MONDAY
Avenue 5: This dark little comedy about an interplanetary cruise ship adrift in space that certainly isn’t a satire of our current political mess finally returns after a long COVID-induced hiatus. Season premiere. 9 p.m., HBO
All American: Jordan still grapples with the news he received about his hand in the season premiere. 7 p.m., The CW
All American: Homecoming: Damon needs to make a decision. Season premiere. 8 p.m., The CW
Kevin Can Fuck Himself: Alison’s new life isn’t what she expected in the series finale. 8 p.m., AMC
TUESDAY
The Winchesters: The love story of John and Mary begins. If you know, you know. Series premiere. 7 p.m., The CW
Professionals: Brendan Frasier stars in this action-comedy as a billionaire who hires security expert Tom Welling to investigate the possible sabotage of one of his projects. Hilarity ensues. Series premiere 8 p.m., The CW
Hereditary: Alright, so we’re knee-deep in spooky season, and I’m going to recommend a bunch of horror movies this week. That said, if you’re looking to be deeply frightened and disturbed and have nightmares for the rest of the week, this movie will do the trick. Still one of the most frightening films I’ve ever seen. 8:50 p.m., Showtime Showcase West
WEDNESDAY
I Love You, You Hate Me: This documentary explores the children’s series Barney, and the virulent backlash the show inspired. What started as a snarky joke ultimately became violent. Premiere. Peacock
Easy-Bake Battle: As far as I can tell, this new baking competition is merely inspired by Easy-Bake Ovens; competitors do not actually have to cook in Easy-Bake Ovens. But that would be a show I’d be much more likely to actually watch. Series premiere. Netflix
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Reunion: HOO BOY it’s been a season. And from what I hear, this reunion … does not go well. Part 1 begins tonight. 7 p.m., Bravo
THURSDAY
The Watcher: This Ryan Murphy limited series is based on one of the absolutely creepiest true stories you’ll ever hear. A family buys a beautiful house in an exclusive New Jersey neighborhood, and then the letters begin arriving … Series premiere. Netflix
The Rings of Power: Season finale. Prime Video
She-Hulk: Season finale. Disney+
Rosaline: This comedic reimaging of the Romeo and Juliet story is told from the perspective of Rosaline, the girl Romeo dumped to be with Juliet. Premiere. Hulu
High School: This new series is based on the lives of twin singer-songwriters Tegan and Sara. Series premiere. Freevee
Shantaram: Charlie Hunnam stars in this new series as a heroin addict who escapes from prison and reinvents himself as a doctor only to find himself enmeshed in the criminal underworld of Afghanistan. When I originally read the description of this, I mistook “a hopeful cinematic love story” with “a hopeful comedic love story” and was understandably confused for a minute or two. Series premiere. Apple TV+
Dark Glasses: Did you know that legendary Italian horror director Dario Argento is still alive? Because I did not know that legendary Italian horror director Dario Argento is still alive and still making movies, apparently. In this film, his daughter Asia, plays a woman who loses her sight and must rely on her guide to help her track down a dangerous killer. Premiere. Shudder
FRIDAY
Penn & Teller: Fool Us: Season premiere. 7 p.m., The CW
Whose Line Is It Anyway?: Season premiere. 8 p.m., The CW
X: A group of young filmmakers plans to film an adult movie on a rural Texas farm until their elderly hosts find up what they’re up to, and soon the filmmakers find themselves fighting for their lives in this surprisingly well-reviewed slasher movie. 8 p.m., Showtime
SATURDAY
Saturday Night Live: Houston’s own Megan Thee Stallion! 10:30 p.m., NBC
Scary movie marathon on AMC: Fright Night, Christine, Poltergeist, Child’s Play, Friday the 13th among others. All Day Long, AMC
The Lord of the Rings marathon: Missing the Rings of Power already? 2 p.m., Paramount Network
SUNDAY
Magpie Murders: A book editor is drawn into a murder investigation when she receives an unfinished manuscript in the most British-sounding mystery series ever. Premiere. 8 p.m., PBS
Sunday Night Football: Cowboys at Eagles. There is only one town that hates the Dallas Cowboys more than Houston and that is Philadelphia. Trust me, I’m married to a Philadelphian. Go Iggles. 7 p.m., NBC
Scream Marathon: Did you know the original Scream was loosely based on a real serial killer? It’s true. 3 p.m., VH1