“You’re hurting old people like me. Well, not me… I’ll never see you.”
Larry David wants everyone to stay home to protect older Californians from #COVID19!
He does not do these things.
Listen to Larry.#StayHomeSaveLiveshttps://t.co/snYe5v55Rw pic.twitter.com/C5cKOaAufE— Office of the Governor of California (@CAgovernor) March 31, 2020
Take Larry’s advice and watch more TV. In fact, just for you, I made a list of some 43 dramas to stream — some of which I’m sure you’ve already watched, but I bet there are a few in here you either never got around to or maybe haven’t even heard of. And let me know what you’re streaming — I’m always interested in hearing what people are actually watching, not just what I think they should be watching.
As for my comedy gallery, Stan Cordray commented yesterday that another great comedy that I left off was I’m Sorry on truTV and he is absolutely correct. In fact, it was on my list of comedies I left off of my gallery because I’m a God Damned Idiot, that I will share with you and only you, my Foolishwatcher readers (until I update the Chron gallery sometime next week:
- I’m Sorry: Netflix, Hulu
- Getting On: HBO Now (Here’s an article detailing how the series would have handled the pandemic if it were still on the air, and it is perfect. Please give this series a chance if you haven’t already seen it, much less heard of it. It’s a wonderful piece of dark comedy.)
- Insecure: HBO Now
- Baskets: Hulu
- Better Things: Hulu
- Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Netflix
- Drunk History: Hulu
- Everything’s Gonna Be Okay: Freeform and Hulu
- Flight of the Conchords: HBO Now
- Nathan for You: Comedy Central, Hulu
- Righteous Gemstones: HBO Now
- Eastbound and Down: HBO Now
- Jane the Virgin: Netflix
I’m sure by this time tomorrow I’ll have more dramas to add to my list. Stay tuned.
The series finale of Empire is the latest TV victim of Covid-19. At the end of last night’s episode, the show announced that there are only three episodes left in the season, with only 18 episodes instead of the planned 20. The series finale will now air on April 21.
Showtime is going to split the seasons of Black Monday, Billions and The Chi. They will air half the seasons of the shows this spring and then the rest of the episodes sometime later this year.
America’s Got Talent is re-opening its online auditions.
Ryan Seacrest claims that American Idol is going to use technology to deliver the show. We’ll see.
The original cast of The Nanny will do a Zoom table read on YouTube the morning of Monday, April 6.
Chris Cuomo’s Covid-19 diagnosis has left his fellow news folks verklempt:
Don Lemon became emotional last night talking about his fellow CNN anchor.
And even Tucker Carlson vowed to not attack Cuomo right now.
Wicked, and Minions: The Rise of Gru are the two latest movies to be postponed because of this thing.
Edinburgh’s famous summer festivals, The Fringe, International Festival, Jazz and Blues Festival, Book Festival and Military Tattoo, will not take place for the first time in 70 years. The Edinburgh TV Festival is still assessing the situation.
And it sounds like the Democratic Convention will be postponed. But not the Republican one!
So let’s do a quick political check-in:
After literally months of doing nothing, President Yanker has finally decided to take this shit seriously and admits that some 100,000 to 200,000 Americans are going to die, and somehow HE WANTS TO CLAIM THIS IS A GOOD THING. THAT HE IS DOING A GOOD JOB.
We have it pretty much contained and by contained I mean death on a scale that surpasses your worst nightmares.
— Chris Hayes (@chrislhayes) March 31, 2020
And somehow even worse, the media covering him want to applaud his “change in tone” to a much more sober, serious one. YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK THAT. This man has not only known that this virus was coming here and was going to be catastrophic for MONTHS NOW, his entire administration has been warned that we were not prepared for a pandemic LITERALLY SINCE BEFORE THEY CAME INTO OFFICE. I AM SORRY FOR THE CAPS LOCK I AM JUST REALLY FURIOUS ABOUT THIS.
