‘The Bachelorette’: On the edge

by Therese Odell, posted in the bachelorette: season 21

The Bachelorette
July 29, 2024

So, the foreshadowing is back: Jenn is standing around on some sort of pier or dock when she spies someone walking up to her, and she begins freaking out.

But that won’t happen until the final moments of the episode. In the meantime, the dating pod has moved to Auckland, New Zealand for the next round of dates.

Before the dating begins, however, Jenn has a weird lunch with Jesse Palmer mostly as an excuse for him to explain that the reason no one is allowed to eat dinner on dates anymore was because he was a gross eater on his season and ruined it for everyone. THANKS, JESSE.

Jenn heads to the patio where the men are gathered to eat some charcuterie and listen to Breakfast Shots mumble “Keep the main thing the main thing” one more goddamned time. There, she greets them and invites Breakfast Shots for the first of two one-on-one dates of the week; a date that takes them to the Sky Tower, which they definitely will not have to jump off of, because the producers aren’t monsters.

Hahahahaha, just kidding. They’re ogres. Jenn and Breakfast Shots go to the revolving restaurant at the top of the Sky Tower, and while they are enjoying the view, two people fling themselves past the windows. A waiter then informs Jenn and Breakfast Shots that the Tower features “SkyJump Auckland,” a unique experience that they are welcome to so under duress enjoy, or they can just walk around the Tower and enjoy the view.

Jenn, who has a debilitating fear of heights (despite having gone skydiving just two weeks ago with Major Tom) immediately says that a walk sounds lovely. But Breakfast Shots here, this asshole, he talks over her and tells the server that they would like to do the jump.

Jenn is appalled, and reminds Breakfast Shots that this is a “two-person decision,” that he can’t just unilaterally decide that they both are going to jump. But Breakfast Shots argues that they’ll look back on this in 50 years and be really glad they did it, dismissing her clear panic. He then insists that she’s going to do this, “teases” that he’s going to push her off the building, and proposes a toast to growth and conquering fears. But Jenn is furious, not just that he’s steamrolling her on this issue and trying to control her, but that he can not read her VERY CLEAR emotions in this moment.

Jenn agrees to go out on the walk, but is obviously terrified, while this douche is yammering about how his heart is racing and how alive he feels.

At the SkyWalk, they are given jumpsuits to put on and then are strapped to the building via heavy cables, and Jenn is like, “I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS AND DO NOT WANT TO DO IT AND PLEASE GET ME DOWN FROM HERE” while this shitbird grins and yammers about how she’s going to be so happy she did this and demands that she come kiss him while he dangles off the edge of the building. Jenn notes that it’s almost as if he doesn’t care about her and her feelings and is singularly focused on jumping off this building.

YES … KEEP GOING … YOU’RE ALMOST GETTING IT, JENN …

Eventually, this douche reads the room and gives Jenn a hug which is enough for her to declare that he “showed up” for her.

That low bar we discussed in the previous episode has officially fallen into the center of the Earth.

But this hug was apparently good enough to make Jenn agree to “jump” from the building (which is more of a slow lowering down via pulleys, but hey, I wouldn’t do it in a million years so more power to her).

That night at dinner — WHICH SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED, HIS ASS SHOULD HAVE BEEN PUSHED OFF THE BUILDING AND INTO THE GET AWAY FROM ME NOW VAN — Jenn toasts to him “showing up for [her]” …

… and to making new memories.

Breakfast Shots tells Jenn that his biggest fear is falling in love and not having it work out. And she tells him that she is afraid of fully opening up to someone because as a child of divorce, she doesn’t feel worthy of love. All Breakfast Shots has to do is assure her that she is worthy of love, and she bursts into tears, talking about how all she wants is someone to be there for her. 

Well, it’s not going to be this walking red flag, ma’am.

Breakfast Shots reveals to Jenn that he’s been engaged before, but that the second it was official, the relationship began to deteriorate. He soon found out that there was another guy, and his dreams of being a husband and father were pulled out from underneath him.

Jenn, moved by his “vulnerability” offers Breakfast Shots the date rose, but I can’t shake the feeling that this whole previous engagement/was cheated on story sounds awfully familiar — didn’t Golden Retriever tell her this exact same story a week ago?

