Big Dick news: Dick Wolf just signed a massive deal with Universal Television and as part of said deal, Law & Order: SVU, and all of the Chicago series will be with us FOREVER. Law & Order: SVU, Chicago Fire, Chicago P.D. and Chicago Med have all been renewed for three more seasons — which means Law & Order: SVU will run at least through season 24; Chicago Fire through season 11; Chicago P.D. through season 10 and Chicago Med through season 8. I’ve updated the gallery over at Chron.com (but between the two of us, there haven’t been many changes since the last time I posted about it here a few days ago).
Turns out we are going to learn who the next Bachelorette is going to be on Monday morning. This is an interesting development mostly because thanks to the way the most recent Bachelor episode ended — without an elimination — it means that none of the final three will be the Bachelorette. (And I really thought Hannah Ann was going to be the one …) Alright. Best guesses? Because if it’s that fucking crybaby Kelsey, I WILL SCREAM.
JUST ANNOUNCED: We're revealing the new @BacheloretteABC, LIVE MONDAY on @GMA! 🌹
Have questions for her? ASK in as a reply below! #TheBachelorette pic.twitter.com/XzO4akAVx0
— Good Morning America (@GMA) February 28, 2020
Reality Steve is hinting that it is going to be Clare. As in Juan Pablo’s Clare. As in talks to raccoons Clare.
Alright. I’ll watch.
A game folks are playing on the interwebs today: If you could bring back one canceled show, which would it be? YOU ONLY GET ONE CHOICE. Tell me in the comments.
As for mine? I was torn between Pushing Daisies, Hannibal and Happy Endings — all shows that ended too soon. (As for my favorite shows: Lost, The Sopranos, Watchmen, Mad Men, Breaking Bad, etc. they ended perfectly, let them rest in peace.)
But if I’m being completely honest with you, the show I would bring back in this exercise is a really weird choice: Channel Zero. HEAR ME OUT: For one thing, it’s an anthology series which means that it could just start right up with a brand new story and brand new actors without missing a single beat. Additionally, when it was canceled, it had finally found its footing and was embracing its darkly humorous side. Channel Zero was one of the weirdest, most psychologically terrifying series I’ve ever seen, and I wish it would come back. Anyway. YOURS?
How stupid is everything right now? Everything is so stupid right now that in a segment, “Americans are skipping medically necessary prescriptions because of the cost,” CNBC originally shared this graphic:
THAT IS HOW STUPID EVERY SINGLE THING IS RIGHT NOW. (Although I have to be completely honest, I love this map so much and could stare at it forever, trying to suss out its mysteries.)
Good news for humanity: the reports of Nikolaj Coster-Waldau’s death have been greatly exaggerated.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B82Z5bapLmL/?utm_source=ig_embed
Poor Kehwral:
jesus christ please make it stop https://t.co/dRh99oq6cr
— chandler riggs (@chandlerriggs) February 27, 2020
It’s almost been a year (I remember because I was on my spring break ski trip with my family when it broke — which means, that’s right, cute animal posts are coming) but Lori Loughlin finally has a trial date.
Dr. Jason Johnson has been suspended as an MSNBC contributor after attacking Bernie Sanders and his supporters and saying on a radio show, “I don’t care how many people from the island of misfit black girls you throw out there to defend you.” Things are getting fiesty out there. I swear, this primary season can not end soon enough for me.
Get better soon, Britt McHenry.
I’m not going to spend too much time on coronavirus today, but here is a good list of events, premieres and concerts that have been canceled as a result, including BTS’s Korean tour; a Facebook conference; and Tokyo Disney which is being shut down for a couple of weeks. But don’t worry, all information about the virus from health officials will have to be cleared through Mike Pence’s office first, and Larry Kudlow and Steve Mnuchin, President Stalin’s economic advisor and labor secretary, have been added to the team, so everything is going to be TOTALLY FINE.
Meanwhile, NPR has some no-nonsense tips to get you through these exhausting times:
- Make sure you have a supply of daily prescription medication on hand, as well as over-the-counter fever reducers.
- Have sufficient nonperishable foods to last your family for two weeks.
- Have soup, crackers, and Gatorade or Pedialyte on hand should anyone in the house get sick.
- Clean surfaces frequently with soap and water.
- Wear a mask if you get sick.
- Telecommute instead of going to an office, if possible.
- Have a plan in place for kids and older family members.
- Wash hands as soon as you enter your home.
- Cough into your elbow.
And if you’re in Houston, BOIL YOUR WATER UNTIL YOU ARE TOLD OTHERWISE.
Renewals
- Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj has been renewed at Netflix for a third season.
- The Zoo: San Diego has been renewed for a second season at Animal Planet.
In Development
- Day of the Dead and The Surrealtor have been ordered to series at Syfy.
- The Mystery Of D.B. Cooper, a documentary by Louis Theroux, is being produced by BBC and HBO.
- Mitchcraft, a horror comedy, has been set at Amazon.
- Frank of Ireland, a comedy series, has also been set at Amazon.
- Ice Cream Man, a horror-fantasy series has been bought by Quibi.
- The WeWork series has been picked up by Apple TV+.
- Triage, a medical drama, has been given a pilot order at ABC.
- The Race Against the Virus is in the works at BBC.
- You Don’t Know Me is being adapted at BBC.
- Get Off Your Ass, the Michelle Visage series, has been ordered at BBC.
Casting News
- Sofia Vergara has been added to the judges’ panel on America’s Got Talent, and Heidi Klum is returning.
- Marla Gibbs and Reggie Watts are going to guest star on One Day at a Time on Pop.
- Haley Joel Osment, Jena Malone, and Clara Wong are joining Goliath on Amazon.
