I regret to inform you we have arrived at another new week.
Here is a mischievous, thieving miniature horse:
We’re going to start with the biggest TV news of the weekend, the Super Bowl, even though I could be someone in this video below:
I asked a few friends whoโs playing in the super bowl this weekend pic.twitter.com/hSVlwTCedb
— Michael Benjamin (@mfbenji) February 3, 2021
Tom Brady won, again, because there is no real justice in this universe, but who cares about that part? No, the most interesting part of the actual game was Sarah Thomas making history as the first female referee at the Super Bowl, and the fact that Lori Locust and Maral Javadifar were the first female coaches on a winning Super Bowl team.
And because this is not and never shall be a sports blog, let’s talk about the other stuff instead: the half time show, the ads, all the other nonsense.
Let’s begin with puppies! Here is the starting lineup of yesterday’s Puppy Bowl.
The game began with โThe Star-Spangled Bannerโ performed by Eric Church and Jazmine Sullivan and H.E.R. gave a performance of “America the Beautiful” that Prince himself would have been proud of. And Amanda Gorman, the breakout star of the Inauguration, performed a poem honoring our first responders and essential workers:
What a moment. @TheAmandaGorman #SBLV pic.twitter.com/v8VM9uhPww
— NFL (@NFL) February 7, 2021
As for the ads, my personal favorites include:
The Cadillac Edward Scissorhands sequel with Wynonna Ryder and baby Scissorhands Timothee Chalamet:
The Will Forte Ferrell General Motors electric car ad:
Tracy Morgan’s Rocket Mortgage ad (which was also the popular favorite, apparently):
Fiverr’s unexpected Four Seasons Total Landscaping ad:
And the Michael B. Jordon Alexa ad:
And while some people loved the Bruce Springsteen Jeep ad, and some people hated it, and while some of us had nightmares thanks to those Matthew McConaughey and Jason Alexander ads while others thought they were hilarious (BUT WHY?). we can all agree as a country that the Cure Auto Insurance ad that made fun of sexual harassment was the worst ad of the night.
Goddammit, no.
Apparently, some asshole trying to promote his porn site broke onto the field in the fourth quarter. Cool security you got there, guys.
And The Weeknd was the star of the halftime show …
… where his performance inspired feverish Illuminati conspiracy theories and memes. Well, one particular meme.
Me trying to find the bathroom at the club after 6 or 7 #PepsiHalftime #SuperBowl pic.twitter.com/T2tleRUbR7
— Dj 112 (@DJ112sa) February 8, 2021
My constituents and millions of other Americans trying to locate their polling places after the Voting Rights Act was gutted in 2013. pic.twitter.com/BaYAdlIfgP
— Rep. Terri A. Sewell (@RepTerriSewell) February 8, 2021
Entering an apartment where I know a dog lives pic.twitter.com/31MhCFu2kx
— push push ๐ด (@itspushpush) February 8, 2021
Trying to take make the $25 admission price worth it when they tell you the museum is closing in 5 minutes. pic.twitter.com/n1vohfeotb
— Felipe Torres Medina (@felipetmedinaa) February 8, 2021
my camera roll when I take my iPad back from a toddler pic.twitter.com/g0OqJLFpPH
— ๐จ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐พ๐๐๐๐ โข ๐ฌ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ (@skinclasshero) February 8, 2021
My dad on FT asking for IT help pic.twitter.com/XhPU4IpWIA
— Slade (@Slade) February 8, 2021
TFW youโre trapped in the lighted maze and no exit can be found pic.twitter.com/unsKucXF3c
— John Merriman (@jmerriman) February 8, 2021
Me backing out of posting one of these pic.twitter.com/iaEMPKqA51
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) February 8, 2021
But my FAVORITE story of the weekend was Fox News canceling Lou Dobbs’ garbage show. Fox News claims it was just a routine bit of “programming changes” and completely left out the part that his careless and baseless claims of election fraud got their asses sued by Smartmatic voting systems for $2.7 billion. Maybe because of statements like this from November 18: โAfter all the chairman of Smartmatic is very very close to none other than Mr. Soros. So how do you think theyโre going to cheat? Theyโre going to cheat democratic theyโre going to cheat left wing theyโre going to cheat radical thatโs what they are; left-wing radicals.โ
The Mexican city of what??? pic.twitter.com/GxwprVFNW9
— Kola Champagne Socialist (@TrillSmith) October 25, 2018
Lou Dobbs Tonight had been broadcasting on Fox Business Network since 2011, and since 2015, he had spent approximately 95% of his program kissing Former President Build The Wall’s ass. On Friday, the day the show was canceled, Lou Dobbs was on “vacation,” which on Fox News is often the kiss of death (except for that twerp Tucker Carlson, unfortunately).
"Lou will be back on Monday" (fact check: false) pic.twitter.com/WmEt1Xe4Lp
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) February 6, 2021
Then, Grandpa Dobbs retweeted a Washington Post tweet calling him a promoter of “Trump’s false election claims”:
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) February 6, 2021
He deleted the tweet, but the internet lives forever, Lou.
