COVID-19 doesn’t give a shit about your baseball season.

It’s Monday. Again. Somehow.

Hope you didn’t get too attached to watching live baseball games. The Miami Marlins have revealed that at least 14 players and staffers have tested positive for COVID-19 the day after they played The Phillies. The Phillies are now awaiting the results of their tests.

MLB has canceled the Marlin’s home opener against the Baltimore Orioles and postponed the Phillies’ game against the Yankees and as I write this, they are holding an emergency meeting about the rest of the season. Word is, they’re going to continue playing, but we’ll see how long that lasts.

BUT WHO COULD HAVE POSSIBLY SEEN THIS COMING … except anyone and everyone. Look, the NBA has locked all of their players up in a bubble like in Under the Dome, and an L.A. Clipper player still managed to get out and visit a strip club. So do you REALLY THINK baseball players who are being trusted to quarantine at home are all going to follow the rules? And even if they DID all quarantine themselves religiously (which I guaran-fucking-tee you they are not), the truth of the matter is, you’re flying entire baseball teams from hotspot to hotspot — THE VIRUS IS GOING TO GET IN.

And don’t even get me started on the NFL or college football, a sport that is actually full contact …

alright ok we'll see

Oh, hey, we have another opening date for Tenet!

laughing anchorman lol

Meanwhile, Google won’t be having employees return to the office until at least July 2021. Maybe they know something that the rest of us should be paying attention to.

This brave soul went to Walt Disney World to report back to all of us his experience there.

The psychologist Paul Bloom has noted that the pandemic is unlike other catastrophes, because our suffering and collective response are solitary. To be a hero during the Blitz, you pulled neighbors from rubble; you commiserated with friends and encouraged them, in person, to buck up. To be a pandemic hero, you stay home and binge-watch Project Runway in your underpants. In Disney World more than anywhere else, this odd and psychically depleting fact about the pandemic—that it robs us of shared emotional space—haunts you. It may still be the happiest place on Earth, but you can’t tell by looking at anyone. If you want a freaky experience, I invite you to ride “It’s a Small World” under these conditions: You are surrounded by chanting dolls—their intentions unclear—while every live human around you is expressionless. The dolls repeat “It’s a small world after all” with slightly varying pitch about 200 times in 10 to 15 minutes. I have not seen the world for months. What are they telling me about it? That whole nations have been replaced by these relentless, diminutive automatons—and they are pleased by these events, and we large people must accept this new reality?

But if you do decide to go to Disney World, be aware a bandana is not an acceptable mask.

I’d also advise against wearing Nazi masks.

They seem nice.

Arkansas GOP state senator Jason Rapert who once tweeted from an empty airport that “liberal quacks” who “keep spreading fear” and who are “trying to quarantine the healthy,” is now in the hospital with the virus.

Rapper Doja Cat has tested positive for COVID-19 after mocking those afraid of catching it.

Now that the virtual San Diego Comic-Con is in our rearview, how’d it go? This piece is a great look at how it all came together, and both the pitfalls and unexpected benefits of going online. While the event plans on being in person again next year, they are exploring some on-line options as well.

Speaking of free virtual events, Lollapalooza will be streamed for free on YouTube for four days, beginning on July 30.

New York City hopes to restart “robust” TV production in September.

i guess we'll see alaska thunderfuck

Dancing with the Stars — another contact sport — plans to begin production in September.

i guess we'll see gotham

The Golden Globes will now take place on February 28. OK. WE’LL SEE.

An employee at Access Hollywood — which is being produced in the studio — has tested positive, but there are no plans to shutdown. OK.

HBO and Adam McKay are making a limited series based on The First Shot, a book about the hunt for a vaccine.

Bob’s Burgers will have a pandemic-themed episode next season — completely by accident (or serendipity, as the case may be).

Love in the Time of Corona will debut on Freeform on August 22.

PaleyFest LA, which was pushed back by the virus, will be virtual and take place in August. Check out their lineup here.

The good news is Sinclair Broadcasting was shamed into postponing a broadcast of a COVID-19 conspiracy documentary that suggests Dr. Fauci himself intentionally created the virus. The bad news is that word “postponing” which suggests they may broadcast it sometime later. The hopeful news is that they are using “postponing” as a way to shelve the documentary forever without having to face the wrath of the nutjobs out there who believe Dr. Fauci is some sort of evil mass-murderer.

Black Lives Matter

As I am typing this, Representative John Lewis’ body is being laid at state in the United States Capitol. Quite a beautiful ending for a son of sharecroppers who put his life on the line time and time again to force this country to live up to its ideals — or at least move a bit closer to them.

All Other TV News

The Daytime Emmys were announced for things like animated series and talk shows, if you’re interested. Most interesting of the awards, Songwriter and composer Alan Menken won in the Outstanding Original Song in a Children’s, Young Adult or Animated Program for the song “Waiting in the Wings” from Disney Channel’s “Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventures.” for the song “Waiting in the Wings” from Disney Channel’s “Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventures.” This win gives him an EGOT, making him only the 16th person to do so.

