‘The Orville’: And then there were murder clowns

The Orville
“Firestorm”
November 16,2017

The Orville travels through some sort of, oh, I don’t know, let’s call it a “plasma storm,” that sounds appropriately sci-fish, right? So this plasma storm causes some damage to the ship, including knocking a large piece of equipment onto some guy in the engine room. Alara rushes down to help pull it off of him, but as she enters the engine room, she’s startled by a blast of flames and she momentarily freezes. By the time she collects herself and pulls the hunk of metal off of Some Guy, Some Guy is dead.

R.I.P. Some Guy.

arya shrug

Alara blames herself for Some Guy’s death and tries to resign, but Seth MacFarlane is like, “Instead, how about you seek some counseling, or maybe ask your parents why the fire freaked you out?”

Alara starts there and contacts her parents, who, after questioning her career choices and calling her stupid for a while, reveal that when she was a baby, Alara and her mother were in a dangerous house fire, but Mom never bothered to tell her about it, because, why?

And then the episode suddenly and unexpectedly devolves into a surrealist mess.

There’s a murder clown? On the ship? That chases Alara down a hallway? And it’s real? Because everyone else sees it on a video playback? And Alara and Bortus chase it down in the shuttle bay and Alara kills it?

And then Ex-Wife is going to her quarters, but when she opens the door, she nearly falls into some sort of bottomless void? And Alara pulls her to safety?

And then Bortus claims he killed an alligator in the shuttle bay?

And then Dr. Finn straps Alara to a table to perform a brain scan on her, but instead kills her nurse before trying to kill Alara? Alara breaks out of her bonds at the last moment and is able to subdue Dr. Finn? And they put Dr. Finn in a cell where she demands pizza and talks about the “terrors lurking in the infinite shadows” of space?

And then there are tarantulas? Thousands of tarantulas?

And then there is some sort of giant space spider that eats Gordon?

And then no one else is on the ship with Alara except Robot? And he turns evil and tries to kill Alara? But she gets to a shuttle and flies it through a wall of fire, escaping The Orville just as it explodes?

Except, LOL, none of that actually happened. Well, Some Guy died, and Alara had an emotional meltdown about it, and her parents were total assholes to her, but everything beginning with Murder Clown actually took place in a simulator where Alara was working on confronting fears — not her own fears, mind you, just general “fears” as sampled from the rest of the crew — because, sure, that seems like a practical use of time.

The point is, Alara “passed” or something, even though Seth MacFarlane is kinda mad at her for reasons that are unclear, and she does not resign, the end.

All I can think is that Seth MacFarlane was like, “I know it’s on a spaceship but I want a murder clown. Murder clowns are all the rage these days. GIVE ME A MURDER CLOWN, DAMMIT,” and one of his writers was like, “Aversion therapy?” and they just ran with it because they have to fill a 13* episode order somehow, right?

paris hilton ok k bored

This show is not good, y’all. But here’s a piece for those of you who think it is explaining why you’re right and I’m wrong.

*Actually, it’s only going to be 12 episodes this season, with the 13th episode being pushed to next season which I AM NOT BLOGGING. So, yay me! Only 2 episodes left! The end is nearly in sight!

The Orville airs on Thursdays at 8 p.m. on Fox and I’ll never forgive you guys for this.

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