The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“That’s Not Amore”
August 12, 2020
WHERE WE LEFT OFF:
Denise: “Brandi said she had sex with people in this group.”
WHERE WE ARE NOW:
Denise explains that while she knows who, amongst them, Brandi claims to have slept with, she’s not going to name names, because she doesn’t know if it’s true or not, and she, unlike some people, isn’t willing to slander folks without proof.
Teddi is still stuck on the fact that Denise has just admitted that she was talking to Brandi when the night before she said she hadn’t been and asks her when these conversations are happening if Denise thought that Brandi is such a “loose cannon.”
After some back and forth, Denise is like, “alright, let’s just get past all the timeline bullshit: the fact of the matter is, she’s the one who was talking crap about you.”
Rinna, who can do basic math, huffs that someone has to be lying (Denise). Digging into her bag of classics, Rinna demands that Denise “own it.”
Denise insists that she is owning it, but Rinna snaps that it’s not good enough. Rinna then yells at Denise that if she doesn’t want to be here (Rome? the show? both? unclear) that she should just go.
Meanwhile, Garcelle wonders why this group seems to believe Brandi over Denise, someone they supposedly have more of a relationship with.
Which — the first part of the question is fair: why would they believe Brandi “Not Reliable” Glanville over Denise? But the second part, the rationalization that they should believe Denise over Brandi because she’s who they are “hanging out with” (read: she’s currently on the cast) doesn’t actually hold any water. If everyone on these Real Housewives shows just believed everything all of their castmates ever said these shows wouldn’t exist.
Kyle claims she’s not taking a side (which is a lie) because only Denise and Brandi know the truth about what happened between them.
Garcelle asks how they can move forward from this, and Dorit and Teddi suggest that they just take it slow and see what happens next.
With that, they move to another part of the restaurant to continue the conversation, and Erika uses the opportunity to confront Denise about her calling her an “icy bitch.” Denise again claims that she didn’t say that about Erika: Brandi did. Brandi told Denise that Erika had always been cold towards her, and all Denise did was agree with her statement.
For what it’s worth, this sounds very plausible.
And as for saying Teddi is “desperate to be in the group” and “riding on her father’s coattails,” Denise insists she didn’t say that, Brandi did. Teddi wonders why Denise didn’t say that last night, and Denise assures us in a testimonial that she’s said much worse things about Teddi than that.
As she grows teary, Denise tells the group that she’s been “totally honest and then some.”
Garcelle then decides that if they’re going to be honest, she’s gonna be HONEST. She goes on to tell Rinna that she’s been talking shit about her as a mother, what with the dancing Instagram pictures and her daughter’s eating disorder. Garcelle adds that she doesn’t have daughters so she can’t really say one way or another whether a girl watching her mother dance around almost naked on a social media platform for all the world to see might exacerbate her eating disorders.
Rinna snaps that her dancing on Instagram is not what caused Amelia’s anorexia, and Garcelle is like, “I didn’t say it was, I just think it might make her feel bad to see that.” Rinna says that she feels like she is being judged as a mother, and that she’s proud of her daughter for coming out in such a public way.
And between this, and Denise sobbing in the corner …
… it’s time to call it a night and head back to the hotel.
The next day, Teddi and Erika opt to get spa treatments and aren’t seen again until dinner, and you know what? Good for them. BEST CHOICE.
Rinna, Dorit, and Kyle have plans to take a Vespa tour of Rome while Garcelle, Sutton, and Denise are headed to the Vatican for mass.
— VillageMutt (@VillageMutt) August 13, 2020
But, before anyone goes anywhere, Rinna calls Denise to meet in the lobby for coffee. There, Denise asks why Rinna wanted to talk to her after last night’s attacks and interrogations. Rinna insists that she loves her, but Denise tells her it sure didn’t come off that way last night. If she saw Rinna sobbing at the table, she would have done something to make the other women back off, but Rinna did nothing.
Rinna argues that Denise claiming that Brandi said she had slept with people in the group was not OK and that it felt like a cheap tit for tat. Denise fires back that Rinna needs to stop attacking her, especially after she defended Rinna against Kyle at her pizza party. Denise feels like Rinna hasn’t been a friend to her the way she has for Rinna.
