire Chris Harrison.
So, there’s this new book that has come out, Bachelor Nation, that tells all the show’s secrets — one particularly hilarious and perfectly believable story being that the producers take advantage of the women’s menstrual cycles to get the most emotional reactions from them, for instance — and Vanity Fair has a fascinating excerpt about the fantasy suites, slut-shaming, and manipulation. And here are 6 more crazy revelations from the book.
In actual heartwarming dating news, Tom from Queer Eye, the guy who declared that “you can’t fix ugly” but was a total sweetheart, is dating his ex-wife Abby again.
Game of Thrones news: Lena Headey is saying that production is wrapping in June — but other sources say that production wraps in August? So maybe she’s talking about her work will wrap in June? And here are a bunch of corpses outside of [REDACTED].
Meanwhile, George R.R. Martin is taking a break from blogging to do “LOTS of exciting things.” WHICH BETTER INCLUDE FINISHING THE BOOKS. GEORGE.
I’m fascinated that Tuesday’s episode of This is Us was divisive — I thought it was one of the most profound and important episodes of the entire series. Thoughts?
American Idol‘s returning this weekend, and there are a lot of questions about how Ryan Seacrest will impact it.
Riverdale fans have a lot of feelings about that kiss. Meanwhile, AT&T is going to offer more Riverdale content …through the actors’ Instagram accounts? I’m confused. I am old and I don’t know what any of this means.
Hey, remember how Community returned on Yahoo! and not Hulu? And it was a disaster? Yeah.
Michael B. Jordan is taking Frances McDormand up on her inclusion rider suggestion, and now we somehow love him even more. NOW HOW ABOUT THE REST OF YOU DUDES?
Terry Crews’ (alleged) molester will not be facing charges by the LAPD. It’s a shame Crews couldn’t have pressed charges against him in New York, apparently.
A woman is claiming Ed Westwick held her prisoner, but she’s not suing him, she’s suing other people?
- The Good Doctor has been renewed and the only surprise is that it took this long.
- Baskets has been renewed for a fourth season.
- Jon Favreau is going to executive produce and write the live action Star Wars series.
- The Outpost, a fantasy series, will air on The CW this summer.
- Viola Davis and her husband are producing a docuseries based on Dandy Lion.
- Netflix is producing its first Polish series and its first Turkish series.
- Cartoon Network is launching its biggest slate of programming.
- Dermott Mulroney and Alex Karpovsky are joining the cast of the Julia Roberts’ series Homecoming on Amazon.
- Gennifer Goodwin is going to star in the ABC comedy pilot Steps.
- Jessica Capshaw and Sarah Drew are leaving Grey’s Anatomy.
- Kether Donohue is going to star in Like Family, an NBC comedy pilot.
- Brooke Elliott is going to star in an untitled ABC comedy pilot.
- Nelson Franklin, Jessica Chaffin, and Leonard Ouzts have all joined the NBC comedy pilot Abby’s from Mike Schur.
- Yusuf Gatewood has been cast in the NBC pilot In Between Lives.
- Ian Harding and Jose Pablo Cantillo are joining Katie’ Holmes’ FBI pilot.
- Catalina Sandino Moreno is going to star in the ABC pilot Salvage.
- Anne Winters, Bryan Craig, and Denyse Tontz is joining ABC’s pilot Grand Hotel.
- Frances Turner and Aubin Wise are joining the ABC cop sisters pilot.
- Angel Laketa Moore has been cast in the Fox comedy pilot Rel.
- Shea Buckner has been cast in Get Christie Love.
- Justin Johnson Cortez is joining the cast of ABC’s Staties.
- Michael Beach is joining the cast of CBS’s untitled Holmes pilot.
- Ben Lawson and Mark L. Young are joining False Profits, an ABC pilot.
- Ed O’Keefe is joining CBS News.
Mark Your Calendars
- Making It — the Nick Offerman/Amy Poehler crafting competition — will debut on NBC on July 31.
- Santa Clarita Diet will return on Netflix on March 23.
- CMT Crossroads will premiere on CMT on March 28.
- I Am MLK Jr. will premiere on Paramount Network on April 4.
- Murder Chose Me will debut on ID on April 4.
- Someone made a documentary about Rachel Dolezal, The Rachel Divide, and Netflix is going to air it on April 27.
Paul De Meo, Producer
D’Wayne Swear, Law Officer, and TV Adviser
Supernatural: Sam and Dean go black market shopping. 7 p.m., The CW
Marvel’s Jessica Jones: She’s back. Season premiere. Netflix
Champions: Mindy Kaling is the creator of this new single dad comedy. Series premiere. 8:30 p.m., NBC
Top Chef: The finale! 8 p.m., Bravo
The Oath: 50 Cent is the producer of this new cop-gang drama that stars Sean Bean. Series premiere. Crackle
Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Sterling K. Brown, Jack Antonoff, Bleachers Late Night with Seth Meyers: Reese Witherspoon, David Remnick, Zach Danziger The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Mindy Kaling, Chris Hayes, Amberia Allen The Late Late Show with James Corden: Charlize Theron, David Oyelowo, Joel Edgerton Jimmy Kimmel Live: Kathy Griffin, Mike Epps, Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds Conan: Walton Goggins, Morgan Saint The Daily Show: Vann R. Newkirk II The Opposition with Jordan Klepper: Armando Iannucci Watch What Happens Live: David Oyelowo, Elizabeth Hurley
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