‘The Bachelorette’: Factory Reject from the Build-a-Man Workshop

by Therese Odell, posted in the bachelorette: season 20

The Bachelorette
August 7, 2023

And we’re off to Fiji for the final leg of this season “journey.” We’re down to three men which means it’s Fantasy Suite time, and then, a week later, a proposal — well, a detour back to the Bachelor studio for a “Men Tell All” special first — but then a proposal.

The three remaining men give us a quick snapshot of where they are as they stare down the barrel of an engagement:

Tall Dotun: He doesn’t know what her connections with the other men are like, but he’s ready to be there at the end of this with her.

Tennis Boy: He doesn’t know what happened at his Dreaded Hometown, except that it ended with Charity leaving in tears and he’s FREAKING OUT.

Almost-Dr. X: He can see her as his wife, but she deserves 100% honesty from him, and he intends to give it to her.

What … honest about what, Almost-Dr. X?

But no time for that, we have Fantasy Suite dates to get to.

First up is Almost-Dr. X who meets Charity on a small private island (one of 333 that comprise Fiji — which is something I learned from this episode. Don’t let anyone tell you reality television isn’t educational, kids). There, they are met by native Fijians who perform a dance for them before dressing Charity and Almost-Dr. X in customary garb. Charity is carried back to Almost-Dr. X on a litter like a queen, and the Fijians explain that this is part of their wedding ceremonies.

The Fijians then walk Charity and Almost-Dr. X through some of their other marriage rituals, and Almost-Dr. X is like, “OMG THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS,” and starts talking about “honesty” again in his talking head.

One of the rituals is similar to a vow exchange, and Charity tells Almost-Dr. X that he makes her feel like she can blossom into her full potential. In return, Almost-Dr. X sprints away with the whole blossom metaphor by saying that she is a delicate flower that he doesn’t want to “crush” and that he’s willing to “water the seed” to see it “grow and blossom” into something beautiful when “it’s ready to be picked.”

OK, but what was that part about “crushing” Charity, is what she would like to know? Are you going to crush her? Where are you going with that part of the metaphor, sir?

But no time for that, we are headed to San Diego? Where A-A-RON lives? And where he’s packing a suitcase? Because he’s flying out to Fiji to see if Charity wants to change her mind about sending him home? Instead of being a grown-up, respecting her decision, and waiting until the “Men Tell All” to talk to her again?

Um, no, sir?

Back in Fiji, Charity and Almost-Dr. X have pre-Fantasy Suite dinner, and after talking about their favorite parts of their date, Almost-Dr. X begins opening up about his struggle to not over-analyze this relationship. Charity assures him that if they have a strong foundation, they will be able to get through anything and Almost-Dr. X is like, “Hold that thought.”

Almost-Dr. X takes a deep breath and then drops the bomb: he’s been unfaithful to a partner in the past, and Charity deserves to know that, what with her experience of being cheated on. He insists that he’s not that man anymore and that he understands that cheating is completely unacceptable in a marriage. But she needs to know the whole truth about his past, and what is giving him some pause.

Charity, shocked, excuses herself from the table and does some quick meditation exercises to prevent herself from leaping across the table and killing this man for not telling her any of this earlier than TWO WEEKS BEFORE A PROPOSAL.

Charity returns to the table to hear him out for some reason, and reminds him that she was cheated on for six fucking years, so it is a little triggering. Almost-Dr. X assures her that if she does end up with him he “doesn’t want to be unfaithful to [her].”

OH. YOU DON’T WANT TO BE UNFAITHFUL? THAT’S NOT EXACTLY REASSURING, FRIEND.

Charity has some questions about his infidelity: namely, did it happen multiple times and how long ago did all this happen? Almost-Dr. X is forthcoming: It happened in his most recent relationship about two years into it — and it happened multiple times over the course of five days. Almost-Dr. X admits that he was selfish and was choosing himself over his partner.

Charity asks him what work he’s done to make himself a better person and to avoid making this kind of mistake again, and Almost-Dr. X explains he went to therapy became “more introspective.” He claims the whole experience made him question his own character — but don’t worry: now that he’s had the experience of being unfaithful to a long-term partner, he knows how to avoid that situation in the future! Maybe!

Charity asks Almost-Dr. X if she chooses him, is there a possibility he’ll cheat on her, and this man says with a straight face, “Is it going to be hard to not do that? Yes. If I have to choose to be with one woman for the rest of my life, my freedom is gone.”