Denise insists she’s not mad, she’s hurt, and Rinna softens a bit, insisting that she never meant to hurt Denise. Rinna turns on the waterworks and says that she feels like she failed Denise, that she should have texted her to warn her what was about to happen.
Denise adds that Rinna should have told the other women to not go there and that she doesn’t understand why they would keep her around, just to try to destroy her family. Rinna cries and cries and cries and Denise is like, “~SIGH~ You want to come to church with us?” Rinna gratefully accepts and promises that she’s going to be a better friend from here on out.
As for their trip to the Vatican for Sunday mass, it turns out — get this — you can’t just walk into the Vatican on a Sunday and expect to get a seat for mass officiated by the Pope. You have to get tickets ahead of time! Who’da thunk?
Long story short: the closest they get to mass is overlooking a bunch of chairs set up in St. Peter’s Square, none of which are for them.
We also learn about the individual women’s religious backgrounds, but the only surprising thing about any of it is the high percentage of Catholics among them.
Also, Rinna mentions that Harry Hamlin lived in Italy for three years, partially with his former girlfriend and baby momma, Ursula Andress. They have a son together, Harry Hamlin’s doppelganger, Dimitri. Dimitri was conceived when Harry Hamlin was 28 and Ursula Andress, the original Bond girl, was 44.
Elsewhere, Dorit and Kyle, who were out the night before until 4 in the morning, go on the Vespa tour sans Rinna. And by “Vespa tour,” I mean they each sit, helmeted and hungover, in the sidecar of a Vespa while someone else drives them around Rome.
It is not nearly as hilarious as they seem to think it is.
After, they meet up with Rinna for lunch where she tells them all about her meltdown with Denise earlier in the morning, and how Denise accused her of not being a good friend. Rinna tells Dorit and Kyle that Denise is reeling from the accusations, she’s very hurt, and she is worried about her children.
Kyle’s like “Yeah, but, she’s not being honest about things so it’s not like this came out of the blue …” Dorit notes that maybe because Rinna and Denise have history, Denise feels particularly betrayed by Rinna speaking out. But, Dorit adds, the truth is Rinna would be speaking out about anyone in the group who was pulling such shenanigans. Rinna sighs that you can’t force someone to be honest, you just have to allow them to come to it on their own.
Or scream at them to “OWN IT!” until they cry. You know, one or the other.
That night is their final evening in Rome, and I’m sure Rome is profoundly relieved. For dinner, they’ve chosen a surprisingly modest osteria for some pizza. But if you think these women won’t employ the full use of their glam squads just to go out to a pizzeria, you don’t know these women.
Except Teddi, of course. She’s got her own, special style.
— IWedFred (@IWedFred) August 13, 2020
On the way to the osteria, Dorit burbles at Kyle, Rinna, and Sutton about her Buca di Beppo project, and Sutton, who has not eaten at anything less than a three-star restaurant in the past 25 years, is completely befuddled. “Budda the Peppa? Budda the Peppo? … Is it like an Olive Garden?”
Yes, Sutton. It is exactly like an Olive Garden. And I’ve never loved a person more than this very moment. It won’t last, but let’s all savor it while we can.
Kyle suggests they throw Teddi’s baby shower in Dorit’s Buca di Beppo room, and you know what? That’s exactly what Teddi’s third baby shower deserves: the back room of a Buca di Beppo.
Denise, Garcelle, Teddi, and Erika arrive at the restaurant first, order drinks, and Denise, she has the gall to note that the osteria — THE OSTERIA!!!! — has “so many carbs here.”
FOR THE ONE-THOUSANDTH TIME, YOU ARE IN ITALY, BITCH. I KNOW YOU SUPPOSEDLY CAN’T EAT THE GARLIC. BUT YOU BETTER EAT THE CARBS.
FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
I will never understand. Seriously, though.
