Me, looking for an exit from this Weeknd Super Bowl halftime show meme

I regret to inform you we have arrived at another new week.

Here is a mischievous, thieving miniature horse:

We’re going to start with the biggest TV news of the weekend, the Super Bowl, even though I could be someone in this video below:

Tom Brady won, again, because there is no real justice in this universe, but who cares about that part? No, the most interesting part of the actual game was Sarah Thomas making history as the first female referee at the Super Bowl, and the fact that Lori Locust and Maral Javadifar were the first female coaches on a winning Super Bowl team.

And because this is not and never shall be a sports blog, let’s talk about the other stuff instead: the half time show, the ads, all the other nonsense.

Let’s begin with puppies! Here is the starting lineup of yesterday’s Puppy Bowl.

The game began with “The Star-Spangled Banner” performed by Eric Church and Jazmine Sullivan and H.E.R. gave a performance of “America the Beautiful” that Prince himself would have been proud of. And Amanda Gorman, the breakout star of the Inauguration, performed a poem honoring our first responders and essential workers:

As for the ads, my personal favorites include:

The Cadillac Edward Scissorhands sequel with Wynonna Ryder and baby Scissorhands Timothee Chalamet:

The Will Forte Ferrell General Motors electric car ad:

Tracy Morgan’s Rocket Mortgage ad (which was also the popular favorite, apparently):

Fiverr’s unexpected Four Seasons Total Landscaping ad:

And the Michael B. Jordon Alexa ad:

And while some people loved the Bruce Springsteen Jeep ad, and some people hated it, and while some of us had nightmares thanks to those Matthew McConaughey and Jason Alexander ads while others thought they were hilarious (BUT WHY?). we can all agree as a country that the Cure Auto Insurance ad that made fun of sexual harassment was the worst ad of the night.

Goddammit, no.

Oh, and after running what felt like 30 ads for the rebranded Paramount+, the still-CBS All Access site crashed. Well done!

Apparently, some asshole trying to promote his porn site broke onto the field in the fourth quarter. Cool security you got there, guys.

And The Weeknd was the star of the halftime show …

… where his performance inspired feverish Illuminati conspiracy theories and memes. Well, one particular meme.

But my FAVORITE story of the weekend was Fox News canceling Lou Dobbs’ garbage show. Fox News claims it was just a routine bit of “programming changes” and completely left out the part that his careless and baseless claims of election fraud got their asses sued by Smartmatic voting systems for $2.7 billion. Maybe because of statements like this from November 18: “After all the chairman of Smartmatic is very very close to none other than Mr. Soros. So how do you think they’re going to cheat? They’re going to cheat democratic they’re going to cheat left wing they’re going to cheat radical that’s what they are; left-wing radicals.”

Lou Dobbs Tonight had been broadcasting on Fox Business Network since 2011, and since 2015, he had spent approximately 95% of his program kissing Former President Build The Wall’s ass. On Friday, the day the show was canceled, Lou Dobbs was on “vacation,” which on Fox News is often the kiss of death (except for that twerp Tucker Carlson, unfortunately).

Then, Grandpa Dobbs retweeted a Washington Post tweet calling him a promoter of “Trump’s false election claims”:

He deleted the tweet, but the internet lives forever, Lou.

Meanwhile, according to some reporting, the employees at Fox News are wondering why Lou Dobbs was singled out instead of the other two hosts also named in the suit, Jeanne Pirro and Maria Bartiromo, and if he was a possible sacrifice to make the lawsuit go away. Or does Fox News know that another shoe, named Dominion Voting Systems, is about to drop?

Oh, you just thought you could quit SAG-AFTRA and be done with this story, Donald Jerbil Trump? Don’t step to Gabrielle Carteris: Andrea will cut a bitch.

Wait, is The Queen’s Gambit a limited series or is it a series series? Will there be more gambiting? I’m all for it, but it sometimes feels like a bait and switch when awards season rolls around to bill something as a limited series, and then renew it as soon as the prizes are handed out, Big Little Lies.

Interesting: might Madison be returning on Fear the Walking Dead?

Hilaria is sorry you were confused as to her ethnicity. This mujer. 🙄

Please leave Suzanne Somers alone and do not break into her home while having a psychotic break, thanks.

You can stream the first two seasons of iCarly on Netflix ahead of its revival on Paramount+.

Nobody:

MTV: HEARD YOU LOVE RIDICULOUSNESS.

A comedian is accusing Saturday Night Live of stealing his Zillow joke, and … he has a pretty good case. This is disappointing because it really was the best sketch of the night:

The guy who attacked Michael Garofola in his parking garage has been arrested and facing three charges, including a hate crime.

Heal up quickly, Jennifer Lawrence! And maybe ignore the advice of your movie title!

Going Viral

Some 475,000 Americans have died of COVID-19. Cases continue to decline, but the variants are replicating quickly and yesterday’s Super Bowl could act as a super spreader. Please consider your Valentine’s Day plans carefully.

In his interview with Norah O’Donnell yesterday, President Biden acknowledged that it is going to take getting a lot more vaccines into a lot more arms to reach herd immunity by the summer. AND BEHAVIOR LIKE BELOW IS NOT HELPING MATTERS, DAMMIT.

At this rate — and with bullshit like 👇 — it could take us up to 7 years to get back to “normal” by some terrifying measures. And you might want to sit down for this revelation, but the reason the vaccine rollout has been such a shitshow is that the previous administration made a total fucking hash of it while engaging in petty turf wars, and a belief that the private sector could handle administering the vaccines better than the public sector could.

