‘The Bachelorette’: “Do I have a choice?”

by Therese Odell, posted in the bachelorette: season 21

The Bachelorette
September 3, 2024

Oh hi, and welcome to the single worst season finale of The Bachelorette in all 21 seasons. Two awful final men? Check. A Bachelorette who has unresolved emotional issues that she should have dealt with before signing up for a reality show? Check. A devastating and unexplained breakup? Check. And a toxic production that seems to prioritize exploiting emotions and trauma instead of the well-being of their star? Check check and CHECK.

The episode begins with the most ominous bit of foreshadowing to date: Jesse Palmer is asking Jenn if she’s OK with whatever happens, and Jenn is saying that she can’t let someone propose to her. But don’t get fooled, this is just a dumb semantic trick, which we will untangle later.

So as noted above, this is the finale, and the finale follows a very specific formula: the Bachelorette introduces the final two men to her family who will grill them and often express a great deal of displeasure and skepticism. The Bachelorette then goes on one last date with each man, and that evening, they give her some sort of token or gift. The men then each meet with Neil Lane and choose a ring, and after a long boring montage in which everyone gets dressed and stares poignantly off their balcony, it’s break-up/proposal time. The first to arrive will be ceremoniously dumped, and the second to arrive will be allowed to propose to our Bachelorette. She will accept and then we will rejoin the happy couple on the couch in the Bachelor Studio where they publicly launch their relationship that will end on the cover of People Magazine in six months, once everyone has forgotten their names.

At least that’s how it usually works.

We begin the family visits with Jenn joining her mother, brother James, aunt, and a friend in a lovely Hawaiian villa. There is much hugging and crying and joy at being reunited. James explains that they know Jenn has had rough relationships in the past, and he feels that his role is to protect her and make sure that she really sees these men with clarity.

As for Jenn, she explains to her family that they will be meeting Temu Pete Davidson and Major Tom, and that she is in love with both of them. They ask if she’s told them this, and she admits she has, before adding that one of the men has told her that he loves her, too, but the other has not … yet.

First, they will meet Temu Pete Davidson, the guy who has told her he loves her.

Upon introducing Temu to her family, Jenn emphasizes that he had an “unconventional” family like she did, and he adds that like Jenn, he was raised by a strong single mother, and his dad wasn’t in the picture much. Trauma! The grief that bonds!

Temu meets with Mom and Aunt first, who ask him if he’s ever dated an Asian woman before, and he admits that he has not, before noting that his dad is Hispanic and his mother is white, so he knows about being from different cultures.

They ask Temu what it is that he loves about Jenn, and his answer is telling: it’s all about him and how she makes him feel. He loves her because she makes him feel seen; he loves her because she makes him feel 100% his whole self; he loves her because no one has ever loved him like this before.

Mom brings up Jenn’s broken relationship with her father, and Temu insists that he can make her feel safe, that she deserves a man who wakes up and chooses her.

Finally, they ask Temu how he would feel if Jenn didn’t choose him, and he tells them that it would kill him if he’s not the one, but that he believes in their relationship. With that, he asks for Mom’s blessing to propose, and she’s like, “Nah.”

Team Mom.

Jenn then talks with Mom, who wants to know more about her daughter’s feelings for this giant doofball with Chiclet teeth. Jenn insists that the two of them can talk about their feelings, that he compromises with her, and that he wants to see all parts of her. Mom asks if Temu “likes Vietnamese culture,” and Jenn claims that he wants to learn more about it and wants her to teach their children to speak Vietnamese. And all I know is that I’m old enough to remember Cheeky Mummy saying he wanted to learn Vietnamese himself so that he could speak to her mother.

Mom is underwhelmed and tells Jenn that she thinks she needs to spend more time getting to know this man.

FACTS.

Back in the Bachelor Studio, Jesse Palmer notes that Dr. Stethoscope, Overcompensating, and Cheeky Mummy are all sitting in the front row for tonight’s finale, and Cheeky Mummy explains that he “Heard rumors about how tonight is going to go, and [he] wanted to show his support for Jenn.”