Meanwhile, according to some reporting, the employees at Fox News are wondering why Lou Dobbs was singled out instead of the other two hosts also named in the suit, Jeanne Pirro and Maria Bartiromo, and if he was a possible sacrifice to make the lawsuit go away. Or does Fox News know that another shoe, named Dominion Voting Systems, is about to drop?
I think only the Murdochs and Fox News CEO Suzanne Scott know why Dobbs was canceled but others mentioned in the Smartmatic lawsuit were not.
A good analysis from @brianstelter: https://t.co/p6TIbAnF0Y
— Jeremy Barr (@jeremymbarr) February 7, 2021
Finally, there is a chance that Fox could face another major defamation lawsuit related to its coverage of the election, this one from Dominion, which said in Dec. 22 letters to Fox that litigation is โimminent.โ
โThere is another shoe, I think, to drop,โ a Fox employee told me.
— Jeremy Barr (@jeremymbarr) February 7, 2021
Oh, you just thought you could quit SAG-AFTRA and be done with this story, Donald Jerbil Trump? Don’t step to Gabrielle Carteris: Andrea will cut a bitch.
Wait, is The Queen’s Gambit a limited series or is it a series series? Will there be more gambiting? I’m all for it, but it sometimes feels like a bait and switch when awards season rolls around to bill something as a limited series, and then renew it as soon as the prizes are handed out, Big Little Lies.
Interesting: might Madison be returning on Fear the Walking Dead?
Hilaria is sorry you were confused as to her ethnicity. This mujer. ๐
You can stream the first two seasons of iCarly on Netflix ahead of its revival on Paramount+.
Nobody:
MTV: HEARD YOU LOVE RIDICULOUSNESS.
Here's MTV schedule for the week of 02/01/2021!#MTVSchedule2021 #week06 pic.twitter.com/o5zDOrM6iI
— MTV Schedule (@MTVSchedule) February 2, 2021
A comedian is accusing Saturday Night Live of stealing his Zillow joke, and … he has a pretty good case. This is disappointing because it really was the best sketch of the night:
Dear @SNL, since you stole my Zillow joke last night please Venmo me the sum of 1 million dollars. My full special Cut/Up is on youtube if you need more ideas. pic.twitter.com/lC3yBpcs1h
— Ted Alexandro (@tedalexandro) February 7, 2021
The guy who attacked Michael Garofola in his parking garage has been arrested and facing three charges, including a hate crime.
Heal up quickly, Jennifer Lawrence! And maybe ignore the advice of your movie title!
Going Viral
Some 475,000 Americans have died of COVID-19. Cases continue to decline, but the variants are replicating quickly and yesterday’s Super Bowl could act as a super spreader. Please consider your Valentine’s Day plans carefully.
In his interview with Norah O’Donnell yesterday, President Biden acknowledged that it is going to take getting a lot more vaccines into a lot more arms to reach herd immunity by the summer. AND BEHAVIOR LIKE BELOW IS NOT HELPING MATTERS, DAMMIT.
At this rate — and with bullshit like ๐ — it could take us up to 7 years to get back to “normal” by some terrifying measures. And you might want to sit down for this revelation, but the reason the vaccine rollout has been such a shitshow is that the previous administration made a total fucking hash of it while engaging in petty turf wars, and a belief that the private sector could handle administering the vaccines better than the public sector could.
Florida superspreaders are gonna superspread.
The NFL is telling President Biden he can use their stadiums for vaccinations, now that they aren’t using them anymore.
Texas Representative Ron Wright has died of COVID complications related to having cancer. He’s the first sitting Congress member to die of coronavirus.
Patricia Healey, actress and wife of Engelbert Humperdink, has died from COVID complications.
Ramona Singer of The Real Housewives of New York is a selfish asshole.
Law & Order: Organized Crime has paused production already.
How the COVID crisis actually made the production of the Puppy Bowl a bigger deal this year.
Cancellations
- Wynonna Earp has officially been canceled after four seasons on Syfy.
- The Split will end after three seasons on BBC One.
In Development
- Y: 1883, a prequel to Yellowstone, is being developed at Paramount+.
- The Man Who Fell to Earth is being turned into a series at Paramount+. It will star Chiwetel Ejiofor.
- Red Widow, a CIA drama, is in development at Fox.
- The Obamas’ production company has announced their next slate of projects with Netflix. The projects include two TV series: Firekeeperโs Daughter, a YA thriller, and Great National Parks, a natural history docuseries; and four movies: Exit West, a love story starring Riz Ahmed; Tenzing about the explorer Tenzing Norgay; Satellite, a sci-fi film; and The Young Wife.
- Michael B. Jordan is making The Greatest, a limited series about Muhammad Ali with Amazon.
- Made for Love, a sci-fi dark comedy starring Cristin Milioti, is being made at HBO Max.
- Punk Ass Bitch, a comedy starring Chris Estrada, is in the works at Hulu.
