The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Reunion, Part 2”
April 18, 2017
We pick up where we left off with the first hour of the reunion: Erika reminding that asshole PK that he implied she was a whore after he stared up her skirt. “Nuh-uh,” is PK’s eloquent response. “And anyway, you said you were over it,” reminds Dorit.
Andy Cohen reminds Erika that she did say she was over it a number of times, and she is like, “YEAH, WELL, I TRIED TO BE, BUT THESE DINGDONGS KEPT BRINGING IT UP.”
A viewer asks if Erika thinks that Lisa Vanderpump is actually behind this whole Pantygate mess as retribution for the “sniper from the side” comment that Erika made the season previous, and just VanderChuckles, but Rinna is not so convinced. Lisa Vanderpump continues to try to argue that she thought Erika was in on the joke, but Kyle disagrees: the bottom line was that Erika didn’t think it was funny.
And to that point, a viewer is like, “OK, KYLE, BUT YOU WERE THERE WHEN DORIT BOUGHT THOSE PANTIES, AND YOU DIDN’T TRY TO STOP HER AND IN FACT, IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY, YOU POPPED SOME POPCORN AND PULLED UP A CHAIR.” Kyle’s defense is that she thought REALLY LOUDLY that the panties joke was a bad idea, so leave her out of it.
Andy Cohen asks Erika about mentioning in Hong Kong that she hadn’t told Mr. Giradi about Pantygate yet, and Erika’s like, “yeah, I sat him down before the season began and explained that my pink elephant was going to be an entire storyline, so that was fun. Thanks again, ladies.”
Andy Cohen asks PK what he thought of Rinna asking his wife if she trusted him, and PK is all, “Pfft.” Andy Cohen then brings up the fact that Erika wanted PK to apologize to Mr. Girardi, and PK is like, “NOPE.”
A viewer asks Dorit if she’s jealous of Erika, which, of course, Dorit denies before yelling at Erika, again, that Erika said that she wanted to move on. Erika is like, “HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU DUMMIES: I DID WANT TO MOVE ON. BUT THAT MEANS YOU ASSHOLES HAVE TO STOP BRINGING IT UP.”
And this is when this dipshit PK decides that HE’S the real victim here, what with Rinna calling him a pervert and Eileen saying he was a creep. It’s all very tragic.
Andy Cohen asks PK what he meant when he told Dorit that Erika’s issues stemmed from problems in her marriage, and PK is like, “uhhhhhhh … I don’t remember saying that?”
Andy Cohen also reminds PK that he said Rinna is chemically imbalanced, and he’s like, “Well, it’s the only thing I can think of that would justify her talking shit about us after we included her at our lovely completely 100% cocaine-free dinner party.” Andy Cohen asks Rinna about making the coke accusation in Hong Kong, and Rinna is like, “See, Dorit accused me of abusing Xanax first …” PK insists he’s NEVER done COKE IN HIS LIFE, WHY HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT COCAINE LOOKS LIKE, MUCH LESS WHAT IT EVEN IS, HOW DARE SHE.
Rinna then reminds PK of exactly how gross he and Grandpa Ken were about Erika at the finale party — which is to say Very Very Gross — and PK is like, “What am I supposed to do, NOT talk about Erika’s pink elephant? Come on.” With that, Erika invites him to fuck off, and Andy Cohen is like, “Thank you for being here, PK, now please to fuck off.”
After a montage of air kisses …
… and a montage of the ladies’ “jobs” …
… a viewer asks Dorit what, exactly, does she do? Dorit explains that she stepped away from her swimsuit line to help PK with his whatever businesses, sports tech? sure, “sports tech,” and the other women are like, “Fuck PK, go back to designing bikinis, girl, you’re too good for ‘sports tech,’ whatever the hell that even means.” Yay girl power down with the patriarchy.
Andy Cohen brings out Kim Richards and Eden Sassoon, and after some small talk about Kim’s grandbaby, Andy Cohen asks her if it’s true that she once dated Donald Trump.
Shockingly, Kim admits it’s true, she did.
Kim declines to answer whether or not she had sex with Donald Trump, but despite this small gesture of mercy, that particular mental image now exists in the universe and there is nothing we can do about it. I am so sorry.