Jenn chats with her brother, James, and explains that she and Temu grew up in similar circumstances without healthy role models for love, and that they both know that they want something different. GREAT. THEN START WITH ALL THE THERAPY.

James assures his sister that he can tell how much she has grown through this process, he’s proud of her, and that whatever she chooses, they will support her.

THAT SAID … James is radiating skepticism about this entire thing and honestly, HE SHOULD BE.

Temu then meets with James, who asks how he knows that Jenn is the one. Temu again talks about himself: it’s the way she makes him feel; that he doesn’t have to sacrifice himself to be with her; that she keeps him grounded. But James is like, “OK, but how do you ground her?”

Temu is all, “Blah blah, communication, blah,” before talking more about how Jenn makes him feel, that she made him feel special, that she acknowledged him when he needed it, that she told him that she loved him, which was “monumental.”

Temu then goes on to ask James for his blessing to propose to Jenn, and James is like, “Nah.”

We love James.

The grilling complete, Jenn walks Temu outside where he tells her that her family was very “assertive” about how they feel about her, but that he appreciates them. As he leaves, he worries that he’s not sure what it means for their relationship that Mom and James did not give their blessing for him to propose.

And when we return to the Bachelor Studio, we find the producers have nestled The Up House in the middle of all the sexy Mormon wives from that Hulu show.

And then it’s Major Tom’s turn to meet the family. Mom is excited to see the difference between the two men, and James reminds us that Major Tom hasn’t told Jenn that he loves her, but there has to be some reason she’s kept him around this long, right?

I mean, if “unresolved daddy issues” is a reason, then yeah.

Major Tom comes in and just immediately starts telling them about his terrible childhood (there were apparently two other sisters that didn’t get mentioned earlier, who were adopted by a separate family, so that’s awful and sad), and his PTSD from his military service and near-death experience.

Brother James is the first to talk to Major Tom, and he’s like, “WOW. THAT’S A WHOLE LOT, MAN.” Major Tom explains that he just wants them to know where he’s coming from, that these particular circumstances can lead a person to have a heart of stone.

And James is like, “Yeah — about that. So my sister has a tendency to be drawn to emotionally unavailable men. Are you working on yourself and your ability to open up?”

Major Tom has to think about this for a second before claiming that the time he spent on his own after leaving the military really gave him some introspection on the type of husband and father he wants to be. He goes on to claim that Jenn has been able to see those parts of him, and that he’s “on his way” to finding true love, which is why he’s still here.

But James is like, “OK, but are you ready to marry my sister?” And Major Tom is like, “Talk talk talk don’t actually say anything that means anything talk.”

James is unimpressed.

James adds that Major Tom dodged his questions and is clearly not “there” yet; the question is how long will Jenn be willing to wait?

Major Tom is then grilled by Mom and Aunt who ask if he’s fallen in love with Jenn, and he’s like, “I might be able to get there one day maybe?” He then begins crying about how he’s been beating himself up, wondering why he can’t “get there” and feel the things he “wants to feel.”

He goes on and on about how much pressure he’s putting on himself to be a good husband and father and provide the things she didn’t have when growing up, and his feelings are real and he does believe he can get there …

But Mom is like, “So you’re not ready to get engaged.”

It’s a statement, not a question.

TEAM MOM.

Jenn visits with James and asks him what he thinks so far, and this man, God bless him, he manages to be honest with her without making her defensive. He points out that she told him that what she found comforting with Temu was that he shares his emotions and feelings and is vulnerable with her, which are things she’s looking for, before asking her if she thinks she is getting that from Major Tom. Jenn’s like, “I mean, he could be giving more … ” And James is like, “Listen you dumb idiot You keep saying you want to break the pattern of being with emotionally unavailable men … don’t you think Major Tom is … emotionally unavailable?”

Jenn seems genuinely shocked at this suggestion while EVERY. SINGLE. OTHER. PERSON. WATCHING. THIS. IS. LIKE:

James is all, “OK … let’s put it this way: If you had to make a decision RIGHT NOW, do you think you can say you’ve done everything you can with Major Tom?” Jenn notes that she’s given a lot. And James is like, “Right … and it sucks for it to not be reciprocated, so how long will you be willing to wait?”

