‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’: The long goodbye

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Reunion, Part 1”
April 19, 2016

Oh, darlings, I am so very sorry it has taken me this long to get to the reunion specials. Bravo has decided to try to finally drive me to full-blown madness by broadcasting three seasons of Real Housewives that I recap simultaneously, making these posts physically impossible to publish on time. And so to maintain my sanity and my liver’s overall well being, I chose to put all three parts of the reunion into one huge, overly long post and call it a Vanderday. I do hope you will understand.

We begin this round of reunions with Andy’s customary greetings and compliments, and noting that Lisa Rinna’s wig looks good.

lisa rinna sock puppet
NEVER NOT FUNNY.

We start with a viewer who wonders what is wrong with Lisa’s Vanderpump’s Vanderbrain that she would take a horse on an airplane. WHAT IF IT VANDERPOOPED, LISA? WHAT THEN? But Lisa Vanderpump can’t be bothered with your poor people questions, darling.

Another viewer asks Kathryn where she gets off telling people to spend $10,000 on a purse, to which Kathryn defends herself by arguing that she NEVER told Eileen to spend $10,000 on a purse, she told her to spend $10,000 on three purses. Gah, be reasonable, people.

Keeping on the theme of .01%er Problems, a viewer asks Kyle if she still stocks those $75,000 sunglasses in her store. After being all huffy and defensive for a bit, Kyle explains that she never actually sold them in her store. After all, her typical customer is unlikely to spend more than $25,000 on a pair of sunglasses, come on.

twenty five thousand sunglasses rhobh

The first montage is dedicated to our favorite puss patter, Miss Erika Girardi-Jayne. After, Andy points out that in some true Vandershade, Lisa Vanderpump is wearing the same sequined dress at the reunion that Erika wore for her interviews, to which Lisa Vanderdoubles down by noting that she is wearing the Tom Ford dress, while Erika only had the Tom Ford shirt.

lisa vanderpump tea rhobh

We turn our attention back to Mrs. Girardi-Jayne, who notes that being on the show has brought her act to a much broader audience which has mostly been positive. She then laughs off the accusations that she’s faced for the past 15 years of being a gold-digger, before briefly touching upon her supportive relationship with her police officer son whom we never got to meet.

Andy then asks Erika to teach them all how to pat the puss, which she is more than happy to do. However, when Lisa Rinna leaps to her feet, eager to learn, Yoyawnda growls at her to sit down and let Erika have her moment. Lisa Rinna obediently complies, and Erika teaches us the very complicated combination of roll and pat.

Some viewer who clearly watches the series with a bottle of smelling salts beside her at all times asks Erika if she isn’t too old to be prancing around half naked, to whom Erika expresses her deepest sympathies for having given up on life. Andy tells Lisa Rinna he was surprised at how scandalized she was by Erika’s videos, considering you can’t search for Lisa Rinna on Tumblr without seeing ALL of Lisa’s rinnas. But Rinna waves it off, saying she just had a moment and she’s over it now. Erika assures her she was over it the moment it was said, because you can’t be Erika Jayne if you care what some Depends Undergarment spokesperson thinks about you being too outrageous, right?

Andy then notes that Erika seems awfully submissive to her husband, Mr. Girardi, but she insists she’s just “respectful.” OK. Sure. Whatever pays the bills, baby.

lemon-ok.gif

Andy turns his attention to Yoyawnda, congratulating her on her daughters’ supermodel successes. As for Boy Child, who cares, really. (Although he should get into modeling, too, the kid’s gorgeous.)

After a montage about Yoyawnda’s failed marriage to Musical Genius David Foster, Andy begins probing as to what, exactly, happened to their relationship, because what a fun thing to have to talk about on national television. Yoyawnda defends Musical Genius David Foster leaving her, explaining that after her illness she wasn’t the wife she used to be. Of course that’s what the “in sickness and in health” clause is for in most wedding vows, but what do I know, maybe they wrote their own vows, and included something about all of it being null and void if one of them comes down with a chronic illness. Or a cold.