In Jan 2017, a week before Trump takes office, Obama staffers run a pandemic response exercise for incoming senior Trump cabinet officials that warns of critical shortages of PPE, ventilators, etc. pic.twitter.com/yzpsNyWZFl
— Nico Pitney (@nicopitney) March 31, 2020
April 2017: Alarm from health experts fuels a WaPo story titled, 'The Trump administration is ill-prepared for a global pandemic,' which notes that 'the Trump administration has filled few of the senior positions critical to responding to an outbreak.' https://t.co/NtEfKNHD8f
— Nico Pitney (@nicopitney) March 31, 2020
Feb 2018: The U.S. intel community Worldwide Threat Assessment warns that a 'novel strain of a virulent microbe that is easily transmissible' carries 'the potential for a severe global health emergency… major economic and societal disruptions' https://t.co/i8xdpBuKmr
— Nico Pitney (@nicopitney) March 31, 2020
March 2018: Bill Gates says he has personally and repeatedly warned Pres. Trump, including the previous month, that the U.S. government is not properly prepared for a large and lethal modern-day pandemic https://t.co/32O3GtJyVJ
— Nico Pitney (@nicopitney) March 31, 2020
May 2018: @SenSherrodBrown, in a letter protesting the elimination of the NSC pandemic response team, requests the administration urgently re-prioritize global health security pic.twitter.com/CWnr54egby
— Nico Pitney (@nicopitney) March 31, 2020
Jan 2019: The DNI's Worldwide Threat Assessment includes an even more dramatic warning that the U.S. remains 'vulnerable to the next flu pandemic or largescale outbreak of a contagious disease that could lead to massive rates of death and disability' pic.twitter.com/iOptTxGb6s
— Nico Pitney (@nicopitney) March 31, 2020
October 2019: A draft report of lessons from the HHS simulation 'accurately predicted the very types of problems' with the response seen now, the NYT reported, including ventilator/mask/supply shortages, confusion over federal & state roles, and federal interagency friction pic.twitter.com/DmQiVa9SQ4
— Nico Pitney (@nicopitney) March 31, 2020
Oh, but don’t worry, Jared is on the case:
Relax everyone, Jared Kushner is doing his own projections. https://t.co/UaaSaAH2gj pic.twitter.com/T5fjWX1YQk
— Mangy Jay (@magi_jay) April 1, 2020
Oh, and remember the part where Jared promised a website that would help Americans be diagnosed and tested and that Google was involved? Yeah, you’ll be shocked to hear this, but apparently, Jared and his brother stand to benefit financially from this scheme:
On March 13, President Donald Trump promised Americans they would soon be able to access a new website that would ask them about their symptoms and direct them to nearby coronavirus testing sites. He said Google was helping. That wasn’t true. But in the following days, Oscar Health—a health-insurance company closely connected to Trump’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner—developed a government website with the features the president had described. A team of Oscar engineers, project managers, and executives spent about five days building a stand-alone website at the government’s request, an Oscar spokesperson told the Atlantic. The company even dispatched two employees from New York to meet in person with federal officials in Washington, D.C., the spokesperson said. Then the website was suddenly and mysteriously scrapped.
HUH.
Of course, Jared’s not the only person who stands to benefit financially from a global pandemic. Senator Kelly Loeffler (who was appointed by the governor of Georgia who stole that seat, lest you forget) sold more stock than was originally known after being briefed on the extent of the virus back in January, including shares in companies like T.J. Maxx and Lululemon and bought stock in companies that … wait for it … make Covid-19 protective garments.
WE MUST REMEMBER THIS IN NOVEMBER. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF US.
We are all Ina Garten:
“I’m gonna make you my favorite Cosmopolitan and you probably have all the ingredients right in your house. So you need a big pitcher ‘cause I like to make a lot of Cosmos. You never know who’s gonna stop by. Wait a minute… no one’s stopping by.”
– Ina Garten, 9:30AM pic.twitter.com/6EFONzgssa— Ξvan Ross Katz (@evanrosskatz) April 1, 2020
Good news:
Chairman-CEO Brian Roberts and other top executives at Comcast will donate 100% of their salaries to charities and have set up a $500 million fund for their employees.
CBS is not going to retroactively fuck over their assistants after all.
Disney is not going to fire their Little Mermaid UK crew after all. It’s a shame they considered doing so at all, but we have to take small blessings where we can get them.
Stephen Spielberg has launched the American Film Institute Film Club with the Wizard of Oz.
And Ava DuVernay has launched her own film club, #ArrayMatinee.
You’ll be getting the next Stephen King book early.
Meanwhile, a UK fetish company that sells medical supplies and equipment for sex play has donated its supply of scrubs to the NHS, AND THEY HAVE SOME THOUGHTS:
When you see someone from the government saying the NHS is getting what it needs, that is a LIE.