After an “Eden Sure is a Weirdo” montage, a viewer asks why she is determined to make everyone so uncomfortable with all of the terrible hugs. “Something something energy connection something stupid hippie something.”
Andy Cohen asks Lisa Vanderpump about knowing Vidal Sassoon, and she’s like, “I mean, I only ~kinda~ knew him, so let’s not get carried away here. But he was nice? I VanderGuess?”
A viewer asks Rinna A Very Important Question: Does she still has the “LOVE” jar that Eden gave her? Rinna is like, “Yes? Maybe? Somewhere?”
We then get into the weeds about whether or not Eden was nasty to Kyle on Twitter and something about Kyle’s game night and Jesus Christ I just don’t care. I DON’T CARE.
Somehow this leads to a montage about Rinna and Eden’s combustible relationship, and a viewer asks Rinna why she thought they were best friends just because Eden gave her some bullshit crystal. Rinna explains that they had a lot in common: what with dead fathers and sisters and everything. Also: bullshit crystals.
Another viewer asks Eden why she thought it was appropriate to interject herself into Rinna and Kim’s fight and Eden mumbles some crap about sisterhood and how much she looked up to Kim when they were children.
A viewer asks Kim if she was amused or angry when Eden tried to psychoanalyze her feelings about becoming a grandmother, but Kim dismisses the whole situation as having been “weird” and something that she needed to “be away from,” which basically summarizes Eden in a nutshell.
When Eden whines that she and Kim could have been friends, seeing as they have so much in common (being in recovery), Kim is like, “YEAH WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN REPEATING CRAZY STORIES ABOUT ME BEING ON DEATH’S DOOR, I DON’T REMEMBER THAT BEING PART OF ‘THE PROGRAM.'”
Kim then turns her attention to Lisa Rinna, the originator of the rumor that Kim was failing at her sobriety and that Kyle is her enabler, snarling that Rinna “lies, cries and denies.”
But Rinna is like, “Hey, whatever, we’ve made amends and moved on and everything is totally cool between us.”
Andy Cohen asks Kim about the bunny Rinna gave Kim’s grandson, and Kim is like, “Yeah, about that,” while reaching behind the couch to pulls out … THE BUNNY.
“I brought the bunny because I never gave it to my grandson. It didn’t feel like it had good energy. Sorry. So I think I should give it back to you,” Kim says and does.
As Rinna fights back tears — or, “fights back tears” — Eden hilariously offers Kim one of her crystals.
Meanwhile, everyone would have picked their jaws up off the floor if they hadn’t previously been botoxed firmly into place, and are scrambling to make this whole situation not as awkward and awful as it is. Vanderpump squeaks that Kim is trying to say that there’s still a chance they can be friends! Somehow! while Kyle attempts to claim that the problem here is just that Kim is very superstitious. Because that makes it better.
Through her tears, Rinna tells Kim that it’s fine, she heard her message loud and clear. The funny thing is Harry Hamlin thought the bunny was a really good idea, but Rinna, you know, she thought it just didn’t feel right… And with that, Rinna is so overwhelmed with EMOTION that she JUST MUST head backstage, Eileen skittering behind her.
Back on set, Dorit is hissing that Rinna deserves this, she’s a bitch who just says the most terrible things and she is NOT the VICTIM. (That would obviously be PK.) But Kyle urges her sister to go talk to Rinna, with Andy Cohen suggesting that Kim take the bunny with her, which she does, only to be rejected by Rinna who is NOT INTERESTED IN SPEAKING TO KIM EVER AGAIN FOREVER.
WE HAVE ONE MORE REUNION EPISODE TO GO AND I AM ON PINS AND NEEDLES! HOW WILL THIS END? WILL RINNA TAKE THE BUNNY? WILL KIM FINALLY ACCEPT THE BUNNY? Or will Andy Cohen take the bunny and enshrine it in the Watch What Happens Live! clubhouse, pulling it out for the biggest Real Housewives fans to take pictures with? I GUESS WE’LL HAVE TO WATCH AND FIND OUT.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs on Bravo on Tuesdays at 8 p.m.