The Real Housewives of New York City
May 11, 2016
Hey! So, we’re playing catch-up with The Real Housewives of New York. If you’ve missed a post, you can find them all here. Happy summer!
Last season, Princess Carole had a successful coffee grounds reading session with Dorinda and Heather where fortunes were told and everyone cried and everyone had a feel-good moment with their dead husbands. And so, our Royal Highness believes she can replicate this experience with ALL of the women by bringing in some psychic, Kim Russo, who calls herself “The Happy Medium.”
So everyone but The Countess, for obvious reasons, and Sonja for less obvious ones, arrives, and Kim Russo gets to work. Starting with Jules, Kim Russo tells her she is “starting to connect with a mission of a lifetime” and will be a “role model for women.” Jules bursts into tears because she considers herself an inspiration to young women with eating disorders, although no one has asked anyone with an eating disorder if this is actually the case.
Kim Russo then asks Dorinda who “John” is, and as it turns out, it could be nearly anyone in her life: her boyfriend, her brother, her father, her butcher, her accountant, her doctor, her dry cleaner because he and her boyfriend are one and the same. Kim Russo then asks Dorinda about two male siblings whose names both begin with “R” and she realizes Kim Russo is talking about her dead husband Richard and his dead brother Robert — which is a little creepy. Kim Russo then mentions having a vision of a bunch of dimes, and Dorinda bursts into tears because apparently while he was dying, Richard told her to look for change — that he’d leave change out for her. And this would be a kind of remarkable story, except for the fact that just last season, Dorinda shared a story about a magical balloon that appeared in her apartment which she was pretty sure was a message from Richard and what I’m saying is, maybe girlfriend is looking for “signs” everywhere.
Kim Russo turns her attention to Bethenny, asking her about a male spirit, and something about an anniversary of a death right around now. This not ringing any bells, Bethenny pulls out her phone to check her calendar, and is like, “Oh yeah, the anniversary of my father’s death was on Monday. Yawn. What else ya got? You know what, don’t answer that, I’m bored, I’m leaving, goodbye.” And with that, she vanishes.
Dorinda then asks Kim Russo if she’ll ever marry again, and Kim Russo tells if that if she does, it won’t be to Fudgie. Ramona loudly mutters, ‘Thank God,” and Dorinda loses her damn mind. SHE IS TIRED OF RAMONA SAYING BAD THINGS ABOUT FUDGIE. TIRED OF IT. DON’T SAY BAD STUFF ABOUT FUDGIE, RAMONA, BECAUSE DORINDA HAS PLENTY OF BAD THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THE IDIOTS RAMONA BRINGS AROUND LIKE MARIO, OH WAIT, THAT’S RIGHT, HE LEFT RAMONA FOR SOMEONE ELSE.
Kim Russo then tells Ramona that her dead father is coming through and Ramona just has a lot of feelings there is a lot of crying and she finally goes and sits down next to Dorinda and apologizes and tries to smooth over feelings while Her Serene Highness sighs that she can’t take these women anywhere.
Later, Her Royalness goes over to Jules’ house where we learn Jules has no idea what an iPod is or how to make a cup of tea.
Recipe for a cup of tea:
Heat water for a cup of tea.
Place tea bag in heated water.
Jules then reveals to Princess Carole that she suffered from an eating disorder and Her Highness is like, “you don’t say.”
Elsewhere, Dorinda meets Fudgie for dinner where she tries to tell him about her rough day with Ramona and The Psychic, and to ask him to PLEASE make nice with Ramona for her sake. But Fudgie being Fudgie wants to make it all about how he’s been attacked when all he’s ever been is a perfect gentleman to everyone always, so Dorinda up and leaves the dinner. Great relationship. Very healthy.
Bethenny has some sort of promotional event for Skinny Girl at Union Square.
Sonja’s planning a big birthday party for herself, which we learn while she discusses it with her pride of interns and that one facialist who had SO MANY things to say about The Countess last season. She knows that Dorinda and Ramona will be there, Princess Carole will not, and she assumes Bethenny will be there because who would willingly miss a Lady Morgan Pantless Party™, cone on.
So Sonja gets ready for her big party which mostly involves her shoving a Q-Tip into her nose for some reason. And she also explains that this isn’t merely a birthday party, she’s also announcing that she’s breaking into the booze business with Ramona’s former partner, that Peter guy. Everyone is going to be so excited and think that this is such a GREAT idea!
People arrive at the party, Ramona, Dorinda and Jules amongst the first of them, and Ramona immediately begins complaining to anyone who will listen about The Countess’s birthday present snub. According to Ramona, she went to the launch of The Countess’ QVC jewelry line where she admired some necklace and tried it on. Upon touching the necklace, which clearly was made from tin foil, Play-Doh, and battery acid, Ramona’s skin promptly broke out in a rash. The Countess explained to Ramona that it was merely a production piece and not the final version and took it back. Later, The Countess shows up to Ramona’s birthday party and presents her with the same necklace BUT THEN GIVES BETHENNY A FANCY PURSE. AND IT WASN’T EVEN BETHENNY’S BIRTHDAY (ANYMORE). THE COUNTESS “REGIFTED”* RAMONA’S GIFT! CAN YOU IMAGINE?
That’s when The Countess arrives and confronts Ramona for saying that she’s concerned about The Countess moving in with Sonja, and that she’ll be a bad influence. Ramona is like, “I mean, yeah, it’s going to be a brothel up in there.” The Countess is offended that Turtle Time is passing judgment on her; this one with a “bottle of pinot up [her] skirt” which is quite the image. But Ramona assures her she’s got nothing up her skirt but “great legs.” With that, the fight settles down … for a hot second.
But that’s when Dorinda comes over and asks The Countess if Ramona is giving her grief about the necklace. She wasn’t, but then that becomes a whole thing while Ramona yells at The Countess for “regifting” her, and The Countess calls her ungrateful and completely wrong on the entire concept of regifting. (Which she is.)
And then Sonja calls for everyone’s attention so that she can announce her new line of prosecco which they are ingeniously calling, “Tipsy Girl.”
Sonja notes that she “can’t take credit for the name.” YOU DON’T SAY.
Meanwhile, everyone else is like, “OOOOH, WAIT UNTIL BETHENNY HEARS ABOUT THIS.”
It was fun knowing you, Sonja! R.I.P Sonja!
The Real Housewives of New York airs on Bravo at 8/9 p.m.
This post originally appeared on the Hearst site Chron.com.