- Boo, Bitch, a live-action comedy limited series, is being developed at Netflix.
- Jane, a children’s series from The Jane Goodall Institute, is coming to Apple TV+.
- Void, a sci-fi thriller, is being developed at Netflix.
- My First Time has been ordered at HGTV.
- Now HBO is working on a GameStop movie. Terrific.
- Rachel Maddow’s book Bag Man is being turned into a movie with Ben Stiller set to direct.
- Stacy Osei-Kuffour, a writer on Watchmen, Pen15, and Hunters, has been tapped to write the new Blade movie.
- Jenifer Rice-Genzuk, a writer for black-ish and grown-ish, is writing a basketball movie for Disney+.
- The Four Seasons Total Documentary is being made.
Casting News
- Christina Milian is replacing Naya Rivera in Step Up season three on Starz.
- Taran Killam is joining Welcome to Georgia on CBS.
- Mira Sorvino and Merrin Dungey are joining Shining Vale on Starz.
- Rob Delaney and Alice Eve are joining The Power on Amazon.
- Mapuana Makia is joining the cast of Doogie Kameฤloha, M.D. on Disney+.
- Sullivan Jones, Linda Emond, Michel Gill, and Ward Horton are joining The Gilded Age on HBO.
- Melissa Villaseรฑor will host the Film Independent Spirit Awards on IFC and AMC+.
- Peter Franzรฉn is joining the Finnish series Helsinki Syndrome.
- Dominic Purcell might be leaving Legends of Tomorrow on The CW.
Mark Your Calendar
- The Falcon and the Winter Soldier will premiere on Disney+ on March 19.
Are you ready? Watch the brand-new trailer for @MarvelStudiosโ The Falcon and the Winter Soldier and start streaming the Original Series March 19 on #DisneyPlus. #FalconAndWinterSoldier pic.twitter.com/09qbLUiS7e
— Disney+ (@disneyplus) February 7, 2021
- Clarice premieres on CBS on February 11.
- Man in the Arena: Tom Brady will premiere on ESPN+ sometime this fall.
- Superman & Lois will debut on The CW on February 23.
-
Raya And The Last Dragon will debut on Disney+ and in theaters on March 5.
- Godzilla vs. Kong will premiere in theaters and on HBO Max on March 31.
- Saint Maud will premiere on Epix on February 12.
- The Blinding of Isaac Woodard will debut on PBS on March 30.
- Playing with Power will be available on Crackle on March 1.
- Cake will return on FX on March 11; Breeders returns on March 22; and Hysterical will debut on April 2.
R.I.P.
Pedro Gomez, ESPN reporter
Mike Henry, Actor who played Tarzan in three different films, Junior in the Smokey and the Bandit movies, and who appeared on General Hospital M*A*S*H and Fantasy Island
Roy Christopher, Emmy-winning production designer who worked on Murphy Brown, Frasier, Wings, and the Tony Awards among many others
Robert C. Jones, Oscar-winning writer and editor who edited Itโs A Mad Mad Mad Mad World and Love Story, and wrote Coming Home
Frank Shankwitz, One of the founders of the Make-a-Wish Foundation
George Shultz, Cabinet member in four Presidential administrations
Leon Spinks, Boxing Olympic Gold Medalist, and the only boxer to ever take a title away from Muhammad Ali
Stefan Cush, Lead singer of the folk-punk band The Men They Couldnโt Hang
WATCH THIS
Black Lightning: Jefferson Pierce is still mourning Detective in the fourth and final season premiere. 8 p.m., The CW
Finding Bigfoot: The Search Continues: Spoiler alert: they still won’t find him. Premiere. Discovery+
The Bachelor: A former Bachelor contestant with a connection to Matt James shows up to make trouble. Because that’s what this season needed: more trouble. 7 p.m., ABC
Late Night:
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Dave Grohl, Joel Kinnaman, Foo Fighters
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Bill Burr, Justin Hartley
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Queen Latifah, Steven Yeun
- The Late Late Show with James Corden: Salma Hayek, Owen Wilson, the Weeknd
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Katy Perry, Michael McDonald
- The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
- Watch What Happens Live: Elizabeth Frankini, Ashling Lorger
- A Little Late with Lily Singh: Jay Pharoah
MON. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
ABC | The Bachelor (new) |
The Good Doctor (repeat) |
CBS | The Neighborhood (new) |
Bob โฅ Abishola (new) |
All Rise (new) |
Bull (new) |
CW | All American (new) |
Black Lightning (new) |
Local |
FOX | 9-1-1 (new) |
9-1-1: Lone Star (new) |
News/Local |
NBC | Ellen’s Game of Games (new) |
The Wall (new) |
Weakest Link (repeat) |
Will *Ferrell
Ha! Thanks, Jane. When I saw your comment come in, I assumed I had misspelled his name (I am a terrible speller). I did not expect to see that I had attributed the wrong SNL alum altogether! I have no idea where that came from!
-T