NOT a Not!Live Blog of last night’s Oscars. (But maybe the next best thing.)

I’m not doing a Not!Live blog of the Oscars last night because I haven’t seen most of the movies, and therefore didn’t really have a dog in the fight. (Except hoping that Green Book and Bohemian Rhapsody would go home trophy-less. ~siiiiiiiigh~). Instead, here’s a collection of links that I thought were interesting about last night’s event in case you case you couldn’t be bothered to watch.

First of all, any talk about the red carpet fashions … there was only one winner and he shut it down EARLY:

GOD BLESS BILLY PORTER.

As for the rest of the fashion, it was all pink and ruffles and we have one fashionista in particular to thank:

GOD BLESS VILLANELLE.

Tina Fey, Maya Rudolph, and Amy Poehler did not host — BUT THEY SHOULD HAVE — but they did present the first award of the night with a side of jokes.

That first winner: MY GIRL, REGINA KING. It was her first Oscar nomination and while I have not seen If Beale Street Could Talk, but I have no doubt she killed it because she kills everything she is in. She’s a straight-up murderer. In fact, it turned out to be a big night for a bunch of TV actors — all four acting categories went to actors with current TV projects: Remi Malek (Mr. Robot) won Best Actor for Bohemian Rhapsody; Olivia Colman (The Crown and Fleabag) won Best Actress for The Favourite; and Marhershala Ali (True Detective) won Best Supporting Actor for Green Book. And Regina King is about to star in Watchmen WHICH I CAN. NOT. WAIT. FOR. TV is officially no longer the acting ghetto.

Speaking of those other winners, Malek apparently fell off the stage after winning, and it was kinda hilarious:

and Olivia Colman — who was clearly not expecting to beat Glen Close — gave what has been described as a “zany” acceptance speech:

Spike Lee won Best Adapted Screenplay for BlacKkKlansman — his first Oscar, somehow — and in his speech, he urged people to vote in 2020 without mentioning Trump’s name once: “If we all connect with our ancestors, we will have love and wisdom regained. We will regain our humanity. It will be a powerful moment. The 2020 presidential election is around the corner. Let’s all mobilize. Let’s all be on the right side of history. Make the moral choice between love versus hate. Let’s do that right thing!”

President Tweetsalot got the message anyway:

Melissa McCarthy and Brian Tyree Henry presented Best Costume Design in these getups:

And Trevor Noah snuck in a clever joke.

Green Book won Best Picture and people were HELLA PISSED. Quick explainer: The movie is based on a “true” story about Dr. Don Shirley, an African-American classical pianist and the man who drove him to his gigs in the South in the early 60s. You have to read The New York Times review to really understand why people hate this movie so much. Here’s a taste:

There is virtually no milestone in this tale of interracial male friendship that you won’t see coming from a long way off, including scenes that seem too corny or misguided for any movie in its right mind to contemplate. “Siri, please tell me they’re not going there.” Oh, but they are.

“There” includes an entire subplot devoted to fried chicken, which the African-American member of the buddy duo has never eaten. He eventually (spoiler alert) acquires a taste, thanks in part to the urgings of his white counterpart.

The crispy poultry motif figures heavily in the “Green Book” trailers, conceivably as a warning. Every suspicion you might entertain — that this will be a sentimental tale of prejudices overcome and common humanity affirmed; that its politics will be as gently middle-of-the-road as its humor; that it will invite a measure of self-congratulation about how far we, as a nation, have come — will be confirmed.

Then came the controversies: the family of Dr. Don Shirley called the movie a “symphony of lies” and Ali ended up apologizing to them; Viggo Mortensen used the N-word during a panel promoting Green Book and had to apologize; director Peter Farrelly wagged his dick multiple times at Cameron Diaz during the filming of There’s Something about Mary and had to apologize; and the screenwriter, the son of the man Viggo Mortensen portrayed, tweeted that he agreed with Donald Trump about the Muslims celebrating 9/11 and had to apologize.