For some reason, Lisa Vanderpump decides to get Vanderinvolved and asks Yoyawnda if she was blindsided by the divorce, clearly under the presumption that Musical Genius David Foster must have left Yoyawnda. I mean, we ALL presumed that, I think, but it’s still kinda Vanderude to be so obvious about it. Yoyawnda explains that in early November she and Musical Genius David Foster had a “discussion” about “where [they] were going.” Andy follows up on Lisa Vanderpump’s insinuation that it wasn’t Yoyawnda’s decision to end the marriage, which Yoyawnda tries to dodge before insisting that it doesn’t really matter. When Andy asks her if she blames her illness, Yoyawnda admits that yes, they would probably still be together if she had been healthy. So, great husbanding, Musical Genius David Foster! A+ job at being married, buddy! UR DOIN IT RITE.

Andy asks the other women if they were surprised by the divorce, and it’s pretty unanimous that it was a shocking development as Yoyawnda put on a great show of their marriage being nothing but roses and lemon blossoms. After Erika refuses to divulge whether or not Yoyawnda had confided in her, Andy notes that there certainly seemed to be some foreshadowing this season, but Yoyawnda waves that away as Musical Genius David Foster’s genius sense of humor. LOL, OK, SURE.

Andy then begins to steer the conversation in the dreaded Munchausen’s direction, asking Kyle if she thinks Yoyawnda’s health was affected by her marital problems; after all, Kyle had noted that she became depressed after her mother’s death and the depression manifested itself through physical symptoms. Kyle panickedly agrees that she did say that, those were words she said, before Lisa Vanderswoops in to save the day by asking Yoyawnda if she’s sure her “Lyme Disease” isn’t just menopause.

shocked koala

Yoyawnda — much more patiently than I would have — explains that yes, she’s certain this isn’t just menopause, before adding that they check her hormones every three months and put the pellets in her butt.

don's confused mad men

Wait, what? What pellets? Which butt? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT YOYAWNDA? But she just goes on like everyone knows what she’s talking about, you know, the butt pellets, before explaining that she’s had depression before, she knows what depression is, and she is not depressed, veel dank.

But before we go full Munchausen’s, for some reason Andy moves on to a montage about Kathryn.

oh-im-so-bored-i-can-not-do-it

Andy notes that The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick tweeted that how she was portrayed on the show bothered her, and Kathryn’s like, “Well, that’s rich, seeing as I was bothered by how I was portrayed in her book.” Kyle tries to defend her friend, and argues that The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick didn’t sign up for any of this, except for the part where she signs all the waivers agreeing to be a part of it, so, great comeback, Kyle.

Andy asks if any of them watched The People vs. O.J. Simpson and Connie Britton’s brilliant portrayal of The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick and everyone denies that they did, but I don’t believe them because how could you resist, but if they didn’t watch, it’s a damn shame because they denied themselves the brilliance of Connie Britton as The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick. In fact, my one complaint about The People vs. O.J. Simpson is that it needed more Connie Britton as The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick.

Kathryn adds that she felt The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick was patronizing when they finally met, because she was. Kyle continues to try to defend her friend, insisting that The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick was being sincere with her. Kyle gets all worked up and emotional and insists that Kathryn doesn’t know what it’s really like to have a hard time on this show. Kathryn is like, “Look, lady, your friend wrote some stuff about me and my ex-husband and my ex-husband’s penis, and we are never ever ever going to be friends, and you’ve got to stop discounting my very real feelings about it and step off.” Point Kathryn.

A viewer asks Kathryn why she was such a bully to Lisa Rinna about eating and Kathryn is all, “it was a joke?” They move on to the story of Kathryn’s dead father, which leads to tears: it seems Kathryn’s nephew died 6 weeks earlier of a heroin overdose, and that’s just awful, oof.

Finally, we return to Yoyawnda’s illness. After an obligatory montage, Andy begins the discussion by asking Lisa Rinna why she was so troubled by Yoyawnda’s Instagram. Both Lisas try to explain that the narrative Yoyawnda has created on her Instagram is confusing: some days she’s in hyperbaric chambers or putting IVs in her arms or pellets in her butt, and other days she’s happy and healthy and eating lemons and doing things.