 

HAVE MISS PIGGY JUDGE DRAG RACE NOW, YOU COWARDS.

A Houston attorney has become a flashpoint thanks to Netflix’s Indian Matchmaker.

The cast of Stumptown teased at what we can expect for next season. (Dex’s mom, more of Grey’s dad.)

Colin Jost regrets having Donald Trump host Saturday Night Live while he was campaigning for President and calls it “a real Confederate statue of entertainment.” Great job, everybody. Also, it should be noted, just based on this interview alone, it sounds like he is planning on returning to the show next season, but who knows, right?

I have to say, Dan Akroyd’s hotel ghost experience is underwhelming. I’ve had much better hotel ghost experiences than that.

Kristian Alfonso has some shady things to say on her way out the door at Days of Our Lives.

A&E’s viewership has HALVED since they canceled Live PD. Oof.

A Florida investigative journalist was told she had cancer by a viewer.

Take care, Spencer Grammer!

Congratulations, Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas!

Renewals

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendar

  • The Right Stuff will debut on Disney+ soon.
  • Star Trek: Discovery will return on CBS All Access on October 15.
  • We Are Who We Are will premiere on HBO on September 14.
  • Pandora will return on The CW at some point.
  • The Walking Dead: World Beyond will premiere on AMC on October 4.
  • For All Mankind will return on Apple TV+ soon.
  • “The Treehouse of Horror XXXI” episode will air on The Simpsons this fall.
  • Family Guy returns on Fox on September 27.
  • Archer will return on FXX on September 16.
  • World’s Most Wanted will premiere on Netflix on August 5.
  • Tiny Creatures will debut on Netflix on August 7.

R.I.P.

Regis Philbin, Legendary television host of Live with Regis and Kathy Lee and Live with Regis and Kelly, and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? He’s going to be buried at his beloved Notre Dame.

Live with Kelly and Ryan devoted this morning’s episode to his memory, and Jeopardy! will begin their Celebrity Jeopardy! week this week with a Regis episode.

View this post on Instagram

There are no words to fully express the love I have for my precious friend, Regis. I simply adored him and every day with him was a gift. We spent 15 years together bantering and bickering and laughing ourselves silly—a tradition and a friendship we shared up to this very day. I smile knowing somewhere in Heaven, at this very moment, he’s making someone laugh. It brings me great comfort knowing that he had a personal relationship with his Lord that brought him great peace. I send all the love in my heart to Joy, to his children, to the rest of his family and to the innumerable people he touched over his legendary life. There has never been anyone like him. And there never will be.

A post shared by Kathie Lee Gifford (@kathielgifford) on

Olivia DeHavilland, Old Hollywood superstar

John Saxon, Actor in nearly 200 television shows and movies

Charlie Balducci, Star of MTV’s True Life

Susie Zhao, Professional poker player who appeared on World Poker Tour

Harry Clein, Publicist for Star Wars, Pixar, and who came up with the brilliant Blair Witch campaign

Peter Green, The founding member of Fleetwood Mac

WATCH THIS

The Good Fight: If you don’t have CBS All Access, here’s your chance to enjoy a few episodes of what is widely described as one of the best shows on television. Tonight and tomorrow. 8 p.m., BET

Don’t Look Deeper: A sci-fi movie about a teenager who discovers she might not be who — or what — she thinks she is. Premiere. Quibi

Jaime: Keep Cooking and Carry On: Jaime Oliver is back with a quarantine cooking show. Series premiere. Hulu

Canada’s Drag Race: It’s Drag Race, but more polite. Season premiere. 7 p.m., Logo

Penn & Teller: Try This At Home: Magicians perform tricks developed in and from their homes. 8 p.m., The CW

Bad Ideas with Adam Devine: Adam Devine and friends do stupid things in this new reality show. I’m unsure who would be willing to insure this, but here we are. Quibi

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Mike Tyson, Adam Devine, Chronixx
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Sen. Kamala Harris, Pete Carroll
  • The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
  • Watch What Happens Live: Hannah Ferrier, Alex Radcliffe

 

MON. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Bachelor: The Greatest Seasons Ever!
(repeat)
CBS The Neighbor-hood
(repeat)
Bob Hearts Abishola
(repeat)
All Rise
(repeat)
Bull
(repeat)
CW Whose Line is it Anyway?
(new)
Whose Line is it Anyway?
(repeat)
Penn & Teller: Try This At Home Too
(new)
Local
FOX 9-1-1
(repeat)
9-1-1: Lone Star
(repeat)
News/Local
NBC The Titan Games
(new)
The Wall
(repeat)
Dateline NBC
(repeat)

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