Let’s begin with some intelligent penguins:
Happy Insurrection Day? Wait, that doesn’t sound right.
It’s January 6th and one year ago today Former President Burn it All Down incited a violent mob to attack the Capitol where Joe Biden’s victory was being certified by Congress. For my money, it was the second scariest day in American history in my lifetime. But what is more worrisome is that the root causes of the attack have not been dismantled. Sure, Former President Big Lie is out of office, thank God, but across the country, state legislatures are rapidly changing election laws to both make it harder for people to vote — especially in Democratic strongholds like large cities — and to make it easier for them to overturn an election if it doesn’t go their way.
Today serves as a reminder of just how delicate our Democracy is, and if the Democrats do not throw out the fucking filibuster in the Senate to protect election integrity, we are facing a very uncertain future.
President Biden delivered a powerful speech this morning, laying the attack squarely at the feet of his predecessor:
Biden: "We must decide what kind of nation are going to be. Are we going to be a nation that accepts political violence as a norm? Are we going to be a nation where we allow partisan election officials to overturn the legally expressed will of the people?" pic.twitter.com/LAQ5pGEJ3e
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) January 6, 2022
Biden: "You can't love your country only when you win. You can't obey the law only when it's convenient … those who stormed this Capitol & those who instigated & incited & those who called on them to do so held a dagger at the throat of America & American democracy." pic.twitter.com/z918MrwJmV
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) January 6, 2022
Biden winds down his January 6 speech with this: “I did not seek this fight brought to this Capitol one year ago today, but I will not shrink from it either. I will stand in this breach. I will defend this nation … here in America the people rule.” pic.twitter.com/ouCnoN9gSo
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) January 6, 2022
Senator Klobuchar gets it: “What they didn’t get done with bear-spray and bayonets and flagpoles, they are now trying to do with laws. … When our very democracy is at risk. I think now is the time to make an exception to the filibuster.” And here’s the kicker: did you know that as of today, there are 160 exemptions to the filibuster rule? IT’S TRUE.
And we can’t talk about January 6 without talking about the conservative media machine that feeds white displacement fears and conspiracy theories, which led to many of the rioters going to Washington DC in the first place.
In fact, Fox News’s Sean Hannity seems to be right in the thick of the January 6 mess, sending Mark Meadows text messages on the eve of the event, that he was “very worried about the next 48 hours,” and that “We can’t lose the entire WH counsels [sic] office. I do NOT see January 6 happening the way [Trump] is being told.” The January 6th Commission has asked Hannity to cooperate with their investigation, but right now his lawyer is trying to claim Hannity is a “journalist” and as such has certain specific First Amendment protections.
In the months leading up to Donald Trump’s 2016 election victory, Fox News host Sean Hannity used his massive media platform to openly help his “friend” defeat Hillary Clinton––an approach he justified by insisting that he is not a journalist and does not have to abide by journalistic ethics. “I’m not hiding the fact that I want Donald Trump to be the next president of the United States,” Hannity said in August of 2016, adding: “I never claimed to be a journalist.” Earlier that year, the Fox News star acknowledged that, if he were to interview Clinton, he would go after her “a hundred times harder than any Republican” because he is an overtly partisan actor. “I’m not a journalist, I’m a talk show host,” he concluded.
And while we’re talking about Fox News, here The Daily Show exposes their hypocrisy when it comes to rioting:
But before we leave this video, it serves as a useful reminder that the riot at the Capitol was not unrelated to the protests that erupted across the country in the summer of 2020. Violence did erupt at some (but not most) of those protests, and the right-wing media latched onto those images to demonize groups like ANTIFA and BLM and to fuel anger towards social justice movements in general.
On January 6th, the crux of Former President Broken Brain’s plan to remain in power was to have Mike Pence throw the certifications of certain swing states back to the states themselves, delaying making the election official and presumably reversing the results in his favor at some point.
However, delaying the certification wouldn’t be enough. Former President Seditionist would also need an excuse to exercise extraordinary powers to remain in power through Inauguration Day, January 20. And this is all speculation, mind you, but some believe that a large part of this plan hinged on violent clashes outside the Capitol between the MAGAites and leftist protestors. If fighting between the two groups erupted, Former President Firestarter could use the National Guard to quell the violence and declare martial law, blaming the “violent” left that he and the right-wing news media had primed their followers to hate — see the video above.
However, many leftists saw through the Proud Boys and Oath Keepers’ attempts to lure them to the Capitol that day and urged people to stay home. Which, fortunately, they did.
Trump has instructed his supporters to descend on DC on January 6. Liberals and Leftists, please don't go to DC that day. Let the Proud Boys and brainwashed poor (hillbillies) be the only ones to get arrested. https://t.co/npXqGfnGl6
— Cath (@IncomeEqualitee) December 31, 2020
Trump wants UNREST in the streets on January 6 EVERYBODY STAY HOME!
He wants chaos, someone to start a fire+, declare insurrection, blame Democrats. Then martial law.
