‘Umbrella Academy,’ ‘Doom Patrol,’ ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,’ and everything else you don’t want to miss on TV this week



The Bachelor: Oh, Onyeka and Nicole are FOR SURE going home in the opening minutes of this episode. 7 p.m., ABC

Scotty and the Secret History of Hollywood: A documentary about a former Marine who became an escort and pimp for gay stars in Hollywood. SCANDALICIOUS. 8 p.m., Starz

Studio 54: You might want to watch this if you were at Studio 54 back in the day because you FOR SURE don’t remember what happened. 9 p.m., A&E


The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: OH NO, HOW IS THIS HAPPENING ALREADY, I’M NOT READY, NO. GO AWAY. Season premiere. 8 p.m., Bravo

Miracle Workers: Daniel Radcliffe and Steve Buscemi star in this comedy about a bunch of angels trying to convince God not to destroy the world. WHY? LET HIM DO IT. BRING IT, GOD. Series premiere. 9:30 p.m., TBS

Boomerang: The Eddie Murphy movie is now a TV series produced by Halle Berry and Lena Waithe. So there you go. Series premiere. 9 p.m., BET


The Real Housewives of New Jersey: It’s the season finale and I’m like 78 episodes behind. ~siiiiiiiiiigh~ 8 p.m., Bravo

Celebrity Big Brother: A winner? is chosen. Season finale. 8 p.m., CBS

Paranormal Caught on Camera: Look, I’m a sucker for a crappy ghost show and I don’t care who knows it. Series premiere. 9 p.m., Travel


Dating Around: Celebrate Valentine’s Day by watching other people go on awkward first dates. Netflix

Ken Jeong: You Complete Me: Dr. Ken gets his own stand-up special. Netflix

The Philadelphia Story: Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn, and Jimmy Stewart. What more do you need? 7 p.m., TCM


It’s Superhero Friday, apparently:

Umbrella Academy: A superhero family tries to solve the mystery of their adopted father’s death in this bananas-looking new series. Netflix

Doom Patrol: These superheroes are “traumatized and downtrodden.” Series premiere. DC Universe

Kim Possible: And the live action film of this animated series about a teen girl who saves the world from supervillains in her spare time is here. Premiere. 7 p.m., Disney

Proven Innocent: In this new legal drama, an underdog criminal defense firm is led by a young woman whose brother was wrongfully convicted. Series premiere. 8 p.m., Fox

Lorena: Superheroes don’t always wear capes. Series premiere. Amazon


Deadpool 2: Because I suppose we’re not done with the superheroes just yet. 7 p.m., HBO

Saturday Night Live: Don Cheadle & Gary Clarke, Jr. 10:30 p.m., NBC

Ransom: Season three premiere. 7 p.m., CBS


Last Week Tonight: John Oliver is back, THANK GAWD. Season premiere. 10 p.m., HBO

Elvis All-Star Tribute: The King is celebrated on the 50th anniversary of his Comeback Special, also known as Peak Sexy Elvis. LOOK AT THIS MOFO:

Anyway, a bunch of new country artists are going to pay tribute to this, but ain’t none of them are going to be as good as this. 8 p.m., NBC

Star Wars: The Force Awakens: No lie, I put this in the top three Star Wars movies. Fight me. 7 p.m., ABC

One thought on “‘Umbrella Academy,’ ‘Doom Patrol,’ ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,’ and everything else you don’t want to miss on TV this week

  1. Oscar alert: Best documentary feature nominee, Hale County This Morning, This Evening, is being broadcast in Houston at 10pm Tuesday on PBS (and several times later in the week on various subchannels).

Leave a Reply