Our long national shitshow is over.

Hi, I’m back. Did I miss anything?

As I wrote on Wednesday, I went to bed Tuesday night early, and strangely calm. Zen-like, almost — and no, it wasn’t the bourbon, though that didn’t hurt. I woke up the next day and the next day and the next after that calm and confident that the numbers were in sanity’s Biden’s favor. Then, as my husband and I were walking to breakfast Saturday morning, the call was finally made. And I was … calm.

But an hour and a half later, I was sobbing — crying big, hot, salty tears. And that’s when I realized I hadn’t actually been calm, I’d been holding back. I’d been pinning up all that hope and desperation for change and terror of having (at least) another four years of this insufferable man in our White House, destroying our norms, unraveling our democracy. I was locking up all of those feelings behind a thick emotional wall, and I wasn’t allowing myself to actually feel anything — good or bad — until the race was actually called. November 9, 2016 was one of the most shocking and painful days of my adult life, and without realizing it, I had been protecting myself from experiencing that again. It feels really good to know I can let go of that now.

But, look. President Sore Loser isn’t  going to disappear, “like a miracle.” He’s refusing to concede, filling our courts with nonsensical legal challenges to the vote counts in several states, and refusing to allow the process of the transition to begin. That’s just who he is: he’d rather inflame his followers and try to burn the whole thing down on his way out the door  than leave with grace and dignity and the country in one piece like every other president before him.

And I have a thousand more things to say about the damage he might be able to do on his way out the door, and the hilariously quixotic battles he’s fighting (Four Seasons Total Landscaping is why Veep chose to end when it did: because even the Veep writers knew they would never be able to out-ridiculous this administration) — but maybe tomorrow.

Today, I just want to continue celebrating that the shitshow is coming to an end and to enjoy being able to feel and breathe again.

Going Viral

The great news is that Pfizer announced their COVID vaccine offers 90% protection which is fucking huge.

“Their vaccine has been tested on 43,500 people in six countries and no safety concerns have been raised.

The companies plan to apply for emergency approval to use the vaccine by the end of the month.”

Pfizer did not accept any federal money and was not a part of President Desperation’s “Warp Speed” program, but that isn’t going to stop these motherfuckers from claiming credit.

And note: it will be months before this vaccine can be mass distributed, but thank God that will happen under President Biden and not President Get Everyone in My Cabinet Sick.

The news of the vaccine sent the stock market soaring — interestingly, not just for Pfizer, but also for Disney. Losers? Netflix and Zoom.

That said, Disney has pushed two more movies back into 2021.

Hey, remember that Los Angeles Dodger who was pulled out of the World Series mid-game when he tested positive and then went out to celebrate when they won? Yeah, he’s not going to face any sort of disciplinary action. Meanwhile: 9 Dodgers have tested positive.

Rachel Maddow is quarantining after a close contact tested positive for COVID-19, and had to miss the end of the election coverage.

Here’s a sentence: “Irvin Baxter, a prominent Trump-supporting Evangelical pastor and televangelist who once blamed the coronavirus pandemic on premarital sex, has died of the coronavirus.”

Meanwhile, the White House is literally lousy with COVID: Chief of Staff Mark Meadows is positive, as are seven other staffers, and HUD Secretary Ben Carson just tested positive.

There were jokes long before the pandemic about how the incoming president after President Scumbag would need to disinfect the White House, but IT IS LITERALLY TRUE, Y’ALL. We’re going to have to throw a fog tent over the damn thing.

The Witcher had to suspend production after our people on production tested positive.

Claws also suspended production for two weeks after someone tested positive.

I hope all these shows built COVID shutdown time into their calendars the way my kids’ school district builds in hurricane days.

Good news: Gentleman Jack and Succession have both begun production.

All Other TV News

And because we can’t have more than one goddamn day of happiness in 2020, Alex Trebek, the host of Jeopardy, and legend, passed away from pancreatic cancer yesterday. His last episode of Jeopardy! will air on December 25.

I would normally post this in the R.I.P. section below, but this one is personal: Our own Whitney competed on Jeopardy! during Ken Jenning’s legendary run in 2004. And I made Alex Trebek laugh once. I tried out for Teen Jeopardy! here in Houston when I was 13, but I was not as smart as Whitney and did not make the cut. They gave us a test, and the GODDAMNED SPORTSBALL questions are what did me in. As they were grading our tests, Trebek came out to talk to us and field any questions, so I asked in complete seriousness, WHY WERE THERE SO MANY SPORTS QUESTIONS ON THE TEST? Mr. Trebek could only laugh and shrug. 13-year-old me was unsatisfied with this answer. Still, it was a delight to meet the man and the legend.

Anyway, I think it’s kismet in the fact that Alex Trebek and Sean Connery died within a week of each other. Maybe God does have a sense of humor.

Here is how Mom and Superstore wrote off their two leading ladies.

TV Guide is hosting a ton of Supernatural content ahead of the series finale next week, if you’re interested.

Netflix is testing a channel of scheduled programming. Peacock already has this with multiple channels: a Saturday Night Live channel, an Unsolved Mysteries channel among many others, for instance, and I kinda love them? It’s nice to put one on while doing something else, and just let it wash over you.

This is a big statement, Donald. I trust you, but this is a big statement.

This is a terrific piece comparing The Vow and Seduced: Inside the NXIVM Cult, and why the latter is so much better at exposing the evils of the cult.


The head writer of The Tonight Show is leaving because she CANNOT WRITE ONE MORE DONALD TRUMP JOKE. Girl, you only had to wait a couple more months!



In Development

  • The Line, a series based on the college basketball gambling scandal, is being produced by Charles Barkley of all people. Huh.
  • Our House, a real-estate thriller, is being developed at ITV.

Casting News

Mark Your Calendar

  • Walker will premiere on The CW early next year.
  • The Chicago series return on NBC on Wednesday.
  • Trolls: TrollsTopia will debut on Hulu on November 19.
  • Mosul will premiere on Netflix on November 26.
  • Kevin Hart: Zero F**ks Given will premiere on Netflix on November 17.


Bert Belasco, Star of BET’s Let’s Stay Together

Geoffrey Palmer, British actor in countless TV shows and movies, including As Time Goes By

Norm Crosby, British comedian

Kenneth Jones, Character actor

Gigi Proietti, Italian comedic actor

King Von, Rapper

Len Barry, Lead singer of The Dovells

Ken Hensley, Keyboardist in the band Uriah Heep


Industry: In this new series, five young recent graduates vie for a limited number of spots at a preeminent London bank. Series premiere. 9 p.m., HBO

Miss USA 2020: Like the Miss America pageant but without all the feminism. 7 p.m., FYI

The Voice: We’re already at the battles stage, apparently. 7 p.m., NBC

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Kaley Cuoco, Megan Rapinoe, 21 Savage x Metro Boomin
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: John Legend, Sarah Cooper, Carter McLean
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Stacey Abrams, Thomas Middleditch
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: David Oyelowo, Sam Smith
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Taraji P. Henson, Luke Combs, Nathaniel Rateliff
  • The Daily Show: TBA
  • Conan: John C. Reilly

MON. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Dancing With the Stars
The Good Doctor
CBS The Neighborhood
Bob ♥ Abishola
All Rise
CW Whose Line is it Anyway?
Whose Line is it Anyway?
Penn & Teller: Try This At Home Too
FOX L.A.’s Finest
Filthy Rich
NBC The Voice
Weakest Link

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