Alright, so you might want to scroll over the next few paragraphs if you’re not interested in 1. possible spoilers and/or 2. unsubstantiated rumors I found on other sites. Scroll until you see Jon Stewart.

From what I can gather, Breakfast Shots was in a relationship with a woman since at least 2021, and there might have been a wedding planned for this very month. According to our friend Reality Steve, they called the wedding off in June 2023, but got back together again, only to really for reals break it off in January. This finance also admitted to Reality Steve that she cheated on Breakfast Shots — but added that it was more complicated than that.

That additional complication might have been a Texas woman who Breakfast Shots supposedly started seeing in October, and with whom he broke with on his way to go be on The Bachelorette.

@raeleylorine Should I be crying or laughing that this actually happened?🙃 #myluck #bachelorette #lovethisformelol #waitfortheend ♬ original sound – Raelorine

And then when this woman came forward on TikTok to tell her story, a third woman contacted her to say that she was hooking up with him last year, too. When these two women compared notes, they realized their timelines with Breakfast Shots overlapped.

Sooooo … maybe he’s not the completely innocent victim in the dissolution of his engagement.

And here’s where the potential spoilers come into play: according to the Texas woman above, Breakfast Shots had talked about coming to her college graduation. Ultimately, he couldn’t because the ceremony was going to be the same weekend as his sister’s wedding, which he was officiating. Except, the only way he could be at the wedding is if he was eliminated from the show by week 6, which according to Reality Steve, he worked out with production before filming began. And I don’t know if production actually knew he was going to leave the show by week 6 — but he clearly had no intention of staying longer than that if he was officiating his sister’s wedding in May.

All I’m saying is that when he told Jenn this story about his sad broken engagement …

Right. So, back at the hotel, the men receive the group date card: “Golden Retriever; Major Tom; Beatboxer; Dr. Pedestal; Mullet; Cheeky Mummy; Dr. Stethoscope; Win-Nguyen; Overcompensating; and Love Virgin: Let’s give love a try. Love, Jenn.”

Which means Temu Pete Davidson receives the one-on-one date.

The group date meets Jenn on a rugby field, and Love Virgin is already yapping about how he’s going to “walk all over everyone else” to win the date rose and get his first kiss from Jenn. (Is it his first kiss with Jenn? Or is it his First Kiss Ever? UNCLEAR.) Jenn informs them that they will be playing rugby on this date, before being treated to a traditional haka, and introduced to members of New Zealand’s amazing rugby team, the All Blacks.

As they learn the game and perform some drills, Love Virgin keeps going on about how he’s bringing “boss-ass-bitch energy” while tackling Jenn at crotch level, making the other men visibly irritated.

Back at the hotel, Breakfast Shots and Temu Pete Davidson are forced to sit alone together for the producers’ amusement. Breakfast Shots demands to know what Temu Pete Davidson’s problem is with him, but Temu insists there is no problem. Breakfast Shots sputters, “BRO, BRO, BRO” about fifteen times before claiming that Temu Pete Davidson’s name never comes out of his mouth, that he doesn’t respect Temu, and that he’s just here for Jenn. So Temu Pete Davidson is like, “Then why are you wasting your time worrying about me?”

Point: Temu Pete Davidson.

Back at the rugby game, nothing important happens. Love Virgin, while wearing a jersey that he has handwritten “Jenn’s Husband” on the back of, is unnecessarily aggressive, tackling Major Tom particularly hard and injuring him at one point. His team wins, thanks to Beatbox literally scoring the team’s only two tries of the game, and Love Virgin carries Jenn off the field like she’s his prize.

Everyone is real tired of his crap.

But not nearly as tired as they are about to be. Because on the way to the cocktail party, Love Virgin not only walks several steps ahead of the rest of the men, he does so while carrying the trophy, with a jersey awkwardly shoved into his jacket. Once inside, Love Virgin plops himself and the trophy onto the couch, refusing to make room for someone else to sit down.

The other men:

Before Jenn can even take a sip of her champagne, Love Virgin grabs her hand and drags her off for a private chat, further ruffling feathers. Once alone, Love Virgin presents to Jenn the jersey that he’s been carrying around, which reads, “Love Virgin’s Wife.”

