The Real Housewives of New York
“Reunion, Part 1”
August 16, 2017
HELLO, DARLINGS! We are only a few hours from the premiere of Season 10 of The Real Housewives of New York City, and I am DETERMINED to post last season’s reunion in its entirety before a single moment airs, so hold on tight, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover–or, if you are The Countess, stumble into head first.
Ooh! So before we even sit down, a title card appears explaining that the reunion was taped three weeks before The Countess filed for divorce from that publicity-seeking bald turd she married, so GET SOME POPCORN AND SETTLE IN FOR SOME HARD SCHADENFREUDE.
We begin the reunion with Andy’s typical comments about the women’s appearances and notes about their epilogues:
The Countess is wearing “bridal white…”
Bethenny’s hair is looking longer, because, she explains, she wanted to “stay away from The Countess’ haircut;” Princess Carole is training for the New York City Marathon like a crazy person; Dorinda is … there; Tinsley is still with Scott; Sonja might be selling the townhouse; and Ramona is not wearing “Ramona Blue.”
Andy also thanks Ramona for appearing on Love Connection and asks about the guy she chose. Sadly, things didn’t work out with him, but she did meet some guy at a piano bar who was on a blind date — not with her, mind you — she stole him from his date and she’s been seeing him ever since. Which is just an A+ Ramona story.
We are then treated to a “What the Fuck is Wrong With Ramona This Season” montage, to which Ramona shrugs that she didn’t see how batshit insane she was acting at the time, but watching it back …
A viewer asks Ramona why she’s constantly shooting her face with lasers, which leads Ramona to admit that maybe frying her skin ahead of a beach trip to Mexico wasn’t the best thought-out plan, but whaddya gonna do, not spend thousands on expensive and possibly dangerous dermatological treatments out of vanity and increasing desperation? Come on.
Ramona also details her many plastic surgery procedures: eyelids, boobs, sunspots, and she hears that sperm is good for the skin, so yay for that mental image.
A viewer demands to know why Ramona never acknowledged destroying Dorinda’s house like a caged animal, and she insists that at the time she just didn’t see it that way. Andy Cohen also suggests that her being drunk might have a little something to do with it. But Dorinda is not ready to write it off as too much Pinot Ramona, pointing out that Ramona, for whatever reason, doesn’t seem to be able to acknowledge her own bad behavior: she might have good intentions, but she’s terrible at enacting them.
This sets Bethenny off, who is VERY ANGRY at Ramona for ignoring two of her (Bethenny’s) assistants in an elevator the night before, to which Ramona wonders why they didn’t say hello to her. That’s our Ramona!
A viewer asks about the fact that Jill Zarin made some similar comments to Bethenny ‘s regarding Ramona being lonely. Ramona sniffs she didn’t appreciate Jill’s comments because Jill doesn’t know her anymore. I mean, but she does? A viewer then asks Bethenny if she is interested in reopening a friendship with Jill. 1. NO. 2. DON’T EVER ASK BETHENNY THIS QUESTION AGAIN, PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
A viewer asks if Ramona might be in the second stage of grief: anger. Ramona finds this an interesting observation and concedes that it’s possible, her daughter has been complaining that Ramona is always yelling at her these days. Ramona also has some insightful thoughts on her control freakdom, before admitting that watching the season play back was painful: she doesn’t know if she’d want to be friends with herself. But, Andy Cohen, she is in a better place now and she is dating this guy and she’s not ready to say she’s in love or going to marry him but never say never.
We then revisit the Dorinda-Sonja war from the beginning of the season, which I had almost entirely forgotten about since I wasn’t really sure what was happening. All I knew was Dorinda was being SUPER AGGRO and screaming in Sonja’s face about her vagina being the Holland Tunnel and how she the was the Hostess with the Mostest (in her vagina) and telling people that she had Sonja and her vagina investigated. It was a whole lot.