Jenn clearly hasn’t thought about this AT ALL, and agrees this is tough to answer and she’s not sure.

James assures Jenn that he’s proud of how far she’s come, that he only wants the best for her, before becoming overwhelmed with emotion and OMG, ABC, HIRE THIS MAN IMMEDIATELY. PUT HIM ON STAFF.

Jenn walks Major Tom out and tells him that she knows it was a rough day, but that her family is coming from a place of love, and wanting the best for her. Jenn then asks him how he sees all of this ending for them, and Major Tom is like, “Well, today was progress, it’s helped, but I’m still struggling because traumatic childhood or some shit.”

Jenn, disappointed, shoves him in the Back to the Hotel van, and starts making noises about how she shouldn’t be feeling confused about someone IN THE LAST WEEK.

Yes.  Exactly. That’s what we’ve been saying.

In the Bachelor Studio, Jesse Palmer turns to Jenn’s family and notes that it’s clear how much James cares about his sister before asking him how he’s feeling. James: “At the moment, not too happy.”

We then move on to the tedious final date portion of the finale. Jenn’s first date is with Temu Pete Davidson, and she notes that her biggest concern is that sometimes Temu can get into his head and self-sabotage.

Meanwhile, Temu himself is starting to sound … less certain. As he arrives at the date, he starts saying that while he has “no doubts” about Jenn he does create “bad things” in his mind. He’s disappointed that meeting Jenn’s family wasn’t “perfect” and that he wants to make sure his “heart and head are in the right place.”

The two of them meet two lovely Hawaiian women who lead them through a sacred ceremony that is meant to celebrate life events and let go of the past. It involves them standing in a circle, having special smoke blown on them, and hurling rocks into the ocean before going for a swim.

Before they throw the rocks into the water, they explain what it is they want to let go of: for Temu, it’s his tendency to hold on to the bad even when there is a good thing in his life; for Jenn, it’s her abandonment issues.

And after the ceremony, Jenn tries to be like, “That felt really good, right?” But Temu begins talking about how he’s scarred by his past and that he can wake up one day with all the confidence in the world and the next day, he’ll have doubts. Jenn tries to reassure him that she knows how difficult this whole process has been for him. In an interview, this man talks about how he doesn’t know what the future holds for them, but that he knows how he can get into his head.

NOW. At the moment, this sounds like he’s scared that she’s going to pick Major Tom over him, and he’s afraid of having his heart broken. But in the cold light of hindsight, I am pretty sure he’s telling us here that he’s the dog who caught the car, and he doesn’t know what to do now.

 

 

That night, Jenn comes to Temu’s hotel room, where he tells her that as scared as he is of the future, he’s not as scared with her and that he trusts her judgment. Jenn appreciates this, and tells this man that he “sees [her] completely.”

Temu then gives Jenn an amulet that he received from the shaman on their Maori date in New Zealand, with the instructions that he is to give the amulet to someone he knows he would spend the rest of his life with. Even though this was clearly a producer plant, Jenn eats this up with a spoon, and Temu promises that she can continue to be loved like this as long as she loves him back.

“THE HOLE THIS MAN IS DIGGING HIMSELF,” the blogger screams at herself after having watched the entire episode.

But before we get to that, here’s a long commercial for Doctor Odyssey, and all I’m going to say about this show is that my husband is in Miami for a very long time where he will be representing a cruise ship in a potentially very expensive lawsuit involving some unlucky passengers and a volcano and I dunno, maybe it’s my proximity to many many many lawsuits that have been brought against cruise ships but I just don’t think they are the glamorous sexy partytimes this show is portraying them to be. Also: no Joshua Jackson on most cruises. But this is probably just my bias showing.

ANYWHOODLES.