A viewer adds that it’s confusing when Yoyawnda makes claims that everyone knows are false like that she hasn’t left the house in 10 months when, in fact, she went out for a walk with Erika and Kyle in the previous episode. Lisa Vanderadds that scavenger hunt they all did together that one time and Yoyawnda ran faster than everyone. Or when we see her diving off a boat with Kyle, Andy helpfully includes.

Yoyawnda insists that her illness ebbs and flows, and that she has good days and bad, what’s so hard to understand about that, exactly? And how would it benefit her to pretend to be sick, Lisa Rinna?

A viewer asks how Yoyawnda feels about her so-called friendships after they all questioned her illness. “Cautious,” Yoyawnda answers. Lisa Rinna urges Yoyawnda to be open and transparent with them, to try to trust them. But Yoyawnda is not having any part of that, thank you very much, Lisa “Maybe It’s Munchausen’s” Rinna.

morrissey-bitch-please

Lisa Rinna then explains that the whole Munchausen’s thing began because her hairdresser had a friend with the condition, and wondered if that could be what Yoyawnda was actually suffering from. Yoyawnda wonders how one fakes medical records, but Lisa Rinna admits their conversation never went that deep. (However, people who suffer from Munchausen’s do tend to mimic symptoms that are vague, confusing and hard to diagnose — kinda like Lyme Disease, actually, which is how they get away with it.)

Lisa Rinna sighs heavily, and declares that she didn’t want to have to do this, but it’s time everyone knows the whole story, so buckle up, ladies. SOME TRUTH IS ABOUT TO BE DROPPED. Lisa Rinna explains that it all began at her birthday party, the one Yoyawnda came to looking like three shades of death. Grandpa Ken made the comment that Yoyawnda looked terrible (“Not to her face!” Lisa Vanderinsists, because that’s marginally better, apparently), and Harry Hamlin admonished them to be nice and stand by her since she was sick. And that’s when Lisa Vanderpump said, “There goes our Vanderstoryline.”

Lisa Vanderpump is OUTRAGED, she Vandersaid NO SUCH THING. But Lisa Rinna insists that she did, adding that Lisa Vanderpump called her at home to encourage her to bring up the Munchausen’s. Lisa Vanderpump is perfectly scandalized at the notion, “WHY DARLING I NEVER VANDERCALL YOU AT HOME.” But Lisa Rinna is prepared for this, and pulls out paper phone records to prove the opposite. She’s not married to an actor who once played a lawyer on TV in the 80s for nothing.

And the phone record drama is TOO MUCH for Yoyawnda who stomps off the set with Erika hot on her heels, ending the first hour.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

“Reunion Part 2”
April 26, 2016

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - Season 6

As Yoyawnda collects herself in Andy’s dressing room, Lisa Rinna continues to accuse Lisa Vanderpump of calling her and encouraging her to bring up Munchausen’s on camera. Maybe not in so many words, Lisa Rinna concedes, BUT SHE KNEW WHAT VANDERPUMP MEANT. Lisa Vanderpump is like, “Vanderplease, you don’t need me to tell you what to say,” but Lisa Rinna just begins yelling at Lisa Vanderpump to “own it,” over and over again.

When Yoyawnda returns, Andy asks her who she believes, and she admits it’s difficult to discern the truth. While she’d like to believe Vanderpump, she’s having a difficult time because she knows perfectly well just how Vandermanipulative Lisa is willing to be to get a great show.

When Lisa Vanderpump turns back to Rinna and asks her if she’s really sticking to this whole birthday party story, Eileen pipes in that Rinna called her right after it happened and told her everything. Lisa Rinna then decides that Yoyawnda’s storming off the stage was such a good idea that she needs to do it too, and she leaps off the couch, yelling that she has to walk away for a second, AND LISA VANDERPUMP NEEDS TO VANDEROWN IT. VANDEROWN IT, LISA.

As Lisa Rinna returns to her seat, Lisa Vanderpump asks Kyle if she ever said this thing about a storyline, and Kyle is like, “UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…”

Andy asks Lisa Vanderpump if it’s true she and The Sultan haven’t spoken in months, and she confirms that it is, that he thought she had Vandersaid something negative about his children, and she needs to mend their relationship. Yeah, well, good Vanderluck with that, Lisa, but it’s going to kinda be hard to walk back saying on camera that The Sultan directly contradicted Yoyawnda’s claim that their children had Lyme Disease. That one’s going to be hard to Vandermanage.

