American Horror Story didn’t have an opening sequence last season and people FREAKED OUT about it. So they’ve more than made up for it with this nightmare fuel featuring Trump and Clinton masks, tons of gore and a dead dog. Also, trypophobia trigger warning for my fellow trypophobiacs out there.
Speaking of election nightmares, Trump and Melania won’t attend the Kennedy Center Honors because nobody likes them, LOL. Also, his entire arts council resigned with a letter that spelled out RESIST. ✊
According to Jerome Flynn, there was supposed to be a reunion between Bronn and Tyrion on Game of Thrones, but the writers cut it. YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO MAKE THE SEASON SO SHORT, WRITERS. NO ONE FORCED YOU TO ONLY DO SEVEN EPISODES.
And we have the teensiest hint at one of the Game of Thrones‘ spinoffs will be about: “Yeah, I think I can say if I was able to say what mine was — yeah, I think as a book reader or as someone who watched the series, you would say, ‘Oh, that! OK.’ Yeah, it would be recognizable as a past event, but I think that’s probably as far as I can go.”
Here’s a look at what we can expect from The Exorcist next season: “Anytime you’re dealing with water, any time there’s creepy shit happening in the woods, anytime there’s haunted houses, you’re naturally going to get into J-horror tropes a little bit. But for me, it’s more early Steven Spielberg than J-horror because that’s my childhood and that’s where my love of horror came from. I said if we came back for season two, I wanted some Poltergeist in there. I want The Shining in there. I want some of the things that really scared me as an impressionable kid.” I’m sold.
Don’t worry, Gretchen will get revenge on Shitty Jimmy next season of You’re the Worst.
Aziz Ansari is not currently working on the third season of Master of None, but don’t give up on it just yet.
Whoever owns the rights to the song “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” sounds like they are no fun at all.
Is Netflix seeding social media with positive comments about Ozark because they don’t think it received the critical acclaim it deserved? Maybe!
Hey, don’t try to murder people, even if they don’t bring you your Kool-Aid!
- RuPaul’s Drag Race queens, Trixie Mattel and Katya, will have their own show on Vice.
- Viola Davis and Julius Tennon are producing a special about making change in U.S. high schools which will air on all four big networks in September.
- The guy who created Pitch has a put pilot deal at NBC for The Unrequited, a drama about four adult siblings.
- CBS ordered God Friended Me, a procedural drama from the guys who made Alcatraz.
- The guy who created Growing Up Fisher has a put pilot deal at ABC with the hour-long comedy A Million Little Things, and a put pilot deal at CBS with romantic comedy My Other Life in Brooklyn.
- BBC will be airing a special on Harry Styles in November, kids.
- Reid Scott (Veep) is going to appear on Great News next season.
- Malcolm Jamal-Warner will be guest starring on White Famous.
- Adrian Pasdar will be guesting on Lethal Weapon this season.
- Marina Benedict and Benjamin Stockham will join Gotham.
- Rachelle Lefevre (Under the Dome) and Ian Lake (Rookie Blue) are joining the cast of Mary Kills People.
- Jordan Bolger is joining the cast of The 100.
Jerry Lewis, legendary comedian
Dick Gregory, comedian
Sonny Landham, actor
Bruce Forsyth, British TV host
Bachelor in Paradise: The women are very excited by a new arrival. 7 p.m., ABC
The Real Housewives of Dallas: Dog costumes, y’all. 9 p.m., Bravo
Eclipse Coverage: The eclipse is going to be everywhere today. ABC and CBS will break in live during the eclipse starting at noon in CST, NOVA will have a special dedicated to it on PBS, and the Science Channel will be running eclipse programming all day. 12 p.m., ABC, CBS, CSPAN, NASA Channel, major news networks; 8 p.m., PBS; All day on The Weather Channel & Science Channel
The Silence of the Lambs & Hannibal: Heat up some fava beans and open your finest Chianti. 8 p.m., Sundance
Late Night: Conan: Joshua Green The Daily Show: Matt LeBlanc, Brittany Snow, Myq Kaplan
|ABC||Bachelor in Paradise
|To Tell the Truth
|CBS||Kevin Can Wait
|Life in Pieces
|CBSN: On Assignment
|Hooten and the Lady
|FOX||So You Think You Can Dance
|NBC||American Ninja Warrior