So, when the winner was announced, between the movie being a White Savior piece of shit and all the controversies surrounding the creators, people were understandably upset. Spike Lee reportedly tried to leave the theater when the winner was announced and then did this backstage:

The Green Book producers thanked Viggo Mortenson and Carrie Fucking Fisher for some reason but no one said the name of the man the movie was ostensibly about, Marhershala Ali’s character Dr. Don Shirley.

Critics were PISSED:

And then this happened on Twitter:

GOD BLESS BLACK TWITTER.

People left out of the death montage: Stanley Donen (see below); Carol Channing, Ricky Jay; Sandra Locke; Verne Troyer; R. Lee Ermey; and Dick Miller.

But the most talked about moment from the show was when Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper eye-fucked RIGHT THERE ON STAGE IN FRONT OF ERRRRRRRRRYBODY:

In the end, more women took home Oscars than ever before, and the winners were much more diverse, so that’s cool. Still. White dudes overwhelmingly won most of the awards, so, there’s work to be done.

This site created honest movie posters for the nominees and they are delightful.

Finally, here’s a complete list of the winners.

The Independent Spirit Awards were this weekend, too, which Aubrey Plaza hosted. She called on an old castmate for some help:

In non-awards shows news

12-year-old reporter (and subject of an upcoming Apple series about a cold case murder she investigated when she was 9) Hilde Lysiak was covering a story about a mountain lion sighting in her community when she was confronted the town marshal who threatened to have her thrown into juvie. She stood her ground and filmed him talking about how he didn’t “want to hear about this freedom-of-the-press stuff,” and lied about whether or not she could film him without his permission. The town caught wind of the video and the marshal has been disciplined. Somehow.

Lysiak is a badass and my new hero:

So yesterday there was a weird back and forth between Mike Fleiss, the producer of The Bachelor and Kim Kardashian on Twitter. Fleiss was loudly suggesting that Kim’s sister Khloe might be the next Bachelorette, while Kim yelled “NUH-UH!”

This ended when Khloe herself weighed in, threatening to sue if Fleiss didn’t quit:

I mean, I don’t blame Fleiss for wishing Khloe would be his next Bachelorette, but just going out there and lying about it for attention seems … like a bad idea.

I don’t know what Game of Thrones Oreos are, but I’m down.

And I don’t really wear makeup, but if you do, there’s this. GET THAT TIE-IN MONEY WHILE YOU CAN, BOYS:

This is just a very pure slideshow of all the best store puns in Bob’s Burgers opening title sequence.

Killing Eve very nearly killed Jodie Comer.

Bee = Gladys Knight; Monster = T-Pain; Peacock = Donnie Osmond. Next question?

Oh dear: the production company that makes Wynona Earp is in financial crisis and may not be able to produce the fourth and fifth seasons that Syfy has ordered. They are looking at maybe doing a final movie instead. Fans are NOT HAPPY.

Smollett Update:

Empire is reportedly considering recasting the role of Jamal Lyon.

As for the feeling on the set, there are conflicting stories about how Terrence Howard is handling this: According to TMZ, Terrence Howard never quite believed Smollett and refused to come out of his trailer on Thursday when Smollett addressed the cast and crew. But then on Saturday, Howard posted this video on Instagram in support of his co-star:

TMZ is also reporting that Smollett might have come up with the idea for the hoax from Lee Daniels himself, whose cousin was reportedly attacked for being gay. Daniels addressed it on Instagram on January 10:

View this post on Instagram

This past week my cousin was beat up for being gay and I am sick of hearing these stories. It’s the beginning of a new year and we need to do better. We need to continue to remember to love and to turn against the hate that we’re seeing out there. But we all need to fight that fight together. For all the people who are hurting, who are struggling, and who are trying to find some meaning in this life, I am here to say if you need a safe place or a ear to listen, then I’m here. I’m listening to what you’re saying and what you’re going through. I am standing up for you and will continue to fight for you. This is my mission and message to you for the beginning of 2019. If you are struggling check out the link in my bio and please go to @glaad @humanrightscampaign @trevorproject 💙💙

A post shared by Lee Daniels (@theoriginalbigdaddy) on

#MeToo

R. Kelly was charged with 10 counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse in Illinois’ Cook County on Friday. The four women at the center of the indictment were between the ages of 13-16 at the time of the abuse. His bail was set at $1 million — $250,000 for each of the women, and he spent the weekend in jail, unable to come up with the $100,000 bond.