A viewer calls Erika out for not admitting she was the one who told Yoyawnda about Kyle and Lisa Rinna talking about her kids at the party, and Erika’s like, “I mean, whaddya gonna do.” Andy points out that Lisa Rinna called Erika a puss. “And a liar!” Erika adds. But Yoywanda doesn’t care who told her what, IT’S ABOUT WHAT WAS BEING SAID IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND SHE IS SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED AND YOU PEOPLE SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES FOR THE TERRIBLE THINGS YOU SAID ABOUT ME AND MY CHILDREN. Yoyawnda begins crying and all the women scurry over to her and pat her on the knee and tell her that they are very very sorry. So sorry. They mean it. Really. So sorry.

bethenny-okay-alright-rhony-resigned
This might be the ten thousandth time I’ve used this gif.

Even though she’s no longer a Housewife, Andy brings Kim out to the couch because The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills will never be done with Kim Richards. NEVER.

Andy expresses their condolences on Monty’s death before launching into a montage of all the times the ladies talked about Kim this season while Kyle sat there looking like she was watching her dog be put down.

Andy asks Kim where she is in her recovery and according to TMZ the answer is not great, Bob but she won’t answer because it’s Alcoholics Anonymous for a reason, Andy. Never mind the five seasons of very publicly being an alcoholic on national television.

Kathryn blows Kim kisses, explaining that having gone through addiction issues with her own family, she’s cheering for Kim. Eileen interjects that they all want the best for Kim, with Lisa Rinna adding, “EVEN ME.”

you're lying kim 2 rhobh

Kim tells Lisa Rinna that some of the things she said about her this season hurt her feelings. Yoyawnda notes that Lisa Rinna was very judgey towards Kim, with Andy adding that Rinna seemed to have a lot of rage towards her. Lisa Rinna refuses to “take accountability,” as everyone urges her to do so, because Kim took those drinks on her own, you can’t pin that on Lisa Rinna. All Lisa Rinna can do is wish Kim well, that’s all she’s got for Kim. SHE LOST HER SISTER TO ADDICTION, Y’ALL. When Yoyawnda asks why Lisa Rinna isn’t more sensitive to Kim’s issues because of her sister’s death, Lisa Rinna replies that she’s human. As opposed to some sort of fish/car-show model hybrid like you might have thought.

However, just as it seems Kim is about to accept Lisa Rinna’s good wishes, in jumps Eileen to rehash the poker night events like this was a season 5 reunion or something. QUIT LIVING IN THE PAST, EILEEN. Kim accuses Eileen of “over-exaggerating” which is several degrees more intense than merely exaggerating, and reminds Eileen that “this isn’t a soap opera.”

ron-swanson-shrug-whats-the-problem-parks-and-recreation
But. I mean. Isn’t it kinda, though?

Andy reminds everyone that Lisa Rinna called herself Kim Richard’s “worst nightmare” because she was her “mirror” whatever THAT means, and Kyle is like, “YEAH, THAT SUCKED.”

Then a viewer asks Kathryn if maybe she wasn’t too harsh on Rinna about Kim Richards, ignoring how addicts’ behavior can affect the people around them. Kathryn argues that she knew Kim was just coming out of rehab and needed support, not to be attacked. And then everyone is like, “I KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS AN ADDICT TO,” and “ME, TOO,” and “ME, THREE,” and can’t we all just agree that addiction is one of those things that has probably touched all of our lives in one way or another and we are all entitled to our own responses based on our own experiences? No? Oh, okay, cool then.

Andy tries to ask Kim about the whole shoplifting at Target hoo-ha, because $600 of toys? Again, what? Why? What? But Kim explains that since it’s an open court case, she can’t talk about it or explain why she needed to pilfer that My Little Pony sticker book. A mystery for the ages, I suppose. Andy asks if that was her low point, but Kim insists that her low point was when she took a drink. Fair enough, Kim Richards.

