We are going to begin today’s post on a positive, ego-boosting, bootylicious note: Lizzo’s performance at the VMAs. Now, I did not watch the VMAs last night because I am 1,000 years old and I do not know who any of the children performing are. But I do know who Lizzo is because she is a body-positive, Houston-raised hilarious QUEEN OF THE AGES and 100% That Bitch. And she PREACHES here. If you aren’t uplifted by this 3 minutes and 45 seconds of pure joy, you are dead inside. Sorry! It’s just a scientific fact!
Also, John Travolta, who was presenting at the VMAs for reasons that are utterly baffling, mistook a Drag Race queen for Taylor Swift and tried to give her Swift’s trophy so that’s pretty hilarious:
John Travolta mistook Jade Jolie for Taylor Swift when handing over the award for ‘Video of the Year.’ 😂 pic.twitter.com/z8MsJtcp1V
— Pop Crave (@PopCraveMusic) August 27, 2019
Oh, and Missy Elliott performed an amazing medley and brought back Alyson Stoner to dance for her, not that the children had ANY IDEA OF THE SIGNIFICANCE:
Kids these days, man.
Alright, fall TV news:
Here are the first nine minutes of Emergence, ABC’s Stranger Things (– the nostalgia), which they are promoting the hell out of:
— Emergence (@EmergenceABC) August 27, 2019
Here is the creator of A Million Little Things saying a lot of words about A Million Little Things‘ upcoming season.
My old nemesis Manifest is returning, and unlike The Orville, I will probably watch it despite myself. Here are a bunch of non-answers as to what to expect in the upcoming season.
Interesting: Adam Goldberg, creator of The Goldbergs (and my husband’s classmate — so yes, watching The Goldbergs and Schooled is REALLY STRANGE for him), is stepping down as showrunner of The Goldbergs to work on more Disney television productions.
In the final season of Orange Is the New Black, the characters referenced a real-life toll-free hotline for immigrants who have been detained, and one character tells another: “You have to be careful, though. Apparently, if they figure out that you’re using the hotline, Big Brother shuts it down.” HEY GUESS WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THIS SEASON BEGAN STREAMING? CAN YOU GUESS?
Ballers gave superfan Elizabeth Warren the best shoutout ever in their premiere episode on Sunday, you guys. 😍
Strahan & Sara is now GMA3: Strahan, Sara & Keke. Good luck with the rebranding, guys. You know, you could just bring All My Children back …
Aaron Paul has a suggestion for something to watch ahead of El Camino:
— Aaron Paul (@aaronpaul_8) August 25, 2019
Blue’s Clues‘ original host, Steve, will appear in the premiere episode of the new reboot (as will the other host of the show but who cares about that guy), in case any of y’all have small children.
Oh, God, Dave Chappelle said a bunch of offensive shit in his new Netflix stand-up special, including that he doesn’t believe Michael Jackson’s accusers, a defense of Louis CK and an attack on trans people. And here I am giving him exactly the attention and outrage that he was looking for. Look, Chappelle’s a stand-up comedian and he can obviously joke about whatever he wants. I just find it a little pitiful that he would attack victims and other vulnerable people to provoke a reaction from people so that he can pretend to be some sort of anti-PC champion or whatthefuckever.
Weinstein has been indicted on two more sexual assault charges. MAKE THEM STICK, GUYS.
- First Ladies, a series starring Viola Davis as Michelle Obama, is in the works at Showtime.
- The Five People You Meet in Heaven is being developed into a TV series at Fox.
- Unprofessionals, a comedy, is being developed at CBS.
- Woke, a comedy starring Lamorne Morris, has been ordered at Hulu.
- The Sacred Riana, who appeared on America’s Got Talent is getting her own TV series: The Sacred Riana: Bedtime Stories. For it.
- Sons of Wichita: How the Koch Brothers Became America’s Most Powerful and Private Dynasty is being turned into a limited series.
- Renee Zellweger has signed a deal with MGM TV.
- Will Forte and Kaitlin Olson will star in Flipped on Quibi. Eva Longoria, Andy Garcia, and Arturo Castro will co-star.
- Demi Lovato will appear in three episodes of Will & Grace.
- John Pankow and Richard Kind will revisit their roles for the Mad About You reboot.
- Chelsea Frei will co-star in A Moody Christmas on Fox.
- Ken Marino, Joe Manganiello, and Malin Akerman will star in Sleepover on Netflix.
- Sheryl Underwood will host Wrap Battle, a gift-wrapping competition on Freeform.
- Chadwick Boyd and Emily Hutchinson will be the judges on Christmas Cookie Matchup on Hallmark.
Mark Your Calendars
- Briarpatch will debut on USA in 2020 and it looks kinda amazing:
- Dickinson will debut on Apple TV+ sometime this fall and it is not at all what I was expecting:
- American Horror Story: 1984 will debut on FX on September 18.
- Top Boy will debut on Netflix on September 13.
- Below Deck will return on Bravo on October 7.
- Why We Hate will debut on Discovery on October 13.
- Total Divas returns on E! on October 2.
- CBS Fall Preview will air on CBS on September 9.
Terror: This new series explores the origins of some of the world’s most dangerous terrorist organizations, including Al Qaeda and Boko Haram, among others. Series premiere. 8 p.m., Viceland
Bachelor in Paradise: Krystal with a K and Mr. Entitled finally tie the knot. 7 p.m., ABC
Office Space: It still amazes me that this movie took as long as it did to become the cult classic it is today. 8 p.m. IFC
- Conan: Natasha Lyonne
|ABC||Bachelor in Paradise
|Bless This Mess
|NCIS: New Orleans
|First Responders Live
|NBC||America’s Got Talent
|Bring the Funny