The Real Housewives of New York
“Love Him and Leave Them”
June 11, 2020
The episode begins in another boring meeting about The Countess’ cabaret show. And I know it certainly is not the producers’ idea to shoot these meetings — this has The Countess written all over it — but my lord are these scenes tedious.
Here, The Countess auditions comedians and Sonja stops by to rehearse with her a little. We also learn that there is some dispute between The Countess and Sonja in regards to whether or not The Countess paid Sonja for her earlier performances: The Countess insists she did; Sonja claims she was paid half of her hair and makeup expenses. And I’m sure that’s the last we ever hear about that.
Elsewhere, Tinsley FaceTimes Leah and reveals that she has just returned from a trip to Chicago to visit Scott and that it went well. Really well. Also: here she is on camera telling a cast member about spending time with Scott, so GOOD LUCK OUTING HER THIS TIME, DORINDA.
Sometime later, all of the ladies meet at Blood Manor, a haunted house attraction which mostly serves as a reminder of how weird the pre-plague times were. Can you imagine wandering through a warren of small rooms in the dark with strangers lunging at you and screaming in your face while you screamed back in theirs? TERRIFYING.
As they arrive at Blood Manor, one and two at a time, they are greeted at the door by two dudes in costume, a zombie and a clown, who leap out at the women to scare them. It’s effective and hilarious and I could — and have — watched this on a loop:
The women go through the haunted house in two groups and, you know, it’s a haunted house. There’s screaming and threats of Sonja peeing on herself and Tinsley yelling at the haunted house employees for blowing her hair with a leaf blower. It’s about what you would expect.
After, the women have dinner at Añejo, a Mexican restaurant that sells $22 guacamole and salsa, and $19 crispy cauliflower tacos.
There, while Tinsley and Leah are in the bathroom, the other women are gossiping about Tinsley having posted on Instagram a photo of herself visiting Scott in Chicago, and how “ridiculous” and “dumb dumb dumb” it was for her to do so. Because if Tinsley isn’t lying by not telling everyone every detail about her relationship, then she’s being “dumb” by being open about it.
Tinsley can’t win.
So when Leah and Tinsley return to the table, Leah suggests they make a toast to Tinsley and Scott who are not just back together again, they will be getting married. Now, Tinsley doesn’t have a ring yet and there’s not a date or anything, but it is happening and she is moving to Chicago. Soon.
Dorinda, who for reasons that remain unclear has made it her mission over the past two seasons to destroy Tinsley, sneers that she guesses this means Tinsley will have to check out of the hotel she lives in. Tinsley is like, “I mean, I’ve never made it a secret that I live in a residential hotel, but yeah? I suppose I will? Guess it’s a good thing I didn’t buy an apartment here?” (She obviously didn’t say any of those things but she was certainly thinking them.)
Dorinda then announces that she will be hosting the ladies at Blue Stone Manor for certain dates, and The Countess is all, “Excuse me, are y’all processing the news that is happening over here with Tinsley?” But Dorinda insists that Tinsley is just “running a game” and that it’s “just not true” and that she doesn’t want to talk about it and give “life” to it. Dorinda somehow manages to convince Ramona to ignore Tinsley as well because Ramona has a soft head.
Dorinda violates her own IGNORE rule to taunt Tinsley about needing to go home and pack her hotel room, and when Tinsley sarcastically thanks her for being so happy for her, Dorinda fires back that if Tinsley gets a turkey baster, maybe one day she can have a baby, too.
That Elyse Woman is one of the only women who actually congratulates Tinsley before they leave dinner, so I guess I don’t hate her? I don’t know, don’t hold me to that. In any event, as they get up to leave, Tinsley angrily tells the women that this was “pretty much the best night [she’s] ever had in her life,” SO THANKS.
We then sit in on a meeting between Sonja and Century 21 about selling her fashion line. I don’t have the heart to tell either of them what happens next.
Sometime later, Ramona, Sonja, and Dorinda load up into a car to ostensibly go to a “warehouse” party space to meet with a party planner so as to discuss Ramona’s upcoming birthday celebration. Except, they’re not going to the deepest corners of Lower Manhattan or even the wilds of Brooklyn — no, Ramona has kidnapped both Dorinda and Sonja and is dragging them both out to Long Island, a day-long adventure that Dorinda absolutely did not sign up for.
