Cockroaches, Keith Richards and ‘Law & Order: SVU’ will outlive all of us

Big Dick news: Dick Wolf just signed a massive deal with Universal Television and as part of said deal, Law & Order: SVU, and all of the Chicago series will be with us FOREVER. Law & Order: SVU, Chicago Fire, Chicago P.D. and Chicago Med have all been renewed for three more seasons — which means Law & Order: SVU will run at least through season 24; Chicago Fire through season 11; Chicago P.D. through season 10 and Chicago Med through season 8. I’ve updated the gallery over at (but between the two of us, there haven’t been many changes since the last time I posted about it here a few days ago).

Turns out we are going to learn who the next Bachelorette is going to be on Monday morning. This is an interesting development mostly because thanks to the way the most recent Bachelor episode ended — without an elimination — it means that none of the final three will be the Bachelorette. (And I really thought Hannah Ann was going to be the one …) Alright. Best guesses? Because if it’s that fucking crybaby Kelsey, I WILL SCREAM.

Reality Steve is hinting that it is going to be Clare. As in Juan Pablo’s Clare. As in talks to raccoons Clare.

raccoon bachelor in paradise wine

Alright. I’ll watch.

Meanwhile, E! has a sneak preview of next week’s “The Women Tell All Special” if you just need some early screaming in your life for some reason.

A game folks are playing on the interwebs today: If you could bring back one canceled show, which would it be? YOU ONLY GET ONE CHOICE. Tell me in the comments.

As for mine? I was torn between Pushing Daisies, Hannibal and Happy Endings — all shows that ended too soon. (As for my favorite shows: Lost, The Sopranos, Watchmen, Mad Men, Breaking Bad, etc. they ended perfectly, let them rest in peace.)

But if I’m being completely honest with you, the show I would bring back in this exercise is a really weird choice: Channel Zero. HEAR ME OUT: For one thing, it’s an anthology series which means that it could just start right up with a brand new story and brand new actors without missing a single beat. Additionally, when it was canceled, it had finally found its footing and was embracing its darkly humorous side. Channel Zero was one of the weirdest, most psychologically terrifying series I’ve ever seen, and I wish it would come back. Anyway. YOURS?

How stupid is everything right now? Everything is so stupid right now that in a segment, “Americans are skipping medically necessary prescriptions because of the cost,” CNBC originally shared this graphic:

cnbc map of the united states

THAT IS HOW STUPID EVERY SINGLE THING IS RIGHT NOW. (Although I have to be completely honest, I love this map so much and could stare at it forever, trying to suss out its mysteries.)

Here are some smallish spoilers for This is Us; The Walking Dead; A Million Little Things; Lucifer and more.

Good news for humanity: the reports of Nikolaj Coster-Waldau’s death have been greatly exaggerated.

Poor Kehwral:

It’s almost been a year (I remember because I was on my spring break ski trip with my family when it broke — which means, that’s right, cute animal posts are coming) but Lori Loughlin finally has a trial date.

Dr. Jason Johnson has been suspended as an MSNBC contributor after attacking Bernie Sanders and his supporters and saying on a radio show, “I don’t care how many people from the island of misfit black girls you throw out there to defend you.” Things are getting fiesty out there. I swear, this primary season can not end soon enough for me.

Get better soon, Britt McHenry.


I’m not going to spend too much time on coronavirus today, but here is a good list of events, premieres and concerts that have been canceled as a result, including BTS’s Korean toura Facebook conference; and Tokyo Disney which is being shut down for a couple of weeks. But don’t worry, all information about the virus from health officials will have to be cleared through Mike Pence’s office first, and Larry Kudlow and Steve Mnuchin, President Stalin’s economic advisor and labor secretary, have been added to the team, so everything is going to be TOTALLY FINE.

