‘The Bachelorette’: Getting ‘real’ at home

by Therese Odell, posted in the bachelorette: season 20

The Bachelorette
July 31, 2023

Here’s how much I hate the Dreaded Hometown Dates: I hate the Dreaded Hometowns so much that I was fully convinced I had already written this recap. In my mind, I had already slogged through another boring, repetitive Dreaded Hometowns write-up and had moved on to the final stages of this horrible show. It was only when I was opening my template document to start taking my notes on the Fantasy Suites episode that I discovered the unfinished notes for this recap hanging out in my drafts file, waiting for me to pay attention to it. I hate the Dreaded Hometown episode SO MUCH, my mind decided I had already written the recap simply because I had spent an hour and a half watching the episode. “That’s enough for me,” my brain said, and mentally packed my bags and headed to Fiji.

Alas, I had not written the Dreaded Hometowns recap, and now I face down four visits to four families where four exact same conversations will take place. It’s the worst episode of the season, y’all.

First stop: Houston, Texas, my beloved hometown, to meet A-A-RON’s family.

HOUSTON (Dallas, never forget)

Except, I have no idea where this is that Charity is meeting A-A-RON. It clearly is in some suburb somewhere? With a (retention) pond? For those of you outside of Houston, I can not stress to you how huge it is — Houston and its surrounding suburbs are roughly the size of Connecticut … literally.

And so this neighborhood could be anywhere in an area the size of one of the original 13 colonies.

THAT SAID, after a little Googling, it looks like A-A-RON’s family lives somewhere in Katy (which, technically, is not Houston, but close enough).

Anyhoodles. Charity and A-A-RON meet at one of Katy’s many beautiful retention ponds lakes, and chat a little about their status. He hasn’t had any one-on-one time since the very first date, which has been a minute, and Charity is a little concerned that she’s progressed further with some of the other men still in the running. As for A-A-RON, he’s confident that he wants her to meet his family, but he admits that the two of them haven’t yet thrown the “L” word around, which gives him a bit of pause.

Upon arriving at his parents’ home, they are served gumbo and catfish and frogs legs and I’m not saying that Charity would be a fool to not marry into a family that cooks like this, but I’m not NOT saying that, either.

After supper, A-A-RON and his brother step outside for a chat where the two get all emotional and weepy about how much they love and respect each other. Charity is mentioned — but mostly in passing.

Charity, in the meantime, visits with A-A-RON’s mother, who asks Charity what it is about her son that she finds attractive. Charity talks about his passion and his gentleness and how special their first (only) date was. Mom asks Charity if she’s ever been in love before, and Charity replies that she has, and Mom approves of. Mom then asks Charity what her answer would be if A-A-RON was to propose today, and Charity is honest: she probably wouldn’t accept. It’s not about who A-A-RON is; it’s about wanting to be in a place where she is 100% certain.

Which is the right answer! It’s not a great answer for A-A-RON, but it is the right answer.

Charity meets with A-A-RON’s father who seems genuinely taken with her, and basically invites her back for Christmas. Dad explains in an interview that he has told his sons that he doesn’t want to meet their girlfriends unless they’re serious — and he feels confident that whatever this is, it’s pretty serious.

Dad then checks in with A-A-RON where Dad tells A-A-RON that Charity is “sharp, articulate and beautiful” and then adds how proud he is of his son. There is more weeping; it’s genuinely very sweet to see a family of men who are so freely emotional with one another.

Finally, A-A-RON visits with his mother who also gives her approval, and urges him to put his heart out there for Charity.

A-A-RON then takes Charity to his high school football field, where he gives her a letterman’s jacket, tells her he loves her, and plays for her the song that white girl performed on their first date.

Charity cries.

Next stop: Collegeville, Pennsylvania to meet Tennis Boy’s family.

And you’ll never guess what they do for an activity before meeting the folks.

Actually, yes you will: Tennis Boy gives Charity a tennis lesson. It’s exactly as interesting as watching someone else receive a tennis lesson.

