‘The Real Housewives of New York City’: Oh yes, let’s relive the election, absolutely. Because it was so fun the first time around.

The Real Housewives of New York
“Reunion, Part 2”
August 23, 2017

When we pick back up, we are still discussing The Countess and her doomed marriage. The Countess is busily blaming Ramona for bringing that Missy character with her everywhere, instead of blaming her gross cheating husband for cheating.

And did Ramona drag Missy to events where she knew The Countess would be with Tom? Of course! Of course she did, Ramona is an asshole and a ruiner, as I feel we have established. But Tom didn’t have to be gross with Missy when he saw her and he didn’t have to take off his mic to talk to her, leaving us all wondering what he didn’t want us to hear — that is entirely on him.

The Countess also protests that while Tom might have kissed another woman, Mario had a FULL-BLOWN AFFAIR, and everyone is like, “Yeah, and Ramona left him.”

what is the fucking point

Andy Cohen, taking pity on The Countess, suggests they end the conversation with her saying something people might not know about Tom, and why she loves him. The Countess suggests that he’s “nervous” on TV and that’s why he might “come off awkward,” and not because he’s worried that someone is going to see him and he’s going to be caught with his pants down literally and that they love to play tennis and ski and live in a penthouse.

Bethenny laughs at the “penthouse” business, arguing that it’s a one-bedroom apartment and that The Countess needs to quit making it sound so pretentious. Also, too, “tennis” and “skiing” and “going to Palm Beach” is a lifestyle, not a life. You can’t make a life out of a lifestyle.

And Andy Cohen ends the conversation there because he’s a monster but he’s not cruel.

Next up: the Tinsley “From It Girl to Mugshot Girl to Wannabe It Girl Again” montage. After a long look at how she wanted to “reinvent” herself, a viewer asks why she moved back into her old neighborhood with her same look and same activities if she wanted to reinvent her life? Tinsley explains that the reinvention narrative was never hers: she wanted to reclaim her old life, not start a brand new one.

They briefly discuss Tinsley’s relationship with Princess Carole: opposites attract!

She also explains that she is still living in the hotel, but that Scott is planning on moving to New York in the fall, and they are going to move in together.

Spoiler alert: that never happened.

They also talk about her horrible relationship back in Palm Beach, which was both emotionally and physically abusive, and poor Dorinda simply can not wrap her head around someone staying in that situation. “Where was your mother?” Dorinda gasps.

rhobh what shock confused

A viewer wants to know if Tinsley thinks she has a drinking problem, and the women start talking about her love of Tito’s and her ability to put away vodka and the fact that she can outdrink The Countess. In response, Tinsley is like, “Look, I was struggling during the filming, and I drank A LOT, but let’s not accuse me of having a problem just because I was drinking in the morning when we were in Mexico. I WAS ON VACATION.” And while I have her back on the whole vacation thing — who doesn’t enjoy a bloody mary or mimosa on vacation, come on — the fact that she can drink The Countess under the table should give everyone, especially  Tinsley’s liver, pause.

The next montage is the “Boy, Princess Politics Sure Did Lose Her Damn Mind Over the Election, Right?” And as someone who similarly lost their damn mind over the election, I invite the show to go fuck itself. IF YOU DIDN’T LOSE YOUR DAMN MIND OVER THE ELECTION, YOU WEREN’T PAYING ATTENTION.

this is fine fill gif

A viewer asks Princess Carole what the status of her relationship with the Earl of Celery Root is, and she explains that they decided to take a step back — but not so far back that they didn’t travel to Spain together along with Scott and Tinsley. So, it’s complicated?

Her Highness explains that she is training for the Marathon and is focusing more on herself these days; she simply doesn’t have time to date. If the Duke of Macaroni is seeing other people, sure, she might want to know that, but she doesn’t think she’d mind much. So I suppose there is not going to be a royal wedding any time soon.

A viewer asks Bethenny if the election was the most annoyed she’s been with Princess Popular Vote, and Bethenny explains that Her Highness was so passionate about the election that it was all she could talk about, and that became exhausting.

Another viewer asks Princess Pussy Hat if she wasn’t being condescending to Ramona just because Ramona disagreed with her politically, and Her Not-So-Sereness is like, “LISTEN UP MOTHERFUCKERS, I WROTE ABOUT POLITICS FOR 15 YEARS. I WORKED ON THE HILL, I INTERVIEWED SENATORS AND CONGRESSMEN. I MARRIED INTO THE MOST FAMOUS POLITICAL FAMILY IN AMERICA. SO MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, I KNOW A LITTLE MORE ABOUT POLITICS THAN THESE DUMB EMPTY-HEADED HAMPTONS SOCIALITES.”

