‘The Walking Dead’: Negan and Carl’s DAY! OF! FUN!

The Walking Dead
“Sing Me a Song”
December 4, 2016

Out alone on the road, Michonne whistles “Farmer in the Dell,” a song that gives my husband PTSD as it was used to tease him as a child (Dell = Odell because children are so clever). It’s a deep sort of pain that I can not even begin to imagine having myself grown up in the 70s and 80s with the last name “McDonald.”

girl-please-eye-roll

Anyway, Michonne’s purpose is to draw walkers out of the woods, kill them and build a roadblock with their bodies. And she is successful in that her little roadblock stops a red-headed Savior who is not that one red-headed Savior that Carol killed, but a different red-headed Savior who, conveniently enough for Michonne, was out driving around alone.

Michonne gets the jump on Red-Headed Savior and takes her prisoner, demanding that Red-Headed Savior take her to Negan. At one point Red-Headed Savior tries to fight back, but Michonne puts that to a quick end because bitch doesn’t know who she is messing with.

Elsewhere, on their scavenging trip, Rick and Aaron discover a property marked with a sign: “Keep going, only thing here for you is trouble.” So obviously they trespass. Once on the property, they find a much larger sign covered in rambling text: “blah blah blah make America great again blah blah build the wall blah blah blah lock her up blah blah if you’ve read this far and haven’t been shot yet, I’m probably dead. P.S. Do not come for my guns food and other important supplies that I definitely have on this property somewhere. I’m serious.”

So Rick and Aaron obviously continue on. They find a houseboat perched in the middle of a retention pond, bobbing with merzombies, and the only boat they have is riddled with bullet holes. But they’re like, “Eh, we’ve faced worse.”

Back in Alexandria, Rosita drags Dr. Mullet back to the bullet factory to make bullets — or one bullet, as the case ends up being. Dr. Mullet does not want to make Rosita a bullet, arguing that one bullet isn’t going to do the trick, so she calls him pitiful and cowardly until he agrees to make her the damn bullet. Later, Rosita tries to apologize to Dr. Mullet, but he is NOT INTERESTED.

angry-prince-walk-away

As for That Spencer Asshole, he and Father Used-to-be-Worthless go on a supply run together where Spencer talks more crap about what a terrible leader Rick is. Father Gabriel informs Spencer that talking smack about Rick and even wishing him dead does not make Spencer a sinner, but it does make him a “tremendous shit.” And it does! It does make him a “tremendous shit!” Before, he was merely a “little shit” but now he’s a full-blown “tremendous shit!” And with that Father Now-Maybe-My-Favorite asks Spencer to stop the car, he’s no longer interested in hanging out with him.

Spencer pulls over, and Father Gabe heads back to Alexandria. As for our Tremendous Shit, he just goes head-first into the woods where he happens to discover a walker trapped in a tree stand, guts hanging out. ~FORESHADOWING~ (I need someone to build me a “foreshadowing” gif. Get on it, Intertubes.)

Spencer pulls the walker down, and the walker has the good manners to just die upon falling. Spencer then helps himself to the walker’s crossbow and finds a note on the walker’s person (? can we still call it a person?) that makes Spencer smile smugly.

That Spencer Creep returns to Alexandria with a car full of food cans and other crap that the walker apparently had stashed around the woods, the note written in Latin detailing their locations. And Spencer just hands it all over to the Saviors with a smug little smile on his smug face because he so smug.

But the big story in this episode is how Carl and Negan became BFFs. Last we saw Carl, he had hidden in the back of a Saviors’ truck with Jesus with the intention to find the Sanctuary. As they get closer to the compound, Jesus encourages Carl to leap out of the back of the truck with him, but Carl is all, “But I’m too scurrrrrred, you show me first…” So Jesus hops out of the truck as it drives away with a waving Carl.

Byebye jimmy fallon

Once inside the compound, the Saviors begin unloading the truck when Carl pops up from behind some boxes and begins shooting into the crowd of Saviors, killing a couple. Negan, using one of his men as a human shield, calls Carl “adorable” to Carl’s great consternation, and just generally yammers at the kid, distracting him long enough for Dwight to tackle him.

