“Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.”

Well, hello, Thursday. Before we get to whatever nightmares you have in store for us, please look at these pictures of a family of foxes who took up residence in this lucky family’s back yard:

So, this morning I happened to see this photo, and I’ve been outraged ever since. As you may know, Niagra Falls is on the United States/Canada border, and as such, each country runs their own tour boats. What is important about this image is that while it might look like it, the Canadian ship is not empty. The American ship is running at 50% capacity, the Canadian ship has six passengers. SIX. It’s still operating, it’s just operating at maximum social distancing.

And remember, the border is essentially shut down, so this is not a case where potential Canadian boat riders finding the wait too long just hopped over the border to ride the American boat, and that’s why it’s so much more packed. No, it’s so much more packed because WE ARE NOT TAKING THIS SHIT SERIOUSLY.



Total cases: 112,240
Total deaths: 8,870
Total cases per million: 2,972
Total deaths per million: 235

United States

Total cases: 4,127,543
Total deaths: 146,623
Total cases per million: 12,465
Total deaths per million: 443

I keep seeing polls that suggest that the American people are taking the virus seriously, and are very worried about its spread, but I just don’t know, you guys. Color me unconvinced.

American Catastrophe: How Did We Get Here? – A Special Edition on 20/20 will air on July 28:

ABC News announced today a prime-time investigation into why the United States was unprepared for COVID-19, how government and administration officials failed and missed the warning signs, and what the country needs to do next to reopen and return to normalcy after the pandemic has wreaked havoc on American families, communities and the economy. The “20/20” special report, three months in the making, examines what officials did and did not do in those early days and weeks when the nation first started to understand there was a new virus sweeping through China. The one-hour television event also delves into how President George W. Bush directed his team to ready the nation for a possible pandemic in 2005, but why the country was nevertheless overwhelmed when the current pandemic hit.

Reminder: Comic-Con is happening on your computer right now, and you’re all invited to join. Variety has a list of some of the more interesting panels you might want to sit in on.

True Life Presents: Quarantine Stories will debut on MTV on August 5.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta started filming this week. Everyone’s temperature is taken every day (which won’t reveal if people are asymptomatic) and as many scenes will be filmed outdoors as possible. Which is good, but Atlanta is in a state that is spiking, so I wish everyone well.

Ryan Murphy’s The Prom has begun production in Los Angeles.

MasterChef is set to restart production in October. The series had to shutdown halfway through filming season 11.

The U.S. version of Love Island is leaving the island and will film in Las Vegas instead.

Thanks to this bullshit virus, we might not ever get a second season of Cheer.

The Circus is set to return to filming on August 16, and it’s going to look a lot different this season, with more in-studio interviews and less travel for the production teams.

Fox News has fired Heather Childers after she appeared sick on air in March. After coughing and sneezing on air, she went to the doctor and reportedly tested negative. She was benched by the network immediately after. So, to recap: At Fox News, it’s a bad thing to appear sick on camera, but it’s fine to spread lies and misinformation about the virus, putting millions of Fox News’ viewers’ lives as risk. Got it.

A White House cafeteria worker has tested positive for the virus.

When asked why there are no medical experts giving or even attending the White House press briefings about the virus, President Narcissist explained that it’s an attempt to raise his poll numbers by making him look like he’s doing something and not having to share the credit with actual experts it’s “very concise.”

Baseball is returning with virtual fans in the stands on Fox Sports. (Prediction: People will hate it.)

Tenet will not be debuting on HBO Max ahead of a theatrical debut. Meanwhile, AMC has pushed back reopening its theaters to mid- to late-August. OK.

Black Lives Matter

Speaking of Baseball returning, the Boston Redsox revealed a large Black Lives Matter mural next to their stadium. Awaiting the incoming Presidential meltdown.

And speaking of Presidential meltdowns, he’s planning on spreading his unconstitutional goon squads to other cities so as to scare your grandma into voting for him. Once again, he’s the arsonist who claims he’s the only one who can put out the fire he started.

His paramilitary thugs tear-gassed Portland’s mayor last night. Everything is fine.

All Other TV News

Look who’s again bragging about taking a cognitive test — which, again, is a test that is given to people who appear to have suffered some sort of neurological harm or degeneration:

“Person, woman, man, camera, TV.” Do I get to be President now?