This is exactly the move Hitler used, and so far, he has followed similar patterns #TeamJustice @glennkirschner2
— Fabled Creature (@fabledcreature_) January 1, 2021
Don't go to DC on Jan 6, Trump paid Proud Boys with donation money to act out violence so he can activate Matial Law to stay in office! https://t.co/W3PJmkUxJ1
— KaOssis$$ (@ka_ossis) December 19, 2020
When the left didn’t show up, the MAGAites who had been enflamed by Former President had no one to attack, and so they stormed the Capitol itself and the rest is history.
Seem far-fetched? Then someone needs to explain to me why Mark Meadows in a January 5 email wrote that the National Guard would be present on January 6 to “protect pro Trump people.” From what? Who did they expect to be attacking them?
Additionally, then-acting defense secretary Christopher C. Miller said on January 3 that Former President Traitor told him to “do whatever was necessary to protect the demonstrators that were executing their constitutionally protected rights.” Huh! Interesting! It’s like they were anticipating violence to break out near the Capitol and would have to crack down on it militarily or something.
Well, this is new.
Trump told his acting Secretary of Defense to use military force for what purpose?
Miller: Trump said "do whatever was necessary to protect the demonstrators that were executing their constitutionally protected rights."
Occurs in their Jan. 3 meeting. pic.twitter.com/jnEDYVUzsK
— Ryan Goodman (@rgoodlaw) May 12, 2021
All of this is to say that one year ago today we came as close as this country has ever been to a violent coup. I desperately hope that not only does the January 6 Commission get to the bottom of everything that happened, but that the Justice Department prosecutes everyone involved to the fullest extent of the law, that the filibuster is reformed to protect our election laws and that we vote overwhelmingly blue in November. Otherwise, I shudder to think of what will happen to our precious democracy.
Finally, one more brilliant piece from The Daily Show:
We put up monuments to the patriots who fought against America on January 6th. Please don't tear them down, because history.
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) January 6, 2022
Sincerely, and from the deepest depths of my heart: fuck you, Ted Cruz.
All Other TV News
And now in lighter news: I regret to inform you that Elmo’s feud with Rocco has escalated. Have the National Guard on standby.
For those of you people who have no idea what the hell I’m talking about, a brief explainer: On Sesame Street, Elmo’s friend Zoe has a pet rock named Rocco that she pretends is a fully sentient being. This drives Elmo insane as he understands that a rock is not a living being. This came to a head when Zoe insisted that Elmo couldn’t have his favorite oatmeal raisin cookie because Rocco wanted it:
there are tears in my eyes y’all my stomach hurting pic.twitter.com/bbkF9yDZLf
— cheye (dr.booty) (@wumbooty) January 4, 2022
Holy shit I have never been so certain I was about to see a muppet swear in my life 🤣 https://t.co/9uGPQUbCfn
— Too Thousand To Die Twice (@MikiHereEgo) January 5, 2022
It should be noted that this is not Elmo’s first run-in with Rocco:
😭😭😭😭😭😭 he said IKYFL! lmfaooo pic.twitter.com/g2uZrIyIkU
— ᴊᴏɴɴʏ ᴊᴜᴋᴇʙᴏx 🕹✨ (@jonnyjukeboxx) January 4, 2022
LMAOOOOO HE WAS SO DONE AT THE END pic.twitter.com/i5nAHBNVfk
— HAHAuSUK (@ItsOFFICIALuSUK) January 4, 2022
Elmo when Zoe comes with that damn rock: pic.twitter.com/gdzjLSxSre
— 📿✨🔮Lovely The Jeweler 🔮✨📿 (@lola_bluu) January 5, 2022
Elmo entered the conversation:
Has anybody ever seen a rock eat a cookie? Elmo is just curious.
— Elmo (@elmo) January 5, 2022
Don't worry everybody! Elmo and Zoe practiced sharing and are still best buds forever! Elmo loves you Zoe! Ha ha ha!
Elmo doesn't want to talk about Rocco.
— Elmo (@elmo) January 5, 2022
But not before people memed the hell out of it:
The real housewives of Sesame Street pic.twitter.com/uF7SmaoOau
— ✨ (@heyjaeee) January 6, 2022
— brodie from the losing score 🚀 (@brodiecantskate) January 5, 2022
— Tom Zohar (@TomZohar) January 4, 2022
— Drak (@Drakoniques) January 5, 2022
— Halloween XII: The Malewife of Michael Myers (@Tuxyydo) January 4, 2022
Zoe: Rocco says…
— 𓂀 Spirtually Secured (@Sangojourn3y) January 5, 2022
Updated my display box to fit with new Twitter trends. Love you, Elmo. Sorry, Rocco. pic.twitter.com/YqZs1tjwVs
— Professor Bex 🏳️⚧️ (@UnclePetunio) January 5, 2022
Elmo taking Rocco to go see Zoe pic.twitter.com/EhyR8AEhvm
— Chris (@CSS1491) January 5, 2022
I’ll admit I have not kept up with Elmo lore and so did not realize he’d gone from “extremely cute character” to “psyop victim”
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) January 6, 2022
Elmo just thinks it’s funny how https://t.co/sJsNpoQYjq
— Vinny Thomas (@vinn_ayy) January 5, 2022
Hey, Parks and Recs fans: y’all remember that episode where Patton Oswalt played a man who wanted to filibuster a city council vote, so he started yammering about the Star Wars and Marvel universes? And how Oswalt reportedly improvised the entire speech? And how the original speech was a full 8 minutes long? And they released the full thing on YouTube because they were so amazing?