The next morning, Jesse Palmer meets with Major Tom to be like, “Hey, dipshit, are you ready to play this game and tell Jenn that you love her or what?” And Major Tom is like, “I mean, I think I do love her kinda, but I don’t have certainty.” Jesse Palmer is like, “Well this is likely your last chance to tell her you love her, dingus, don’t blow it.”

Elsewhere on the resort, Jenn wakes up with some doubts about Major “I’m Not In Love With You and I Don’t Know That I Ever Will Be and I’m Sure as Shit Not Going to Propose Tomorrow” Tom.

Huh. Why?

So instead of meeting him for their date, she heads to his room to dump him.

Jenn sits Major Tom down, reminds him that there is an engagement tomorrow, and demands to know what that means to him and where his head is at. After this date will he be ready to propose? Does he just want to date? Does he see her in his future or what?

Major Tom admits that he’s struggling, but claims that he wants to keep trying. Jenn’s like, “Yeah, I’ve been investing in us since the beginning and I’m tired of being taken for granted and I’m done feeling this way, so …”

And this is when this man decides to claim that he is in love with her.

Jenn goes outside to stand on the balcony and consider the FUCKING AUDACITY OF THIS MAN RIGHT NOW, before going back inside and being like, “Yeah, that’s not it. I deserve better than this.” And with that, she hugs him, says goodbye, and tells him she’ll see him in the Bachelor Studio in about four months.

Back in the Bachelor Studio, Major Tom is sitting on the couch, while Jesse Palmer scolds him for saying “I love you” too late. Major Tom admits that he had a lot of time for introspection and the truth is, he just couldn’t “live up to Jenn’s expectations.” She was clear what she needed from a partner (outrageous things like love, trust, and stability) and he just wasn’t capable of giving that to her.

Jenn comes out and the two of them express their mutual respect for one another, and how they hope the other is doing OK.

Jesse Palmer asks Jenn when she knew it was over between them, and she’s like, “Maybe when I told him I loved him before the Fantasy Suites and he just sat there staring at me with a dumb blank look on his face; or maybe it was the morning after the Fantasy Suites when I told him I loved him and he said ‘OK’; or maybe it was when he came and met my family and told them that he didn’t love me and wasn’t ready to get married; or maybe it was the moment when after he told me he was ‘struggling’ to see a future with me and I told him I deserved more than what I was getting from him so he suddenly changed his mind and decided that, in fact, he did love me, but it was all some bullshit last ditch attempt to not get dumped. I can’t really pinpoint the exact moment.”

Jesse Palmer asks Jenn if things might have turned out differently if Major Tom had told her he loved her sooner, but she insists the end result would have been the same because this wasn’t the right relationship. Anyway, much respect, hope you’re happy, blah blah blah.

Back in Hawai’i, it’s proposal day, which means our last man standing, Temu Pete Davidson, has a date with one Neil Lane. Temu yammers about Jenn being the woman he wants to spend his life with and how he knows his feelings are real and he can’t wait to get down on one knee and propose.

Meanwhile, Jenn is chatting with Jesse Palmer, and explaining that she’s not going to allow Temu to propose to her (GASPS FROM THE AUDIENCE) because she’s going to propose to him (MAD CHEERING FROM THE AUDIENCE). Jesse Palmer asks if she’s ready for whatever is going to happen today and she insists she’s happy with whatever comes next.

O R U?

R U?

Because instead of seeing said proposal, we are back in the Bachelor Studio with Jesse Palmer explaining that we won’t be watching the proposal because of “what has transpired since.”

Jenn is brought back out to the couch where she immediately bursts into tears.

So. You know. It doesn’t look great, TEMU.

Once she regains her composure, Jenn explains that she and Temu Pete Davidson left Hawai’i engaged and very happy — it was the happiest day of her life, in fact. But as soon as they returned home, everything was … different. Temu immediately began pulling away, and over time he stopped calling or texting as often.

The audience:

Jenn goes on to say that she was confused: they left so happy, promising to be in each other’s lives. But then she became secondary to everything in his life, and he didn’t want to bring her around his family anymore.