Once they are there, Ramona explains to the party planner that she screwed up last year by leaving the responsibility of making her birthday party guest list in someone else’s hands and these two BEST FRIENDS were left off of it! To fix that, she is going to make sure they are absolutely on the list this year … along with her 60 other BFFs.
Ramona is renting out Scarpetta, and wants a “sophisticated jungle” theme, which only serves to remind me of my high school senior year formal whose theme was “Welcome to the Jungle,” and I FUCKING DARE HER TO BE SO BOLD. I DARE YOU, RAMONA.
I’m sure Axl’s schedule is clear.
Dorinda suggests that Ramona have Sonja co-host the party since their birthdays are about a week apart, but Ramona shuts that shit right down: THIS IS ABOUT RAMONA. THIS IS HER “COMING OUT” PARTY. SHE WILL NOT SHARE THE SPOTLIGHT WITH ANYONE. ALSO, THIS IS COSTING RAMONA A LOT OF MONEY, SO, NO.
Dorinda and Sonja also try to make some party suggestions only to be shot down by Ramona in favor of plans that center on Ramona holding court, because, again, these women have failed to learn that it’s all about Ramona.
And then to Dorinda’s immense irritation, the party planner forces the ladies to take selfies with him for his social media sites. Because while it is never explicitly said in the episode, we all know that Ramona dragged them along for this express purpose: the party planner gets some free publicity with the Real Housewives of New York; Ramona gets a discount on her party. Dorinda knows this, you know this, the American people know this.
Over in Leah’s world, her daughter’s father stops by and she makes him taste a green juice she made and throw a plant away for her. That’s the entirety of what happens.
Ramona has clearly had a sit-down with producers who told her that she looked like an asshole at the dinner where Tinsley announced she and Scott are engaged, and she needs to make nice. To that end, Ramona and The Countess meet Tinsley at their old lady bar, The T-Bar. There, they insist that they really are happy for her and that’s when Ramona’s date for the night walks in because of course she double booked them.
In any event, Tinsley reveals that she is leaving for Chicago the next day, to the surprise of Ramona and The Countess, who seems more upset that Tinsley will be missing her Halloween party than anything. But Tinsley assures them she’s not moving too fast, and when she reveals that Scott is building her a closet and allowing her to turn one of his bathrooms into her own glam room, Ramona decides that this relationship is going to work out after all. To Tinsley’s “happiness: may all her wishes and rainbows come true.”
Finally (although this had to have taken place before she met with Ramona and The Countess since she was supposedly moving the next day, right?), Tinsley packs up her apartment with some help from Mother, Leah, and Sonja, and Mother weeps at the idea of
no longer being a guest star on a reality show Tinsley moving to Chicago. They pop some champagne and Mother thanks Sonja for looking after Tinsley when she first moved back to New York even though TINSLEY WAS IN HER 40s AT THE TIME AND DID NOT NEED A CHAPERONE. Leah proposes a toast “to Tinsley, to love, and to fairy tales coming true,” and Sonja, in true Sonja fashion adds that she and Mother should be toasted too, for who even knows what stupid reason. LET TINSLEY HAVE ONE MOMENT, YOU ASSHOLES.
Finally, Tinsley is packed up and ready to go. She and her little purse dogs are bundled up in their Chicago-level winter coats, and as she gets into the limo she reflects on how returning to New York helped her feel like herself again. It’s been great, but she’s excited about what’s next.
And as she drives away, we get one last update: “Tinsley’s fairy tale came true when Scott romantically proposed in front of a group of Christmas carolers … with Dale’s permission. She got her dream ring and is currently drawing up plans for her dream closet.”
My 16-year-old: “say a prayer tonight for those poor carolers.”
Goodbye, Tinsley! You were a very sweet woman-child who deserved more from this show and from these women! I genuinely hope you find your happiness with Scott!
UPDATE: She doesn’t.
The Real Housewives of New York airs on Bravo.