Charity can’t accuse Almost-Dr. X of not being honest — he’s being very honest. To a fault. Which is why she pulls out the Fantasy Suite invitation and explains that she has some concerns about his ability to be loyal to her. Does he think he can be loyal to her? And this man, without hesitation, replies that he does have his doubts, and the only way to clear up those doubts would be to go to the Fantasy Suite with her.

And that’s all Charity needs to hear: she’s fucking done with his mess. Time for Almost-Dr. X to pack up his knitting needles and catch the plane to FBoy Island.

The next day, Charity wakes up alone and is like, “YOU KNOW WHAT? GOOD,” before explaining that she’s not here to fix anyone and this is not a Build-a-Man Workshop. Which is just a very good line.

Her date that day is with Tennis Boy, and they spend part of their time together driving around on an ATV … until the engine burns out. They are forced to then hike to Makeout Waterfall, which they eventually get into and make out.

But first, Tennis Boy asks her why she seemed so upset as she left his Hometown Date. Charity explains that part of it was that she was upset at having to leave him, but the other part was that Tennis Uncle said some weird shit about Tennis Boy not being “real” when he was with her. Tennis Boy explains that he probably was acting a little weird: he was dealing with the pressure of trying to put on a good date for her, and then Tennis Uncle shows up out of nowhere, interrupting the date and making it weird.

This is a good enough explanation for Charity, and, like I said, they make out in Makeout Waterfall.

That night at fake dinner, Tennis Boy goes deep, talking about how he thinks that sometimes people fall in love with the “idea” of who he is, that he’s this great, easy-going guy. However, he has bad days, too, days when he’s in a funk or doubts himself, and he just wants her to be aware that he’s not perfect all the time.

Charity gets it — she’s a people pleaser, too, who puts too much pressure on herself. Tennis Boy then tells her that he’s in love with her, and Charity shares the sentiment. And with that, she offers him the Fantasy Suite invitation, which he happily accepts.

You’re an adult. You know what happens in the Fantasy Suites.

The next day, Charity has her final date with Tall Dotun. They jet ski; they picnic; they talk about how amazing Tall Dotun’s family is. (Fact check: they are pretty amazing.)

And then Tall Dotun makes an amazing revelation: up until only a couple of weeks ago, he had no idea how this whole thing ended. He had to ask the other men what happens at the end of The Bachelorette, and that’s how he learned an engagement is expected.

But it’s all good! Because it’s her! And he could totally see being engaged to her!

It’s very sweet, but how on earth do you give up two months of your life to a reality show without knowing what happens in it?

That night at Fake Dinner, Tall Dotun and Charity are literally giddy, talking about how there is no anxiety between them, there are no doubts, that Tall Dotun’s mind is aligned with his heart and he’s not scared of what will come next. Tall Dotun tells her that he is in love with her, and Charity returns the feeling: she is “totally” in love with him. Tall Dotun’s reaction is to declare that he is “free.”

Charity obviously offers him the date card, and the two go to the Fantasy Suites while talking about fairy tales and princes and princesses falling in love, or some such nonsense.

The next morning, after the obligatory post-bed goodbyes, Charity is hanging at the pool with a couple of producers when who should arrive at the hotel, but A-A-RON. But despite the producers flying him all the way to Fiji to ruin Charity’s day, they don’t give him any help at all, forcing him to go to the front desk to ask for Charity’s room.

The desk clerk does not give him the number.

He eventually finds her beside the pool and Charity is absolutely shocked to see him.

A-A-RON explains that he didn’t really understand that their relationship was OVER over until he was in the car driving home to San Diego, and it was the hardest thing he’s ever had to sit with. He just couldn’t let go of the fact that she told him that she wasn’t sure she was making the right decision by letting him go, and he needed to see her and make sure she didn’t regret anything.

And Charity, she tells this man that she has been thinking about him every day since she let him go, and that she was falling in love with him. All THAT said, she needs some time to think about this whole mess.

WELL GIRL, YOU BETTER HURRY BECAUSE SOME MAN IS GOING TO PROPOSE TO YOU NEXT WEEK. (And we all know you’re going to choose Tall Dotun, so don’t stress yourself out too hard thinking about any of this.)

The Men Who Are Soon Going to be Dumped by Charity:

 

The Men Who Have Been Dumped by Charity:

 The Bachelorette airs on ABC on Mondays at 7/8 p.m. and streams on Hulu.

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