ALERT: There is no TV news today because Beyoncé

Despite ALL OF THE NEWS happening this weekend — Syria, Comey, Trump’s completely unhinged and irrational Comey meltdown on Twitter …

(So, let me get this straight, Comey announced days before the election that the FBI was reopening the Clinton email case because he thought she was going to win and wanted to keep his job with the woman who he just threw under the bus? MAKES PERFECT SENSE.)

— despite all of this, there wasn’t actually all that much TV news this weekend, probably because Beyoncé’s headlining performance at Coachella, which was thankfully live streamed for those of us who could not go to Coachella, has killed everyone in the world dead with its sheer gloriousness. Looking upon it was like when the Nazis open the arc of the covenant in Raiders of the Lost Arc. Some things are too powerful, too important, too beautiful to fully comprehend and your face just melts right off.

If you were unlucky enough to miss the performance, here is a collection of clips and some responses. And here’s another. But let me warn you, no one clip or series of clips can capture the performance that The New York Times said will be the most “meaningful, absorbing, forceful and radical performance by an American musician” this year, or any year soon; that The Los Angeles Times‘s music critic said “was one of the most impressive things I’ve seen in 20 years of professional show-going”; and that The Washington Post described as a “historic cultural event.”

I just can’t stress this enough: if you are at all a Beyoncé fan — and who isn’t a Beyoncé fan? — do what you can to find and watch this entire concert and prepare to bow down, bitches.

UPDATE, DARLINGS: Here is a link that — at least for the time being — has the concert posted in two parts. Godspeed.

beyonce queen part one

beyonce queen part two

As for that lack of TV news, here’s all I’ve got for ya:

The Simpsons‘ showrunner is now saying that he hopes to find an answer to the Apu problem:

Maybe try to not be flippant and insulting next time? And with the least surprising response to this controversy, ladies, and gentlemen, I present Bill Maher. (His take on Molly Ringwald revisiting the John Hughes movies was shit, too.)

Ugh, NeedleDick and that personality-less void he chose after not choosing her are thinking about filming their wedding for ABC. No thank you, please.

Hey, did you enjoy John Mulaney’s Saturday Night Live this weekend? Here are his best sketches from his days as a writer.

Here is everything you never wanted to know about Stefon (this is actually a pretty great video, to be honest):

And in case you missed it, Donald Glover is going to host and be the musical guest on the next Saturday Night Live.

For a minute there, I was excited that maybe, JUST MAYBE, George R.R. Martin was going to start focusing on finishing the damn books. But no, probably not.

Meanwhile, Game of Thrones the series is going to receive a special BAFTA award for being badass.

Young Spock will appear on Star Trek: Discovery season two.

Deadline has an update on the pilots, and which ones are being received favorably at the networks, if you’re curious.

Hey, Orlando Brown, what’s going on, buddy?

Time’s Up

Tina Fey was honored at Variety’s Power of Women event, and credited all the women she works with for her success: “My whole life is just ride-or-die bitches as far as the eye can see.”

Samantha Bee served as the emcee for the event, which she described as Mike Pence’s personal hell, and urged powerful women to hire more women: “If you are in a position to hire people, take it from me and hire women! Sometimes you just gotta put your money where your mouth is and do it. They’re incredibly smart, smell like flowers, and you save a fortune because they only cost a fraction of what you pay men.”

Also at the event was Padma Lakshmi, who has endometriosis and is VERY PISSED OFF. LOW THRESHOLD FOR PAIN, MY ASS.

Meanwhile, R. Kelly has been accused of giving an underage girl an STD. He is so gross and why isn’t he in jail already?

Renewals

Cancellations

In Development

Casting News

  • Kyle Chandler is joining Catch-22 in the role George Clooney was originally supposed to take. (Clooney is taking over a different role.)
  • Ian Somerhalder will star in the Netflix drama V-Wars. It’s a vampire drama because someone is typecast.
  • Antonique Smith is joining Luke Cage.
  • Michael McGrady is joining Chicago P.D.

Mark Your Calendar

R.I.P.

R. Lee Ermey, Actor

Milos Forman, Director

Art Bell, Radio weirdo

Vittorio Taviani, Director

WATCH THIS

I Am Evidence: A documentary that explores the appalling neglect of rape kits and sexual assault cases around the country. DO BETTER. 7 p.m., HBO

Supergirl: Season premiere. 7 p.m., The CW

Scorpion: Season finale. 9 p.m., CBS

Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Robert De Niro, Bridget Everett, Rex Orange County The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Elisabeth Moss, Charlamagne Tha God, Nell Scovell The Late Late Show with James Corden: Jeff Daniels, Tracee Ellis Ross, CAM Jimmy Kimmel Live: Rob Lowe, Michelle Wolf, Jorja Smith Conan: Timothy Olyphant, January Jones The Daily Show: Alex Wagner The Opposition with Jordan Klepper: Rick Tyler

MON. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC American Idol
(new)
The Crossing
(new)
CBS Kevin Can Wait
(new)
Man with a Plan
(new)
Superior Donuts
(new)
Living Biblically
(new)
Scorpion
(new)
CW Supergirl
(new)
iZombie
(new)
Local
FOX Lucifer
(new)
The Resident
(new)
News/Local
NBC The Voice
(new)
Good Girls
(new)
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