‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’: Forget-Me-Now

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Backed Into a Corner”
February 14, 2017

Last we left las amas de casa reales, everyone was SO ANGRY at Lisa Rinna for telling Eden that Kim Richards was close to death and no longer sober, and Lisa Rinna was completely, blissfully unaware. She arrives in Mexico to an icy reception from Kyle, but does not appear to notice, fluttering away to get ready for Mauricio’s real estate office party.

Everyone gets dolled up and then rides a golf cart over to the office where day-glo green margaritas flow, Mauricio gives a big speech before doing the Mexican hat dance on the bar, and Grandpa Ken prances around in a giant sombrero. So, part office party/part Spring Break at Señor Tadpoles.

senor tadploe's make a margarita in mouth arrested development

Lisa Rinna happily burbles away about her daughter pretending to be a model to Eileen who is burbling away with Montezuma’s Revenge. In response, Eileen mentions that she had a vitamin drip with Eden …

white-nonsense

…where Eden had lots to say about the Richards sisters. At this, Erika gives Rinna the heads-up that she needs to talk about Kyle about this Eden situation, and quickly backs away because she does not need to be dragged into this ish.

Rinna decides to ask Kyle about it right here, right now because why wait until they can have this conversation in a place that is private when you can have an explosive conversation both on camera and in front of Kyle’s husband’s business associates? The other women smell blood and gather around, as Kyle explains the situation to an incredulous Rinna: Eden is telling people that Rinna told her that Kim is not sober; that Kim is, in fact, near death; and that Kyle is her enabler. At first Rinna is SHOCKED, JUST SHOCKED, I TELL YOU and denies EVERYTHING.

And then you can see the exact moment Rinna remembers that her entire conversation with Eden was filmed, at which point the Forget-Me-Now that she took earlier kicks in:

rinna rhobh don't remember saying that

Give that woman all of the Emmys.

Rinna then decides that maybe she’ll add “Eden is a lying liar” to her sudden memory loss, pointing out that Eden had gone off on Kim at dinner with Dorit, which Dorit confirms, but which does not prove Rinna’s innocence. ESPECIALLY SINCE THERE IS TAPE.

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Lisa Rinna goes on, claiming that she would never say something so harsh, that she has tried to be careful with her words …

play the tape

… at which point Lisa Vanderrupts to remind Rinna that she was the one to say, “Let’s talk about your arrest,” to Kim, soooooo…

play the tape

Rinna then decides her position is that if she DID say those things to Eden, which she DOES NOT REMEMBER DOING, just for the record, but if she DID, they weren’t meant in a hateful or hurtful way, just in an “I’m saying on national television that your sister is lying about her sobriety” way. Not that she remembers doing any of it.

This is the best VanderDay of Lisa’s life.

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Lisa Vanderpump doubles down with Rinna: either Rinna is lying or Eden is, knowing perfectly well that at the very least at the reunion they will DEFINITELY:

play the tape

With that, the conversation is over — for now — and the women take to their respective corners: Kyle and Lisa hit the Vanderquila and Lisa Rinna stomps outside to fake cry.

As Rinna squeezes out her best soap opera tears and declares that she WANTS TO GO HOME and that she is NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS FROM EDEN and that SHE HAS A GREAT LIFE AND DOES NOT NEED THIS BULLSHIT, HER DAUGHTER IS A MODEL FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, Dorit and Eileen pat her on the back and shoot each other worried looks.

dont-cry

The ladies then decide that it is time for Rinna to take her very real tears and for Eileen to take her very real bowel issues and go home. They say their tense goodbyes to Vanderpump and Kyle who aren’t buying this “Eileen is sick” business for a hot second, and Erika joins them, because.

Back at the house, Erika visits with Rinna and basically begs her to come clean: if she did say those things — and they were “big” things — just admit it! But Rinna is sticking to her “I don’t remember, but I am pretty sure Eden is a lying liar” guns. Erika — who has a great bullshit detector — smells bullshit.

Kyle, Mauricio, Dorit and P.K. and Lisa Vanderpump and Grandpa Ken follow them back to the house not long after, where Lisa jokingly suggests VanderWife Swapping to my profound chagrin.

what no michael bluth arrested development

The next morning, Rinna calls Harry Hamlin to cry to him about the terrible things that Eden is repeating that she said, and Harry Hamlin literally tells her to go to the beach. Harry Hamlin should think about becoming a therapist when he’s done acting and baking pies. “Vanderpump told me to say that Yolanda’s Lyme disease is fake!” Harry Hamlin: “Have you tried canoeing?” “My sister stole my mother’s house from me!” Harry Hamlin: “Maybe you should go have a picnic.” “A psychic told me my husband will never satisfy me emotionally and might be fucking the nanny!” Harry Hamlin: “A hike might be nice.”

Meanwhile, back in California, Eden and her mother drink smoothies.

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Back in Mexico, Dorit and P.K. call their toddlers who cry.

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Then the group — minus Lisa, whose VanderWork is done here — go out for a day excursion on a catamaran. There, nothing of important happens, other than the single most important thing ever: for reasons that are never made clear (tequila) Lisa Rinna performs the choreography to Erika Jayne’s “Painkillr” video on a table:

We are done here.

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs on Bravo on Tuesdays at 8/9 p.m. and has no memory of that.

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