Meanwhile, NPR has some no-nonsense tips to get you through these exhausting times:

  • Make sure you have a supply of daily prescription medication on hand, as well as over-the-counter fever reducers.
  • Have sufficient nonperishable foods to last your family for two weeks.
  • Have soup, crackers, and Gatorade or Pedialyte on hand should anyone in the house get sick.
  • Clean surfaces frequently with soap and water.
  • Wear a mask if you get sick.
  • Telecommute instead of going to an office, if possible.
  • Have a plan in place for kids and older family members.
  • Wash hands as soon as you enter your home.
  • Cough into your elbow.



In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendar

  • Tales from the Loop will debut on Amazon on April 3. It looks lovely:
  • Future Man returns on Hulu on April 3.
  • The Eddy will debut on Netflix on May 8.
  • Go Karts will debut on Netflix on March 13.
  • Dirty Money will return on Netflix on March 11.
  • Outcry will debut on Showtime on April 3.



RuPaul’s Drag Race: It’s time to werq, ladies. Season premiere. 7 p.m., VH1

The Kingmaker: Imelda Marcos is the subject of this documentary about the Marcos family and their corruption and brutality. 8 p.m., Showtime


Saturday Night Live: JOHN MULANEY ALERT. ALSO, DAVID BYRNE. 10:30 p.m., NBC

Dying to be You: This time the stalker is a childhood pen pal because we are just straight-up running out of ideas. 7 p.m., Lifetime

Friday the 13th marathon: How has there not been a new Friday the 13th movie since 2009? (True fact: I often mistype “Friday” as “Firday.” “Firday the 13th” is a VERY different movie.) 7 a.m., El Rey


Dispatches from Elsewhere: Something about a puzzle? Ordinary people wanting something more from their lives? I don’t know but it stars Jason Siegel, Sally Field, Andre Benjamin, and Richard Grant, so it’s got a good pedigree. Series premiere. 9 p.m., AMC

The Outsider marathon: I can not recommend this creepy, beautifully-acted supernatural thriller enough. Seriously, Ben Mendelsohn is a goddamned revelation. Binge the entire series ahead of next week’s finale. 12 p.m., HBO2

Election: PICK FLICK! 4:45 p.m., Showtime Showcase

The Walking Dead: It’s on. That is literally all I know at this point. 8 p.m., AMC

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Norman Reedus, Hailey Bieber, A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: (Friday): Tyra Banks, Coyote Peterson
  • Watch What Happens Live (Sunday): Marlo Hampton, Nene Leakes


FRI. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Shark Tank
CBS MacGyver
Hawaii Five-0
Blue Bloods
CW Charmed
FOX Friday Night Smackdown
NBC Lincoln Rhyme: The Hunt for the Bone Collector

SAT. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30 11:00 11:30
ABC NBA Basketball
CBS FBI: Most Wanted
48 Hours News/Local
FOX MLS Soccer
NBC The Voice
Dateline Saturday Night Live
Saturday Night Live
(John Mulaney & David Byrne)

SUN. 6:00 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC America’s Funniest Home Videos
American Idol
The Rookie
CBS 60 Minutes
God Friended Me
NCIS: Los Angeles
NCIS: New Orleans
The CW Local Batwoman
FOX The Simpsons
The Simpsons
Bob’s Burgers
Family Guy
NBC Little Big Shots
Little Big Shots
Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist
Good Girls

6 thoughts on “Cockroaches, Keith Richards and ‘Law & Order: SVU’ will outlive all of us

  1. I agree with you that Pushing Daisies would be a lovely show to bring back. I disagree with you that Lost ended perfectly. Wish it had, but it didn’t.

  2. Love the CNBC graphic. “Okay Mary Louise Kelly, show me Ukraine on THIS map!”
    My favorite series resuscitations:
    #3 Terriers: It ended well, but after only one season; I want more.
    #2 Reaper: Just when the series was finding its footing, it was axed.
    #1 Enlightened: Two brilliant, perfect seasons. But Mike White had a third season in mind. I WANNA SEE.

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