Florida superspreaders are gonna superspread.

The NFL is telling President Biden he can use their stadiums for vaccinations, now that they aren’t using them anymore.

Texas Representative Ron Wright has died of COVID complications related to having cancer. He’s the first sitting Congress member to die of coronavirus.

Patricia Healey, actress and wife of Engelbert Humperdink, has died from COVID complications.

Ramona Singer of The Real Housewives of New York is a selfish asshole.

50 Cent is a selfish asshole.

Law & Order: Organized Crime has paused production already.

How the COVID crisis actually made the production of the Puppy Bowl a bigger deal this year.

Cancellations

  • Wynonna Earp has officially been canceled after four seasons on Syfy.
  • The Split will end after three seasons on BBC One.

In Development

  • Y: 1883, a prequel to Yellowstone, is being developed at Paramount+.
  • The Man Who Fell to Earth is being turned into a series at Paramount+. It will star Chiwetel Ejiofor.
  • Red Widow, a CIA drama, is in development at Fox.
  • The Obamas’ production company has announced their next slate of projects with Netflix. The projects include two TV series: Firekeeper’s Daughter, a YA thriller, and Great National Parks, a natural history docuseries; and four movies: Exit West, a love story starring Riz Ahmed; Tenzing about the explorer Tenzing Norgay; Satellite, a sci-fi film; and The Young Wife.
  • Michael B. Jordan is making The Greatest, a limited series about Muhammad Ali with Amazon.
  • Made for Love, a sci-fi dark comedy starring Cristin Milioti, is being made at HBO Max.
  • Punk Ass Bitch, a comedy starring Chris Estrada, is in the works at Hulu.
  • Boo, Bitch, a live-action comedy limited series, is being developed at Netflix.
  • Jane, a children’s series from The Jane Goodall Institute, is coming to Apple TV+.
  • Void, a sci-fi thriller, is being developed at Netflix.
  • My First Time has been ordered at HGTV.
  • Now HBO is working on a GameStop movie. Terrific.
  • Rachel Maddow’s book Bag Man is being turned into a movie with Ben Stiller set to direct.
  • Stacy Osei-Kuffour, a writer on Watchmen, Pen15, and Hunters, has been tapped to write the new Blade movie.
  • Jenifer Rice-Genzuk, a writer for black-ish and grown-ish, is writing a basketball movie for Disney+.
  • The Four Seasons Total Documentary is being made.

Casting News

Mark Your Calendar

  • The Falcon and the Winter Soldier will premiere on Disney+ on March 19.

  • Clarice premieres on CBS on February 11.
  • Man in the Arena: Tom Brady will premiere on ESPN+ sometime this fall.
  • Superman & Lois will debut on The CW on February 23.

 

  • Raya And The Last Dragon will debut on Disney+ and in theaters on March 5.
  • Godzilla vs. Kong will premiere in theaters and on HBO Max on March 31.
  • Saint Maud will premiere on Epix on February 12.

R.I.P.

Pedro Gomez, ESPN reporter

Mike Henry, Actor who played Tarzan in three different films, Junior in the Smokey and the Bandit movies, and who appeared on General Hospital M*A*S*H and Fantasy Island

Roy Christopher, Emmy-winning production designer who worked on Murphy Brown, Frasier, Wings, and the Tony Awards among many others

Robert C. Jones, Oscar-winning writer and editor who edited It’s A Mad Mad Mad Mad World and Love Story, and wrote Coming Home

Frank Shankwitz, One of the founders of the Make-a-Wish Foundation

George Shultz, Cabinet member in four Presidential administrations

Leon Spinks, Boxing Olympic Gold Medalist, and the only boxer to ever take a title away from Muhammad Ali

Stefan Cush, Lead singer of the folk-punk band The Men They Couldn’t Hang

WATCH THIS

Black Lightning: Jefferson Pierce is still mourning Detective in the fourth and final season premiere. 8 p.m., The CW

Finding Bigfoot: The Search Continues: Spoiler alert: they still won’t find him. Premiere. Discovery+

The Bachelor: A former Bachelor contestant with a connection to Matt James shows up to make trouble. Because that’s what this season needed: more trouble. 7 p.m., ABC

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Dave Grohl, Joel Kinnaman, Foo Fighters
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Bill Burr, Justin Hartley
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Queen Latifah, Steven Yeun
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: Salma Hayek, Owen Wilson, the Weeknd
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Katy Perry, Michael McDonald
  • The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
  • Watch What Happens Live: Elizabeth Frankini, Ashling Lorger
  • A Little Late with Lily Singh: Jay Pharoah

MON. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Bachelor
(new)
The Good Doctor
(repeat)
CBS The Neighborhood
(new)
Bob ♥ Abishola
(new)
All Rise
(new)
Bull
(new)
CW All American
(new)
Black Lightning
(new)
Local
FOX 9-1-1
(new)
9-1-1: Lone Star
(new)
News/Local
NBC Ellen’s Game of Games
(new)
The Wall
(new)
Weakest Link
(repeat)

2 thoughts on “Me, looking for an exit from this Weeknd Super Bowl halftime show meme

    1. Ha! Thanks, Jane. When I saw your comment come in, I assumed I had misspelled his name (I am a terrible speller). I did not expect to see that I had attributed the wrong SNL alum altogether! I have no idea where that came from!

      -T

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