- Here’s the cast of The Bachelor: Listen to Your Heart which, again, I am absolutely not recapping.
- Phylicia Rashad and Mamoudou Athie will star in Black Box for Amazon.
- Gideon Glick has joined the cast of The Other Two on Comedy Central.
- Molly Hagan is joining the Walker, Texas Ranger pilot at The CW.
- Shanola Hampton will star in Night School at NBC.
- Katheryn Winnick is joining the pilot The Big Sky at ABC.
- Tyrone Marshall Brown has been added to the pilot Blood Relative at Fox.
- Caleb Ruminer, Angel Parker, Catherine Dent, Veronica St. Clair, and Jag Bal have joined the cast of La Brea.
- Fred Hechinger is joining The Underground Railroad on Amazon.
- Juliet Landau will recur on Claws on TNT.
- Max Jenkins is joining the cast of Special on Netflix.
- Offset will guest star on NCIS: Los Angeles this Sunday.
- Kevin Feige will guest star on this week’s The Simpsons.
Mark Your Calendar
- Tales from the Loop will debut on Amazon on April 3. It looks lovely:
- Future Man returns on Hulu on April 3.
- The Eddy will debut on Netflix on May 8.
- Go Karts will debut on Netflix on March 13.
- Dirty Money will return on Netflix on March 11.
- Outcry will debut on Showtime on April 3.
- After Truth: Disinformation and the Cost of Fake News will premiere on HBO on March 19.
- Vice Versa: Meghan Markle Escaping The Crown will premiere on Vice TV on March 10.
- A mini-Wynonna Earp marathon has been set in March on Syfy.
- Justin Chambers’ last episode of Grey’s Anatomy will be March 5.
WATCH THIS
FRIDAY
RuPaul’s Drag Race: It’s time to werq, ladies. Season premiere. 7 p.m., VH1
The Kingmaker: Imelda Marcos is the subject of this documentary about the Marcos family and their corruption and brutality. 8 p.m., Showtime
SATURDAY
Saturday Night Live: JOHN MULANEY ALERT. ALSO, DAVID BYRNE. 10:30 p.m., NBC
Dying to be You: This time the stalker is a childhood pen pal because we are just straight-up running out of ideas. 7 p.m., Lifetime
Friday the 13th marathon: How has there not been a new Friday the 13th movie since 2009? (True fact: I often mistype “Friday” as “Firday.” “Firday the 13th” is a VERY different movie.) 7 a.m., El Rey
SUNDAY
Dispatches from Elsewhere: Something about a puzzle? Ordinary people wanting something more from their lives? I don’t know but it stars Jason Siegel, Sally Field, Andre Benjamin, and Richard Grant, so it’s got a good pedigree. Series premiere. 9 p.m., AMC
The Outsider marathon: I can not recommend this creepy, beautifully-acted supernatural thriller enough. Seriously, Ben Mendelsohn is a goddamned revelation. Binge the entire series ahead of next week’s finale. 12 p.m., HBO2
Election: PICK FLICK! 4:45 p.m., Showtime Showcase
The Walking Dead: It’s on. That is literally all I know at this point. 8 p.m., AMC
Late Night:
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Norman Reedus, Hailey Bieber, A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: (Friday): Tyra Banks, Coyote Peterson
- Watch What Happens Live (Sunday): Marlo Hampton, Nene Leakes
| FRI. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | Shark Tank (new) |
20/20 |
| CBS | MacGyver (new) |
Hawaii Five-0 (new) |
Blue Bloods (repeat) |
| CW | Charmed (new) |
Dynasty (new) |
Local |
| FOX | Friday Night Smackdown (new) |
Local |
| NBC | Lincoln Rhyme: The Hunt for the Bone Collector (new) |
Dateline |
—
| SAT. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 | 10:00 | 10:30 | 11:00 | 11:30 |
| ABC | NBA Basketball (live) |
News/Local |
| CBS | FBI: Most Wanted (repeat) |
Bull (repeat) |
48 Hours | News/Local |
| FOX | MLS Soccer (live) |
News/Local |
| NBC | The Voice (repeat) |
Dateline | Saturday Night Live (repeat) |
News/ Local |
Saturday Night Live (John Mulaney & David Byrne) |
—
| SUN. | 6:00 | 6:30 | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | America’s Funniest Home Videos (repeat) |
American Idol (new) |
The Rookie (new) |
| CBS | 60 Minutes (new) |
God Friended Me (new) |
NCIS: Los Angeles (new) |
NCIS: New Orleans (new) |
| The CW | Local | Batwoman (repeat) |
Supergirl (repeat) |
Local |
| FOX | The Simpsons (repeat) |
Duncan-ville (repeat) |
The Simpsons (new) |
Duncan-ville (new) |
Bob’s Burgers (new) |
Family Guy (new) |
Local/News |
| NBC | Little Big Shots (repeat) |
Little Big Shots (new) |
Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist (new) |
Good Girls (new) |
I would bring back Wonderfalls. Although I do like to pretend that “Mary Kills People” is the reboot of Wonderfalls in which Jaye’s life takes a dark turn.
Ooh! Ooh! And Awake. That show deserved more than one season.
I agree with you that Pushing Daisies would be a lovely show to bring back. I disagree with you that Lost ended perfectly. Wish it had, but it didn’t.
I really just want to look at that map forever. Obviously the people of Idaho are happy.
11 states are nameless. How will they know who they are?
Love the CNBC graphic. “Okay Mary Louise Kelly, show me Ukraine on THIS map!”
My favorite series resuscitations:
#3 Terriers: It ended well, but after only one season; I want more.
#2 Reaper: Just when the series was finding its footing, it was axed.
#1 Enlightened: Two brilliant, perfect seasons. But Mike White had a third season in mind. I WANNA SEE.