Y’ALL! JOHN OLIVER DISCOVERED THE TEXAS HAMMER! AND THE LIL’ HAMMER!
For those of you who have the misfortune to not live in the Houston area, allow Last Week Tonight to introduce you to one of our more colorful citizens, Jim Adler, The Texas Hammer — a lawyer in desperate need of a good anger management class — and his potato-headed son, Lil’ Hammer:
They’re delights. And you’re welcome.
In lieu of FINISHING THE DAMN BOOKS — and before we move on from that, there was a part of me that had come to peace with the idea that the books were not going to be finished before the show was a long time ago, but now that we are at the end game, I’ve come to realize that there are going to be MANY differences in the series and the books and it is GRAVELY IMPORTANT THIS FUCKER GET BACK TO WRITING ALREADY — anyway, in lieu of sitting down in his goddamned house in Santa Fe and finishing the books already, George R.R. Martin is reporting that three of the Game of Thrones spinoffs are “moving along nicely.” He also hints that the other two series that are not “The Long Night” are somehow Targaryen-related. Hmm.
Benioff and Weiss were in last night’s episode.
Yes, I know about the Starbucks cup. That’s why I brought Starbucks to the chat, guys. (Also, it wasn’t Starbucks.)
Last night’s Game of Thrones leaked ahead of the broadcast. AGAIN.
MIKE PENCE! MIKE PENCE! MIKE PENCE!
It doesn’t look like there is going to be another Big Bang Theory spinoff after all because Chuck Lorre just doesn’t wanna.
Sundance Now and Shudder subscribers’ information has been compromised which, as a Shudder customer I find NOT COOL.
The Upfronts are next week. ~begins sobbing~ Here’s one last look at which pilots are gaining buzz.
The guy suing the Duffer Brothers for allegedly stealing the Stranger Things idea has dropped his suit days before it was supposed to go to trial. This smells to high heaven like a settlement.
Meanwhile, Stranger Things and Polaroid have come up with a very clever tie-in for the upcoming season.
Madonna, Andy Cohen, Pose, Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, CNN Tonight with Don Lemon, Boy Erased, and The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story were all honored at the GLAAD Media Awards last night.
Here’s how When Calls the Heart wrote Lori Loughlin off the show. BYE. ENJOY PRISON.
Jimmy Kimmel claims that ABC once threatened to replace him with Conan O’Brien which apparently was news to Conan.
Yikes: Chris Kattan claims he broke his neck during a live taping of Saturday Night Live back in 2001 and it basically ruined his life.
In case you haven’t had enough Trump in your life, somehow, you can now stream all 15 seasons of The Apprentice for free, but what must your inner life look like?
Congratulations, Meghan Markle and Mr. Meghan Markle!
Congratulations, Amy Schumer and Mr. Amy Schumer!
Renewals
- Very Cavallari, Revenge Body with Khloé Kardashian, and Dating #NoFilter have been renewed at E!
- One of a Kind has been renewed at HGTV.
Cancellations
- Busy Tonight has been canceled at E!
In Development
- Outer Banks has been ordered by Netflix.
- Spy Games, an espionage-inspired competition series, has been ordered by Bravo.
- Breckman Rodeo is not going further at Freeform.
- Beast Mode and Constance are not going further at TNT.
Casting News
- Norah O’Donnell is your new CBS Evening News Anchor.
- Amandla Stenberg has been cast in The Eddy on Netflix.
- Jessica Rothe is joining the cast of Utopia on Amazon.
- Priscilla Quintana will star in Pandora on Syfy.
- Chris Greene and Sofia Lama are joining the cast of Queen of the South on USA.
- Jason Richman has signed an overall deal with ABC Studios.
Mark Your Calendar
- Designated Survivor will debut on Netflix on June 7.
- City on a Hill will debut on Showtime on June 16.
- Fear the Walking Dead returns on AMC on June 2.
- Absentia returns on Amazon on June 14.
- Blood and Treasure will premiere on CBS on May 21.
- High Seas will debut on Netflix on May 24.
- Kevin Hart’s Laugh Out Loud will debut on Bounce tonight.
- Lone Star Justice will debut on Investigative Discovery on June 5.
- The Substitute returns on Nickelodeon on May 18.
- The Bobby DeBarge Story will premiere on TV One on June 29.
- When Whales Walked: Journeys in Deep Time will debut on PBS on June 19.
- The Aquarium will debut on Animal Planet on May 19.
R.I.P.
Barbara Perry, Actress known for her work on The Dick Van Dyke Show and Baskets
David Winters, Dancer and choreographer
Terry Allen Kramer, Broadway producer
WATCH THIS
Chernobyl: A miniseries examining the Chernobyl disaster. Jared Harris, Stellan Skarsgård and Emily Watson star, and it looks terrific, but this isn’t going to be light. Series premiere. 8 p.m., HBO
The Biggest Bachelorette Reunion in Bachelor History Ever!: A whole other kind of disaster. 7 p.m., ABC
E! Live from the Red Carpet: The Met Gala: Famous people wear ridiculous things. 4 p.m., E!
The Resident: Season finale. 7 p.m., Fox
Man With a Plan: Season finale. 7:30 p.m., CBS
Into the Badlands: Series finale. 9 p.m., AMC
Late Night:
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Will Smith, Laurie Metcalf, Phil Hanley
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Keri Russell, Ana Gasteyer, Alex Brightman, Phillip “Fish” Fisher
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Common, Rachel Dratch, Maren Morris
- The Late Late Show with James Corden: Charlize Theron, Seth Rogen
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Diane Keaton, Samin Nosrat, YG featuring Tyga and Jon Z
- The Daily Show: Eddie Izzard
- Busy Tonight: Retta, Andrew Bird
- Conan: Martin Short
- Watch What Happens Live: Christina Applegate, Linda Cardellini
| MON. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | The Bachelorette: The Biggest Bachelorette Reunion in Bachelor History! (new) |
The Fix (new) |
| CBS | The Big Bang Theory (new) |
Man with a Plan (new) |
The Code (new) |
Bull (new) |
| CW | DC’s Legends of Tomorrow (new) |
Arrow (new) |
Local |
| FOX | The Resident (new) |
9-1-1 (new) |
News/Local |
| NBC | The Voice (new) |
The Enemy Within (new) |