Oswalt began his imagining of the Star Wars universe with what he envisioned for the then-upcoming Star Wars Episode 7 film:
“Pan down from the twin suns of Tatooine. We are now close on the mouth of the Sarlacc Pit. After a beat, the gloved Mandalorian armor gauntlet of Boba Fett grabs onto the sand outside the Sarlacc pit, and the feared bounty hunter pulls himself from the maw of the sandbeast. And we realize that he survived his fall during the battle at Jabba’s palace ship.”
Hey, guess what Star Wars did with the beginning of The Book of Boba Fett series? (Slight spoiler.)
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 30, 2021
We know a little more about Noah Hawley’s vision for his upcoming Alien series, and it sounds intriguing.
There was a dumb story about how Jon Stewart called the Goblins in the Harry Potter universe anti-Semitic, and it was like, “Yeah, duh, they’re small, hook-nosed creatures who control the banks? That’s a classic anti-Semitic trope. That was obvious 20 years ago when the books first came out.” And now Stewart is having to say he wasn’t calling J.K. Rowling anti-Semitic because so many people freaked the fuck out. But seriously, do a Google search for “The Protocols of the Elders of Zion,” the O.G. of modern anti-Semitic texts, and compare them to the goblins, if you don’t believe me.
Here’s a list of real (“real”) restaurants from TV that you can actually visit. Take that description with a huge grain of salt: it’s a lot of places that were used for exterior shots and a couple of replicas. Still, it’s a fun list for TV and food fans.
WarnerMedia and ViacomCBS are looking to sell off The CW, reportedly. The fact that it was co-owned by two different media companies helped keep the fledgling network alive for longer than most people expected, so it will be interesting to see if both entities pulling out will hurt it or not. Stay tuned.
HBO and HBO Max have 73.8 million total subscribers — up from 60 million at the end of 2020.
- Manhunt, a limited series about the hunt for John Wilkes Boothe starring Tobias Menzies, is in the works at Apple TV+.
- Bullsh*t The Game Show, hosted by Howie Mandel, is coming to Netflix.
- The Malevolent Bride, a supernatural thriller series, is being developed by A&E studios.
- A Town Called Malice, a crime drama, is in the works at Sky.
- Michael Imperioli will star in the second season of The White Lotus on HBO.
- Rita Wilson will guest star in 1883 on Paramount+.
Mark Your Calendars
- Peaky Blinders returns in 2022.
- Fraggle Rock: Back to the Rock will debut on Apple TV+ on January 21.
- Umbrella Academy returns on Netflix in 2022.
— Umbrella Academy (@UmbrellaAcad) October 1, 2021
- Fast Foodies returns on truTV on January 27.
- Dishmantled is currently streaming on Roku Channel.
- The Adventures of A.R.I.: My Robot Friend is streaming on Roku Channel.
- When Calls the Heart returns on Hallmark Channel on March 6.
- Reframed: Marilyn Monroe will premiere on CNN on January 16.
- Life Below Zero: Next Generation debuts on National Geographic on January 18.
- Phat Tuesdays will debut on Amazon on February 4.
- Growing Belushi returns on Discovery on January 19.
- BET Her Presents… Becoming: Michelle Obama in Conversation will premiere on BET and BET Her on January 17.
- Alice’s Wonderland Bakery will debut on Disney Junior on February 9.
Tiffini Hale, Former Mickey Mouse Club member
Ted Gardner, Co-founder of Lollapalooza and manager for Jane’s Addiction, Tool, The Verve, and Queens of the Stone Age
Kim Mi-soo, Korean actress
Women of the Movement: This limited series looks at the tragic life and death of Emmett Till, and the efforts of his mother to bring attention to the brutality of his murder. Series premiere. 7 p.m., ABC
Let the World See: A companion documentary series to Women of the Movement. Premiere. 9 p.m., ABC
Joe Millionaire: For Richer or Poorer: This trash makes The Bachelor look like an upstanding, quality series about the genuine quest for love. Season (sorta-series) premiere. 7 p.m., Fox
Go-Big Show: Season premiere. 8 p.m., TBS
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Rep. Adam Kinzinger, Corey Hawkins
- The Late Late Show with James Corden: Diane Kruger
- Watch What Happens Live: Oliver Hudson, David Arquette
|ABC||Women of the Movement
|Let the World See
|United States of Al
|FOX||Joe Millionaire: For Richer or Poorer
|Law & Order: SVU
|Law & Order: Organized Crime