Tom Arnold is exactly the trash hero this trash country deserves

The Connors, the Roseanne Barr-less spinoff of Roseanne, has officially been ordered by ABC. But the real story is that 2,300 children have been removed from their parents by the United States government and there is no plan or intention of reuniting them. Also, the First Lady made a trip to South Texas to visit a detention center, but didn’t actually visit a detention center, instead opting to talk to a bunch of teens at a church shelter, the vast majority of whom hadn’t actually been separated from their parents because that’s a hell of a lot easier than having to look at a sobbing toddler. And while traveling to South Texas and back, she wore a jacket that literally screamed “I REALLY DON’T CARE, DO U?” in perhaps the most blatant display of assholedom by someone who isn’t Donald Jennifer Trump yet, but hey, Darlene and Dan are coming back to TV, so let’s all talk about that and pretend we aren’t in a dystopian hellscape right now.

But speaking (tangentially) about Roseanne and the Trumps, what if Tom Arnold really is the only one who can save us?

And you know who retweeted that photo? Michael Cohen. Arnold told NBC News that he met with Cohen for his upcoming show, The Hunt for the Trump Tapes, in which he goes looking for incriminating taped footage of Trump, and here’s the kicker:

Arnold would not say whether Cohen was planning to give him any tapes he might have of conversations with Trump.

But he added, “This dude has all the tapes — this dude has everything.”

“I say to Michael, ‘Guess what? We’re taking Trump down together, and he’s so tired he’s like, ‘OK,’ and his wife is like, ‘OK, f*** Trump,'” Arnold said, laughing.

He admitted tweeting the photo was “indiscreet” but said Cohen had been betrayed by Trump after years of loyal service.

“Michael Cohen showed up and worked diligently above and beyond and sacrificed and Donald Trump is like I don’t even know who he is. You think Michael doesn’t notice that?” Arnold said.

The protesting NFL players tell Trump what he can do with his pardons.

Hey, John Oliver got censored by China for doing a segment about China’s censorship.

RuPaul had his Tyra moment in the Drag Race season 10 reunion.

Vince Gilligan says “a very important character from the Breaking Bad era” is going to be coming to Better Call Saul this season. So, Jesse, right?

Anyway. 2,300 kids.

Renewals

Cancellations

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendar

  • Korean series Mr. Sunshine will debut on Netflix on July 7.
  • Ozark will return on Netflix on August 31.
  • The Minecraft episode of Adventure Time will air on July 20.
  • Zoe will premiere on Amazon on July 20.
  • To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before will stream on Netflix on August 17.

R.I.P.

Charles Krauthammer, Conservative political commentator

Koko, Gorilla who knew sign language. She met Betty White, Robin Williams and Mister Rogers.

WATCH THIS

FRIDAY

Luke Cage: ALFRE WOODWARD! Season two. Netflix

The Great British Baking Show: CAKES! Season premiere. 8 p.m., PBS

Cooper’s Treasures: TREASURE! Season premiere. 8 p.m., Discovery

Cooking on High: POT! Series premiere. Netflix

SATURDAY

Dawn of the Dead: If only for Ty Burrell. 9:35 p.m., Cinemax

The Royal Wedding Singalong: I have to admit, I have no idea what this is, but I’m intrigued. 8:30 p.m., BBC

Love Means Zero: A documentary about Nick Bollettieri, a legendary tennis coach. It doesn’t mean anything to me, but it might to you? 9 p.m., Showtime

SUNDAY

Westworld: “The Passenger.” It’s the season finale, so buckle up. 8 p.m., HBO

Preacher: Jesse reunites with his family in the season premiere. 9 p.m., AMC

Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown: Say goodbye to Anthony Bourdain. Series finale. 8 p.m., CNN

2018 BET Awards: Nicki Minaj, Janelle Monáe, H.E.R, Migos and Ella Mai Read will perform. 7 p.m., BET

Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Seth Meyers, Dominic Cooper, Penn & Teller The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: (Friday): Seth Rogen Watch What Happens Live (Sunday): Antoni Porowski, Tan France, Karamo Brown, Jonathan Van Ness, Bobby Berk

 

FRI. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Quantico
(new)
What Would You Do?
(new)
20/20
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CBS Undercover Boss: Celebrity Edition
(new)
Hawaii Five-0
(repeat)
Blue Bloods
(repeat)
CW Harry Potter: A History of Magic
(repeat)
Whose Line is it Anyway?
(repeat)
Local
FOX The Resident
(repeat)
The Orville
(repeat)
Local
NBC American Ninja Warrior
(repeat)
Dateline
(new)

SAT. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30 11:00 11:30
ABC America’s Funniest Home Videos
(repeat)
20/20
(repeat)
News/Local
CBS Ransom
(new)
48 Hours
(repeat)
48 Hours
(repeat)
News/Local
FOX MLB Baseball
(live)
News/Local
NBC Taken
(new)
Dateline
(repeat)
News/Local Saturday Night Live
(repeat)

SUN. 6:00 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC America’s Funniest Home Videos
(repeat)
Celebrity Family Feud
(new)
The $100,000 Pyramid
(new)
To Tell the Truth
(new)
CBS 60 Minutes
(new)
Instinct
(new)
SWAT
(repeat)
NCIS: Los Angeles
(repeat)
FOX One Strange Rock
(repeat)
The Simpsons
(repeat)
Bob’s Burgers
(repeat)
Family Guy
(repeat)
Ghosted
(new)
Local/News
NBC Dateline
(new)
America’s Got Talent
(repeat)
Shades of Blue
(new)

 

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