Olympics: Dropping the stick

After a good 13 days of all Olympics all the time, I’ve got to be honest: I don’t care anymore. I want to care. I just don’t. Especially now with the track and the running and the volleyball, GOOD LORD SO MUCH VOLLEYBALL, truth be told I’m just done.

Especially since NBC has made some poor broadcasting choices regarding which events to cover (at least in my mind). Every single beach women’s volleyball game? CHECK! The American women’s soccer team’s amazing upset over Brazil? NOPE. Each semifinal track race? CHECK! The amazing and emotional stories behind weightlifting or the American women’s softball team losing the gold to Japan? NOPE.

So, blah. I don’t care. These things happened. And there was no Mary Carillo. BOO, OLYMPICS. I’M BORED. MORE PANDAS. KTHNXBAI.

Cris Collinsworth gets all lippy with Bob Costas, claiming that he has the best job at the Olympics, and suggests that Bob is merely a talking head that introduces the segments. But Bob is all AWW NO YOU DI’INT! And I suspect someone’s going to be out of a job tomorrow.

I don’t know much about the track events, but I’m pretty sure that in the relay races, you are supposed to pass the baton to the next runner. Right? And if you, say, drop the baton, your team is pretty much out of the race? Am I still correct? Well, someone needs to give the Americans a memo, because in the men’s 4×100 relay heat, they drop the baton in the middle of the race, which I think might disqualify them…

AND THEN? THE AMERICAN WOMEN DO THE SAME THING! I’m beginning to think the Jamaican team buttered all of Team USA’s batons, and stole all their USA tags, as the ones they are wearing appear to be hand drawn. Seriously. What’s going on here? At least Lauren Williams of the American team goes back and picks up the stick and carries it across the line therefore becoming the subject of a Morgan Freeman-voiced Visa commercial next year that makes everybody cry.

Here’s what I have to say about diving: why is it still judged on a 10 point scale, but gymnastics has some crazy calculus involving two different systems of scoring + Fermat’s Last Theorem x Pi = The Chinese win?

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT’S AWESOME? BMX! I’m no X-Games fan: I refuse to acknowledge anything labeled “X” as in “X-TREME” as in some lame attempt by marketers to make something “young” or “hip” or “pukey.” For me, X means Cross means BMX is AWESOME. Rock on, BMX Olympians. Rock on. But why wasn’t this broadcast live again?

Oh, right, because it wasn’t 1. a track and field event, or 2. involve bikinis or Speedos.

Speaking of sports I’m so over–you now what story I’m really really REALLY tired of hearing? How that giant dude on the men’s beach volleyball team, Dollhouse or whatever? lost all his hair when he was young and then decided to shave the rest of it off. This was not an interesting story the first time I heard it, it fails to be interesting the 18th time I hear it.

The men’s volleyball team wins the gold. Yippee. Can I go to bed now?

NO! Because Bob has news that the IOC has begun an investigation into the Chinese women’s gymnastics team’s ages.


Hope you sleep well Chinese cheaters! I will!


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