And then, for some reason, Tennis Boy’s Tennis Uncle shows up and interrupts the date? SIR. YOU WILL HAVE YOUR CHANCE TO MEET CHARITY — LATER ON. GO BACK TO THE HOUSE AND WAIT THERE.

Instead, he plays some tennis with them and then declares in an interview that “something didn’t feel 100% with Tennis Boy.” YEAH: HIS UNCLE ARRIVED AND INTERRUPTED HIS DATE FOR NO GOOD GOD DAMN REASON.

That evening, Charity meets Tennis Boy’s mother, father, sister, brother-in-law, and Tennis Uncle, again. After a little small talk about what they’ve been doing since the show began, Charity first visits with Tennis Sister who asks what it is about her brother that makes him stand out. Charity discusses how comfortable they are with each other and how he brings out her best version of herself, and tells Tennis Sister that she feels like she’s falling in love with him.

Meanwhile, Tennis Boy chats with Tennis Mom, who worries about him being “real” in this process. Tennis Boy insists that he is being his true self, and that this process is working. Tennis Mom is concerned he will have his heart broken, but Tennis Boy insists that this is what he wants.

Tennis Boy then chats with Tennis Uncle, again, who tells him that while Charity seems “cool and grounded,” Tennis Boy’s behavior on the tennis court didn’t seem very “comfortable” and he’s worried Tennis Boy is pretending to be the man that he thinks Charity wants, and not his “authentic” self.

Tennis Boy insists, again, that he’s being himself and that he is falling in love with Charity.

Tennis Uncle is not having it.

Tennis Uncle then sits down with Charity and tells her — based on whatever this is — that he’s not sure that Tennis Boy is ready to be a husband and father and that he’s not being his real self with her, that he’s trying to be someone that Charity wants him to be.

WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE EVEN TALKING ABOUT? I mean, on the one hand, maybe it seems like Tennis Boy is acting “weird” around Charity to his family because they are surrounded by a camera crew and it’s a WEIRD SITUATION. Or maybe Tennis Boy, who lives halfway around the world from his family over in Hawaii has changed and matured since they last saw him. Or maybe Tennis Boy IS being strangely inauthentic, BUT WITHOUT SPECIFICS, WE DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT EVEN MEANS. STOP BEING VAGUE, AND SAY WHAT YOU ARE THINKING, TENNIS BOY’S FAMILY.

Anyway, Tennis Uncle’s comments throw Charity off and she, like the rest of us, wonders what the fuck these people are going on about.

And thus, despite intending to tell Tennis Boy that she was falling in love with him that night, she holds off, rattled by what Tennis Mom and Tennis Uncle had to say.

Up next: Cleveland, Ohio to meet Almost-Dr. X’s family.

But before we meet Mom and Dad, Almost-Dr. X takes Charity to meet another group of people who are very important to him: his knitting circle.

This is the single most wholesome thing that has ever happened on this show, guys.

Almost-Dr. X explains that after being in a lab all day, he likes to destress with knitting, and that the knitting circle he met at the yarn store is just a lovely group of welcoming people. They teach Charity a few simple techniques and discuss how they came to be knitters and the entire thing is adorable.

Almost-Dr. X then brings Charity to his family home to meet his mother, father, and sister, who are all very warm and welcoming and not talking nonsense about Almost-Dr. X not being “real” or whatever.

Almost-Dr. X first sits with his sister, who asks if he’s fallen in love with this girl, and he explains that he’s somewhere “between like and love,” which …

Charity visits with Almost-Dr. X’s mother, who assures Charity that her son understands the gravity of what it means to be married and that he wants to be married (without confirming that he’s actually ready to be married to her).

Almost-Dr. X then chats with his father, and asks him how does one know “when it’s right,” which is a good question! But also a worrisome one at this late stage.

 

Dad gives him some nice advice about you know that this is your person when nothing else matters but that person and that you know that person has your back, too. Almost-Dr. X tells his father that Charity could be that person, that he feels like he can get there, but, again, it’s worrisome that he’s not there yet.

In fact, when Almost-Dr. X talks with his mother, she asks if he’s ready, and when he replies that he is, she follows up with “with her, though.”