Michael Avenatti shared details about a video that he is turning over to the authorities in this case that clearly shows R. Kelly abusing a 14-year-old girl who says her age multiple times. Gross gross gross gross gross gross.

Patriots owner Bob Kraft is facing charges for soliciting prostitution at a day spa that reportedly uses women who have been human-trafficked. Your president thinks it’s “very sad” that he is going to be charged because “he has denied it.” You know who else has denied the crimes he’s been charged with: Jussie Smollett. And yet your president doesn’t think it’s “very sad” he was arrested. IT’S A MYSTERY.

Speaking of your gross president, a former campaign staffer has filed a federal lawsuit claiming that he kissed her without her consent and that she was being paid less than her white male counterparts.

Rob Cohen, the director of the original The Fast and the Furious, has been accused by his daughter of sexually assaulting her.

No one mentioned Bryan Singer’s name during the Oscars last night. I guess that’s a start.

Over 50 people filed complaints with the FCC over Adam Levine’s nipples. Look, what’s good for the Janet Jackson is good for the Adam Levine.

Renewals

Cancellations

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendar

  • No Game of Thrones trailer — yet — but this HBO promo gives us a few little glimpses of the new season, as well as peeks of all sorts of fun things coming this year:
  • Barry returns to HBO on March 31 and not a moment too soon.
  • His Dark Materials will premiere on BBC One soon, and HBO sometime later this year:
  • Native Son will debut on HBO on April 6.
  • Fosse/Verdon debuts on FX on April 9.
  • After Life will debut on Netflix on March 8.
  • Good Girls returns on NBC on March 3. That’s this Sunday!
  • The Irishman will debut on Netflix and in theaters in the fall:
  • Pennywise: The Story of It will be released sometime in 2019 — I assume in theaters, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Shudder gets their hands on this:

R.I.P.

Stanley Donen, Director of classic musicals, including Singing in the Rain and Funny Face

Alan Weisman, Former 60 Minutes producer

Brody Stevens, Comedian, and actor who had appeared on Kroll Show, American Dad! and Comedy Bang! Bang! among others

Morgan Woodward, Actor who appeared in Dallas, The Fall Guy, Gunsmoke, The A-Team, The X-Files, Hill Street Blues, Bonanza, The Waltons, among many, many others

Clark James Gable, Host of Cheaters and grandson of Clark Gable

WATCH THIS

The Bachelor: THE DREADED HOMETOWNS. 7 p.m., ABC

The Voice: John Legend is your new judge this season. He’s joining Kelly Clarkson, Blake Shelton, and Adam Levine. Season premiere. 7 p.m., NBC

The Enemy Within: Morris Chestnut and Jennifer Carpenter star in this new thriller about a CIA agent-turned-traitor who now has to work with an FBI agent whose wife she indirectly got killed. Or something. Series premiere. 9 p.m., NBC

Biography: The Trump Dynasty: A three-part look at the shitshow that created Donald Trump. 8 p.m., A&E

The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon: It’s the show’s fifth anniversary, and to celebrate they are doing a Larry Sanders tribute. 10:35 p.m., NBC

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Tina Fey, Ben Stiller, Robert Irwin, Robert De Niro, Florida Georgia Line
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: John Legend, April Ryan, Geraldine Viswanathan, Jon Epcar
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Katy Perry, Javier Bardem, Lil Pump
  • The Daily Show: Chiwetel Ejiofor
  • Busy Tonight: Phoebe Robinson, Christian Siriano, Tom Lenk
  • Conan: Ben Sinclair
  • Watch What Happens Live: Casey Wilson, Tom Sandoval

 

MON. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Bachelor
(new)
The Good Doctor
(new)
CBS The Neighborhood
(new)
Man with a Plan
(new)
Magnum P.I.
(new)
Bull
(new)
CW Arrow
(repeat)
Black Lightning
(repeat)
Local
FOX The Masked Singer
(repeat)
The Passage
(new)
News/Local
NBC The Voice
(new)
The Enemy Within
(new)

 

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