But instead of Lucilling Carl on the spot, Negan decides to take him on the grand tour of the Sanctuary.

First stop: the factory floor where the workers all kneel upon Negan’s entrance. “Cool, amirite?” says a very self-satisfied Negan.

Second stop: Negan’s harem. Apparently all of Negan’s “wives” hang out in a small room together in matching black dresses, waiting at a moment’s notice to recreate the “Addicted to Love” video. After making some gross asides to Carl about his wives’ “titties,” a word no one over 13 should ever use, Negan takes Sherri aside to talk about one of the other women, Amber, and how she hooked up with her former husband Mark. Negan gives Amber a choice: She can be with Mark and her mother and get back to work, or she can stay with Negan. She agrees to stay, despite “knowing what that means.”

Negan is busily shoving his tongue down Sherri’s throat when Dwight and Darryl arrive with snacks. Snacks! We love snacks! Negan orders Carl take the snacks, that Dwight heat up the iron and Darryl fetch the pee bucket and a mop. Sounds like quite a party!

party-dancing-cool-guy

Third stop: Negan’s private apartment. There, over the snacks, Negan demands that Carl take off his bandages and show him his eye. When Carl balks, Negan reminds him that Carl killed two of his men — he wants something in return. Carl eventually takes the bandages off, and Negan exclaims at how gross and cool it is, before asking if he can touch it.

no-touching

Carl begins to cry, and Negan has a ever-so-brief moment of humanity, apologizing if he hurt Carl’s feelings. But then Fat Joey ruins the moment, bringing Negan Lucille whom he left out on the loading dock. Negan snaps back into character and begins making weird jokes about Fat Joey petting Lucille’s “pussy” even though she is a baseball bat and that joke doesn’t make any damned sense at all. Anyway.

Negan then demands that Carl sing him a song, something his mother used to sing to him. As Carl sings “You Are My Sunshine,” Negan swings Lucille around for a while, miming bashing two heads in — presumably representing Abraham and Glenn, but who knows. Negan then asks about Carl’s mother and Carl reveals that he killed her before she could turn. SO THANKS FOR BRINGING IT UP, DUDE.

Fourth stop: Back to the factory floor where Negan takes an iron to that Mark guy’s face. Mark pisses himself and passes out. Negan then calls Other Dr. Carson over to take care of Mark, and for Daryl to mop up the floor, because Negan had the forethought to think that Mark might just piss himself, despite mocking the unconscious Mark for doing just that.

Fifth stop: Back to Negan’s apartment. There, Carl wonders why Negan hasn’t just killed Rick, Daryl or himself. Negan explains that Rick is a good worker, he’s going to turn Daryl into a good soldier, and as for Carl … Negan asks Carl what he thinks he should do about him. Carl tells him that he thinks Negan should just throw himself out the window to save Carl the trouble of killing him. Negan, amused, suggests that they go for a ride.

Final stop: Alexandria. There, Negan confronts Pantry Lady as to where Rick is. She explains that he’s out scavenging for Negan and that he might not be back before the next day. Pantry Lady then complains that they are running low on supplies and everyone is starving, giving Negan an opening to make fun of her weight again because he’s an asshole. When Pantry Lady begins crying, Negan apologizes and propositions her. In response, Pantry Lady slaps him, prompting him to say that he is about 50% more into her now.

oh-brother-tina-fey

Negan then sends Pantry Lady off to make him some lemonade before demanding that Carl give him a tour.

First stop: Enjoying some carpeting in his bare feet.

Second stop: Darts!

Third stop: Baby’s room.

Fourth stop: Sitting out on the porch with Baby and Carl, making casual threats to kill Carl and Rick and take Baby for himself.

Meanwhile, back at the Sanctuary, Dwight and Sherri meet for another stairwell cigarette and Sherri basically calls Dwight a pussy for not doing anything about their Negan problem.

Later, someone slips Darryl a note reading “GO NOW” with a match and a key taped to the back. HMM. WONDER WHO COULD HAVE GIVEN HIM THAT. WHAT A MYSTERY.

I have some thoughts about this episode, but they are going to wait until the next recap which you can find here.

The Walking Dead airs on AMC on Sundays at 8/9 p.m.

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