MONDAY
The Best of the U.S.: The Olympics are coming, and I’m going to do my level best to recap them with whatever assistance I can cajole out of Bobby. Anyway, this special is designed to tell you who you’ll be rooting for. 9 p.m., NBC
The Bachelor: The Bachelor ruins Paris. 7 p.m., ABC
Breaking Their Silence: Inside the Gymnastics Scandal: A look into the horrific Larry Nassar crimes. 9 p.m., Lifetime
TUESDAY
Bethenny & Fredrik: If you loved the Bethenny and Fredrik parts of Real Housewives of New York, and who didn’t, you’ll love this new show. Series premiere. 9 p.m., Bravo
Fred Armisen: Stand Up for Drummers: Fred Armisen does stand up for drummers. Netflix
We’ll Meet Again: The Lost Children of Vietnam: A woman searches for her American father, and a man looks for the Texas cowboy who saved his life. 7 p.m., PBS
WEDNESDAY
Celebrity Big Brother: Oh brother. (Great joke, high five.) Series premiere. 7 p.m., CBS
Queer Eye: It’s back and one of the “queer eyes” is the brilliance behind Gay of Thrones. Series premiere. Netflix
Channel Zero: Something about weird staircases mysteriously appearing in the middle of the city and people disappearing and whatever, it’s going to be fucking creepy as fuck. Season premiere. 9 p.m., Syfy
Law & Order: SVU: JACK’S BACK. 8 p.m., NBC
NOVA: The 13,000-year-old remains of a teenager are found in an underwater cave in Mexico and that is SO COOL. 8 p.m., PBS
THURSDAY
The Winter Olympics: OK, so this is super confusing, but there will be figure skating and moguls tonight even though the opening ceremonies won’t air until tomorrow night, but I think these events might have taken place after the opening ceremonies because it’s already tomorrow in Seoul and I don’t know but all of this is giving me a nosebleed. 7 p.m., NBC
The Four: I don’t actually care about who wins, I’m just curious how they’re going to work around one of the judges not being there anymore. Season finale. 7 p.m., Fox
FRIDAY
The Winter Olympics: And now the opening ceremonies that actually took place this morning or maybe yesterday I don’t even know anymore. 7 p.m., NBC
The Ritual: Some guys get lost in the woods and scary shit happens. Netflix
Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown: Charlie Brown, that red-headed girl just isn’t into you. 7 p.m., ABC
SATURDAY
More Olympics: Team dance figure skating, and downhill skiing. Me drinking wine. 7 p.m., NBC
Wonder Woman: That feeling when Wonder Woman is on HBO and you haven’t seen it despite the fact that everyone told you to see it but you can’t watch it because the stupid Olympics. 7 p.m., HBO
Spider-Man: Homecoming: That feeling when Spider-Man: Homecoming is on Starz and you haven’t seen it despite the fact that people told you it was better than they thought it was going to be but you’re still skeptical because you’ve been Spider-burned before but you can’t watch it because the stupid Olympics. 7 p.m., Starz
SUNDAY
Even More Olympics: Ice dancing and free skate; women’s giant slalom, freestyle skiing, women’s snowboarding and luge. So much red wine. 6 p.m., NBC
Here and Now: Alan Ball’s new series becomes added to my DVR where it will be ignored for a few months. Series premiere. 8 p.m., HBO
Homeland: Here we go. Season premiere. 8 p.m., Showtime
Our Cartoon President: Stephen Colbert’s cartoon president finds a new home on Showtime where he can say “shithole” without being bleeped. Series premiere. 7 p.m., Showtime