He insists he is but … we are all seeing this, right?

Later, Almost-Dr. X’s sister goes on about how much she likes Charity, and how she could see her meshing in with their family, and Almost-Dr. X laughingly says that his sister loves Charity more than he does.

But Charity is undeterred by Almost-Dr. X’s overwhelming ambivalence, and says that her feelings for Almost-Dr. X has intensified “times 1,000.”

And the lesson of all this is to all the men out there who are having a hard time in the dating world: take up knitting.

The final date brings us to Fresno, California to meet Tall Dotun’s large (literally and numerically) Nigerian family. Tall Dotun explains that unfortunately, Charity won’t have the opportunity to meet his parents: Mom and Dad take an annual trip to Nigeria for four to six weeks at a time, and this Dreaded Hometown visit happened to fall in the middle of that. Tall Dotun is particularly disappointed because, as he explains, his mother has been very critical of people he has brought home in the past and he would have really liked to have heard what she had to say about Charity.

Instead, Charity meets Tall Dotun’s many siblings and my new favorite Bachelor Nation character: Tall Dotun’s Grandmother. This woman is a national treasure in two countries and I want her to be my grandmother, please and thank you.

As Tall Dotun, Charity, and his many siblings are about to sit down and eat Grandma’s Nigerian cooking, who should surprise the group but Mom and Dad who flew in from Nigeria just for this moment.

And I knew this was coming — they telegraphed it a mile away — but it was still a genuinely sweet moment thanks to Mom and Dad’s pure enthusiasm and joy.

After telling his family about the bungee-jumping and the fun-running, Tall Dotun and his mother go off for a conversation. Mom immediately notes that he seems happy and can feel the positive vibe between them. Mom’s concerned, of course, that he might get hurt since there are other men involved, and hopes that Charity feels the same way about Tall Dotun that he seems to feel about her.

Charity, in turn, visits with Tall Dotun’s sister who tells her that she is clearly very special to her brother, and that when they walked in, she could see that it was the “real” Tall Dotun.

Charity also talks to one of Tall Dotun’s brothers who tells her that Tall Dotun is a very serious, long-term boyfriend and “the most faithful man” he’s ever known.

Charity finally sits down with Tall Dotun’s famously critical mother who tells her that she can tell that Charity is “super special” and that if she picks Tall Dotun, she will take her to Nigeria and give her a huge wedding. Tall Dotun’s hyper-critical Mom then tells Charity, and I quote, “I adopted you already. You are my daughter.”

So … we’re done here, right? She’s going to marry this man and join this delightful family, right?

But the date’s not done because Tall Dotun then whisks Charity away in a classic Thunderbird convertible to a drive-in theater where, stealing a date from last season, they watch a movie that is made from a collection of photos from their respective childhoods and their dates together. It’s very sweet and there are many happy tears and she is definitely going to pick this man.

But we still have to go through the motions of pretending she hasn’t made up her mind yet, so let’s return to Los Angeles and eliminate someone already. They meet in an airplane hangar for some reason, where Charity tells the four men that their families were all wonderful and gave her insight into each of them. However, this is so far the hardest day of her life because she has to send one of them home.

Rose #1: Tall Dotun
Rose #2: Almost-Dr. X
Rose #3: Tennis Boy

Which means the man who must go away now is our friend A-A-RON.

Charity is genuinely heartbroken to let him go, and she tells him that this was an incredibly difficult decision for her — and that she honestly doesn’t know if she’s making the right choice.

A-A-RON heads out to the Go Home Aiport Shuttle where, crying, he explains that he was ready to propose and make Charity his wife, and doesn’t know what he did wrong.

Oh, A-A-RON, you didn’t do anything wrong other than not be Tall Dotun, buddy.

And if you know what’s best: stay away, pal. Coming back will only lead to heartbreak.

The Men Who Are Soon Going to be Dumped by Charity:

The Men Who Have Been Dumped by Charity:

 

The Bachelorette airs on ABC on Mondays at 8/9 p.m. and streams on Hulu.

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