And then, the night before one of their scheduled visits, this piece of garbage calls her, breaks the engagement off, and tells her that he doesn’t love her anymore.

Jenn tried to empathize with him, and figure out where this was all coming from: maybe the pressure from the show, from the engagement was getting to him? She tried to tell him that she didn’t need the ring, they could just date, maybe go to counseling and make this relationship that he was once so passionate about work. But he refused: he was already checked out and done.

Jesse Palmer points out that Temu made a big show of being SO IN LOVE, and would NEVER ABANDON HER, and he asks Jenn if she thinks he held himself to that.

WELL, OBVIOUSLY NOT, JESSE PALMER.

Jenn says Temu told her he felt “pressured” to get engaged, and she almost believed him until she watched the show back and remembered that NO ONE MADE HIM DO OR SAY ANYTHING. She points out that Temu told his mother that she was the one; that Temu told HER mother that she was the one; that he knew what it is like to be abandoned and that he wanted to be the man to choose her every single day. THIS MAN SAID THESE THINGS.

To his credit, Temu risks his own personal safety to join Jenn on the stage, and the audience is so filled with rage that they can barely find it within themselves to boo this man.

Jenn then confronts him. She opens with accusing him of ghosting her and not being man enough to have this conversation with her privately, before noting that she can understand a person changing their mind. What she CAN’T understand is breaking off an engagement on a fucking phone call. And what she REALLY can’t understand is waking up the next morning to discover that he had begun following a bunch of women on Instagram, INCLUDING AND ESPECIALLY MARIA.

Temu begins by saying that this is really hard, only to have Jenn sarcastically note how hard it was for him to follow Maria, what a hard time it was for him, while the audience cheers.

Temu Pete Davidson admits that he can’t come up with a good excuse for following Maria, and it’s obvious that he failed her. But, he insists, everything he felt for her was “real.”

Jenn adds that he told her he was having such a hard time with this breakup but if that’s the case why was he out clubbing with Overcompensating in New York?

Overcompensating in the audience:

Temu has the gall to say that this is not the conversation he was hoping to have with her, before adding that he was in New York for work, is he not allowed to live a life?

SIR. I WOULD ADVISE YOU TO BACK THAT ATTITUDE ALL THE WAY UP BEFORE BACHELORETTE RACHEL COMES DOWN OUT OF THE AUDIENCE AND STRANGLES YOU HERSELF.

Jesse Palmer swoops in to try to save this man from himself, by pointing out that Temu spoke so confidently on his love for Jenn, so what happened?

Temu claims to have always been harboring some doubts, but suppressed his feelings until he couldn’t anymore. Jenn does not have time for this bullshit answer, pointing out that they were in a relationship for two months and he never brought up these so-called doubts. She poured herself into this relationship while he had a foot out the door the entire time.

Temu Pete Davidson tries to claim that he was honest with her every step of the way — which Jenn interrupts to say, “No you weren’t … until last month.” And he concedes that he was “regrettably late in letting [her] know.”

Honey, you better have armed security to walk you out to your car tonight.

Temu tries to argue that he knows how she feels, but she stops him once again: no he doesn’t because he was never fully in the engagement, while she was out here planning their lives together. Jenn continues: “Oh you were so sad about this engagement ending, and yet you were out there promoting the show on Instagram and posting memes about Breakfast Shots,” (which he absolutely did do) “while [she’s] getting her heart broken every Monday night watching the lies” he told her.

Temu tries to be like, “How can I say sorry any more?” But Jenn is not having this either, revealing that when he broke off the engagement — again, on the phone — he told her he “can’t be sorry anymore.”

This woman represents all of us:

Temu would like to focus on the breakup, please, and not his behavior post-breakup since that does not look great for him, and he insists that he’s not there to “save face” but to make sure she’s OK.

This might be the ten thousandth millionth time I’ve used this gif.

Jesse Palmer interrupts and tells Temu Pete Davidson that if there is anything he has to say to Jenn, if there’s anything she doesn’t know that he needs to tell her, now is the time.