But as the group starts talking about the situation, it becomes clearer that Sonja had been playing her Page 6 tricks on Dorinda and Fudgie during the off-season, and that this is where Dorinda’s anger originated. Which only makes it more curious that Dorinda wasn’t more vocally defensive of Tinsley when Sonja OBVIOUSLY PULLED THE SAME BULLSHIT WITH HER.
A viewer asks Dorinda who the friend was that was gathering information on Sonja, and Dorinda is like, “Don’t’ worry about it.”
Another viewer wonders if Dorinda is being hypocritical in her judgment of Sonja considering she gets so drunk that she requires subtitles (and even then, they don’t always help) …
And Dorinda counters that she doesn’t go around claiming she’s sober. *ahem* This leads to a whole fight over whether or not Sonja really was sober for 10 months and spoiler alert: no, she wasn’t.
A viewer asks Sonja what is wrong with her brain that she thought it was acceptable to go into another woman’s underwear drawer, remove lingerie that was in a special bag and wear it? Sonja protests that she found the negligee in a closet, that she didn’t know it was a gift from Dorinda’s dead husband and anyway she said she was sorry and Dorinda accepted the apology, so why is this person bringing it back up again? Everyone sighs heavily and Andy Cohen makes Sonja apologize to Dorinda again, and Sonja does, even though she clearly doesn’t think she needs to.
And then we arrive at the good stuff.
So! The Countess! How’s married life?
The Countess assures us that married life is fantastic and she does not regret giving up her countessdom — right now she’s just enjoying being Mrs. D’agostino.
“Right now?” ask the other women
CUE THE “UNFORTUNATE WEDDING” MONTAGE!
Many viewers demand to know why The Countess lived out a 22-year-old bride’s fantasy with the showers and the bachelorette party and the white gown considering she is a 51-year-old woman with adult children who HAS DONE THIS BEFORE, and The Countess huffs that she eloped the first time, so she deserved all of this nonsense.
A viewer asks for some clarification on the Sonja being invited to the wedding confusion, and The Countess admits that she had sent Sonja a save the date card, but that when Sonja started planting all sorts of stories about The Countess and Tom in the tabloids, she decided that maybe inviting this saboteur to her wedding was a poor idea.
Tinsley? Any thoughts?
Andy Cohen asks about Barbara the Friend who told Princess Carole on a hot mic that The Countess would rather get married and get divorced than admit that marrying this asshole is a bad idea, and The Countess huffs that Barbara’s comments were “horrible.”
She didn’t lie, though.
Andy Cohen then reminds Ramona that she dropped some hints in the last reunion that she might know some … things about Tom, but declined to share. Ramona begins by saying that if The Countess is happy, that’s all that really matters.
That said, yes, she did know something: specifically that Tom went to Los Angeles and was kissing that woman he was caught kissing at the Regency that one time. Maybe he went upstairs with her, too? It’s unclear. The Countess dismisses this as Tom having just kissed an old friend on the cheek, that this is nothing, and anyway, it happened before they were married.
This prompts Andy Cohen to ask the women if any of them have heard anything about Tom since the wedding. All of the women:
But they aren’t willing to divulge, protesting that The Countess is a big girl, she knows what she’s doing and if they have some sort of arrangement …
The Countess protests that THEY DO NOT HAVE AN ARRANGEMENT, THIS IS A REAL MARRIAGE.
All of the women:
Andy Cohen asks what The Countess would do if she found out he had cheated on her, and she swears she would leave him.
All of the women:
Andy Cohen wonders what she thought about the finale episode, in which he was saying some suspicious things to Missy and took off his mic, and The Countess explains that she only watched it for the first time the night before and that’s why she stayed at a hotel last night IF YOU MUST KNOW.
Some viewers ask boring questions about how her family feels about Tom …
And what her friends might gain from lying about Tom’s … shall we call them “indiscretions?” The Countess continues to argue that Tom hasn’t been indiscrete, that he is allowed to be friends with his exes and that he can go to the Regency Hotel if he wants, he’s a grown man.
All of the women:
MORE REUNION TO COME!
The Real Housewives of New York airs on Bravo on Wednesdays at 8/9 p.m.