Andy then asks Lisa Rinna about her use of the word “enraged” to describe how she felt when Yoyawnda went to brunch with Kim and Brandi…

bethenny brunch lawyer.gif

… but Rinna is like, “Oh whatever, I’m over it. I wish her well.” The other ladies are not over it, however, and Andy Cohen describes Lisa Rinna as being “like Marco Rubio with your talking points,” referring to that one time in the debates when Marco Roboto’s programming failed and he just kept making the same useless point about Obama knowing exactly what he was doing, remember that? Remember when Marco Rubio was still in the running and Donald Trump wasn’t the actual, honest to God, Republican nominee for President? Remember?

jon snow sigh

Anyway, the point is, Lisa Rinna wishes Kim well and does not want to continue rehashing this, Andy Cohen. Let it go.

Andy talks to Kyle and Kim about sweeping things under the rug, which Lisa Vanderpump argues is a Vanderperfectly reasonable thing to do, darling. And with that, we wave goodbye to Kim Richards until next season. BYE, KIM! DON’T GET ARRESTED AGAIN, KIM! BYE!

Andy asks Kathryn if she ever is mistaken for Aviva on Real Housewives of New York, and WOW, I SEE IT, HE’S RIGHT, THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON. QUICK, SOMEONE CHECK KATHRYN’S LEGS.

aviva accept it

And then he asks her about her hearing aids oh my god who cares.

After a quick party montage, Andy asks the women the question that has been eating America alive for weeks now: “HAVE ANY OF YOU PEOPLE EVER BEEN TO A BARBECUE BEFORE? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A BARBECUE IS?” Short answer: No.

After some dumb questions about the dumb Moulin Rouge party, Andy starts the discussion of Lisa Vanderpump and Eileen’s on-going, never-ending, gobstopper of a fight over Vanderpump asking Eileen about “the affair.” When the montage ends with Lisa admitting that her Vanderapology to Eileen was completely insincere, Eileen is like, “KNEW IT.”

Eileen tries to explain to Lisa Vanderpump that it was never about Lisa bringing up how her relationship with her husband began (although, to be completely honest, it was a little bit about that, Eileen), it was that Lisa Vanderpump could never properly apologize for making Eileen uncomfortable, or acknowledge her feelings. Never! Instead, Lisa was Vanderdismissive and conVanderscending, and even now she can not seem to wrap her Vanderhead around why Eileen is still upset.

A viewer asks Eileen what the difference is between talking about her affair and talking about being the victim of domestic abuse, and Lisa Vanderpump is all, “YEAH, WHAT VIEWER SAID.” Eileen explains that she chose to talk about that experience to share something important that happened to her. She then adds that she was deeply offended by Lisa’s Vanderblog, where she posted, and I quote:

I have encountered abuse myself at the hands of an ex-boyfriend many years ago. It would seem redundant for me, personally, to relive that traumatic time. For what benefit?

oh no she didn't.gif

After another go-around where Lisa Vanderpump “apologizes” for “not reacting” to Eileen the way Eileen wanted her to, Andy asks Lisa about this abusive boyfriend, and she gets all Vanderklempt.

lisa-vanderpump-fake-crying-rhobh

“Reunion, Part 3”
May 3, 2016

Brandi RHOBH reunion 6.png

As Lisa blots her Vandertears, the other women are like, “SERIOUSLY, VANDERPUMP, IS THAT SO HARD? That’s all we’ve ever wanted from you, to make yourself emotionally vulnerable and expose your tender underbelly so that we can tear it open with our teeth on national television to just open up. It will deepen our friendships!”

Lisa Vanderpump explains that maybe she doesn’t want to rehash those painful Vanderparts of her life, thankyouverymuch, and instead of dwelling on her own pain, she’d rather devote her Vanderenergies to helping animals. Eileen notes that Lisa seems to have more Vanderempathy for animals than any of the women on this show, and Lisa Vanderpump THANKS HER.

lisa vanderpump tea rhobh

Lisa Vanderpump then says that Eileen had lots of nasty things to say about her over the course of the season, and claims it hurt her Vanderfeelings. Eileen — because she is a human with a sliver of emotional intelligence — apologizes to Lisa, full stop, no conditions. Andy Cohen recognizes and points out the great irony of this: that when Lisa Vanderpump said her feelings were hurt, Eileen, without hesitation, said she was sorry. Lisa, however, does not see his point. Andy then asks if Lisa has a hard time saying she’s Vandersorry, only to be stonewalled.

lucille bluth don't understand the question i won't respond to it arrested development

And with that, this particular chapter of Eileen vs. Vanderpump is closed, because let’s be honest, this whole thing is going Vandernowhere.

