I want the names of all the adult people who thought ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ wine was a good idea.

So here is a thing that actually happened in real life: online wine retailer Lot18 thought it would be a good idea to sell wine based on The Handmaid’s Tale characters, Offred, Ofglen and Serena Joy. Seriously, this really happened before someone realized that they were trying to sell booze based on a story ABOUT THE BRUTAL SUBJUGATION OF AN ENTIRE GENDER.

Here are the descriptions of the wines. I am not making any of this up:

Offred 2017 Pays d’Oc Pinot Noir: “Rich and complex. Lush, fruit flavors of cherry and cassis are complemented by earthy flavors of mushroom and forest floor. We honor Offred with a wine that will stay with you long after you’ve finished your glass and a powerful experience you will never forget.”

Ofglen 2017 Rogue Valley Cabernet Sauvignon: “A daring testament to the heights that Oregon Cabs can reach, featuring concentrated flavors of cherry, plum and coffee bean that give way to a warm, spicy finish.”

Serena Joy 2016 Bordeaux Blanc: “Sophisticated, traditional and austere… While the wine may initially come off as restrained, a few sips reveal it to be hiding layers of approachable white grapefruit and lemongrass, backed by weight and concentration.”

I mean just think about the copy they rejected … In fact, THINK about how many actual adult humans had to sign off on this for it to happen! I can only assume that all of those adults were men who were thinking something along the lines of, “Ladies love The Handmaid’s Tale and ladies love the wine …. let’s put them together, how fun!” Because I can not fathom that there was a single woman who heard the words, “The Handmaid’s Tale” and “wine” together and didn’t immediately go, “NOPE. NUH-UH. SHUT IT DOWN. YOU’RE ALL FIRED.”

After the utterly predictable backlash to this terrible idea occurred, Lot18 canceled the wines less than 24 hours after their announcement, which I am sure is disappointing news for all those ladies out there who were clamoring to drink a big glass of rape while enjoying the season finale of a series about a dystopian nightmare that is creeping ever closer to reality. Blessed be the fuck you, Lot18.

Meanwhile, here’s Margaret Atwood reminding you that all the “bad things” that happened in The Handmaid’s Tale actually happened to someone somewhere. It’s enough to make you curl up into a ball and drink an entire bottle of Ofglen.

In Other TV News

Sacha Baron Cohen’s new Showtime series, Who is America? debuts this Saturday, and the people he duped are trying to come out ahead of their embarrassment. Sarah Palin posted a long ranty Facebook post about how he tricked her and called him “evil” and “truly sick,” in the process and Joe Walsh took to Twitter to talk about his experience (but to be fair to Joe Walsh — words I never thought I would type — he responded with more bemusement than anger).

The new showrunner of The Walking Dead, Angela Kang, gave an interesting interview in which she previewed what we can expect from season 9:

“And because we’re jumping forward in time, there will be some exciting new things about the look of the show,” she continued. “The world is starting to break down and nature is taking over. It’s moved away from cars and bullets and is much more horses and hand weapons. It’s a fun evolution we’re playing with.”

She was mum on whether there was an endgame for the series, however.

So maybe that Mad About You reboot isn’t happening after all. OK. ~shrug~

Ryan Murphy’s Pose is the least Ryan Murphy show, and that’s what makes it great.

The Good Place is going to come to life in San Diego, and I’ve finally found a reason to want to go to Comic-Con.

MTV is bringing the British series Just the Tattoo of Us to America this fall — a show in which two people, friends, siblings, couples, whathaveyou, design tattoos for each other, but the recipient doesn’t get to see it until its tattooed on them. This is what you can expect. Trust me, the clip is worth watching.

This is Us is filming:

Here’s the first look at Moonbase 8, Fred Armisen’s new comedy which doesn’t have a network home yet.

Kim Kardashian forgot she has a TV show.

LOL, ABC News’ Terry Moran is contradicting that idiot Shannon Bream’s claims that she felt threatened at the SCOTUS protest.