We have been contacted this week by representatives of NHS procurement all over the country, trying to source basic protective equipment and clothing. [2/5]— MedFetUK (@MedFet_UK) March 27, 2020
Let's be under no illusions, this is the result of a decade of chronic underfunding and cuts which has left the NHS barely able to cope under normal circumstances, much less when faced with the onslaught of a global pandemic. It did not, and should not, have to be this way [4/5]
— MedFetUK (@MedFet_UK) March 27, 2020
So when it's all over…and the doctors, nurses and other staff have done an amazing job (as they undoubtedly will despite the circumstances)…let's not forget, or forgive, the ones who sent the NHS into this battle with inadequate armour and one hand tied behind its back. [End]
— MedFetUK (@MedFet_UK) March 27, 2020
Finally, like all of us, I’ve been hurting watching what is going on in this country, and specifically in my former homes, New York City and New Orleans. The thing that crushes me the most is thinking of all the people who will die alone and all the families who won’t be able to hold funerals for their loved ones. I already have one friend in San Francisco who was unable to attend his grandfather’s funeral because he of this mess, and he won’t be the last. As someone who just buried her own grandfather a week before this whole thing exploded and we were all put on lockdown, as someone who was able to attend her grandfather’s funeral with her family and loved ones, I can’t believe how lucky I was for such a small blessing, and how much we all took for granted just a few weeks ago.
We're all reading a ton of #coronavirus stuff, but each day I read a post or two that utterly stop me in my tracks. This was today's, from a doctor at Brooklyn's Maimonides Medical Center, via @avitalrachel. pic.twitter.com/oGAvupdtEd
— Steve Silberman (@stevesilberman) March 31, 2020
Anyway, this Brass-A-Holics version of “I’ll Fly Away,” a jazz funeral staple, is both heartbreaking and uplifting and if you need a good cleansing cry right now, have at it:
All the Other TV News
SURPRISE: Everyone is streaming everything. Nielsen says streaming was up 50% from the same time last year, and that y’all are watching that Spenser Confidential with Marky Mark movie on Netflix most of all, but I assume that this is because this is for the week of March 16, and Tiger King didn’t debut until that Friday.
Speaking of Tiger King, you know who has no time for Joe Exotic? Houston hero, Bun B.
Team Bun B.
John Stamos stole the Full House couch, and his castmates had no idea — check out the comments on this post:
Zach Braff and Donald Faison have teamed up for a Scrubs rewatch podcast, God bless them.
I haven’t been recapping this season of Manifest because I just … can’t. But here’s a great little rant about how TERRIBLE the acting is.
Dermot Mulroney should only play bad guys. (Possible Prodigal Son spoilers in the link, heads up.)
Casting News
- Regis Philbin is going to guest star on Single Parents on ABC (which is no huge surprise as it’s his daughter’s show).
- Savannah Smith has been cast in a lead role on HBO Max’s Gossip Girl reboot.
Mark Your Calendars
- Thanks a Million will debut on Quibi on April 6.
- Rick & Morty will return on Adult Swim on May 3.
- Prodigy will debut on Quibi on April 6.
- American Dad returns on TBS on April 13.
-
Nicky Jam: El Ganador will premiere on Netflix on April 21.
- Helpsters returns on Netflix on April 3.
- I Know This Much is True has been moved back to May 10 on HBO.
- General Hospital is going to start airing reruns every Friday.
- Hey, you can stream Community on Netflix now.
The CW released summer premiere dates:
- Masters of Illusion on May 15.
- Burden of Truth on May 21.
- Bulletproof on June 17.
- Whose Line is it Anyway? on June 22.
- Penn & Teller: Fool Us on June 22.
R.I.P.
Chloe Aaron, Former PBS executive and a pioneer in the TV business
Jeff Grosso, Professional skateboarder
WATCH THIS
Nailed It!: Since everyone is baking these days. OOH — WE SHOULD HAVE A SOCIAL DISTANCING AT-HOME VERSION OF NAILED IT! MAYBE OVER ZOOM OR SOMETHING. Someone make that happen. Season premiere. Netflix
The Magicians: “Christmas comes early.” Series finale. 9 p.m., Syfy
David Blaine: The Magic Way: Speaking of magicians, Blaine is back to do his street magic. 9 p.m., ABC
The Masked Singer: Two-hours of this nonsense as the finalists perform. 7 p.m., Fox
The Iliza Shlesinger Sketch Show: Comedy! Series premiere. Netflix
Late Night:
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Joe Biden, Lady Gaga, Marcus Mumford
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Martha Stewart
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Ryan Reynolds
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Eric Stonestreet, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Jessie Reyez
- The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show with Trevor Noah
- Conan: Jesse Eisenberg
- Watch What Happens Live: John Mayer
- A Little Late with Lily Singh: Terry Crews
| WEDS. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | The Gold-bergs (new) |
Schooled (new) |
Modern Family (new) |
Single Parents (new) |
David Blaine: The Magic Way (new) |
| CBS | Survivor (new) |
SEAL Team (repeat) |
S.W.A.T. (repeat) |
| CW | Penn & Teller: Fool Us (repeat) |
Penn & Teller: Fool Us (repeat) |
Local |
| FOX | The Masked Singer (new) |
News/Local |
| NBC | Chicago Med (repeat) |
Chicago Fire (repeat) |
Chicago P.D. (repeat) |