The next topic involves the conflict between Erika and Kathryn over Kathryn tattling everything Erika said about Lisa Vanderpump. After the montage, a viewer asks Kathryn if she understands that SHE IS THE MOST HORRIBLE PERSON ON THE PLANET? Kathryn’s explanation for her behavior is that she didn’t want the episode to air and have Lisa Vandersee it and think that she was dishonest. Andy suggests she could have just said in the moment, “I disagree with you…” But where’s the fun in that, right?

Erika yells at Kathryn for coming to her house, listening with intent and then admitting to telling Lisa Vanderpump to get a reaction out of Erika. Erika then announces, “I could have told her you called her a ‘harmless old lady,’ BUT I DIDN’T.” (Until just now, in front of everyone.) Kathryn half-heartedly tries to deny this, before claiming that in Dubai Erika called them all “old ladies” and said they had no style. LOL, I HOPE SHE DID.

Andy asks the ladies who among them think Kathryn was in the wrong, and Kathryn herself raises her hand because she just wants this entire line of questioning to be over with already. And after a few digressions about nothing in particular (“Remember that one time Mr. Girardi called you an alligator, Lisa Vanderpump?”) Erika declares the whole thing with Kathryn closed and over and done with, the pair are on the road to a real friendship, amen and praise be.

Andy then announces that he is going to play a video from a viewer, only to reveal that the “viewer” is actually Brandi.

surprise, bitch
i bet you thought you'd seen the last of me

Brandi delivers messages to each of the women:

Kyle: Brandi has a soft spot for her, likes her better when she’s not Vanderfriends with Lisa

Kathryn: Brandi thinks her husband is hot

Eileen: Brandi didn’t think she had it in her to call out Vanderpump, approves of her hair

Rinna: Brandi doesn’t think she’s bipolar, but does think she’s nutty

Erika: Brandi loves her, wants Andy to slip her Brandi’s phone number

Vanderpump: Brandi was her Vanderpuppet and for that she’s sorry

Lisa Vanderpump is NOT HAPPY with Andy for allowing Brandi to pass judgment on the rest of them from the safety of a pre-taped piece, but Andy and Yoyawnda are like, I mean, but y’all are the ones who keep talking about her. If Kim gets to speak her piece, Brandi should be allowed to, too. But the rest of the women refuse to play along and fire back at Brandi and the whole thing is put to bed like one of Brandi’s 20-year-old boyfriends.

Andy plays a wealth montage. $40,000 a night hotel rooms! Private planes! Fancy jewelry! Who cares!

Andy then plays the final montage of the night, detailing Lisa Vanderpump’s complicated relationships with Kyle and Lisa Rinna over the course of the season. Andy calls Kyle and Lisa’s relationship a Vandercoaster, and Kyle admits that it’s had its share of ups and downs, but she feels they’ve had more good times than bad.

Andy notes that the two of them are fun to watch, and Lisa Vanderpump explains it’s because they speak so often. Take for instance when they are laughing at those “pictures,” it’s just good light-hearted Vanderfun. I’m sorry, what pictures are we talking about, Lisa Vanderpump? And then Andy is like, “I’m sorry, what pictures are we talking about, Lisa Vanderpump? Would it be these pictures, Lisa Vanderpump?”

IMG_5526

Yoyawnda is just thrilled to have given you a Vanderlaugh, Lisa.