“Oh, cute,” Jenn says, not weirded out at all.

Love Virgin then starts yammering about how he’s manifesting her becoming his wife. I’m manifesting him finding a shirt whose collar hasn’t been stretched out within an inch of its life.

Cheeky Mummy spends his time with Jenn passing a lacrosse ball with her, since they both played in college. It’s very cute and flirty and fun and natural. (Though he can miss me with that whole “She’s better than I thought she would be!” nonsense.)

And Beatbox, who has had zero screen time so far, makes out with Jenn in his time with her.

Meanwhile, the other men have Love Virgin sit down and try to tell him that he’s been behaving arrogantly and disrespectfully all day. Love Virgin is all, “NUH UH. Y’ALL JUST HATERS.”

When Jenn visits with Major Tom, she notes that he was injured during the game, and takes out a stethoscope to do “an examination.” Major Tom, however, is clearly made uncomfortable by the gesture, preferring to pretend that he’s invincible. He goes on to talk about how he never wants to be perceived as weak, and that he found having his shoulder “wrecked” in the game was “embarrassing.”

Jenn insists to him that he doesn’t need to be strong for her, that she can help carry his burdens, but he thinks doing so would be selfish on his part.

Seriously:

Meanwhile, Win-Nguyen, the self-appointed confrontationalist, decides to take Love Virgin outside for another talk. All he gets in edgewise is, “Listen to me … listen to me … listen to me …” But Love Virgin firmly refuses to listen to him and instead points out that Win-Nguyen should be listening to Jenn instead of getting into his face about whatever.

And so, it is not entirely surprising when Win-Nguyen’s time with Jenn is interrupted by an infuriated Love Virgin, demanding to speak to her for a few minutes. Once alone with her, Love Virgin just puts it out there: this is a big moment for him, and he would like to know if he can kiss her.

Jenn:

Jenn gently tells Love Virgin that she knows this first kiss means a lot to him (BECAUSE IT’S LITERALLY HIS FIRST KISS? STILL UNCLEAR.), and she appreciates how much he’s put himself out there for her.

But.

She just doesn’t see them getting to the end together and she doesn’t want to lead him on. She’s not the right person for him, and so she’s going to walk him out to the “Oh My God, Get a Real Girlfriend, Just One, Before You’re Out Here Trying to Propose to Someone” van.

Love Virgin is deeply embarrassed as he drives to the airport, noting that he just left in the worst possible way. He also calls his motorcycle jacket, which he thought made him look like a badass, a “denim jacket,” which makes me cringe to my death. (It also reminds me of the time a very socially awkward friend of a friend was told they were meeting at a dive bar, and this very socially awkward friend of a friend showed up to said dive bar wearing the outfit he had worn to his middle school Outsiders dress-up day. He might have also married the first girl he ever kissed.)

IN ANY EVENT:

Jenn returns to the men and announces that she sent Love Virgin home. Everyone pretends to be disappointed. She then offers the date rose to Major Tom instead of giving him a gift certificate to BetterHelp.com.

And then there’s Temu Pete Davidson’s date. Jenn explains that she wants to travel and experience new places, cultures, and people with whomever she marries, before adding that her Vietnamese culture and Buddhist religion are important to her. As such, she wants to make sure whomever she is with is open to learning new things and has the same morals and values; they need to be on the same page.

Jenn and Temu Pete Davidson then go to a marae, which in the Polynesian culture is a sacred and/or communal space, one that is a vital part of everyday culture in Maori life. There, the couple is greeted by a Maori welcome ceremony, before being brought inside the space where one of the Maori leaders explains some basics of their culture. Namely, this gentleman discusses the sacredness of space: that landmarks like mountains and rivers have deep significance to the Maori, that they identify with and by said landmarks.

He then asks Jenn and Temu to share a little bit about themselves and where they come from. Temu Pete Davidson volunteers that he has moved around a lot in his life, from California to Houston now, so he doesn’t have a mountain. In his mind, however, his mountain is his mother — which is genuinely a beautiful sentiment.

