‘Married to Medicine: Houston’: A modest proposal

Married to Medicine: Houston
“An Indecent Proposal”
December 30, 2016

We will begin this, the final episode in what may well be the only season of Married to Medicine: Houston (keep your fingers crossed, Houstonians, they haven’t cancelled it yet) with one last visit with the show’s comedy duo, Rachel and her mother Mamacita Maribel. The ladies are set to exercise in the backyard with a personal trainer, not that Mamacita Maribel wants any part of it. The only workout she wants to be a part of is pouring herself another mimosa.

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Elsewhere, we meet Dr. Ashandra’s brother, Aaron, and sister, Devonya, both of whom are proper badasses. Aaron is in the Navy and a triathlete, and from the sound of it available, those of you who are interested. And Devonya, at the time of the taping, was living in Austin but about to move to San Francisco to pursue her Masters’. So, what I’m saying is that all three siblings are classic underachievers.

The siblings and Pretty Ricky briefly discuss the fundraiser (which brother Aaron wasn’t able to attend because he was busy Navying) and how it’s shameful that there are citizens of the fourth largest city in the country, a city with the largest medical center in the country (maybe world) who still can’t afford proper healthcare. TRUTH. But thanks to Dr. Ashandra’s efforts, her church’s wellness center will have at least one dental chair to help treat those most needing of dental help. She might not have raised $350,000, but she made an impact, so good for her.

As for Dr. Monica and her ongoing drama with Imad, the episode actually begins with Dr. Monica filling in her friend Neera on her trip to San Antonio, and how Imad expressed that he wanted to have more of a connection with her family. And by “have more of a connection with her family” she means “would like to meet her family for the first time ever.”

And we get to be there when that painfully awkward event actually happens. Imad, Dr. Monica and Mama de Monica meet at El Tiempo over on Richmond — and I am pretty sure they are sitting at the same table where some overserved teenagers once sat before stumbling their way towards the exit, pausing next to our table to vomit. I do not exactly have fond regards for El Tiempo.

Things do not go well. Imad explains that he is there today putting himself “under all this pressure” because of how he feels about Mama de Monica’s daughter. Dr. Monica then asks her mother what she wants for Dr. Monica’s marriage. And Mama de Monica does not hold back: “The person has to be highly educated. You are a cardiologist.”

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Mama de Monica then goes on to tell her daughter and this smarmy car salesman sitting across from her that she doesn’t want Dr. Monica to be with someone who will “take advantage” of her.

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Mama de Monica then points out the obvious: Imad lives in San Antonio, so how serious can he really be? Dr. Monica tells her mother that in the end, her decision will be Dr. Monica’s decision, and Mama de Monica sighs at how overly dramatic her daughter is being. Imad backs Dr. Monica up: one of the first things Dr. Monica ever told him was that she needed her father’s approval before getting married. Dr. Monica then brings on the waterworks, and her mother is all, “OH BROTHER. FINE. WE ‘LIKE’ IMAD. HE’S GREAT. MARRY HIM, DON’T MARRY HIM, WHATEVER.”

And that’s how Dr. Monica, a grown-ass woman of 38 who has been married once before, received her parents’ “permission” to marry a man she’s been involved with for 3 1/2 years.

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We end the season with one last fundraiser, Cindi Rose’s “Bollywood” event for … well, I am not sure what. The poors? Boobie cancer again? It’s never made clear, or I wasn’t paying attention, it’s a mystery. But because “Bollywood,” Dr. Monica is going to do a Bollywood style dance.

The ladies all gather at Dr. Erika’s apartment to strap themselves into their saris (the secret is “safety pins”) and eat pizza and drink champagne and now all I want to do is eat pizza and drink champagne in a beautiful sari.

The ladies all leave for the party which is held at this place called Lumen Lounge, answering a years-long mystery for me and my family as we live practically around the corner from it: “Who goes to Lumen Lounge? Does anyone go to Lumen Lounge? Is Lumen Lounge even open? What is Lumen Lounge?” Mystery solved: over-worked socialites hold unexplained fundraisers at Lumen Lounge. I can now rest a little easier.

Things that are at this party: a henna tattoo artist, some sort of beauty queen who is wearing her tiara, a woman with a giant albino boa constrictor, and whatever the Hell this is:

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I have a lot of questions, but the one I will go with is: does Cindi Rose think that this is somehow representative of or related to Indian culture?

So Monica does her dance, and good for her, there’s is no way, not ever, that I would dance in front of a crowd much less on national television. Nope. Never. Not ever.

Meanwhile, Pegah has chosen this moment to reveal to Dr. Elly that her husband is probably not going to be taking a job in Houston and Dr. Elly FREAKS OUT as this is the first she’s heard that her sister/best friend will be moving away.

And this is (sorta) sad but we don’t linger on it because the next thing you know, Imad is pulling Dr. Monica outside to “talk” in the car that is parked outside which just happens to be a Mitsubishi, and I think might be the exact same model that Imad showed off in the previous episode as being the car he is going to give his son for graduation. Just a coincidence, I’m sure.

Once in the car that is definitely not free product placement, why would you even think that, Imad gives a little speech about their relationship and how they still have some things to work out, but that he really wants to “take the next step” with her. And with that, he pulls a ring out of the center console, which is a convenient feature of this car that is definitely not being used as free advertising, why are you so cynical, and he proposes.

And Dr. Monica hesitates.

And Imad is like, “WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?”

And Dr. Monica is all, “I guess, yes?”

And Imad is like, “NO, SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?”

And Dr. Monica explains that she just doesn’t feel excited, she was surprised by this, she’s already had one failed marriage, he talked about their challenges in his proposal which is not what she wanted to hear in her proposal from him, she wanted a “princess proposal” and so now maybe she has some doubts.

Imad, understandably furious, demands the ring back, but Dr. Monica is like, “LOL, NOPE,” and he storms away.

Dr. Monica heads back into the fundraiser where she tells the other ladies that Imad just proposed and waves the ring around for a while before revealing that she actually kind of ruined the whole thing by being a fickle bitch and stomping all over his heart on national television. And the other women are like:

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So Dr. Monica decides she’ll make a “grand gesture” lest she lose Imad forever, and she marches over to Imad, gets down on one knee and in front of her castmates, the party goers, the national audience and God himself, proposes to Imad. For reasons that are unfathomable, he says yes, and everyone has their “happy” ending.

I have a great feeling about these two kids!

Oh. Huh. I guess long-distance relationships in which one party spends 3 1/2 years nagging the other to propose, and in which no one is willing to make compromises on religion or kids, and in which one party hasn’t even met the other party’s parents can fall apart, too. Love really is dead.

And with that we, like Imad and Dr. Monica’s relationship, are done here. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a second, maybe more contentious season?

Married to Medicine: Houston aired on Bravo on Fridays at 8 p.m. But it SHOULD have aired when someone might have actually seen it because it was pretty good.

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