Andy then asks Lisa Vanderpump about some of the outrageous things Grandpa Ken has said over the course of the season, including calling Lisa Rinna a “stupid bitch.” Is she Vanderappalled? “NOPE,” says Lisa Vanderpump, “NOT ONE VANDERBIT.” Lisa Rinna pulls out a list of things Grandpa Ken called her when he went on that little rant, including the aforementioned “stupid bitch,” as well as “silly cow, not a full ticket, wanker, stupid and crazy.” Lisa Vanderpump tries to claim that Grandpa Ken would never call a woman a “wanker” as that is a specifically gendered term, as if WE DIDN’T ALL SEE IT WITH OUR OWN EYEBALLS. Andy then points out that Grandpa Ken said Yoyawnda looked terrible, but Lisa Vanderpump reminds everyone again, that he didn’t say it to her face so it’s like he never said it at all. And, let’s not forget, Yoyawnda did look ill. “SHE WAS ILL,” Andy corrects her, but Lisa Vanderwaves it off.

Andy turns to Lisa Rinna, asking her to clarify why she called Vanderpump a “manipulator.” Lisa Rinna, again, mentions the texting photos back and forth, the whole Munchausen’s thing, and claims that Lisa Vanderpump prodded her to be more upset at Yoyawnda saying she was bipolar. Lisa Vanderpump scoffs at the idea of a 52-year-old woman being so easily manipulated, but Eileen pipes in that she thinks Rinna was frightened of Vanderpump, a suggestion that Rinna doesn’t disagree with.

And then the outlines of the truth begin to come out after Lisa Rinna suggests that she, Kyle and Lisa Vanderpump had been texting each other about Munchausen’s. At this, Kyle jumps in to correct her. She explains that she had been to dinner with Lisa Rinna who mentioned the Munchausen’s theory, and Kyle was confused because she’d only heard of Munchausen’s by Proxy. Kyle’s point is that Lisa Rinna is the one who brought it up first, which no one disputes! But Lisa Rinna’s point is they’d all been talking about it before the conversation took place on camera, which seems pretty settled now.

Andy asks about the driveway conversation in which Lisa Vanderpump asked Lisa Rinna why she didn’t drag Kyle into the Munchausen’s thing, which Lisa Vanderpump once again tries to Vanderspin as her concern that Lisa Rinna was going to drag them all into it. There is nothing Vandernew here.

Andy asks Yoyawnda who she believes, and she’s torn: on the one hand, she totally believes that Lisa Vanderpump was the mastermind, but on the other hand, she does not want to give Lisa Rinna any sort of credit or gratification. So she’ll go with Option C: She believes Eileen, who is really not involved, but sure.

Lisa Vanderpump wonders what she had to gain by trying to throw Kyle under the Vanderbus, which is a good question, and one Kyle would rather not think about for the sake of their Vanderfriendship. IT’S FINE. EVERYTHING IS OKAY. THIS HAS EVERYTHING AND NOTHING TO DO WITH HER RELATIONSHIPS WITH HER SISTERS. EVERYONE LOOK SOMEWHERE ELSE NOW, PLEASE.

Andy asks Lisa Vanderpump if there is anyone there she’d like to apologize to, but I think we all know what the Vanderanswer is, Andy.

lucille bluth don't understand the question i won't respond to it arrested development

Andy points out that Lisa Vanderpump and Lisa Rinna have known each other for twenty-five years now, can they move forward? Lisa Rinna shrugs that she’s disappointed that it’s come to this, and Lisa Vanderpump narrows her eyes and promises she’s Vanderdisappointed in her, too. So I guess that’s a no?

Andy then ends the reunion and the season by making the ladies have Nice Time. He forces them to each turn to the woman to her right and say one nice word that comes to mind about her.

Lisa Vanderpump to Kyle: Hilarious

Kyle to Yoyawnda: Integrity

Yoyawnda to Erika: Kindness

Erika to Kathryn: Sweetness

Kathryn to Eileen: Genuine

Eileen to Lisa Rinna: Honest

Lisa Rinna to Lisa Vanderpump: Funny

Me to Andy Cohen: YAWN.

khalessi s bored

And with that, we are Vanderdone here. As noted, I am recapping two other Real Housewives series, and New Jersey is reportedly starting sometime this summer, Saint Meatball preserve me. Until then, don’t forget your butt pellets, and I’ll see you all on the other side, darlings.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs on Bravo on Tuesdays at 8 p.m.

This post originally appeared on the Hearst site Chron.com.

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