Bullshit Mountain — I mean, Fox News — had an interesting weekend thanks to Trump and Twitter and their own bullshit.

If you retired to a cave sometime on Thursday and did not emerge until this morning, you might have missed the big news that the GOP’s health care bill, let’s call it “Trumpcare” to simplify things, failed to go to a vote on Friday after a number of both conservative and moderate Republicans made it clear they would not vote for it. This, despite Trump’s brilliant negotiating with the Republicans! It IS shocking! (And, hilariously, it didn’t stop some ads from running this weekend during the sportsball which patted conservatives on the back for passing a bill that no longer exists.)

Anyway. First Trump tried to blame the Democrats for not voting to dismantle their biggest piece of legislation in a generation, because that just makes sense. He then tweeted the above on Saturday, so let’s see what he wanted people to see Judge Jeanine say about the failure of Trumpcare:


What is particularly remarkable about Trump tweeting a plug for Justice With Judge Jeanine is that Trump usually (maybe only) tweets plugs for shows if he is the subject of a profile or has done an interview for said show. So the obvious question is: did Trump know that Pirro was going to call for Ryan’s resignation before he tweeted?

Hilariously and improbably, when asked about this, Trump’s Chief of Staff Reince Priebus said the following: “Well, first of all, I will go on record, we do love Judge Jeanine, and so does the president. I think it was more coincidental.” Priebus added later, “in fact, he thought Paul Ryan worked really hard. He enjoys his relationship with Paul Ryan, thinks that Paul Ryan is a great speaker of the House.”


So then follow all this up with the fact that Trump, remarkably, did not spend the weekend at his Mar-a-Lago resort, but instead stayed closer to the White House, golfing at his Virginia resort. I’m sorry, “having meetings” at his Virginia resort. Meetings to which he wore his golf clothes. So, Very Important Meetings, obviously.

But you know what? It cost us taxpayers less than if he had gone to Florida, so whatever. As Trump himself well knows and is sympathetic to, sometimes Presidents need to blow off some steam on the golf course. Yes, I recognize the hypocrisy, but it’s fine. It’s NOT fine, but it’s fine.

Because here’s what is REALLY not fine:

  1. How is the President doing his damn job a “News Alert”?

But most importantly: This is what propaganda looks like. Trump has been receiving–  deservedly — a ton of flack for spending so much time on the golf course after berating Obama during his presidency for ever taking an afternoon off to hit the links. But Trump also said during the campaign that he wouldn’t have time to golf if he were to win the White House, he’d be so busy Making America Great Again. So in swoops State Media, I mean Fox News, to protect Trump’s image by putting out a completely fabricated and nonsense headline about how Trump spent the weekend “working” in the “White House” when they meant “golfing” in “a state adjacent to Washington D.C.”

Which leads us to the most delightful story of the weekend:

Ted Koppel has something to say to Sean Hannity and that thing is that he is bad for America and that he appeals to people “who are determined that ideology is more important than facts.” It all took place on CBS This Morning yesterday, and it is glorious and you must watch it for yourself, especially the part where Sean Hannity looks all butthurt.


Now Sean Hannity is claiming that Ted Koppel meant all opinion shows, not just his, and is demanding that CBS release the entire tape which will prove this. Oh, Sean, you’re missing the whole point, you dumb dummy.

And in other Sean Hannity news, he has a little crush on Dave Chappelle.

Finally, I know you’ve lost a lot of your blondes, Fox News, so if you’re looking for your next star, I hear Tomorrow Linguine is looking for a job now that she has been “permanently banned” from The Blaze.

In Other TV News

So, there was this British reality series wherein 23 men and women were left to their own devices in a remote Scottish peninsula and tasked with creating their own society over the course of a year. The series began airing in July of last year, but was cancelled after less than a month. However, NO ONE BOTHERED TO TELL ANYONE ON THE SHOW THAT IT HAD BEEN CANCELLED. They just stayed there (well, 10 of them stayed, 13 of them were like, “fuck this bullshit, I’m out”) and were bored and starved stupid and NO ONE PUT AN END TO IT. I have so many questions about this story:

  1. Why? Why didn’t anyone on the production side stop this once the show was canceled?
  2. Seriously, what was the thought process here? “Well, we could go get our contestants and bring them home so they can return to their lives, since, you know, this is all an exercise in pointlessness now. Or … hear me out … we could just keep filming, just because.”
  3. Why didn’t this article talk to any of the participants because I BET THEY HAVE A LOT TO SAY.
  4. Or the four camera guys who were embedded with them?
  5. Did they know the show had been canceled?
  6. If they did know, why did they stay and continue filming?
  7. If they didn’t know, HOW PISSED OFF MUST THEY HAVE BEEN?
  8. Seriously, how quickly do you think these 10 remaining people lawyered up? Did it take five minutes? Or six minutes?

By employing ground-breaking ideas like, “writing the scripts ahead of time,” Westworld will avoid production delays on its second season. The cast also revealed which host achieved free will first, and the answer will surprise you! (No it won’t, not really, not if you think about it for half of one second.)

The theme of the upcoming season of American Horror Story originated as a “batshit” idea to fulfill a tax document. Sounds about right.

Speaking of American Horror Story: Sarah Paulson would like to revisit Cordelia, the LEAST INTERESTING character of the entire “Coven” season, maybe her least interesting character ever.

“Are you saying that women and minorities have a more difficult time getting their stuff read than white men and you’re also saying that [white men] get to make mediocre movies and can continue on? … You’re saying that if you are a woman or a person of color, you have to hit it out of the parkin order to get another chance?” In which Aaron Sorkin continues to be one of my least favorite human beings on the planet.

Y’all are pissing off the Onion Knight with your drones, you low lifes.

Is Legion actually good or just pretty? An important question.

What is Schmidt’s first name. Literally the least important question

The 100th episode of Scandal will do the alternate timeline thing. It airs on April 13th.

Mindy Kaling is going on a date with Cory Booker after dissing Newark on The Mindy Project. And the lesson here, kids, is that negging works.

The Fear the Walking Dead showrunner is out after this season — but it’s all good, he’s staying on as an executive producer.

AMC is looking into a streaming service for subscribers. (Do they not have one yet?)

Congratulations to Orange is the New Black’s Samira Wiley and Lauren Morelli!

In Development


Naked and Afraid XL has been renewed for a third season, this time set in the Amazon which just seems like too much. Also, it will never be as great as this:

Casting News


Denis McGrath, writer on Syfy’s Continuum and Aftermath

Jean Butler, co-head writer on Guiding Light (and she had a fascinating life story, having been blacklisted in Hollywood — it’s worth reading)

Tomas Milian, actor


Rock and a Hard Place: A documentary about a boot camp program for incarcerated youth inspired by The Rock’s own troubles as a young man. 9 p.m., HBO

Dancing with the Stars: Will Nick Viall be eliminated after William Shatner’s one-man campaign to take him down? We can hope! 7 p.m., ABC

Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Scarlett Johansson, Richard Dreyfuss, Dan White Late Night with Seth Meyers: Craig Ferguson, Rachel Dratch, George Saunders The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda, Jay Chandrasekhar, Aimee Mann The Late Late Show with James Corden: J.J. Redick, Scott Bakula, Pete Holmes, MisterWives Conan: Dax Shepard, Michael Pena, Kaitlin Olson, Gary Clark Jr. The Daily Show: John Singleton

MON. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Dancing with the Stars
CBS The Big Bang Theory
Kevin Can Wait
Superior Donut
The Great Indoors
CW Supergirl
Jane the Virgin
FOX 24: Legacy
NBC The Voice

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