And one of the show’s producers Tweets this that night:

But despite the show strongly hinting that there might be more to this whole story, Temu Pete Davidson just says a bunch of the same things that Major Tom did about falling short of her expectations, and not living up to the things that she needs and deserves.

Or, and hear me out, or could it be, Temu Pete Davidson, that you came on the show with the intention of playing the game with hopes to be the next Bachelor; or, at the very least, play it well enough to be extended an invitation to Paradise? Could it be that you were counting on your frankly unattractive looks to disguise your true fuckboi tendencies to get you far enough on the show to get the attention of the producers? But then, once you found yourself in the final rounds, you expected Jenn to choose a Cheeky Mummy or Major Tom, leaving you to be the heartbroken dumpee and garner sympathy? You never expected to be the one she chose, did you Temu, and once you were — because you were never in love with her in the first place, and because you were hoping all along that the Bachelorette would be Maria — you bailed as soon as you could, without any idea how you were going to spin the breakup because how could you? How can you possibly spin violating the cardinal sin of The Bachelorette: not being there for the right reasons? Anyway. Hope you enjoy being The Bachelor universe’s biggest villain before descending into obscurity, big guy.

I am begging you, The Bachelorette, screen these men better. For fuck’s sake.

Jesse Palmer interjects to extend the show’s apologies for things not working out the way Jenn wanted before being like, “But about that proposal, should we watch it together?”

That’s correct. After all of this rehashing of heartbreak and misery, ABC and the Bachelor producers make Jenn sit next to this man who dumped her over the phone and watch her proposal to him, which is just an extra layer of humiliation on this humiliation layer cake.

As Jenn herself asks: “Do I have a choice?”

Nope. Apparently not.

And so, as Jenn sobs in a picture-in-picture screen, we watch her arrive at the proposal platform, talking about feeling empowered and imbued with clarity. When Temu arrives, he gives a whole big speech about his feelings and their relationship and blah blah lies lies lies blah.

Jenn responds by telling this man that he was the first one to really see and understand her, and that his love was always constant. She goes on to say that she has spent her entire life looking for love from the wrong people (which apparently isn’t a trend she’s breaking anytime soon) before telling Temu that she can’t allow him to propose to her … because she’s proposing to him!

He accepts and puts on a ring she offers before getting on a knee and proposing to her, too.

Rose #1: Temu Pete Davidson

As you might imagine, fans had feelings about this:

Because that’s the thing, right? They could have … THEY SHOULD HAVE aired the proposal before bringing Jenn out to the couch and having her explain what happened after the proposal. Instead, they chose this: they chose humiliation, they chose exploitation, they chose cruelty. And for what? Why? What was the purpose?

And now we’re back in the Studio and Jesse Palmer is out here trying to argue that Jenn should feel “empowered” by the proposal because she did things “her way.” Sure. How empowering it must feel to spend an entire season questioning if you were any of these men’s first (or second) choice, and be the first Bachelorette ever to propose, only to be unceremoniously dumped and have all your fears of not being your former fiance’s first choice confirmed. Very empowering.

Through her tears, Jenn says she does not regret proposing to that man, but that man doesn’t exist anymore (he never did, honey). Jenn goes on to say that she knows what she deserves, and that someone else will be that man for her one day.

Temu says a bunch of words about how that man did love her and about letting her down and knowing how she feels and that he won’t try to stop her from saying he’s a liar or whatever.

Jesse Palmer asks Jenn what she hopes Temu Pete Davidson learns from this and to her credit, she does not snap, “WHO THE FUCK CARES???” but instead says something about hoping he learns that his words have meaning and weight and how to keep a Goddamned promise.

And with that, Jesse Palmer is like, “AND NOW, THE GOLDEN BACHELORETTE, EVERYONE!!!”

NOT NOW, JESSE PALMER. READ THE ROOM, DUDE.

Anyway. I suppose I’ll be seeing you all back here in a couple of weeks, unfortunately.

The Men Who Are Soon Going to be Dumped by Jenn:

The Men Who Have Been Dumped by Jenn:

 

The Bachelorette streams on Hulu.

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