After more singing, and some game playing, Jenn and Temu sit down with a pair of Maori who ask Jenn more about her culture. She talks about her parents immigrating from Vietnam and how growing up was difficult in the suburbs since no one else was Vietnamese. However, she has since come to love and embrace her culture which she wants to carry into her marriage and family, along with her Buddhist traditions.

And before we move on, can I do something unusual — especially and particularly for me — and commend the producers for doing … all of this? For recognizing that they were filming in another country, but more importantly another culture, one that is not just different but actually foreign to most Americans, and they not only respected it but helped explain and humanize it? Also, ALSO! That they understand that Jenn herself is coming from a place, from a culture, a heritage, a religion that is unfamiliar to most Americans, and that they are showing these things can be demystified through the power of TALKING ABOUT IT.

Anyway. Huge step for this show. Maybe they’re growing. A little.

Next step: TALK ABOUT POLITICS BEFORE AN ENGAGEMENT.

That evening at fake dinner, Jenn asks Temu Pete Davidson more about his childhood, and he opens up: his mother and father were a casual hookup when she was in college and WOOPS! she ended up pregnant. Mom dropped out of college, Dad wasn’t around much, lots of instability. Still, Mom did the best she could and eventually had two jobs, another kid, and still managed to graduate college. Meanwhile, Temu Pete Davidson was desperate for a father and idolized Dad who really couldn’t be fucked, and it took him a minute to figure out that his mother took better care of him than any father figure in his life.

This resonates with Jenn who retells her story: her parents were in an unhappy marriage. When her parents divorced, her father washed his hands of being any kind of father to her. Temu Pete Davidson asks if she wants any sort of relationship with her dad, and she’s like, “UM NO.”

Having found this in common, Temu Pete Davidson tells Jenn that he’s falling for her, and that he wants to celebrate her every day as long as she can. And Jenn squeals over this, claiming that no one has ever said they were falling for her before.

THIS IS LOVE VIRGIN ERASURE and I’ll allow it because he didn’t actually mean it; it was a desperate play to not have to strip on TV.

Jenn offers Temu the date rose, obviously.

The next day, everyone is getting ready for the rose ceremony when suddenly Jesse Palmer is up in our faces whispering that some ex-boyfriend of Jenn’s has “reached out” and has flown himself around the world, supposedly on his own dime to have a conversation with her.

Jesse Palmer greets this guy, Matt, at the hotel, and tells him that he’s “impressed” by what he’s gone through for a “shot at love.” Jesse Palmer and the producers just “want what’s best for Jenn” and are willing to hear this guy out. And so Ex-Boyfriend, he goes on to say that he dated Jenn THREE YEARS AGO for about THREE OR FOUR MONTHS.

Oh my God be for real right now. THREE MONTHS, THREE YEARS AGO?

(Barely)Ex-Boyfriend says that he wants to earn back her trust and see if there is a future with Jenn, so Jesse Palmer sends him around the corner where she happens to be filming some B-roll staring meaningfully out into the harbor.

So, (Barely)Ex-Boyfriend sneaks up on Jenn and is like, “Heeeeeey, it’s meeeeee, some guy you haven’t thought about in 36 months …” Jenn is shocked to see him, because … seriously, my dude, what are you even doing here?

(Barely)Ex-Boyfriend explains that he blew off two weddings in Cartagena because it just wasn’t the same without her, and came here instead. He’s here to prove how serious he is about her and show that he has “really strong feelings” for her. Jenn is like, “OH REALLY? ARE YOU READY TO GET ENGAGED?” and (Barely)Ex-Boyfriend tries to claim he is.

He’s not convincing.

Jenn helpfully explains that this isn’t THE toxic ex, but one with whom she thought she had reconnected just as friends, and she is baffled as to why he is here now.

Jenn asks (Barely)Ex-Boyfriend if he’s ready to date her and her 11 other boyfriends, and he’s like, “I mean, no, but I would like a chance to prove how much I care for you,” and Jenn leaves the whole thing on a cliffhanger, explaining that she’s going to have to think about what to do with this twerp.

The Men Who Are Soon Going to be Dumped by Jenn:

The Men Who Have Been Dumped by Jenn:

 

The Bachelorette airs on ABC on Mondays at 8/9 p.m. and streams on Hulu.

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