This was clearly a do-over with Fox News after the disastrous Chris Wallace interview that aired on Sunday, in which Wallace challenged President Elephant Camel Rhino on how difficult this test was. President Flybrain suggested that the last five questions were tough — so tough Wallace wouldn’t be able to answer them, he insisted — but neglected to mention (remember) what those questions were. Turns out, he was talking about remembering five words in order, and he wanted to show that off to America.

Additionally, President Frontotemporal Dementia’s campaign has decided to try to paint Joe Biden as too old and addled to be President, which coming from LITERALLY ANY OTHER PERSON ON THE PLANET might be a strategy. But the very act of bragging about taking a mental acuity test designed for stroke victims and Alzheimer’s patients should be proof enough of dementia to remove this lunatic from office.

And this isn’t really TV-related, but an update on that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez/Ted Yoho confrontation that I mentioned briefly yesterday. This asshole Yoho went on the Congress floor yesterday to “apologize” to AOC, only to get up there and talk about how he has daughters and loves Jesus too much to be sorry for calling a fellow Congressperson a “fucking bitch” on the Capitol steps. Ocasio-Cortez responded today. Her comments should be heard in their entirety:

“I do not need Rep. Yoho to apologize to me. Clearly, he does not want to. Clearly, when given the opportunity, he will not. And I will not stay up late at night waiting for an apology from a man who has no remorse over calling women ad using abusive language toward women. I will not allow people to change and create hatred in our hearts. And so what I believe is that having a daughter does not make a man decent. Having a wife does not make a decent man. Treating people with dignity and respect makes a decent man. Lastly, what I want to express to Mr. Yoho is gratitude. I want to thank him for showing the world that you can be a powerful man and accost women. You can have daughters and accost women without remorse. You can be married and accost women. You can take photos and project an image to the world of being a family man and accost women without remorse and with a sense of impunity. It happens every day in this country. It happened here on the steps of our nation’s Capitol.”

Daenerys throws fire game of thrones dothraki you will die

HBO announces it has 4 million HBO Max subscribers. It’s no Disney+ with their 10 million initial subscribers, in other words. (Of course, they’re no Quibi, either.) They may want to figure out a deal with Roku and Amazon sooner rather than later.

Most subscribers have only watched about 2% of Netflix’s entire library. Well, no shit.

Alex Trebek knows who should replace him on Jeopardy! one day.

I don’t know if y’all remember the insanity of I Wanna Marry Harry, the Fox reality show that tricked women into thinking they were competing to date Prince Harry, but if so, here’s a look back at how the series’ producers brainwashed and gaslit their contestants.


In Development

Casting News

  • Tiffany Boone has joined the cast of Nine Perfect Strangers on Hulu.
  • Greg Vaughan is leaving Days of Our Lives after eight years.
  • Otmara Marrero has been cast in NBC’s lockdown comedy Connecting.

Mark Your Calendars

  • Bill & Ted Face the Music will debut on VOD on September 1.
  • RuPaul’s Drag Race: Vegas Revue will debut on VHI on August 21.
  • Bad Ideas with Adam Devine will premiere on Quibi on July 27.
  • Dallas and Robo will premiere on Syfy TZGZ on July 24.


Demitra “Mimi” Roche, Appeared on the Bad Girls Club.


Blindspot: “Turn off your mind relax and float down stream, it is not dying. It is not dying.”  Uh … OK? Series finale. 8 p.m., NBC

The Dog House: Rescued dogs are paired with new families in this new series that is designed to make you sob. Series premiere. HBO Max

Lost Resort: In this new reality series, eight strangers go to a resort in Costa Rica to work on their shit with a bunch of alternative healers. Series premiere. 9 p.m., TBS

Celebrity Watch Party: Season finale.  7 p.m., Fox

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Will Arnett, Michaela Coel, H.E.R.
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Al Gore, Rachel Brosnahan, Nikki Glaspie
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Ava DuVernay, Ben Folds
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Jason Bateman, guest host Sean Hayes
  • The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
  • Conan: Andy Samberg
  • Watch What Happens Live: Leah McSweeney, Michelle Buteau
THUR 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Holey Moley
To Tell the Truth
CBS Young Sheldon
The Unicorn
NCIS: Los Angeles
CW Killer Camp
Masters of Illusion
Masters of Illusion
FOX Celebrity Watch Party
Beat Shazam
NBC Ellen’s Game of Games
Law & Order: SVU

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