Jeanine Pirro was going to be on Bill O’Reilly’s show until Media Matters pointed out that it looks like Fox News hadn’t completely severed their ties to O’Reilly. Suddenly, mysteriously, Pirro was scrubbed from the show. Hmmm.

Meanwhile, there are some interesting reports coming out of Fox News since Bill Shine was hired to be the White House Communications Director. Reportedly, it was Shine’s idea to schedule Monday’s SCOTUS announcement at 8/9 p.m., so as to give Sean Hannity’s show a ratings boost. However, Shine’s close relationship with Hannity has further isolated Hannity from management:

But according to people familiar with the matter, Shine’s political ascent has brought renewed stress and paranoia to Fox’s executive ranks more than a year after he was forced out of the network amid allegations that he helped cover up the network’s culture of sexual harassment.

“The media consensus that this closes the circle between Fox and the White House is wrong,” said one Fox News insider. “Bill was fired under unhappy circumstances and felt thrown under the bus by his protégés who did not publicly defend him and now have replaced him.”

Fox News executives don’t expect any favors from Shine. Instead, the hire has underscored a tense dynamic at the network — not completely uncommon in the TV world — between management and star “talent,” in this case Hannity, who privately advocated for Shine with Trump.

Sex Monster News

Alexia Norton Jones has come forward to accuse Russell Simmons of raping her, bringing the number of women who have accused him to more than a dozen.

More women are coming forward to accuse Luc Besson of inappropriate behavior.

After accusing Harvey Weinstein of masturbating into a plant in front of her, Fox News reporter Lauren Sivan claims the Los Angeles station she works for has sidelined her. None of this is surprising.

Andy Dick’s on-set sexual harassment handler says he hated her. WELL, NO DOUBT.

BBC is shrinking its gender pay gap. Good.

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • Making It will debut on NBC on July 31.
  • Alone Together returns on Freeform on August 1.
  • Reality Cupcakes will premiere on Food Network on August 6.
  • Ashlee + Evan will debut on E! on September 9.
  • Cold Justice will return on Oxygen on August 4.
  • Sierra Burgess is a Loser will begin streaming on Netflix on September 7. (Barb lives!)
  • Extinction will begin streaming on Netflix on July 27.

WATCH THIS

The Real Housewives of New York City: The ladies speed date, God save us all. 8 p.m., Bravo

Bobcat Goldthwait’s Misfits & Monsters: This anthology series looks delightful if comedians and monsters are your bag. Series premiere. 9 p.m., TruTV

TKO: Kevin Hart hosts this new game show that looks a whole lot like Wipeout? Does this look like Wipeout to anyone else? Series premiere. 8 p.m., CBS

The Handmaid’s Tale: It’s season finale time. I bet it ends with a musical number. Hulu

Harlots: Season premiere. Hulu

Seatbelt Psychic: You get into an Uber and the next thing you know you’re talking to your dead grandma: the entire concept of this new series. Series premiere. 9 p.m., Lifetime

Dr. Pimple Popper: I mean, this is my own fucking personal nightmare, but you do you. Series premiere. 9 p.m., TLC

Late Night: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Dwayne Johnson, Alessia Cara Jimmy Kimmel Live: Kathryn Hahn, Jason Mraz Conan: Howie Mandel, Lil Rel Howery Watch What Happens Live: Kristin Cavallari, Sonja Morgan

WEDS. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Goldbergs
(repeat)
The Goldbergs
(repeat)
Modern Family
(repeat)
American Housewife
(repeat)
Shark Tank
(repeat)
CBS Big Brother
(new)
TKO Brother
(new)
Code Black
(new)
CW The Outpost
(repeat)
The Originals
(new)
Local
FOX MasterChef
(new)
Gordon Ramsay’s 24 Hours to Hell
(new)
News/Local
NBC America’s Got Talent
(new)
Reverie
(new)

 

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