After the other women arrive and join them, and after Dorit and Kyle regale them with their Vespa tour story: “THEY MADE US WEAR HELMETS! OVER OUR HAIR! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?” Denise suggests they toast their last night together in Rome.
And then she announces that she has something to say.
Noting that in the spirit of Rinna insisting that they be their “true authentic selves” and brutally honest, Denise complains that there is so much judgment in this group. Every single dinner, the moment she has sat down, she has been attacked and IT IS NOT COOL.
Denise goes on to say that her husband didn’t want her to go on this trip (hardly surprising) and that every time she was urged to “be honest” and she was, no one believed her.
Kyle suggests that when things are put out into the open (like lesbian cheating rumors) they need to be addressed by the group, but Denise hisses that “They do not.”
In a talking head, Teddi is furious with Denise for saying that she doesn’t want to talk about this issue anymore while at the same time preparing a whole speech to deliver to the group to try to make them look bad. It could be argued that they had already made themselves look bad by bringing up/orchestrating the rumor in the first place, but we can discuss that at a later date.
Kyle tries to interrupt Denise’s harangue, but Denise stops her: “this has been the worst trip of my life. I did not deserve this, and you know that.”
Kyle tries to argue that she didn’t attack Denise, but Denise is not having it: Kyle brought in Brandi and that was NOT COOL. And it has gotten to the point that this is Mean Girls.
The other women:
In the safety of a testimonial, Erika, for one, is OUTRAGED. If standing up for how you feel and not backing down from that is being a mean girl then she supposes she’s a “motherfucking mean girl until the day [she] dies.”
At the osteria, Teddi tells Denise that she’s glad Denise is telling them how she feels but that calling an entire group “mean girls” while simultaneously claiming to be the only non-judgmental one in the group is really shitty. And Rinna reminds us that after VanderPuppygate, Teddi, Kyle, and Rinna were repeatedly called the “Mean Girls of Beverly Hills” in the tabloids, so that particular phrasing is not nice.
Dorit tries to argue that no one wants to hurt Denise, and having experienced being the target herself, she knows it’s not comfortable in the moment.
And that’s when Garcelle just gets up and leaves the table, for some reason.
And then Denise announces that she’s said everything that she wanted to say, she’s done and with that, she gets up and leaves, too.
The other women:
Sutton notes that Denise “likes to leave,” and Erika points out that it’s super easy to call everyone a “mean girl” and then take off without having to hear any pushback.
Outside, Denise finds Garcelle, tells her that she’s headed back to the hotel, and checks to make sure she’s OK. Garcelle assures her she is, she’s just tired and misses her kids. As Garcelle collects herself and heads back to the dinner, Denise tries to call her car to go back to the hotel. That’s when a producer breaks the fourth wall and scolds her, noting that she can’t just make a big speech and then leave without hearing anyone else’s opinion.
Apparently, this registers with Denise, because she returns to the table. Erika and Dorit thank her for coming back, and Denise explains that she wants to move past this. They all agree, and Kyle insists that no one wants anyone to be hurt. Denise is skeptical: it sure doesn’t feel that way.
Rinna suggests that they can say how they feel but that they should not call anyone any names, and Denise tries to claim that she wasn’t calling them “mean girls,” she was just feeling like they were mean girls.
After Rinna promises again that she accepts how Denise feels, they agree to have a good time on their final night, and they eat a bunch of tiny Italian pizzas.
Rinna brings up the game they were playing the first night that they were in Rome, asking what the most trouble they got into as teenagers, and Denise reveals that when she was 15, she and her 18-year-old boyfriend and friends snuck down to Tijuana to drink.
Garcelle then asks the craziest place they have had sex, and the answers range from the hospital with a head injury (Erika), to the backseat of a station wagon next to her best friend who was also having sex with her boyfriend (Rinna) to a table at a black-tie event (Kyle) to a church parking lot (Denise) to a commercial flight (Garcelle) to the most boring location: a campground (Sutton).
The women agree that at least the trip is ending well, and they cheer it with a “FUCK YEAH.”
And with that, Grazie Dio, we are done with the Rome trip. Arrivederci, puttane!
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs on Bravo.