A viewer asks the women if any of them knew the candidates, and then offers bonus points if they will reveal who they voted for:

Ramona met Hillary in the Hamptons and is friends of friends of Trump’s because of something to do with Mar-a-Lago. As for how she voted: She pleads the fifth. (So: Trump.)

Sonja, despite what you might have assumed, did not date Trump, but she knows Ivana and the children. She pleads the fifth on how she voted. (So: Trump.)

The Countess has met them both but knows neither well. She pleads the fifth on how she voted. (So: Trump.)

Dorinda’s husband was a muckety-muck in the DNC and has hosted Hillary at her home. She voted for Hillary.

Bethenny ran into Trump when she was making the walk of shame one morning and he recognized her and insisted on taking a picture with her when she was “dressed like a hooker” and “still smelled of alcohol.” She told him he had spinach in his teeth. She voted for Hillary (but did not like either of her choices).

Princess I’m With Her obviously voted for Hillary.

Tinsley says that she knows, but is not close to, Ivanka, and didn’t vote because she hadn’t changed her residency from Florida to New York in time. This enrages Her Hillaryness, but honestly, she probably would have voted for Trump if she had thought about it.

buffy angry eyes

The next montage is “What the Hell is Going on in Sonja’s Bedroom?” Sonja tells the story of meeting her little French boyfriend at a charity event, and how her daughter told her that he was obsessed with Sonja, which, just, oh brother.

While Andy Cohen is asking about petit ami français living with Sonja, The Countess starts making quiet comments about petit ami français actually being a paid actor, and some of the other ladies nod knowingly. However, Tinsley reports that petit ami français was definitely living in Sonja’s house and that she “heard” them.

you're hurting my ears no thank you i can't hear you
Pictured: Tinsley at Sonja’s townhouse

Sonja further argues that he “leaves his toothbrush in [her] box.”

you're hurting my ears no thank you i can't hear you
Pictured: Me thinking about toothbrushes and Sonja’s “box”

As for how Rocco feels, Sonja says that he’s “smart” and will make a good husband one day because she denies him sex now? I don’t know. Sonja is a confusing animal.

The next montage is “Bethenny’s Divorce: What a Shitshow” and it mostly involves her crying. After, Bethenny reveals that she is back with that Dennis guy, the one she was dating at the previous reunion and early in the season, but with whom she broke up midseason because they both had divorce shit they needed to work through. Fair enough!

A viewer suggests that Bethenny’s tagline next season needs to be “I Gotta Go!” as they play a compilation of Bethenny being the first to leave every single event, and she’s like, “I mean, yeah? Why should I stay and fight with people when I could just leave?”

Andy Cohen then brings up the stalking business with her ex-husband, that there have been two more counts against him in addition to the three previous ones, and Bethenny becomes really reluctant to talk about it. She especially and particularly DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT FROM RAMONA.

The conversation is confusing and essentially goes in circles, with Bethenny clearly not wanting to go down this particular avenue and Andy Cohen trying to shove her down it. In the end, Bethenny tearfully explains that her experience with her ex-husband is so tortuous and awful and weird that she didn’t want to share it with the other women much less all of America.

And as for her daughter, and what she will learn about Bethenny’s relationship with her father, thanks for your concern, everyone, but she’s 7, and Bethenny is pretty sure she has a little more time before she has to deal with that. Also, butt out.

Andy Cohen then asks if Bethenny ever met with her estranged mother and Bethenny explains that as soon as she made plans to go to Florida to see her last year, her mom sold a nasty story about her to the press, SO, NO, ANDY COHEN, SHE DID NOT.

But back to her crazy ex-husband: Bethenny hopes that it will all be legally sorted out and that she will never have to be in contact with him again, and all the women are very sympathetic and completely understand where she was coming from all season long. They all then put on their Very Serious Faces and talk about the importance of women having their own careers and their own money and to be independent. And one should also be extremely wealthy, that helps, too.

Finally, a viewer asks Bethenny when she is her happiest in life. Bethenny answers it’s when she’s with her daughter, before thanking the other women for being so respectful of her personal life when so much dark shit was happening. (EXCEPT FOR YOU, RAMONA. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID. WE ALL DO. AND WE ARE GOING TO GET TO IT SOON ENOUGH.)

One more to go! Hang tight!

 

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The Real Housewives of New York airs on Bravo on Wednesdays at 8/9 p.m.

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